I have an addict under my roof !

[Macgyvercas]

you can't be addicted to video games.

MISCONCEPTION!

While it doesn't happen as often as the media wants us to think it does, it is entirely possible to be addicted to video games, just like everything else.

OT: OP, it has been said before. You can set times so it will only be possible to log on at those times.

 

[JEBWrench]

Lotsa good thoughts...

but don't forget to ask this guy:
http://www.escapistmagazine.com/articles/view/columns/ask-dr-mark/8058-Ask-Dr-Mark-6

This right here. This site's Dr. Mark is a professional, and a recovered WoW addict. Shoot him a message. He seems like a pretty standup guy.

Talking to a professional about potential social issue is always a much better alternative than listening to the layman.

 

[WittyInfidel]

I am not much of gamer. I come on here to read the articles, really. I am however the mother of a 12 year old gamer, who has lost his mind to World of Warcraft. I have had to block all access to WoW because He had been acting like a true addict.
He plays all night. He sneaks up in the middle of the night to play. When I take the game and his computer away this normally well behaved child turns into a crazed idiot willing to fight me for his computer and the ability to play it.
So as it stands he cannot play and he is mourning the loss of his online friends. Is this a common experience?

I have seen similar before. I actually watched WoW be the final catalyst in destroying a marriage between two friends. I won't say WoW was the very thing that did it, but it was a straw on the camel's back.

Honestly, your best bet would be to cut internet connection. It sounds harsh, but when dealing with an addiction you MUST remove their ability to interact with the drug. How much booze do you think they keep in my dry-out rehab centers.

For the next step (which could come days or weeks after the initial removal) you MUST find something to replace the addiction with. Smokers often chew gum, ect. Your safest bet would be something that interested him before the WoW addiction. I would advise against things like computer games, console and hand-held games(xbox, Nintendo DS, ect) at the start for fear of the addiction re-manifesting even stronger with a different direction. This isn't saying no games ever again. Just practice a bit of common sense when giving them. You wouldn't give a fully loaded needle to a heroin addict fresh out of rehab, would you?

Lastly, and most important, get professional help. This form of addiction is very serious. People full in the throws of this type of addiction are just as addicted as someone on a narcotic substance. I know it sounds harsh, it being your own child an all. But if they are becoming as physically combative as you describe, you're going to have an even harder time in the next year or two what with the full onset of puberty. What is difficult now will become nightmarish very soon.

I know you love you child, otherwise you wouldn't be asking for help. But don't forget, YOU must be the parent. If you are not steadfast in your decisions, you might as well not be doing anything at all. Do the right thing and be the ADULT they need. They have plenty of best friends. What they need is a parent.

I truly wish you the best of luck.

 

[Spinozaad]

Make a reasonable deal with him, I'd say.

He joins a team sport (I wouldn't go for a martial art, I'd go for an actual, factual team sport where social interaction is absolute key),

That's a terrible idea. Only kids with talent for it should join a team sport. He'll just be at the bottom of the pack, if even that. You won't likely see any benefits.

There's much easier, faster and less painful ways to toughen a kid up.

Pure excercise with weights and dumbbells would be best.
Doesn't require any reflexes or charm to do it, but it does make a teen strong and confident the fastest, if you can get him to keep at it.

It's not about toughening up. It's about learning actual social skills. You don't learn any form of group dynamics from dumbbells and weights.

So what if he ain't that good at a team sport? He'll reach an age that sports with mates is just about the fun.

Unless America is indeed as socially destructive and competitive as the movies make it out to be. In which case I pity everyone.

 

[Charli]

I suggest you find him a second hobby to balance out WoW, that's the only reason I haven't succumbed to a total addiction myself, I have something else anchoring me away from spending all my time on it.

 

[WaffleGod]

IMO, you shouldn't simply take the game away from him. As stated before, use the parental settings. Or tell him he can't play more then X hours a day.

I had a cousin who played a lot of WoW, but I managed to give him another hobby by introducing him to Warhammer tabletop (or dungeons & dragons). You might have some succes with it aswell.

Also, how's his social skill? Does he have a lot of friends?

 

[veloper]

Make a reasonable deal with him, I'd say.

He joins a team sport (I wouldn't go for a martial art, I'd go for an actual, factual team sport where social interaction is absolute key),

That's a terrible idea. Only kids with talent for it should join a team sport. He'll just be at the bottom of the pack, if even that. You won't likely see any benefits.

There's much easier, faster and less painful ways to toughen a kid up.

Pure excercise with weights and dumbbells would be best.
Doesn't require any reflexes or charm to do it, but it does make a teen strong and confident the fastest, if you can get him to keep at it.

It's not about toughening up. It's about learning actual social skills. You don't learn any form of group dynamics from dumbbells and weights.

So what if he ain't that good at a team sport? He'll reach an age that sports with mates is just about the fun.

Unless America is indeed as socially destructive and competitive as the movies make it out to be. In which case I pity everyone.

He's 12. Most players his age started at around 7 years old and will have 5 years of experience on him. At the age of 12 there will be no mercy.
He'll be sitting on the bench during every match.

Now if he can be made into a big, strong kid, he'll naturally gravitate to becoming a midranker in any group. Then he can learn to be social.

 

[JohnSmith]

I am not much of gamer. I come on here to read the articles, really. I am however the mother of a 12 year old gamer, who has lost his mind to World of Warcraft. I have had to block all access to WoW because He had been acting like a true addict.
He plays all night. He sneaks up in the middle of the night to play. When I take the game and his computer away this normally well behaved child turns into a crazed idiot willing to fight me for his computer and the ability to play it.
So as it stands he cannot play and he is mourning the loss of his online friends. Is this a common experience?

Seems like a reasonable reaction. He was put into an adult situation and expected to keep adult time commitments, he was treated as an equal within a community. Coming to an agreement about playing time is probably much easier and if you have a halfway decent router it is really easy to block the ports WoW requires based on a schedule.

 

[Venom 3135]

I am not much of gamer. I come on here to read the articles, really. I am however the mother of a 12 year old gamer, who has lost his mind to World of Warcraft. I have had to block all access to WoW because He had been acting like a true addict.
He plays all night. He sneaks up in the middle of the night to play. When I take the game and his computer away this normally well behaved child turns into a crazed idiot willing to fight me for his computer and the ability to play it.
So as it stands he cannot play and he is mourning the loss of his online friends. Is this a common experience?

There are a few things I can say:

For one, that is only the response from a complete addict. That is other the top. You could try and have him invite some friends over, because if he has a friend there, he can't play it. Only one person at a time on a single computer.

Secondly, try making him do some form of martial arts. It keeps him away from the pc and may teach hi. Discipline.

That's all for now.

Also, if any of this is taken as offensive then I apologise in advance.

 

[Spinozaad]

He's 12. Most players his age started at around 7 years old and will have 5 years of experience on him. At the age of 12 there will be no mercy.
He'll be sitting on the bench during every match.

Now if he can be made into a big, strong kid, he'll naturally gravitate to becoming a midranker in any group. Then he can learn to be social.

With all due respect, but that's retarded reasoning. So you have a 12 year old (let's say a 13-year old by the time he's "done training") who's of average physique but has none of the required skills for the game he's playing. Except, possibly, American Football. But my disdain for that "sport" is another story alltogether.

I still say it's better to force such a kid into a situation where he'll have to interact with others as early as possible. And yes, he'll be teased. Yes, they'll be without mercy. Newsflash: That's how the world, and especially youths works.

Everybody has been teased/bullied/put into social situations where you're the ""victim"". That's how you shape social skills. The happy go lucky world where none of those bad experiences happen does not exist.

I'm of the philosophy that we're currently growing a generation of socially inept, egocentric bastards (not saying the OP in this particular thread does, far from it. I'd say she is trying to do a good job. And that has my respect) because of trying to avoid "painful" situations.

But fine, if sports aren't his cup of tea, send the kid to a debating club or something similar.

 

[hyperhammy]

Being oppressive does not help. If you want him to not do something, have something else for him to do. I dont mean chores either, but fun things. I spend most of my time gaming. Id spend less time gaming though if I could hang out with friends more, for example.

That's a damn fine point - and you ninja'd something I said in PM.

I myself have some VERY real friends from online gaming - and I soon realized i was playing the game,which had quit being fun on it's own, because of the camaraderie I'd enjoyed there.

Sad to say, though far from impossible, it is a bit harder to find people for geeks to relate to in "meatspace", under normal circumstances.

let's be honest, being 12 SUCKS.

I agree xD
The 6th grade was the worst year of my life...
You're too young to do anything cool, but old enough to know about them...
Also everyone becomes an asshole...

 

[Venom 3135]

Hang on, a quick edit for the box above in a new post. A decent form of martial arts would be judo. It requires a lot of social team work. This idea came from:

Make a reasonable deal with him, I'd say.

He joins a team sport (I wouldn't go for a martial art, I'd go for an actual, factual team sport where social interaction is absolute key),

 

[Venom 3135]

Make a reasonable deal with him, I'd say.

He joins a team sport (I wouldn't go for a martial art, I'd go for an actual, factual team sport where social interaction is absolute key),

That's a terrible idea. Only kids with talent for it should join a team sport. He'll just be at the bottom of the pack, if even that. You won't likely see any benefits.

There's much easier, faster and less painful ways to toughen a kid up.

Pure excercise with weights and dumbbells would be best.
Doesn't require any reflexes or charm to do it, but it does make a teen strong and confident the fastest, if you can get him to keep at it.

I'm EXTREMELY sorry for the triple post, but I had to say something about this.


It's a good idea. You don't need talent to join a team, that's what training is all about! You get better as you play!

 

[veloper]

He's 12. Most players his age started at around 7 years old and will have 5 years of experience on him. At the age of 12 there will be no mercy.
He'll be sitting on the bench during every match.

Now if he can be made into a big, strong kid, he'll naturally gravitate to becoming a midranker in any group. Then he can learn to be social.

With all due respect, but that's retarded reasoning. So you have a 12 year old (let's say a 13-year old by the time he's "done training") who's of average physique but has none of the required skills for the game he's playing. Except, possibly, American Football. But my disdain for that "sport" is another story alltogether.

He won't be joining another sport at 13 and he'll never be done training. He can join a fitness club when he's in decent shape.
Strength is always useful to have, throwing a ball doesn't have much real world application. Social skills can be learnt elsewhere.

I still say it's better to force such a kid into a situation where he'll have to interact with others as early as possible. And yes, he'll be teased. Yes, they'll be without mercy. Newsflash: That's how the world, and especially youths works.

Everybody has been teased/bullied/put into social situations where you're the ""victim"". That's how you shape social skills. The happy go lucky world where none of those bad experiences happen does not exist.

Chances are he won't learn anything from being a bench sitter and you'll just nip in bud any confidence and self worth he may have.

He'll get plenty of abuse to learn from at school.

Some of us just have it easy. Big guys have an easier time. Be big.

 

[Sexual Harassment Panda]

"Panda, are you still playing on that Mega Drive?"

"Yes..."

"Go outside"

"ok"

That's how things were when I was a cub, I guess it was a simpler time.

Assuming you pay the monthly subscription, can't you just threaten to stop paying if he doesn't limit his play to what you see as appropriate?

 

[Googenstien]

I honestly do not think kids should be playing MMOs for reasons like this. They are terribly addicting and can really ruin things for a developing child. Shit.. if there were MMOs while I was even in college I would have been a wasteoid and worse off than the pot-head partiers who got kicked out of school.. hehe.

Its taken me 10 years to kick the MMO habit, I started with EQ1 in 1999 and stopped paying for a subscription(s) for MMOs this past April. But, I have been winding down with MMOs slowly the past year.

You can still be a gamer without playing MMOs.. its just the whole model of how MMOs work will consume most of your time before long if you are an addictive type.. which it seems I am and maybe your son is too (or others in this thread)

Pretty much the best thing other than wait it out is cold turkey. Kill the account and make sure he doesnt get game cards and things like that to resubscribe. I wouldnt cut off all games, just MMOs and especially pay to play ones. But sadly there are so many free to play MMOs out now that you will really have to watch too. Allods, MegaTen, Runes of Magic, Maplestory, Runescape, Lord of the Rings, Dungeons and Dragons, Everquest 2 even has free to play servers with game shops. With all these and tons more on the way it will be very hard for a parent to control potentially addicted children from playing these kinds of games.

 

[Nikolaz72]

Well, for a start I wouldn't let a child of 12 access the internet to play games online.

Second, WoW is a notoriously addictive and geeky game, where I come from playing such a game is socially unnacceptable and anyone known to do so is considered to be a loser, usually with good reason too. I can only see loneliness and bullying in your sons future if he continues his addiction.

Also, online 'friends' are not really true friends, you can't meet up with them and go to the park or whatever like other 12 year olds, do not let him get too attached to them

Some Online friends can be considered real friends after a certain ammount of time and other criteria have been met. Read it the other day. Science is going onto gaming side for once with proof that just about everything but bodylanguage is in order and that is not needed if the person you are speaking to isnt lying.

Also. While not liking world of warcraft you prove that the people from your area probably dont know a whole lot about it. (You fear the unknown. Dont worry, its human)

______________________________________________________________________________________________

For your son i would suggest maybe making him pay for his own online play. It is fair and he would be able to see it. If you cant find a newspaper route try and give him money for doing chores. That way he will be prepared for later in life where he has to work for his playtime.
Afternoon newspaperroutes might even make him tired enough to get a good nights sleep Im lacking alot of this but i know that it is a smart thing to do. For the love of gaming make him do something physical not neccesarily a sport.

If none of the above works try to give him a game that has the social aspects in order while not giving an advantage for playing longer. A shooter for example (I know it sounds violent but its probably the easiest change)

Personally. Only my mother tried to solve my addiction and my grades nearly reached rock buttom (My father was addicted too and therefor my mother had a hard time). But i got bored of the game and started playing something else and all of the sudden when rewards was not give out purely by the fact that you spend time on the thing. My grades started going up again.

Im lacking alot of this but i know that it is a smart thing to do. Make him do something physical.

 

[Gralian]

There seems to be an awful lot of fascist "take the game away from him for good, he's addicted!" or even "ban the internet from him!" responses. I'm surprised from what should be a 'gaming community'. I know we're all concerned about the kid here, but let's not forget that parents tend to worry a bit too much when it's their kid on the line that they think may or may not be addicted. When i hear terminology like "these online friends" it sounds as though the OP thinks they're some sort of tamigotchi pet.

Playing games - primarily MMO ones - is, as people have said, a form of escapism. If your son is playing WoW excessively, stop trying to punish him and start taking an interest in him. Is he lonely at school? Does he have (m)any friends? Does he get along with everyone? Are his grades slipping?

If you find any of these to be the trigger for his 'addiction' then focus on dealing with them rather than taking away his only escape from it. Because unless you pull the weed out from the root, it's just going to keep growing back. I'd also argue that unless his grades have actually been declining, there's no harm in him indulging in a little excessive gaming now and then. After all; some people are just naturally misanthropic or don't like being around others. My father for example never particularly enjoyed the company of others and was quite happy to be on his own, but he of course didn't have games back then to distract him like we do now. Not everyone is the 'socialite' or 'get involved kinda guy' that you'd like them to be and some people are just perfectly happy residing in that little niche of geek culture or isolationism.

 

[Captain Pancake]

There's no problem with WoW when it's in moderation. I understand that there can be problems when somebody has a lack of self control, but if you just give them a little bit of freedom - there are features that the parent can use to limit play time to specific time periods of the day - they may thank you for it. I guarantee you that going to extremes will damage your relationship with him more than any MMORPG can.

For your son i would suggest maybe making him pay for his own online play. It is fair and he would be able to see it.

It worked for me. My parents dont have a problem with me playing it, after all it's just another game. They just shake their head, sigh, and go about their business. But they never pay for it, that's something I had to do, and since I spent my own money on it I learned to value the time more, rather than abusing it I saw what it was worth. It also inadvertently forced me in to periods of non-play, which honestly didnt phase me at all.

 

[Xelt]

Put the parental controls on so he can only play for a few hours per day, then even if he tries at night, he'll give up as he can't get past the parental lock.