I need some social advice

[McMullen]

Having wasted last friday night in a game with an ass of a DM and a huge number of players that I should have known were going to be unfun, my opinion is that it's just not worth it to spend that much time in a group with a toxic player. You need to tell the DM that he's let a problem player into the group. If he doesn't ask her to leave, then you all should find a different DM or one of you should DM, and leave both of them out of the group.

he'll defend her as any good man would.

If he's dating someone like that, is blind to her obvious personality issues, and inflicting her on his friends this way, then no, he's not a good man. Well, okay, he may be a good man, but he's letting some ***** he's infatuated with wrap him around her finger. I guarantee you that inciting a break up between them would be doing him a favor, but he probably wouldn't be your friend afterward.

Anyway, you all need to explain to both of them that you've had enough of this bullshit and are not as willing to put up with her childlike behavior as he is. Seek a good campaign elsewhere.

 

[Royta]

The thing is, if it were just guys doing guy things, that's one thing.

But with the way you've spoken of your friends here, and that y'all seem so close, I don't think this is about a guy's night, I think its about you showing a certain side of yourself with these specific people.
If they're important to you, put your foot down: if these DnD sessions are a way to cement your botherly bond, things should stay however is most conducive to your familial relationship.

This is not to say that you should force him to choose between your group and her, its the exact opposite! This fraternal fraternization is part of what makes him him.
I mean, you don't just go around trying to change a relationship between your significant other and their family, after all.

And it doesn't even seem like you don't want to see her ever, just not at that specific time.

Yeah we weren't going to make him choose between us or his girl, that's not a position we want to push him into. But that final line you say, is a good one.
She's a fun person, outside of the group. It just doesn't work in this situation.
Thank you!

 

[Macgyvercas]

She's a Homebrewed Oracle class also. With:
- a benifitial curse that allows her to get inflicted by all cast mind-inflicting spells (good and bad, but mostly good)
- druid spell list
- cleric spell list
- oracle spell list
- 3 custom made spells that give either +3 AC or +3 damage
- no preparation needed for spells.

Just typing all this made me realise how out of hand this has gotten.

Also we started with 3.5 but are slowly edging towards Pathfinder. We're playing a sort of hybrid.

Thank you all for the advice, I read it all and took it to heart. Hopefully the next session will go smoothly.

Let me get this straight...She's an 8th level character with three spell sets to choose from, dealing 4d6 damage, and has boons to AC or damage output?

Good god, man! Even Monks aren't that OP at 8th level! See, THIS is the exact reason why homebrew is broken as fuck. You want to do some OP shit, that's fine, but at least stick to the prestige classes. I've found from past experience that homebrew and psionics break the game in ways that can not be comprehended.

Hmm, this character is starting to annoy me. If I was a DM and someone pulled this shit, I'd summon Cthulhu.

 

[PotluckBrigand]

She's a Homebrewed Oracle class also. With:
- a benifitial curse that allows her to get inflicted by all cast mind-inflicting spells (good and bad, but mostly good)
- druid spell list
- cleric spell list
- oracle spell list
- 3 custom made spells that give either +3 AC or +3 damage
- no preparation needed for spells.

Just typing all this made me realise how out of hand this has gotten.

Also we started with 3.5 but are slowly edging towards Pathfinder. We're playing a sort of hybrid.

Thank you all for the advice, I read it all and took it to heart. Hopefully the next session will go smoothly.

Let me get this straight...She's an 8th level character with three spell sets to choose from, dealing 4d6 damage, and has boons to AC or damage output?

Good god, man! Even Monks aren't that OP at 8th level! See, THIS is the exact reason why homebrew is broken as fuck. You want to do some OP shit, that's fine, but at least stick to the prestige classes. I've found from past experience that homebrew and psionics break the game in ways that can not be comprehended.

Hmm, this character is starting to annoy me. If I was a DM and someone pulled this shit, I'd summon Cthulhu.

There should be a special word for that feeling you get as a DM when you find a legitimate way to totally shaft a player who is trying to break your game by obsessively min-maxing and taking advantage of obviously OP stuff. Yeah, I know it isn't professional to up and change something in your own campaign to specifically screw with one player, but to hell with them. It feels good. Also, it's never fun to play in a party with those people.

 

[fenrizz]

She's a Homebrewed Oracle class also. With:
- a benifitial curse that allows her to get inflicted by all cast mind-inflicting spells (good and bad, but mostly good)
- druid spell list
- cleric spell list
- oracle spell list
- 3 custom made spells that give either +3 AC or +3 damage
- no preparation needed for spells.

Just typing all this made me realise how out of hand this has gotten.

Also we started with 3.5 but are slowly edging towards Pathfinder. We're playing a sort of hybrid.

Thank you all for the advice, I read it all and took it to heart. Hopefully the next session will go smoothly.

Let me get this straight...She's an 8th level character with three spell sets to choose from, dealing 4d6 damage, and has boons to AC or damage output?

Good god, man! Even Monks aren't that OP at 8th level! See, THIS is the exact reason why homebrew is broken as fuck. You want to do some OP shit, that's fine, but at least stick to the prestige classes. I've found from past experience that homebrew and psionics break the game in ways that can not be comprehended.

Hmm, this character is starting to annoy me. If I was a DM and someone pulled this shit, I'd summon Cthulhu.

There should be a special word for that feeling you get as a DM when you find a legitimate way to totally shaft a player who is trying to break your game by obsessively min-maxing and taking advantage of obviously OP stuff. Yeah, I know it isn't professional to up and change something in your own campaign to specifically screw with one player, but to hell with them. It feels good. Also, it's never fun to play in a party with those people.

Indeed.
The few times I have been DM (although we play New World of Darkness) and anyone tried to pull shit like that, I had them have a series of unfortunate "mishaps".

I also give extra experience points for good role playing at the end of the session.
It's a nice incentive for my players.

 

[Sonicron]

You've known your friend for over 10 years, I think you should be able to openly talk to him if there's a problem, even if it involves his girlfriend.
As for the girl, apparently she wanted to join your pre-existing group, and whenever you take this kind of step in life you're rightly expected to adhere to the group's rules. I've been a GM for several years now (though not for DnD), and whenever someone joined our group who displayed the kind of behaviour you describe I booted them to the curb so fast it'd make your head spin.

 

[Guffe]

The next tiem you're doing this and she does something that ruins the game take it up as a topic. Just like: "wait a minute, this isn't exaclty right..." and get it discussed with everyone around. I mean if you have a few solid examples of when she's done this and just say straight out that she can't be this overpowered and the game needs to be balanced etc so everyone knows. If it fucks it up I'm sorry but going on a game that isn't fun isn't worth playing. According to me anyways, best of luck.
A few of the hints up there were good too so try and make the best out of the situation!
Good Luck!

 

[DiMono]

If you don't like what's happening, change it. Easiest way in this case is for you and your friends to tell the DM that you're quitting his campaign because you can't stand playing with his girlfriend. And then stick to it, and don't show up this week. Start another game with someone else as DM, maybe; just make a point of not playing in any campaign that contains her.

This is exactly how the NHL got started, actually: there used to be a different hockey organization (I can't remember its name), but everyone in it hated one of the owners, so they all left that organization and started the NHL as a replacement. When he asked if he could join, they told him no. And that's the origin story of the NHL.

 

[370999]

From the sound of ti OP you are a reasonable guy. However I will say this, I get the impression she doesn't really want to play DnD but rather feels that she has to so she can ahng out with her boyfriend. Now have you ever gone shopping with a bunc of girls and listen to them natter on about stuff you couldn't care about? Imagine that every week. So I can sympathise with her being testy and not enjoying it.

So I don't think this situation is fun for anyone so you should change it. Prehaps suggesting to your friend, by yourself, that is might be better if he talked to her about not playing the game with you guy and instead he prehaps comes up wtih a date night time for her.

Couples need time to be couples and people in couples need time to alone with their friends. Doesn't make him or her a bad guy/girl for not getting that and it's not wrong for you to want your game night back.

 

[Johnmw]

And no, a good man would acknowledge that there's a problem, not expect everyone to bow down to her just because she's his girlfriend =/

This really! Get your group together and just chat it out, you said everyone shared your opinion. She either doesn't understand the difference between the the person and the character or, she is just being selfish because she can. Either way, your DM is (probably) not and idiot and may well agree with you and want to raise it with her himself, If he doesn't just show him the 5 page email of complaints - he has to respond to that.

 

[Macgyvercas]

She's a Homebrewed Oracle class also. With:
- a benifitial curse that allows her to get inflicted by all cast mind-inflicting spells (good and bad, but mostly good)
- druid spell list
- cleric spell list
- oracle spell list
- 3 custom made spells that give either +3 AC or +3 damage
- no preparation needed for spells.

Just typing all this made me realise how out of hand this has gotten.

Also we started with 3.5 but are slowly edging towards Pathfinder. We're playing a sort of hybrid.

Thank you all for the advice, I read it all and took it to heart. Hopefully the next session will go smoothly.

Let me get this straight...She's an 8th level character with three spell sets to choose from, dealing 4d6 damage, and has boons to AC or damage output?

Good god, man! Even Monks aren't that OP at 8th level! See, THIS is the exact reason why homebrew is broken as fuck. You want to do some OP shit, that's fine, but at least stick to the prestige classes. I've found from past experience that homebrew and psionics break the game in ways that can not be comprehended.

Hmm, this character is starting to annoy me. If I was a DM and someone pulled this shit, I'd summon Cthulhu.

There should be a special word for that feeling you get as a DM when you find a legitimate way to totally shaft a player who is trying to break your game by obsessively min-maxing and taking advantage of obviously OP stuff. Yeah, I know it isn't professional to up and change something in your own campaign to specifically screw with one player, but to hell with them. It feels good. Also, it's never fun to play in a party with those people.

I suppose we could call it nerfing, but I'm fairly certain that term is taken.

 

[PotluckBrigand]

She's a Homebrewed Oracle class also. With:
- a benifitial curse that allows her to get inflicted by all cast mind-inflicting spells (good and bad, but mostly good)
- druid spell list
- cleric spell list
- oracle spell list
- 3 custom made spells that give either +3 AC or +3 damage
- no preparation needed for spells.

Just typing all this made me realise how out of hand this has gotten.

Also we started with 3.5 but are slowly edging towards Pathfinder. We're playing a sort of hybrid.

Thank you all for the advice, I read it all and took it to heart. Hopefully the next session will go smoothly.

Let me get this straight...She's an 8th level character with three spell sets to choose from, dealing 4d6 damage, and has boons to AC or damage output?

Good god, man! Even Monks aren't that OP at 8th level! See, THIS is the exact reason why homebrew is broken as fuck. You want to do some OP shit, that's fine, but at least stick to the prestige classes. I've found from past experience that homebrew and psionics break the game in ways that can not be comprehended.

Hmm, this character is starting to annoy me. If I was a DM and someone pulled this shit, I'd summon Cthulhu.

There should be a special word for that feeling you get as a DM when you find a legitimate way to totally shaft a player who is trying to break your game by obsessively min-maxing and taking advantage of obviously OP stuff. Yeah, I know it isn't professional to up and change something in your own campaign to specifically screw with one player, but to hell with them. It feels good. Also, it's never fun to play in a party with those people.

I suppose we could call it nerfing, but I'm fairly certain that term is taken.

No I mean I want a name for the feeling haha. It's like joy, but... more sinister.

 

[Macgyvercas]

She's a Homebrewed Oracle class also. With:
- a benifitial curse that allows her to get inflicted by all cast mind-inflicting spells (good and bad, but mostly good)
- druid spell list
- cleric spell list
- oracle spell list
- 3 custom made spells that give either +3 AC or +3 damage
- no preparation needed for spells.

Just typing all this made me realise how out of hand this has gotten.

Also we started with 3.5 but are slowly edging towards Pathfinder. We're playing a sort of hybrid.

Thank you all for the advice, I read it all and took it to heart. Hopefully the next session will go smoothly.

Let me get this straight...She's an 8th level character with three spell sets to choose from, dealing 4d6 damage, and has boons to AC or damage output?

Good god, man! Even Monks aren't that OP at 8th level! See, THIS is the exact reason why homebrew is broken as fuck. You want to do some OP shit, that's fine, but at least stick to the prestige classes. I've found from past experience that homebrew and psionics break the game in ways that can not be comprehended.

Hmm, this character is starting to annoy me. If I was a DM and someone pulled this shit, I'd summon Cthulhu.

There should be a special word for that feeling you get as a DM when you find a legitimate way to totally shaft a player who is trying to break your game by obsessively min-maxing and taking advantage of obviously OP stuff. Yeah, I know it isn't professional to up and change something in your own campaign to specifically screw with one player, but to hell with them. It feels good. Also, it's never fun to play in a party with those people.

I suppose we could call it nerfing, but I'm fairly certain that term is taken.

No I mean I want a name for the feeling haha. It's like joy, but... more sinister.

Schadenfreude, maybe? That's the first thing that comes to mind.

 

[Lyri]

Me and a couple of friends have been doing Dungeons and Dragons for a solid 9 months now. Every friday evening. It's fun, we drink, we laugh, we roleplay. We kick some demon ass!
But there's a problem. One of our friend's girlfriend plays with us, and it just doesn't click.

So. A quick rundown.

Our party consists of me, 3 friends from highschool, another friend from highschool as our DM, and his girlfriend as another party member.
It started out decently, but it is slowly going sour. We're all good friends that have known eachother over 10 years, through thick and thin we've stuck together. We have the same humor, everything, taste. It just clicks.
But the girlfriend is different, she doesn't function in our group. Whenever we talk about something that interests us she cuts us off because "she's not interested". We can only really talk about things that interest her, which we try, but we can't always follow her whim.
She's a bad roleplayer and big on metagaming (using knowledge you as a player know eventhough your character doesn't). She just wants treasure, and she gets all of it. She's never attacked. Does more damage. Gets a homebrewed class that is overpowered. All the perks of being the DM's (dungeon master, the storyteller) girlfriend.

Now, the sessions are slowly turning to go worse. She wants to do everything, command the party and gets personally offended if our characters disagree with hers. Going as far as sending a 5 page email my way for "not respecting her" the previous session. To which I reply "it's just a game, my character just wasn't supportive of that action. No need to get personal offended". Now she's mad at me, again. This is the 6th time it's happened. Twice she tried to kill the party, and failed.

Out of the game nobody likes her, we simply tolerate her because she's our good friend's girlfriend and she makes him happy. We tried to like her, but it all has to go her way. Talk about things she likes. Do what she wants. It's all "her her her her her", a very selfish attitude.
So she's really ruining our fun together as friends and splitting us apart.

Now the TL;DR, what do we do? We can't kick her out of the party without her boyfriend and us getting in a fight, he'll defend her as any good man would. I'm really not sure on how to handle it. I really need some advice ;/

Thank you all in advance for reading and your advice! Much appreciated!

Have you actually just tried talking to her?

She seems to have been there for a long time now, perhaps you can just stay to tell her how things are done and properly instead of just giving her the right to always be better than the group.
Do it in front of the group too with her and the boyfriend as a collective effort that you guys want to bring up for the good of the nights.

Inform them both that her antics are getting above and beyond what is necessary, you have a 5 page email that she took up to writing about not being respected well you're not being respected either.
She clearly isn't grasping the idea behind the game and perhaps her Boyfriend hasn't figured out what's going on but he should be made to realise.

 

[mirasiel]

I'm going to do my utmost to ignore the various borderline misogynistic responses here and just point out that you have (or at least appear to have) a Terrible DM

1) HE made (or at least allowed )a homebrew OP class for her (after all the DM gets final say)

2) HE has failed to deal with obvious tensions at the table

3) HE is making the monsters not attack her (or she is so OP that her defences are unassailable, see 1) or they are attacking and he is fudging rolls?


Also:

4) YOUR ENTIRE party has continued to adventure with a character who tried to kill them...TWICE...are you all 4 int barbarians or something? AND you let them keep all the loot...no rogues in your group? or a persuasive bard/Intimidating Pally?

These are not 'perks' of being the DM's fuckbuddy, these are signs of a bad fucking DM*.

Just fucking tell the guy that his constantly allowing his SO to get her own way at the expense of everyone else isn't ok and if he can't deal with it then maybe one of you guys are going to have to pull on your big-boy cloak and trying fucking DMing for a while, trust me its not rocket surgery.


*been playing with my missus for 4-5 years now and DMing for 2 and our group has had mixes of partners/lovers before....strangely no problems.

 

[Substitute Troll]

It's not important what ones friends think of your girlfriend, but it's pretty damn important what your girlfriend thinks of your friends.

This is something your friend should know.

 

[somonels]

I admit interest in knowing how you eventually choose to approach this and the outcome. Such a classic case of D&D&Drama.

 

[Freechoice]

Talk to your friends and see if there's a consensus that she sucks. If they agree, tell them you're going to complain to the DM about it. If he's really a decent person, he shouldn't have been dating such a ***** in the first place. Show him the email, tell him the girlfriend is caustic and advise him to dump her +5 dickheaded ass. You're being a good friend by trying to remove her from his life because, well, you don't fuckin' treat people like shit unless they actually deserve it.

Chances are, you will lose this friend purely because enamored behavior trumps friendship. Sad, but true.

 

[LetalisK]

snip

Your friend probably doesn't date much or have many relationships, though not of his own choice, does he? It seems more like he's putting up with her shit because he sees having a bad girlfriend as being better than having no girlfriend.

 

[Royta]

snip

Your friend probably doesn't date much or have many relationships, though not of his own choice, does he? It seems more like he's putting up with her shit because he sees having a bad girlfriend as being better than having no girlfriend.

Sort of yeah. He's very dependable, everyone has a flaw. That's his.
He's been with her for around 3 years now, but the thought of being single really haunts him. I've known him for around 10-11 years now and have seen him single many times.
He's not pleasant during those times. So fixing a break up between the two (isn't too hard, both are easy to crack under peer pressure) isn't doing anyone a favor I think.

I'd never say it to his face though, but she is pretty much just like his mother. So in that sense they kind of connect and balance eachother out.

From the sound of ti OP you are a reasonable guy. However I will say this, I get the impression she doesn't really want to play DnD but rather feels that she has to so she can ahng out with her boyfriend. Now have you ever gone shopping with a bunc of girls and listen to them natter on about stuff you couldn't care about? Imagine that every week. So I can sympathise with her being testy and not enjoying it.

The fact of the matter is though, it was her idea to start the DnD group. So you'd think she'd know what she was getting into. I really understand her not enjoying it, especially since we're all completely different people with different tastes (us compared to her that is), but she should have seen that coming.

Also, dear god man. The shopping. We've all been there once, it's a test of faith that I tell you!

Let me get this straight...She's an 8th level character with three spell sets to choose from, dealing 4d6 damage, and has boons to AC or damage output?

Good god, man! Even Monks aren't that OP at 8th level! See, THIS is the exact reason why homebrew is broken as fuck. You want to do some OP shit, that's fine, but at least stick to the prestige classes. I've found from past experience that homebrew and psionics break the game in ways that can not be comprehended.

Hmm, this character is starting to annoy me. If I was a DM and someone pulled this shit, I'd summon Cthulhu.

Pretty much yeah. She's a ranged based Cleric Druid Oracle. The fun thing is though, even though she's overpowered she still isn't a big damage dealer most of the time. She's just not a good tactical player. Spams spells every chance she gets, low on spells when bosses arrive. Etc.
One thing I forgot to mention is that this class started out due to her being an Oracle and complaining about being underpowered. Granted, it's not a super class, but still. So we decided, we'll homebrew her all together so she can have fun. All 5 of us helped her and made a balanced class. Then in the weekend she complain to the DM that she wasn't satisfied. And got buffed with extra spelllists and that weird AC buff.
She's not unhittable though, she's got around 25 AC in total. I've got 29-31 depending on situations (shield wall). But I'm not as versatile as she is.
The irony being that she still keeps forcing the DM to nerf our Cavelier because he does too much damage (high strength + challenge + lance charge on horse back = 40-50 damage on average). It's high damage, but that's all he can do.

Ugh. Sorry man, I feel like I'm venting a bit and losing my cool.
Maybe I should DM one session and indeed summon Cthulhu... xD Looking forward to friday, I want this to end and start enjoying DnD again : )