I need my best friend to realize his girlfriend is worthless
- Thread starter myogaman
- Start date
Oh my god tl;dr.
There's a very simple solution to this, which can be summed up in a few short sentences; your friend doesn't give a shit what you think, and neither should he. It's his choice who he bones or is boned by, and if you think you have any say in it you're utterly wrong.
Leave it be.
There's a very simple solution to this, which can be summed up in a few short sentences; your friend doesn't give a shit what you think, and neither should he. It's his choice who he bones or is boned by, and if you think you have any say in it you're utterly wrong.
Leave it be.
I'm not going to lie, I thought the exact same thing. About the first bit, not the second.Sober Thal said:
OT: If you want to keep your friendship intact, deal with it. You CANNOT convince your friend that their girlfriend/boyfriend is shit without alienating them, and possibly losing them. Let him come to his own conclusion unless you want a big blowout, trust me.
Eh...
To be honest, I don't think doing it without him getting hurt in some way is possible.
But, assuming this person is legitimately as bad as you say, I'd say confront him about it.
Bring up the matter when you can, and talk it through.
See, I think its likely he can already see what she is.
I've dealt with a couple of similar situations recently, and that seems to be the case.
But he's unsure what to do about it, or to a certain extent is in denial.
So, just get him away from her for a while, and point out to him what she's like.
EDIT: Actually, side note.
Be gentle if you're going to try this method.
Don't push and push and yell at him if he doesn't get it, just give him your opinion on her.
If you're not able to convince him by just pointing it out, drop the matter, because that will end badly otherwise.
To be honest, I don't think doing it without him getting hurt in some way is possible.
But, assuming this person is legitimately as bad as you say, I'd say confront him about it.
Bring up the matter when you can, and talk it through.
See, I think its likely he can already see what she is.
I've dealt with a couple of similar situations recently, and that seems to be the case.
But he's unsure what to do about it, or to a certain extent is in denial.
So, just get him away from her for a while, and point out to him what she's like.
EDIT: Actually, side note.
Be gentle if you're going to try this method.
Don't push and push and yell at him if he doesn't get it, just give him your opinion on her.
If you're not able to convince him by just pointing it out, drop the matter, because that will end badly otherwise.
I recommend dressing up like her and mimicking her movements and habits for a week or two after she leaves. If all goes according to plan, you should win the love of your best friend. You must promptly contact his girlfriend and tell her of the news, thus ruining the relationship.
Then just start dressing like you usually do and everything should go back to normal without anyone realizing what happened.
Or do nothing. Remember: 344 days of the year, she is his problem, not yours.
Then just start dressing like you usually do and everything should go back to normal without anyone realizing what happened.
Or do nothing. Remember: 344 days of the year, she is his problem, not yours.
if they're fucking there's little you can say. I mean... I wouldnt' give up on something like that unless I had another one waiting for me.
So introduce a new girl and hope your friend is a jerk.
So introduce a new girl and hope your friend is a jerk.
Let me tell another tl;dr story.
My uncle swung around his dick plenty of times in his youth. One day a girl he didn't think of much than a fuck buddy decided to trick him into getting her pregnant (birthday with birth control minus the birth control maybe? I dunno but shit gets weird when people get horny and drunk.) She then broke the news to him, knowing he's against abortion. It came down to "Abortion" or "Marry me" and so he chose to marry. 20 years later, he finally managed to divorce her at the expense of his daughter's love. Now, in his mid 40s, he's finding the single life pretty depressing.
Is it so wrong to not want this happening to my friend? I think it'd be too late when sex is entered into the equation. But right now, I know they haven't done the dirty.
I'm bending towards that Bro-Sit-Down and telling him what I think. And then by the time she actually moves in, he's had plenty of time to mull it over. I'm willing to throw away friendship if it means he has a better chance of realizing what a huge mistake this is.
And maybe I didn't make it seem like a big deal but this goes beyond me and him being friends. This to ensuring his life isn't a living hell. Perhaps, in time, (if shit does go sour) we can be friends again. But I'm not the kind of guy to just watch a man throw a piece of his soul away.
To all you people saying it isn't my business, that its his life, that he needs to fuck up on his own; thats assuming my opinion doesn't matter. Maybe you guys don't have real friends but you don't just let this happen. You have to step in, give you 2 cents, and see how it unfolds. At least I could say I tried.
My uncle swung around his dick plenty of times in his youth. One day a girl he didn't think of much than a fuck buddy decided to trick him into getting her pregnant (birthday with birth control minus the birth control maybe? I dunno but shit gets weird when people get horny and drunk.) She then broke the news to him, knowing he's against abortion. It came down to "Abortion" or "Marry me" and so he chose to marry. 20 years later, he finally managed to divorce her at the expense of his daughter's love. Now, in his mid 40s, he's finding the single life pretty depressing.
Is it so wrong to not want this happening to my friend? I think it'd be too late when sex is entered into the equation. But right now, I know they haven't done the dirty.
I'm bending towards that Bro-Sit-Down and telling him what I think. And then by the time she actually moves in, he's had plenty of time to mull it over. I'm willing to throw away friendship if it means he has a better chance of realizing what a huge mistake this is.
And maybe I didn't make it seem like a big deal but this goes beyond me and him being friends. This to ensuring his life isn't a living hell. Perhaps, in time, (if shit does go sour) we can be friends again. But I'm not the kind of guy to just watch a man throw a piece of his soul away.
To all you people saying it isn't my business, that its his life, that he needs to fuck up on his own; thats assuming my opinion doesn't matter. Maybe you guys don't have real friends but you don't just let this happen. You have to step in, give you 2 cents, and see how it unfolds. At least I could say I tried.
You're a true friend. Just, if you're going to go with the sit down and talk idea start it off gently and don't push. HE has to make the realization, you can't exactly tell him that. HE needs to put 2 and 2 together, just... give him the materials and the time he needs, it's a tough decision when you're presented with the truth you don't want to hear.myogaman said:
I'll be honest, I am jealous. She's like a black hole that sucks away all his time. She IM'd me the instant she got home (after the 3 hour car ride with him) and said, "Casey hasn't called me yet D:" And I know they've spent every waking hour with each when she was over.Sacman said:
If she wasn't monopolizing his time, I'm sure my seething rage would subside some.
Just let him go. Theres no point in trying to get between them if he's set on her and it will only result in resentment. just be the good supportive friend from the side and if things go sour, be ready to console him
and rmember, she make not look all that appealing to you, but maybe to your friend she is.
Also, off topic, but i have to question why you're in the next room hearing them.
and rmember, she make not look all that appealing to you, but maybe to your friend she is.
Also, off topic, but i have to question why you're in the next room hearing them.
Don't tell him you hate her, do tell him you don't like her.
And keep your reasons on her personality, telling him you don't like her because she's ugly makes you look petty and shallow.
If she really is as bad as you say he'll start to see it.
Also, if it comes down to her moving in, break up the chores again (assuming you and your friend have them split 50/50). If he ends up doing all her chores as well as his, he'll get pissed eventually.
And keep your reasons on her personality, telling him you don't like her because she's ugly makes you look petty and shallow.
If she really is as bad as you say he'll start to see it.
Also, if it comes down to her moving in, break up the chores again (assuming you and your friend have them split 50/50). If he ends up doing all her chores as well as his, he'll get pissed eventually.
This, a billion, zillion times. Your buddy is trying to get laid, and if a situation arises where both of you are dangling over the edge of a cliff and he can only save one, it's safe to say that her cats won't need to find a new home. I don't care if they're not screwing yet, I guarantee you there is sexual tension between them so thick that it could deflect a tank shell.Grilled Cheesus said:
Either deal with her until the relationship inevitably goes sour, or find a new friend. I know it sucks, but that's life.
We share an apartment. This is why this effects me so much. I should make that more clean in the OP.emeraldrafael said:
EDIT: Splittin' rent, which, if she does move in, she is totally going to pay a 1/3rd of (probably the only bright side of her being here forever.) And we already talked about it, so yes she's going to have to get a job as well. Too bad she'd rather have a PS3 than a fucking car.
You are powerless in this equation and the sooner you realise it, the better. By stepping in where you're not wanted and giving him your $0.02 you're effectively saying "you have to choose between my friendship/respect, or her" (even if you're not directly saying this, that's certainly what's implied). That's not how a "true friend" operates, a true friend will respect the decisions of their friends to run their lives in the manner of their choosing, even if those decisions seem completely off-the-wall stupid, and will not try to influence them. The reason why we're saying your opinion doesn't matter is because it doesn't. Sure, you're entitled to have it, but what you're not entitled to do is have your opinion on someone else's situation influence that situation when it's not any of your business. Perhaps there is a case for you to say something about how things went down when you were all living together (because that would have impacted you), but now that you're in place A and they're in place B you need to not interfere. Don't worry - there's no better teacher than experience.myogaman said:
Well... thats far less creepy then what i thought the extents you were going to were.myogaman said:
Maybe you just have to get used to your friend not being around you. Friends grow apart. It just happens. And unfortunately, that girl is carrying WAY more potential then you'll ever carry, even if theyre not at that stage yet. and he may just genuinely like her.