I need help...

[enzilewulf]

I have a girlfriend I want to break up with and today I almost did but then I broke down and gave in and didn't do it when she started to cry and begging me to stay..... I want to break up with her but she cuts herself...I don't want her to do that.... and forget therapy because she wouldn't do it, so I need some advise me fellow escapees.

 

[Flishiz]

Yo, when a girl I dated for a year and a half broke up with me I had a terrible reaction, and she knew it. We were both depressed for a long time because of it, but we also knew that it wouldn't do us any good to stay in a relationship without the core we need. So just do it, or you'll be regretting it later, when you think of all the unnecessary wasted time and worrying.

 

[TheNamlessGuy]

DELETED

 

[enzilewulf]

Just do it. You cant have a person like that hold you hostage out of pity. Not to mention, the fact that she very obviously needs to work on her issues right now and not be in a relationship. As to why the internet is your first source for "help" is beyond me.

Well mainly because the escapist is full of pretty smart people. They could help me

 

[Gardenclaw]

If she is cutting herself it's either a cry for help or a cry for attention, I would say really try to get her to go to therapy and get help. The therapy would be the attention or help that she may need. It's not that fair that you end up stuck in the relationship just because you care enough about her that you don't want her to hurt herself.

 

[Johnnyallstar]

You're not the one cutting her, she is. If she's trying to use it against you, it's her mental issues. I know well enough of girls have chemical imbalances, and it worked for me to just say that I won't be controlled by somebody who tries to control by threat of violence. It puts strain on the current relationships, and it's only going to go downhill from here.

 

[Always_Remain]

Fake your death. It's the only solution.

If I were you I'd just nut up and break up. It's uncomfortable to do but it wouldn't be very healthy to stay with her just because you feel like you have to.

 

[EeveeElectro]

Offer her help. advise her to tell someone her problems.
I stuck with my ex for a while cos I didn't want to break up with him, but I started to resent him and finally did it. Haven't been happier.

He did go absolutely bat shit fucking crazy though.

 

[reg42]

Break up with her, she needs help. Self-mutilation is not a good thing.
Though remain in her life for moral support, obviously.

 

[Slash Dementia]

You're hurting her more by staying with her longer because eventually you will get tired of it and just do it later on. If you still care about her as a friend tell her that, make it a smooth break-up.
She's doing this to herself and she'll have to learn to stop at some point because, seriously, who wants a girl that will be cutting herself? I'd feel horrible if I had a girlfriend like that.

 

[Jark212]

Inform her family beforehand so they can take steps to protect her from herself, then just do it...

 

[freetogoodhome]

she doesn't need a boyfriend, she needs a friend.

Pretty much this.

I went through the same thing with my ex. I was the only one there for her but we grew apart and she went crazy. She threatened to kill herself and even attempted suicide in my house, I had to pin her down until she managed to calm herself. She eventually got friends and I finished with her, she then threatened me with taking all of my money in child support with a baby we don't have...

Long story short, most girls are crazy and it doesn't matter when you dump her if she refuses therapy.

EDIT: I forgot to mention that her friends managed to calm her down after I finished with her, otherwise she would probably have done something a lot worse to both of us.

 

[cuddly_tomato]

she doesn't need a boyfriend, she needs a friend. my brother's friend went through the same thing

Nooo!

Either break it off completely or stay with her as a boyfriend. Staying "just friends" will just mean that her love is unrequited, which is even more painful than a standard split.

Op: This cutting thing sounds like emotional blackmail. Call off the relationship and tell her that if she doesn't get help you don't want her to come near you. Tough love is sometimes more effective than re-enforcing a "needy" personality.

 

[Flight]

Inform her family beforehand so they can take steps to protect her from herself, then just do it...

I agree. Also, if she's threatening to cut herself if you leave her, that's attempted manipulation and emotional blackmail. She needs help, not a romantic relationship.

 

[Pegghead]

She cuts herself? At least this is a more serious discussion than the usual clutter of "0MG mi Boyfr3nd n I wer leik;, h00k1ng up n then he look at his ex so I r teh jaelos >:<".

You shouldn't have to feel bound by what she may or may not do, I hate to say it but clearly she's just a desperate attention seeker who really needs to grow up and experience some reality.

 

[SnipErlite]

Ask BonsaiK - he's the Escapist's resident relationship problem expert. Although this isn't quite your usual problem.

But I would advise letting her family know and don't let her control your life.

 

[Cowabungaa]

She's either having serious problems, or crying for attention by cutting herself. Either way, try to confront her about it before you do anything. She might really need your help, and as a boyfriend you could give that to her in ways no-one else can.

Either way, before anything, talk to her. You might want to talk with her parents after that if it's really bad and if you really want to help her, stay and do so. If you feel like it's emotional blackmailing, inform her parents and leave her.

 

[Sheila Christian]

There is no easy method to breaking up with a person no matter if they have certain issues or not. The fact that she is threatening harm to herself if you leave, suggests to me that she's trying to keep you under her thumb in what could be a very unhappy relationship. Usually this can sometimes turn from harm to his/herself to physical harm to the other person involved in the relationship. My advice would be to get in contact with the family make them aware of their daughter's threats, but be gentle about the reason why you are leaving her, than just get the heck away from her. It's good that you care, but at the same time that care can be keeping you in a relationship that could turn into an abusive one. Each party deserves to be happy when it concerns a healthy relationship with another individual.