I need a hug...

[BiscuitTrouser]

Hey there. I'm having a tough time right now, and I could use a bit of emotional support and advice. You fellows at The Escapist are some of the nicest people I've ever seen on the internet, and I suppose it wouldn't hurt to talk about my problems here.

Anyways, my story.

Me and this girl have been in love with each other for about a month and a half now. We were never officially dating, because she's leaving for college in BC next month and she didn't want to date before she left. She always told me she'd come back to me when she was done her ten month course, and it felt good having something to look forward to. Last Sunday, however, me and her had a talk... Since she couldn't guarantee that we'd be together, she decided to just end it. She even said she was unsure about being in love with me any more.

That alone was a huge disappointment and hurt me greatly, but there's more. She's had this guy friend for a long time, and just recently it's become clear that he has a crush on her. I encouraged her to be friends with him, but I made my concern about his affection clear. She said she would say no if he asked her out -- she had me, after all. Just last night, she told me he asked her out and she said yes...

I feel absolutely betrayed. She went against her own wish to not date until she left. She broke her promise that she wouldn't date him. I don't know what happened to her, but I still love her and am deeply hurt by her actions. She says she still values me as a friend and care about me, but I really don't know...

I honestly don't know what to do any more... I'm so depressed, I've lost five pounds because I can't even eat. I feel absolutely horrible when I think of them...

Any support from you Escapists would make me feel leagues better.

Its ok man, love hurts. My girlfriend of two years left me a few days ago, didnt seem to bothered about it iether. The worst part is we agreed to be friends but i cant even look at her anymore, im not sure if i can hide me systematically ignoring her. I know about the dispair, i spent 5 days in a sleeping bag on the couch, eating and crying. I know exactly how you feel. I felt so apathetic, why bother with anything? I didnt see a point to doing things or seeing people. It felt pointless and empty. Im past the despair stage now and to the point where im not sad but im not too happy iether. It gets better. Its really hard and really painfull but waiting makes it better. Also chocolate. Watch your favourite old Tv show (malcom in the middle) and mull it over a bit. Then go out and see some friends. I saw some bands play and i felt better because of it. Theres more to your life than this single bad moment in time. Even if right now it feels like its all there is.

You can have a mutual hug from me.

 

[Ziggy109]

-snip-

Very poetic. I appreciate you sharing that. The first bit really sums up how I feel right now.

Oh god I would be filled with unadulterated RAGE at that point.

Trust me, it was hard not to scream at her and call her nasty things. But I find that I don't need to do that and make her as miserable as I am.

I love the little cartoons your avatar is from, by the way.

Did you somehow found them on the Internets, or are you an immigrant from the former USSR?

The internet, actually. Though I've always dreamed of living in Russia, or at least visiting.

Again, thank you all so very much. I've gotten a lot more support from you guys that I expected, but that's definitely not a bad thing. You all deserve to win the lottery.

 

[DigitalSushi]

I'm sorry to hear of your pain, but logic doesn't factor in love, the problem is that your probably trying to "work" out why it happened and that hurts even more.

This can only make you stronger.

Spoiler

*hug*

"You can't control what she does; if you love her, you'll want her to be happy"

...is what some might say to you. But it does not change the fact that she lied. She betrayed you. Your trust. your feelings. Your love.

The healthiest thing to do is just to move on.

...but what of her betrayal? Do we truly live in a world where those we love, those we give power over us, can choose to disregard us so easily? And if the answer is yes, must we condone their actions?

They are perfect, yes. They are faultless. Surely, the fault lies with us. We are what was wrong in the relationship. If only we were taller, or shorter, or skinnier, or bustier, or manlier, or sexier, or so many other things...perhaps, if we were all those and more, they would not have left us?

How are we supposed to feel? How are we supposed to "get over" them as easily as they seem to have gotten over us? There are plenty of fish in the sea, we are told. But are we all expert fishermen? Can we attract other "fish" as easily as others confidently seem to think we should be able to? Therein lies the problem...

...if we were rejected by the one we gave our hearts to, the person we opened up ourselves to, who's to say that it won't happen again?

Those who placate you and give themselves as an example of a loving relationship have it easy. Are we all truly equal in love?

NO.

Where does that leave us? Despite our efforts, our good intentions, our fantasies of meeting that one person who will love us because we are "good", because we are "kind", because we are "gentle"...

...we have nothing.

Look deep inside yourself. You know this to be true. What else is left to us, but the Dark Side?

Peace is a lie, there is only Passion.
Through Passion, I gain Strength.
Through Strength, I gain Power.
Through Power, I gain Victory.
Through Victory, my Chains are Broken.
The Force shall Free Me.

Spoiler

That's very sad. I'm really sorry that has happened to you. She sounds like she wasn't serious from the start, because of that end talk, then going for the other guy. It sucks, but things like this unfortunately happen. What you should do though is learn from it. People can appear to be a certain way but are in fact a whole other person skin deep. She should have just told you from the get go if she was experiencing puppy love or confused feelings or whatever. If she was confused, it still doesn't change the fact that you are the one hurt at the end...

I really am sorry this happened to you. *huggles tight* If I may say something though...

Being in love for a month and a half will usually always end bad. Now you may have known her much longer, and just recently fell in love. That would be different, however if it was just a recent thing, like boom love, then I don't really feel that the end result is that surprising. I feel that people who use the L word early like that simply can't justify how they feel at the time, due to the relationship being so great or everything they wanted etc, and in the end it's a temporary rush. When that's over, 2 things usually happen. They realize the feelings are true, and everything's okay. They realize they didn't feel that way, and they break things off. I don't want to be the bearer of bad news, but it sounds like she had puppy love. Puppy love almost always ends bad.

If you've known her longer though, and merely didn't specify, then either:

A. She was confused on how she felt, then figured it out.
B. Just got with the other guy because she thinks hes better or whatever.

Either way, it's very unfair to you, especially if you feel this strongly for her. Please eat though, and continue on with your life. No one is worth this, especially not someone who just ditches you like that for the other person. If she meant what she said by any means she would have given you a chance. Since she didn't, she isn't worth the troubles you are going through now! You will find someone better, someone who means it when they say it!

*hugs again* ♥

If you want to talk about this more, go ahead and send me a PM. I'd love to help more if I can!

You girls make the internet a much more wonderful place.

 

[Ziadaine_v1legacy]

And then, I became the mood killer. From my view, falling in love after only 90 days was a "bit" naive of you both, and unfortunately, humans are humans. Especially when it comes to things like University/College, we prefer someone close by rather then a rare-see long distance relationship. It COULD work, but a lot of the times it doesn't. Not to sound like an arse but its best to move on and good luck.

EDIT: I give permission to be back-stabbed by a Spy. Didn't read that properly, Breaking a promise like that is quite "dog" of her (slang term of slack) to do that, from the sounds of it she wasn't the one for you.

 

[Emperor Platypus]

The only 'tip' I can give you is to meet up with one/some friends and let them comfort you.

I swear it'll be 10 times better then anything I can do right now....... Unless you are in Belgium atm then I could come and visit you and give you an actual hug.

For now, this'll have to do.

*hug*

 

[Ziggy109]

Welcome to the wonderful world of women. If at all possible, turn gay now.

Hahahahaha! Thanks for the laugh! It was exactly what I needed.

And then, I became the mood killer. From my view, falling in love after only 90 days was a "bit" naive of you both, and unfortunately, humans are humans. Especially when it comes to things like University/College, we prefer someone close by rather then a rare-see long distance relationship. It COULD work, but a lot of the times it doesn't. Not to sound like an arse but its best to move on and good luck.

I suppose I should have mentioned that I've known her since last November, that she helped me through a breakup with a particularly malignant ***** when all my friends decided I didn't matter, and that I helped her get over a boyfriend who had abandoned her feelings in favor of alcohol.

In less than an hour, I've managed to meet a few girls who are so nice (Aylaine included!) that they make the girl I love look like an unfriendly person.

 

[DigitalSushi]

I'm sorry to hear of your pain, but logic doesn't factor in love, the problem is that your probably trying to "work" out why it happened and that hurts even more.

This can only make you stronger.

Spoiler

*hug*

"You can't control what she does; if you love her, you'll want her to be happy"

...is what some might say to you. But it does not change the fact that she lied. She betrayed you. Your trust. your feelings. Your love.

The healthiest thing to do is just to move on.

...but what of her betrayal? Do we truly live in a world where those we love, those we give power over us, can choose to disregard us so easily? And if the answer is yes, must we condone their actions?

They are perfect, yes. They are faultless. Surely, the fault lies with us. We are what was wrong in the relationship. If only we were taller, or shorter, or skinnier, or bustier, or manlier, or sexier, or so many other things...perhaps, if we were all those and more, they would not have left us?

How are we supposed to feel? How are we supposed to "get over" them as easily as they seem to have gotten over us? There are plenty of fish in the sea, we are told. But are we all expert fishermen? Can we attract other "fish" as easily as others confidently seem to think we should be able to? Therein lies the problem...

...if we were rejected by the one we gave our hearts to, the person we opened up ourselves to, who's to say that it won't happen again?

Those who placate you and give themselves as an example of a loving relationship have it easy. Are we all truly equal in love?

NO.

Where does that leave us? Despite our efforts, our good intentions, our fantasies of meeting that one person who will love us because we are "good", because we are "kind", because we are "gentle"...

...we have nothing.

Look deep inside yourself. You know this to be true. What else is left to us, but the Dark Side?

Peace is a lie, there is only Passion.
Through Passion, I gain Strength.
Through Strength, I gain Power.
Through Power, I gain Victory.
Through Victory, my Chains are Broken.
The Force shall Free Me.

Spoiler

That's very sad. I'm really sorry that has happened to you. She sounds like she wasn't serious from the start, because of that end talk, then going for the other guy. It sucks, but things like this unfortunately happen. What you should do though is learn from it. People can appear to be a certain way but are in fact a whole other person skin deep. She should have just told you from the get go if she was experiencing puppy love or confused feelings or whatever. If she was confused, it still doesn't change the fact that you are the one hurt at the end...

I really am sorry this happened to you. *huggles tight* If I may say something though...

Being in love for a month and a half will usually always end bad. Now you may have known her much longer, and just recently fell in love. That would be different, however if it was just a recent thing, like boom love, then I don't really feel that the end result is that surprising. I feel that people who use the L word early like that simply can't justify how they feel at the time, due to the relationship being so great or everything they wanted etc, and in the end it's a temporary rush. When that's over, 2 things usually happen. They realize the feelings are true, and everything's okay. They realize they didn't feel that way, and they break things off. I don't want to be the bearer of bad news, but it sounds like she had puppy love. Puppy love almost always ends bad.

If you've known her longer though, and merely didn't specify, then either:

A. She was confused on how she felt, then figured it out.
B. Just got with the other guy because she thinks hes better or whatever.

Either way, it's very unfair to you, especially if you feel this strongly for her. Please eat though, and continue on with your life. No one is worth this, especially not someone who just ditches you like that for the other person. If she meant what she said by any means she would have given you a chance. Since she didn't, she isn't worth the troubles you are going through now! You will find someone better, someone who means it when they say it!

*hugs again* ♥

If you want to talk about this more, go ahead and send me a PM. I'd love to help more if I can!

You girls make the internet a much more wonderful place.

Thank you for saying that. I appreciate people who say nice things like that about what I do...I'm trying to spread sunshine wherever I go, and these threads with the dark clouds over them are my primary targets! ♥

You spread the sunshine, I'll spread the rainbows, I'd ask you out but my heart belongs to another.

Spoiler

We call him Marc, Americans call him Ken, The French had the un edited darker much better version of G Force

 

[Ziggy109]

You guys are all some of the nicest people I've met on the internet. I feel a lot better now because of what you've all said to help me. Thank you all.

 

[Aerodyamic]

I can only hug people if they can accept that I'll pinch their bum. But you have my best wishes for the future, and I hope you receive many, many hugs from hot chicks.

I'll let you have an extra hug from Furburt, though.

 

[DigitalSushi]

she think he is better? not exactly an inspirational sentiment is it? kinda the opposite of what i said.

EDIT: since ColdStorage asked you out but declined, can i have his spot? XD

I don't think Aylaine is a deli counter*, "excuse me but I need to pick up the kids from school, could I jump in line?"

*also this is the internet, she might well be a deli counter.

 

[Polaris19]

She didn't deserve you. Your a good person, and you don't deserve having your emotions toyed with like a slinky.

*hug*

You'll find someone out there who really appreciates you and would never think of doing anything like this to you. Trust me.

 

[Kollega]

Though I've always dreamed of living in Russia, or at least visiting.

[HEADING=2] FO&#x042F M☭THЭЯLAИD! [/HEADING]

Ah, the wonderful world of abusing Unicode for shits and giggles. Fun fact for everyone to ponder: the inverse-N is read as "I".

Anyway, i'd say that living in Russia is not that good of an idea, but visiting and exploring it as a tourist is a much better one.

 

[Vrach]

You can make her not forget you. Forgive her. Call her frequently.

Is this sarcasm? I hope so. Otherwise no, no, no, no, no.

Move on with your life. You were barely even in a relationship with her, so cut it now rather than prolong the pain. If she's seeing someone else like that, she obviously doesn't care about you, so stop imagining otherwise, for your own sake.

/hug

 

[Ziggy109]

Though I've always dreamed of living in Russia, or at least visiting.

[HEADING=2] FOЯ M☭THЭЯLAИD! [/HEADING]

Ah, the wonderful world of abusing Unicode for shits and giggles. Fun fact for everyone to ponder: the inverse-N is read as "I".

Anyway, i'd say that living in Russia is not that good of an idea, but visiting and exploring it as a tourist is a much better one.

I've tried to learn the Cyrillic alphabet before, and man, it is a real pain to learn after the Roman alphabet. It's hard to fathom a backwards R making a "ya" sound. I suppose not knowing it could be a disadvantage if living in Russia, hehe. Getting a little off-topic, but hey, at least I'm not as depressed any more.

 

[Orange Monkey]

Honestly if she is that much of a two-timing morally flexible selfish parasite than YOU deserve better. I know it hurts when you think about her, but you have to focus on what is and not what was. If she has decided that you're not the one, that's her loss. You seem like a fine, loving and sensitive person. Get support from your friends, go out to movies and bowling and things, keep yourself occupied, and in time you will see that you really do not need her, and then you can move on to maybe meeting a better person

*hugs*
I really hope you can get through this!

 

[Kollega]

I've tried to learn the Cyrillic alphabet before, and man, it is a real pain to learn after the Roman alphabet. It's hard to fathom a backwards R making a "ya" sound.

That it is, i agree. Some people say that Russian is one of hardest-to-learn languages. They were probably speaking out of their collective arse, though... i cannot imagine it being as hard as, oh say, Japanese.

Getting a little off-topic, but hey, at least I'm not as depressed any more.

Oh look... my plan has come to fruition! Yay me... or rather, us?

 

[interspark]

*hugs* this girl LIED to you! that was bad, if you concentrate on it from that kind of angle you might not feel so bad, consider how much better other girls might be than her

 

[SilverUchiha]

I know exactly how ya feel. For a month, I had a great thing going with this one girl. Never really fought or argued about anything. Had a lot in common. Got along better than I've ever gotten along with anyone. Then she just dumped me for no reason after coming back from Japan for 2 weeks. I literally asked why she decided to do it and she said, "I don't know, I just want out." What the fuck is that all about?

Anyway... Here's Melvin with your free hug:

 

[Ziggy109]

I've tried to learn the Cyrillic alphabet before, and man, it is a real pain to learn after the Roman alphabet. It's hard to fathom a backwards R making a "ya" sound.

That it is, i agree. Some people say that Russian is one of hardest-to-learn languages. They were probably speaking out of their collective arse, though... i cannot imagine it being as hard as, oh say, Japanese.

Getting a little off-topic, but hey, at least I'm not as depressed any more.

Oh look... my plan has come to fruition! Yay me... or rather, us?

*highfive!* I think I'll have to watch some more of those cartoons in a bit, too.

You guys are all some of the nicest people I've met on the internet. I feel a lot better now because of what you've all said to help me. Thank you all.

thank you, i am very nice when you get to know me. hope my music and rhetoric helped ya.

The song was very catchy, and your words were inspirational.

 

[Paksenarrion]

Spoiler: snip

I'm sorry to hear of your pain, but logic doesn't factor in love, the problem is that your probably trying to "work" out why it happened and that hurts even more.

This can only make you stronger.

Spoiler

*hug*

"You can't control what she does; if you love her, you'll want her to be happy"

...is what some might say to you. But it does not change the fact that she lied. She betrayed you. Your trust. your feelings. Your love.

The healthiest thing to do is just to move on.

...but what of her betrayal? Do we truly live in a world where those we love, those we give power over us, can choose to disregard us so easily? And if the answer is yes, must we condone their actions?

They are perfect, yes. They are faultless. Surely, the fault lies with us. We are what was wrong in the relationship. If only we were taller, or shorter, or skinnier, or bustier, or manlier, or sexier, or so many other things...perhaps, if we were all those and more, they would not have left us?

How are we supposed to feel? How are we supposed to "get over" them as easily as they seem to have gotten over us? There are plenty of fish in the sea, we are told. But are we all expert fishermen? Can we attract other "fish" as easily as others confidently seem to think we should be able to? Therein lies the problem...

...if we were rejected by the one we gave our hearts to, the person we opened up ourselves to, who's to say that it won't happen again?

Those who placate you and give themselves as an example of a loving relationship have it easy. Are we all truly equal in love?

NO.

Where does that leave us? Despite our efforts, our good intentions, our fantasies of meeting that one person who will love us because we are "good", because we are "kind", because we are "gentle"...

...we have nothing.

Look deep inside yourself. You know this to be true. What else is left to us, but the Dark Side?

Peace is a lie, there is only Passion.
Through Passion, I gain Strength.
Through Strength, I gain Power.
Through Power, I gain Victory.
Through Victory, my Chains are Broken.
The Force shall Free Me.

Spoiler

That's very sad. I'm really sorry that has happened to you. She sounds like she wasn't serious from the start, because of that end talk, then going for the other guy. It sucks, but things like this unfortunately happen. What you should do though is learn from it. People can appear to be a certain way but are in fact a whole other person skin deep. She should have just told you from the get go if she was experiencing puppy love or confused feelings or whatever. If she was confused, it still doesn't change the fact that you are the one hurt at the end...

I really am sorry this happened to you. *huggles tight* If I may say something though...

Being in love for a month and a half will usually always end bad. Now you may have known her much longer, and just recently fell in love. That would be different, however if it was just a recent thing, like boom love, then I don't really feel that the end result is that surprising. I feel that people who use the L word early like that simply can't justify how they feel at the time, due to the relationship being so great or everything they wanted etc, and in the end it's a temporary rush. When that's over, 2 things usually happen. They realize the feelings are true, and everything's okay. They realize they didn't feel that way, and they break things off. I don't want to be the bearer of bad news, but it sounds like she had puppy love. Puppy love almost always ends bad.

If you've known her longer though, and merely didn't specify, then either:

A. She was confused on how she felt, then figured it out.
B. Just got with the other guy because she thinks hes better or whatever.

Either way, it's very unfair to you, especially if you feel this strongly for her. Please eat though, and continue on with your life. No one is worth this, especially not someone who just ditches you like that for the other person. If she meant what she said by any means she would have given you a chance. Since she didn't, she isn't worth the troubles you are going through now! You will find someone better, someone who means it when they say it!

*hugs again* ♥

If you want to talk about this more, go ahead and send me a PM. I'd love to help more if I can!

You girls make the internet a much more wonderful place.

Thank you for saying that. I appreciate people who say nice things like that about what I do...I'm trying to spread sunshine wherever I go, and these threads with the dark clouds over them are my primary targets! ♥

You spread the sunshine, I'll spread the rainbows, I'd ask you out but my heart belongs to another.

Spoiler

We call him Marc, Americans call him Ken, The French had the un edited darker much better version of G Force

Aylaine spreads the sunshine, you spread the rainbows, and I'll spread Force Lightning through our enemies while cackling madly.

...I just imagined Emperor Palpatine guest starring on Unicorn Planet.