I've posted in a few topics about helping others with their writing, but right now I need some criticism badly before I continue writing a new story I'm working on (last one stopped because of my change in writing style).
Here it is:
Also, I'm wondering if anyone knows what of any patient dairies that I could read. I'm also planning to buy The History of Madness, by Michel Foucault to study more as I write.
Here it is:
West Asylum caregiver, Dr. Ivan Severn, opened the iron cell door, food tray in one hand, journal in the other. Sitting cross-legged on the scattered hay on the right side of the cell is his patient, arms crossed and sharpened nails digging into sides, staring blankly down at the ground. As Dr. Severn entered the room, his patients? head jerked to face this familiar face; he began to sprawl on his back to the furthest corner and began to tremble, and did nothing when the tray was slid over the cold ground towards him. The caregiver moved closer and came down on one knee, and in a quick movement, the patient jolted to his feet and fell upon him, each scratch tearing lines of flesh and drawing blood. Yelling for help, Dr. Severn struggled to his feet and through the cell door and fell into the hallway with the patient clinging to his back. His lips curled and teeth sank into the caretaker?s forearm, as he attempted to crawl away.
Several staff members responded to the distressed yell, and quickly began to kick the patient off--each kick caused him to grunt. He was off in a matter of seconds, but there seemed to be no end in sight as to when the kicking would stop. After minutes, the patient fell unconscious and was carried to a table where he was tied and his mouth, gagged.
His hands were held straight out by one staff member, and another retrieved a small metal hammer which he used to break the nails off of the patients? hands. Each blow fractured bone and broke nail. Halfway through the process, the patient awoke to the sound of his index finger shattering--nail and bone.
Two days passed by and an unknown illness passed unto Dr. Severn. His sickness grow more severe on the sixth, and he passed away on the night of the seventh. The patient was kept in restraints for the next week and was fed by an armed guard and another staff member. Due to West Asylum being an unstable staff has come to the conclusion that patient 011073 must be moved to another facility.
March 24
I shall keep track of patient ?011073? in this journal, he was transferred from Western Asylum into my care. The reason given for relocation of this patient is that three weeks before this date there had been a physical confrontation between he and his original caretaker wherein the patient bit the caretaker--he died a week after. An autopsy has yet to be preformed. This incident caused panic in both staff and patients. During the patients? stay at Western Asylum, there had been no visible signs of violent behavior in patient 011073 (no name has been extracted from the patient) prior to the attack. The patient is now unable to use his hands and must be fed by another--myself as of today.
I shall continue this entry later today as I familiarize myself with this new patient.
Several staff members responded to the distressed yell, and quickly began to kick the patient off--each kick caused him to grunt. He was off in a matter of seconds, but there seemed to be no end in sight as to when the kicking would stop. After minutes, the patient fell unconscious and was carried to a table where he was tied and his mouth, gagged.
His hands were held straight out by one staff member, and another retrieved a small metal hammer which he used to break the nails off of the patients? hands. Each blow fractured bone and broke nail. Halfway through the process, the patient awoke to the sound of his index finger shattering--nail and bone.
Two days passed by and an unknown illness passed unto Dr. Severn. His sickness grow more severe on the sixth, and he passed away on the night of the seventh. The patient was kept in restraints for the next week and was fed by an armed guard and another staff member. Due to West Asylum being an unstable staff has come to the conclusion that patient 011073 must be moved to another facility.
March 24
I shall keep track of patient ?011073? in this journal, he was transferred from Western Asylum into my care. The reason given for relocation of this patient is that three weeks before this date there had been a physical confrontation between he and his original caretaker wherein the patient bit the caretaker--he died a week after. An autopsy has yet to be preformed. This incident caused panic in both staff and patients. During the patients? stay at Western Asylum, there had been no visible signs of violent behavior in patient 011073 (no name has been extracted from the patient) prior to the attack. The patient is now unable to use his hands and must be fed by another--myself as of today.
I shall continue this entry later today as I familiarize myself with this new patient.
Also, I'm wondering if anyone knows what of any patient dairies that I could read. I'm also planning to buy The History of Madness, by Michel Foucault to study more as I write.