I need a plan b

[Doclector]

I think I may be zeroing in on the core issue that makes my life suck a bit. Problem is, I have no idea how to solve it.

My main, crucial aim in life is to become a filmmaker. A stupid dream, perhaps, but one I intend on following as far as I can. I do this for many reasons. I have alot of ideas about the world, about human nature, about the random aggression of humanity that makes our world a bit shit. Whenever I tell people about my ideas, they don't listen, or don't understand, or think I'm crazy. The thought that I may bs the only one who sees the madness in the world around us. When I put it in a film, though, people start to think, to understand. I believe I may be able to fix the world, to make sure all the crap I've been through over the years happens again as little as possible.

The problem is, I am truly good for little else. I haven't managed to get a job, despite trying for years. I have never had a girlfriend or lost my virginity even though I'm 20. I don't even really have a social life. I'm ugly, my jokes suck, I can be incredibly stupid, I seem to need to ask for help understanding things and tasks that seem to come naturally to others, which could be because of my aspergers, but I don't feel that's an excuse to be such a failure as a human being, and I'm personally offended by those who think it is an excuse (especially on the Internet, we've all seen those people before).

Basically, if I fail at film, I have nothing left. Just going from my house to the jobcenter and back, over and over again. Nothing but endless loneliness and failure. It terrifies me. I know that I'd be left trying not to lose my mind as I try to survive in the world I barely understand, with no way to make other people understand how I feel. In essence, to quote a classic sci-fi, "I have no mouth, and I must scream".

So, does anyone know how I could go about adding meaning to the rest of my life? Could I improve myself? How?

 

[thejdcole]

Have you looked into access courses that you can do to go towards a university path? They're actually very good, they teach you all the key skills you need to get onto a chosen university course and i'm sure there would be one in film.

And to be honest, if you made up the idea for inception (and aren't Christopher Nolan), and tried to explain it to people, they would think you're crazy.

What I'm saying is that there are still a lot of options out there to consider, and that you shouldn't be so hard on yourself.

To target the social life problem, have you looked into doing any kind of hobby that involves other people, or something, (i.e. join a bookclub), it's a great way to meet new people.

 

[SiskoBlue]

You face the same dilema as all of us I'm afraid. Especially on the internet. Virtually everybody feels they have something to say and no one is listening. And at 20, no one is expecting you to be "good for little else".

Don't worry about girlfriends and virginity. Most guys I knew growing up didn't lose theirs until in their 20s. That's the real normal, not what you see on TV, or what a lot of them might say.

I'd get a second or third opinion on that Asperger's diagnosis. You may have it but Asperger's is going through a bit of a fad period. Lots of people are getting labelled with it when they've only seen one person (doctor/psychologist, etc.) on one session. It's a pretty hard thing to diagnose correctly yet somehow these "experts" are pretty happy to spot it in 5 minutes of seeing a person. They must be geniuses.

As far as I can tell, if you want to be a success at something, the best guarantee is to work at it, and work hard. If you spend all your free time trying to make films, learning about making films, talking to experts in film making, guess what, you'll become a film maker. It may not be what you do for money but if it's something you keep pushing at and you teach yourself as much as you can then the next thing you know you're assisting editors, grips, directors, etc. someone in the industry. Because they want people passionate about it they can teach their skills to. If you're that person then you're well on your way to your dream.

Good luck.

 

[Doclector]

I am actually studying film at college, hoping to go to university in September. The thing is, I've always got that dark cloud looming over me, that if I were to fail I'd have nothing left to live for.

 

[the_pleasure_is_mine]

Give it your all, I'm in the same boat with the qualifications.

I've nearly been kicked out of 6th form 3 times this year so far because of my issues with Psychology, I'm in a good place at the moment but if I were to get kicked out of 6th form then it'd set me back another 3 years minimun.

You have a drea, sopush yourelf to reach that dream, if it's what you're really interested in then you'll make your own path to it.

Girlfriends and virginity is all overrated anyway and in the grand scheme of things it isn't going to matter at all when you reach your dream.

To add to your life just keep researching what you're interested in and do what it takes to keep you occupied.

I'm trying to get back on Xbox more, it takes my mind off everything in my life I can't deal with right now.

That and drinking myself stupid, but that's not a very good habit.

 

[SiskoBlue]

I am actually studying film at college, hoping to go to university in September. The thing is, I've always got that dark cloud looming over me, that if I were to fail I'd have nothing left to live for.

There's the nub of the problem... what do you consider failing? If you wanted to be a painter, and spent all your free time painting, then you've succeeded. Doesn't matter if your day job is garbage collection.

But if succeeding is "getting PAID to be a film-maker" then that's different. Even if you do get work in the industry it's unlikely it will be consistent work. If you gain technical skills then genearally you'll do pretty well getting work in the industry but if you ONLY want to be the director of your own films and live on that, well you might be out of luck because about 99% of big directors today didn't start out "just" directing, or "only" directing.

I work with a guy who did a film degree. By the end of his degree he was completely dissuaded from ever working in the industry, it just wasn't for him. So he went into insurance finance. He's a pretty happy guy and still loves movies. He doesn't think he's "failed", just changed his out look. So your life is not set in stone. And luckily we live in a society where if you want to keep trying to be a film maker no one is going to stop you. If you change your mind, you'll be fine. You have to get rid of this notion of "failure" and "black clouds". You made them up for yourself. No one set the bar for you and said you must meet this criteria in order to not fail. Only you've done that.

Reassess why you want to be a film maker and be a bit more open-minded. 25 years ago people would have laughed at someone choosing to work in video games. Now it's a bigger industry than film, and a lot of those people who work in the games industry started out dreaming they'd work in film and tv. So you see, no one knows what types of media will exist in the future or what types of people will be required. Keep studying, keep learning, and keep involved with people in the industry, and keep your ears open. Life won't end because you change majors, or passions, or dreams. Have a little faith in the fact that everyone everywhere grows up dreaming about what they'll be and ends up doing something. Maybe not what they envisioned but they don't curl up and die because they didn't become an astronaut.

Good luck.

 

[Illesdan]

I was a semi-professional writer for most of my teenage life. I loved it, it was a great experience; but once I got a real job and dealt with alot of people, I kind of took stock of my life and realized I couldn't envision myself being a writer for the next forty/fifty years. I'd simply run out of topics to write about and everything would just be redundant; even to me.

I think what you are afraid of is that you're putting all your eggs into one basket and there's a possibility it could all be for nothing. Which is a reasonable fear, but unfortunately, we can't see into our future and watch it unfold; so we have to envision it and make the best possible outcome happen.

The problem is, I am truly good for little else. I haven't managed to get a job, despite trying for years. I have never had a girlfriend or lost my virginity even though I'm 20. I don't even really have a social life. I'm ugly, my jokes suck, I can be incredibly stupid, I seem to need to ask for help understanding things and tasks that seem to come naturally to others, which could be because of my aspergers, but I don't feel that's an excuse to be such a failure as a human being, and I'm personally offended by those who think it is an excuse (especially on the Internet, we've all seen those people before).

Basically, if I fail at film, I have nothing left. Just going from my house to the jobcenter and back, over and over again. Nothing but endless loneliness and failure. It terrifies me. I know that I'd be left trying not to lose my mind as I try to survive in the world I barely understand, with no way to make other people understand how I feel. In essence, to quote a classic sci-fi, "I have no mouth, and I must scream".

So, does anyone know how I could go about adding meaning to the rest of my life? Could I improve myself? How?

First off, don't go to job centers, its the biggest waste of time ever. I'm going to give you some advice as former manager who did hiring/firing:

1) Find a place you can see yourself working at and go in and talk to manager there. Ask if they have any entry-level positions open and if they are looking for anyone. Even if the manager says no, ask for and fill out an application anyway. Check back on it every couple of weeks to let them know you are still interested if you don't hear anything. My company has a seven year hold policy for applications, but I know other companies that get rid of applications after three months.

2) Tell them (very briefly, please) about yourself. Tell them you are a college student, but would love to have some real work experience and FEEL CONFIDENT that you can handle working a job while taking classes.

I had to put emphasis on the 'feel confident' part simply because I have turned down college students before. Once I explained our operation started at 6pm and could go to 6am and breaks were far and few between (production labor is the only form of work exempted from giving people a mandatory break every two hours) they realized their schooling would DEFINITELY suffer.

3) Greet the manager with your head high and a smile. First impressions are everything. Ask for their name, and ask a few general questions about what he/she does there and how they got started.

When I had a full-on schedule of interviews, I always took notes on the body language and attitudes of each person I was interviewing. The people who were friendly and asked questions immediately went to the top for consideration. I'm a very good judge of character (most of the people I have hired through the years are still with the company) as it is very hard to bluff true intentions.

4) If you are hired DO NOT BE AFRAID TO ASK FOR HELP. I cannot stress this enough. You may feel stupid and helpless for it, but don't let your pride be the downfall of your team's productivity.

As for the other stuff; it'll all fall in place once you get some confidence in yourself as a human being. You are not as rubbish as you think. Try to get a positive outlook about all the good things that are going on in your life (you have more to be grateful for than you think) and build on that. Take joy in the things you love, and try to make some friends who share some of your interests.

I wish you luck, and hope you do great with your film studies.

 

[KiraTaureLor]

You can't have it all, and that is wha your trying to do, no offence intended.
If you want to be a film maker, go to school for it, or join the local theater, and focus all your energy on your passion. screw your virginity, and others understanding you.

 

[Berethond]

snip

If you truly want to be a filmmaker, then fuck "Plan B". Because if you have a Plan B you will never become a filmmaker.

I once saw an interview with a famous comedian, and he was asked if he ever had a plan b. He said, "Plan B? No. If I had a plan B that's what I'd be doing right now."

If you want something, you have to throw it all in, heart and soul and whatever spare bits you might have left lying around afterwards.

 

[valkeminator]

I am actually studying film at college, hoping to go to university in September. The thing is, I've always got that dark cloud looming over me, that if I were to fail I'd have nothing left to live for.

Now, don't consider failure to be doom. Failure would actually show what you did wrong and what you can do to improve your next work. Every successful people would have to go through some points in their lives where they just fail. The difference is, successful people learn from their mistakes.

As for virginity and stuff, I'd say its irrelevant to your social standing. It's kind of stupid in my opinion, that being said I can predict people who would disagree with me. Do try to go out, join book or movie clubs, it should expand your views.

Anyway, maybe you're having a mind block, its one of those situations where you just can't churn out a decent idea. I've had these quite a lot back in my design and drawing days though, and all it needs is just a bit of mood lifting activities. Most of the time it comes because you're just not in the right mood. So just do whatever you think that will make you happier and then when you feel ready, garner all those motivation and pursue your interest!

Another thing would be critically analyzing movies. My friends tend to do this quite a lot actually, not only pointing out what makes a movie good or bad, but also the techniques they incorporated, themes, etc. and yet we all come from different background. I'm doing marketing and advertising major myself while my other friend would be from science and digital design (NOT film maker).

 

[valkeminator]

snip

If you truly want to be a filmmaker, then fuck "Plan B". Because if you have a Plan B you will never become a filmmaker.

I once saw an interview with a famous comedian, and he was asked if he ever had a plan b. He said, "Plan B? No. If I had a plan B that's what I'd be doing right now."

If you want something, you have to throw it all in, heart and soul and whatever spare bits you might have left lying around afterwards.

I agree, if you truly want to be a film maker and you are sure of it then by all means go for it. But if you have a careers councillor or something like that, it might be worth to pay them a visit. JUST REMEMBER: its YOUR life, not THEIRS to control, so don't take what they say for granted.

I don't mean to be depressing, but before I decide to change to marketing and advertising, I was doing Computer Science, which I failed horribly, but before that I was doing Art. Point is, sometimes we do make critical decision in life, and when it fails then don't worry, you've yet to find what you're truly good at. I failed Compsci, got a D+ (fail), as for design/art I was good, to get B+ but I decided its not really my thing, more of a hobby so I dropped it, then I changed to my current one (marketing and advert) and I got A+.

Maybe its just that some of us take a bit of a while to find what we really want to do.

 

[ddrfr33k]

Hello Doc,

Fellow aspie here, nothing new in that department. I was diagnosed in 1997, and I turn 25 in May. *raises hand* Virgin as well, though from what I've gathered it's not nearly as uncommon as people make it out to be nowadays.

I think several of the above posters raise some very good points. You probably need to reassess what you think of succeeding and failing. Your rubric may be a bit skewed. I speak from experience here, total perfectionist in planning, but it never makes it beyond that. If you're looking to enter the film industry, having a specific position you want to fill is a good start. And don't choose producer of director right off the bat. Your likelihood of landing a job will drop faster than Charlie Sheen's popularity ratings. Bad pun, I know.

Find a position that suits your interests, even slightly. Do you like working with your hands? Set design or lighting would be good departments to look into. Do you consider yourself the master of prose? Maybe scriptwriting or screenwriting would be a good place to look.

Also, don't give up. It took me 2 years after college to land the job I'm in now. And it's a perfect fit for me. I'm loving it. I've got my 90 day review in 2 days, and the feedback I've received so far has been great. It'll get better.

If you ever want to chat via FB or MSN, shoot me a message. I'm always willing to listen.

 

[dmase]

Your writing is not the best, may be how you feel but i'm still judging you. Dear god the guy who was suffering from some unknown illness to his body was more easily sympathetic to. But if general ideas are you forte then express them and use them. I realize your disability affects how you consider yourself well talk to teacher about your idea and how you expect the character to make an impact on the story, do something besides feeling regret for some storyline that isn't yours but is an imitation of what you thought of. If you had got it out their first then fuck you would be the one everyone is praising. You can do this no matter what your impression is, there are several billion people in the world one may be able to beat you but not thousands which is what your going to be competing with universally.

Most of those people won't even try to be directors.

What do you consider your forte by the way? When it comes to writing and your put in a group of people what is your preference? Here you don't have to impress anybody or perform for the group just tell me what you consider to be the "correct" path for you.

A lot of starving artists where just that... starving for that one victory you can't give up. But if its sensible to, might as well start a life, at least you'll have a steady income. Just make sure your options are up before you give up what you love at the beginning because going back will always be harder.

 

[DuctTapeJedi]

Spoiler

I think I may be zeroing in on the core issue that makes my life suck a bit. Problem is, I have no idea how to solve it.

My main, crucial aim in life is to become a filmmaker. A stupid dream, perhaps, but one I intend on following as far as I can. I do this for many reasons. I have alot of ideas about the world, about human nature, about the random aggression of humanity that makes our world a bit shit. Whenever I tell people about my ideas, they don't listen, or don't understand, or think I'm crazy. The thought that I may bs the only one who sees the madness in the world around us. When I put it in a film, though, people start to think, to understand. I believe I may be able to fix the world, to make sure all the crap I've been through over the years happens again as little as possible.

The problem is, I am truly good for little else. I haven't managed to get a job, despite trying for years. I have never had a girlfriend or lost my virginity even though I'm 20. I don't even really have a social life. I'm ugly, my jokes suck, I can be incredibly stupid, I seem to need to ask for help understanding things and tasks that seem to come naturally to others, which could be because of my aspergers, but I don't feel that's an excuse to be such a failure as a human being, and I'm personally offended by those who think it is an excuse (especially on the Internet, we've all seen those people before).

Basically, if I fail at film, I have nothing left. Just going from my house to the jobcenter and back, over and over again. Nothing but endless loneliness and failure. It terrifies me. I know that I'd be left trying not to lose my mind as I try to survive in the world I barely understand, with no way to make other people understand how I feel. In essence, to quote a classic sci-fi, "I have no mouth, and I must scream".

So, does anyone know how I could go about adding meaning to the rest of my life? Could I improve myself? How?

Dude, there was just a guy in the advice forums asking if his plans to be an astronaut were childish. I'll tell you the same thing. It isn't unrealistic if you set a realistic plan on how to get there.
EDIT: And as for a "plan B," there's a ton of other jobs in the film industry to fall back on and still fulfill your goals.