I keep alienating everyone

[Section Crow]

It sounds to me like they are trying to justify their stupidity by attacking you, and honestly these people sound like right arseholes if there taking shots at you for something so simple.

If they are so insecure that they can't take someone being seen as having greater intelligence then themselves, fuck em. If someone attacked me for using a word they didn't know or correcting them i would never talk to a knob like that again. Plus, if they were REALLY your friends they would understand that your like that and wouldn't try and bend it to hurt you, unless you some how agitate these people to the extent that they would do this, so you may need to look at the frequency in which you do these kinda things because correcting someone every minute can tend to annoy people or doing it everyday may just lead to a build-up of annoyance that can cause these outbursts. That's all my mind can conjure at the moment.

 

[fletch_talon]

A real friend is someone who accuses you of intimidating them with intelligence, claims you're just compensating for a tiny penis they then laugh when you tell them their Mum told you that size doesn't matter.

In other words, actual friends, decent people who like you and who you should pursue friendship with, are the ones with whom you don't have to try not to be condescending or insulting towards, because they know what you really think and can accept and laugh about your differences.

 

[Zhukov]

What was the fancy word you used?

I'm curious as to what kind of vocabulary can make someone lose their shit.

 

[Atrocious Joystick]

Often people don't understand when they are being a douche in way or the other. Or they understand and try to rationalize it with something along the lines of "They're just intimidated by my intellect" or "It's just the way I am, I say it like it is. I'm like House in this *****."

If others frequently think you are using a specific vocabulary or your education in whatever field aggressively then perhaps you are? Do you really correct people because you think they might be interested to learn a more correct version of whatever they are interested in or is it really because you want to show that you are smarter than the person you are correcting? Because often people do that.

 

[Aramis Night]

Unfortunately people are like dogs. It isn't what you say, it's how you say it. Tone is everything and most people are emotionally driven. It is regrettable. People have too much ego and pride and rarely with good cause for either. Once people learn that we all are garbage until proven otherwise, we will hopefully move beyond this. Sadly i don't see this happening anytime soon.

"The fact that other people have ego's is what allows me to feel superior to them. I've never felt superior to a humble person." (Irony Bomb)

 

[mattttherman3]

Now, if I was ever at a dinner with them, and the daughter asked why I wasn't praying, I would tell her why very blatantly and fuck the consequences:"Because God probably isn't real."(You can't disprove god outright, but I do not worship a genocidal maniac). Now, that would be the right thing to do.

"Sharing your beliefs with your children is bad, but sharing my belief however..."

OT:
Since most of the stuff have been addressed, I'll just say that you should consider getting new friends and tuning down the usage of big words. Can't really say anything else with this little info.

Atheism is not about beliefs, it is a lack of them. I would never outright say something to someone unless asked. I don't lie about this stuff!

 

[mattttherman3]

Now, if I was ever at a dinner with them, and the daughter asked why I wasn't praying, I would tell her why very blatantly and fuck the consequences:"Because God probably isn't real."(You can't disprove god outright, but I do not worship a genocidal maniac). Now, that would be the right thing to do.

"Sharing your beliefs with your children is bad, but sharing my belief however..."

OT:
Since most of the stuff have been addressed, I'll just say that you should consider getting new friends and tuning down the usage of big words. Can't really say anything else with this little info.

Atheism is not about beliefs, it is a lack of them. I would never outright say something to someone unless asked. I don't lie about this stuff!

Yes but you don't phrase it like "there probably is no god and if there is he's a genocidal maniac". Just like you wouldn't appreciate your religious friends telling your kids (or future kids) that there definitely is a god. It's one thing to present two sides to an argument, it's another entirely to think you know better how to raise your friends' kid than they do.

Oh no, the genocidal maniac part I would leave out, I wouldn't say that. The kid wouldn't know what it means for certain.

 

[grey_space]

Hmm well the way I see it there are four possible reasons:

1:You don't mean to be condescending but are-many people say things without realising the tone or body language they are using so while they are well meaning their original attempt doesn't come across as they seem angry/smug because of the tone/posture.

2:Your friends are insecure-Your knowledge/there lack of knowledge upset them and they feel envious and upset and are taking out on you instead of admitting their shortcomings.

3:You do it often and when it's not needed-Maybe it's in your personality or they open themselves to criticism often but you you point out there mistakes so often/when it's not important that they get pissed of despite your good intentions.

4: A mixture of the previous three mixing together-not much more to say on this one.

Good summation there. I have a number of friends from various different backgrounds, some PhD students, some tradesmen who never finished high school.

Some of the PhD students (particularly the ones coming from the Arts Faculty for some reason) can inadvertently come across as terribly pretentious wankers sometimes, correcting diction left and right. And they are lovely people.

And sometimes reading emails/reports from the other guys gives me a fucking migraine there are so many spelling and grammar mistakes. I rarely correct them publicly though as they get very embarrassed and their lack of formal education is kinda a sore point with them.

 

[Sigmund Av Volsung]

Ok, so I don't really know how to write this, I will try to do so without bias but as I'm one of the "sides" in this I doubt it will be completely neutral.

So, I seem to be alienating people at a steady pace. There are a few ways I manage this and I'm going to give the 2 most recent examples, spoiler'd for space saving.

Spoiler: incident 1

One of my friends on facebook shared one of those annoying pseudoscience pictures that go around and they were commenting on how it was interesting and they never knew that.

I commented that it was incorrect and corrected it (phrased nicely), giving them a link to a source. Since they found the new information interesting I thought they'd be happy to get the actual facts.

They exploded at me, told me I didn't know everything that I'm condescending and just because I have some "fancy degree" it doesn't make me any more intelligent than them.

I posted back saying that I was sorry but I thought they would like the real fact since they found it interesting.

They replied saying that I always try to intimidate others with my intelligence and I make others look small to feel good about myself all the time.

I left it at that and didn't comment back.

Spoiler: incident 2

I was talking to a friend and I used a word they didn't understand so they asked me what it meant, I described it as best I could and when I was done they went off on a rant saying I only use all these big fancy words to make others look small and show off and they didn't need to know its meaning anyway and stormed off.

Now in both those "incidents" I was not talking down to anyone or trying to look big. I wasn't judgmental of the other person. Those people aren't stupid, they both know way more in their field than me and obviously I don't know everything. I may use what are considered longer words in my written and spoken English but only when necessary, when another shorter word would lose the specific meaning.

"he thinks he knows everything" seems to be a common reason people give why dislike me. My fiance's parents both hate me because apparently I think I know everything. Ok I do know more than the average person in sciences because well that's where my education and career lie. I know very little in say shakespeare's plays and would never pipe up in a conversation about them because I know I don't know enough.

Also as an aside I obviously don't think I know it all, otherwise why would I become a research physicist? If I knew it all I wouldn't exactly bother with research!

So escapists, what do you think causes this apparent insult to people when I talk to them? I honestly can't work it out, why should either of the people in those incidents react that way?

Welcome to my world, sit down on that comfy chair!

^This happens to me fairly often at my school, but the inverse (that is to say, people don't get angry at me).

It's their fault that they reacted this way, and frankly, they seem over-sensitive, and very stubborn.

You can find better friends, and it's not your fault.

In fact, they go off on rants to try to make you feel bad just because they can't comprehend something the way you can.

 

[Auron225]

And now you're looking for sympathy from us!? F*ck off with your fancy words and your pity party!

...In all seriousness they do sound unreasonable. Even if your explanations weren't condescending, etc, you don't get so pissed at a friend over something like that. Don't dumb yourself down just to make other people feel comfortable. Personally speaking, I wish I had a friend that used words I didn't know so I could learn fancy long ones as well! As someone else said, I wouldn't use massive unknown fancy ones when a much simpler, more known one works just as well but there are still plenty of fancy words that can be used for lack of a better one.

(Note: Just to clarify for the dense - the first line is in fact sarcasm)

 

[Mr F.]

I get this sometimes. It would happen with my ex girlfriend. Some people... appreciate being able to talk to someone who has varied interests in history and social sciences. I can hold my own in most political/theoretical debates and stuff. My ex... Didn't always appreciate it.

You have to be really careful. Sometimes you accidentally cross the line between "Informing" and "Being an asshole".

And to a degree I can understand where your friends are coming from. I find it hard to talk to my sister and her bloke sometimes because they are both academics. So my sister will deconstruct everything I say and then state "Well, thats history, and I am just better read then you so there is no point in this discussion". Which is true. But really annoying.

Its not really a question of intelligence, like some people think. Its just a question of personality. Sometimes people can be pricks. I mean, I do not think I am more intelligent then any of my friends yet I have irritated them with my knowledge before. Because most of my friends are physicists or engineers and I am a sociologist. I mean, there is a Windmill near campus and one of my friends regularly works out the tips of the blades in his head. As a mental maths exercise on his way to lectures.

Not a chance in hell I could do that. Ever. It is not my interest, I find it impressive, then I get bored. And, due to our different interests, there is not a chance in hell that he could ever come to my understanding of race and race relations. Its just different people.

I guess I am trying to say it is not about intelligence. It is just about not coming across as a smarmy know it all git by accident xD

 

[chozo_hybrid]

I feel like we're just getting one side of the story here so I withhold my judgment as to who's in the wrong here.

However some advice is that people usually doesn't like being corrected if they are astonished at learning something new.
How you correct them matters.

Considering it seems like a running theme that people think you're acting superior I'd analyze how I interact with people if I were you.

I'd agree with this, after all, if quite a few people end up with this opinion of someone, then it's usually a reflection of their behavior toward people in general.

If a whole bunch of people say there's a problem with something, and one person doesn't think so, odds are, there's a problem.

How often do you end up correcting your friends, if it's a fair amount, then I'd say you have to learn not to do it unless it's something really important.

It's their fault that they reacted this way, and frankly, they seem over-sensitive, and very stubborn.

You can find better friends, and it's not your fault.

Is it their fault? We don't know how often he does this to them. Nobody likes being corrected, not really. And if someone is doing it to you a lot, you would get annoyed/frustrated. Odds are it's partly his fault, because it has to do with him, whether he agrees with, or knows it or not.

 

[Valnyan]

Spot1990 is pretty on spot there. If a few friends find you condescending they are probably stupid and jealous, if it keeps happening times and times again. Well ... maybe it's time to look in the mirror.

As for religion ... atheists grate my nerves. And I am atheist myself.
First, atheism, is as much about belief than religion. The reason is simple, in most religion "God" is something the human will never be ever able to see, sense or hear which makes it impossible to disprove and impossible to prove. No matter how much facts you pile up none will ever prove that "God" exists or doesn't.
You can Believe it exist, you can belive it doesn't exist. You can Think it exists or not. But you can't Know, neither can they, and you can't Prove it to them as much as they can't prove it to you.

So, yeah, I don't like how a lot of atheist are condescending to every religious. It's as stupid as mocking peoples who believe in love because there is no scientific evidence of it. "It's all chimical attraction, the "love" you believe in is nothing more than a measly drug induced euphoria. Pstch, you so stupid !"

There is no stupid beliefs, only stupid peoples.

As long as they don't act like jerks because of their beliefs. I'm an atheist, I'm not afraid to share my (absence of) belief to religious peoples, but I don't go out of my way to ridicule their beliefs ... unless they start trying to convert me or tell me I'm going to burn in hell while they get free cocktails in paradise.

Beliefs, opinions, sensibilities ... All in all everyone has different ones. You can disagree without being a prick.
Morale of the story : Don't be a prick.

 

[DrunkOnEstus]

You're bound to meet a lot of people in life who claim to not give a shit about school, or learning "boring" things. What makes them special is that they seem to get quite defensive when they're around someone who seemingly does care about their intellectual acumen. The end goal of your chosen career path is to constantly surround yourself with colleagues and theories that test what you know and expand it, not to lord it over those who don't seem to care about it at all, accidentally or otherwise. Also, especially concerning pseudo-science, people like to circlejerk somewhat about it, using it to verify their innate desires/beliefs or to feel better about something. If you really care about making and keeping friends, it's not worth correcting that stuff. They don't want to know the truth and they don't want you ruining it for them.

 

[lacktheknack]

If EVERYONE thinks you come across as high-and-mighty and smarter-than-thou, it's usually because you do.

It would be easier if you copy-pasted your Facebook exchange.

 

[templar1138a]

My mom's boyfriend once said something that I believe fits your situation: When someone points a finger, three are pointing back at them. It seems to me they feel threatened and inadequate when they compare their intelligence to yours, so they lash out at you because they don't like the idea that they were wrong about something. It's their problem and it isn't your fault.

I've had comparable experiences with people I knew who had lofty philosophical notions, whereas I'm down-to-earth to the point of being cynical. I've been accused of being a pessimist who's only trying to spread negative energy when all I did was present a pragmatic point-of-view.

My advice is to not let these responses deter you and to keep doing what you're doing. It wouldn't hurt to go through this checklist first.
1. Is this something that needs to be said?
2. Is this something that needs to be said by me?
3. Is this something I need to say right now?

And if they continue to insult you, you can decide not to help them if they come to you for answers in your field afterwards or you can calmly ask why they're so offended by your knowledge.

Also, I hope your fiancé stands up for you when his parents get on your case. When you marry a man, you marry his family as well.

 

[JimB]

I don't feel comfortable saying anything here because I don't know you or your friends, but I will say that if two different people have made the same complaint against you and are mad enough to explode about it, then it's worth asking yourself if they have a point. Again, I have no idea if they do or don't, so I'm not implying anything here; I'm just saying, don't dismiss the question out of hand. If your conscience isn't bothering you, then that's probably good enough.

 

[Nickolai77]

I find it very odd that your friends would get so verbally aggressive your described situations just off the bat. I half suspect there's other things you've said and done OP which may have pre-disposed them to thinking you're "stuck up", so i'd suggest you consider you're behaviour in general to check if that may be cause behind these outbursts. Otherwise, maybe they're just over sensitive idiots.

 

[Angie7F]

Maybe you can learn something from the Big Bang Theory.

i think some people just come off as irritating to other people and should pick the right group of friends to hang out with.
However, even those friends can find you annoying too so you just have to try to take a step back and evaluate yourself.

I prefer to just stick with people who like me though...
It is too much trouble trying to pretend to be someone you are not

 

[Froggy Slayer]

Strangely enough, I have a similar, yet very different problem. My friends actually do think that I know everything. I'm smart, sure, but I'm not some sort of hypergenius.

My mum, on the other hand, does get pissed off if I use long words. Apparently there was a discussion on one of these 'Loose Women' type shows where they said that people who correct people are 'just making themselves look stupider', whatever that means.