I Wrote That Crap!
- Thread starter MovieBob
- Start date
I'm quite glad that people here, well at least not all, aren't kissing Bob's ass and saying "these sound awesome" like I've seen with so many other internet critics, like Rap Critic's fucking awful music.
*looks at facebook comments*
Oh Goddammit
*looks at facebook comments*
Oh Goddammit
Are you sure these aren't the BEST screenplays you've ever written? If you had a low enough budget and some very "unique" actors you could have some baller cult films.
Well, you did a good job of making "Ten Nights of the Weed" sound awesome, at least in a tongue-in-cheek, deliberately-over-the-top, modern-day-B-movie sort of way. But you said you actually wrote out the entire screenplay, so I'm sure the devil was in the details.
It's clear what's wrong with The Pursuit of Happiness: it was trying to be a 100% serious work of satire from someone who had yet to learn what subtlety was (some professionals never do; just look at some of Family Guy's writers). With a premise like that, it'd be hard to rework it as anything else, but the video game references probably would have done well with the sort of people who loved Scott Pilgrim. On the other hand, we now know from experience how poorly that goes over with mainstream audiences.
Oh, and in case you didn't learn by now: the logic behind the "Justin Bailey" thing was based on something that turned out to not be true. No one in Australia calls swimsuits "baileys" except maybe gamers who are deliberately referencing the old legend. (Hmm. Note to self: Start doing that if I ever move to Australia.)
It's clear what's wrong with The Pursuit of Happiness: it was trying to be a 100% serious work of satire from someone who had yet to learn what subtlety was (some professionals never do; just look at some of Family Guy's writers). With a premise like that, it'd be hard to rework it as anything else, but the video game references probably would have done well with the sort of people who loved Scott Pilgrim. On the other hand, we now know from experience how poorly that goes over with mainstream audiences.
Oh, and in case you didn't learn by now: the logic behind the "Justin Bailey" thing was based on something that turned out to not be true. No one in Australia calls swimsuits "baileys" except maybe gamers who are deliberately referencing the old legend. (Hmm. Note to self: Start doing that if I ever move to Australia.)
Props to you sir. It takes a lot of balls to admit to doing shitty work.
As for the movies themselves, Ten Nights of the Weed actually sounds pretty fun in a terrible, cheesy, only-watch-after-drinking-ten-shots-of-sake way. If this were the 1980's I can see something like that being picked up for the direct-to-video scene.
Pursuit of Happiness sounds...awful. Again, props to you for not only being able to look back on that and recognize why it was so bad but also for sharing it with the rest of us.
As for the movies themselves, Ten Nights of the Weed actually sounds pretty fun in a terrible, cheesy, only-watch-after-drinking-ten-shots-of-sake way. If this were the 1980's I can see something like that being picked up for the direct-to-video scene.
Pursuit of Happiness sounds...awful. Again, props to you for not only being able to look back on that and recognize why it was so bad but also for sharing it with the rest of us.
Yeah Ten Nights of the Weed sounds terrible but possibly fun terrible like Hobo with a Shotgun or something. Pursuit of Happiness sounds like actual unfilmable garbage. But all writers make trash sometimes. I have written many many things and I think only one of them was readable and it was a two or three page short story. Everything else was absolute crap.
I take it, Bob, that this is your "Please don't watch The Silver Chalice [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Silver_Chalice_%28film%29]. Sincerely, Paul Newman." moment. I applaud your candor, especially since I too have written absolutely-awful fiction. I was only saved from my teenage idiocy by not getting to the post-it-online stage of publishing.
I haven't seen The Silver Chalice, but I've trusted Mr. Newman's judgment on this one thus far. That was before I saw screencaps of it someone posted online. I knew this film was a huge wheel of Early Christianity Fiction 50's film cheese, but I was not aware of the silly sets, Orion slave girl cameos, and a costume covered in black sperm cut-outs. [http://themostbeautifulfraudintheworld.blogspot.com/2011/04/silver-chalice-or-paul-newman-holy.html] Now that I am aware of just how bad this movie is, I'm thinking a MSTie night is in order.
TL;DR It's healing for creative people to own up to the crap they've done. Good for you, Bob.
I haven't seen The Silver Chalice, but I've trusted Mr. Newman's judgment on this one thus far. That was before I saw screencaps of it someone posted online. I knew this film was a huge wheel of Early Christianity Fiction 50's film cheese, but I was not aware of the silly sets, Orion slave girl cameos, and a costume covered in black sperm cut-outs. [http://themostbeautifulfraudintheworld.blogspot.com/2011/04/silver-chalice-or-paul-newman-holy.html] Now that I am aware of just how bad this movie is, I'm thinking a MSTie night is in order.
TL;DR It's healing for creative people to own up to the crap they've done. Good for you, Bob.
Those sound like the sort of things that happen in my weird alcohol-induced nightmares, alongside the Pyramid Chav and Cthulhu vs the Giant Cyber Crazy-Frog (Cthulhu was the good guy in that by default 
).
Ten Nights of Weed could make an entertaining cartoon if done right.
).Ten Nights of Weed could make an entertaining cartoon if done right.
Aahllrriight.........
that sounds... interessting(?)
ah damn, I've seen worse.(RE5)
this could be actually great, if done right. its a viilian made of weed, and the other has syringes for arms, and a tap for a hand? a working beer tap? god damn....
i want to see that
that sounds... interessting(?)
ah damn, I've seen worse.(RE5)
this could be actually great, if done right. its a viilian made of weed, and the other has syringes for arms, and a tap for a hand? a working beer tap? god damn....
i want to see that
I'm sure Uwe Boll could make that happen.SirDerick said:
And the sad part is I'd watch that shit so hard!
And they're still better films than Twilight.
Though seriously, they're IMPRESSIVELY bad. Couple either of them with the Garth Marenghi school of film making and you've got a so-bad-it's-good winner!
Though seriously, they're IMPRESSIVELY bad. Couple either of them with the Garth Marenghi school of film making and you've got a so-bad-it's-good winner!
Or that, though I'd worry the combination of the two would push past bad-it's-funny territory and into that scary place you find the Star Wars Christmas special. *shivers*rickthetrick said:
You know, if you stripped out all of the juvenile bullshit in these they both contain the potential to be a decent story. In particular if you used just this bit from Pursuit of Happiness:
The main story turns on a Columbine-style massacre/suicide at a high school. The perpetrator turns out to have been a game tester who'd been working on our heroes' upcoming title, and he'd left graffiti and audio recordings indicating that he was unquestionably acting out behaviors, catchphrases, etc., from the game. Having been handed their smoking gun, the pro-censorship lobby passes sweeping laws and the public turns against the gaming culture
I don't think any story about video game violence and censorship has ever focused on the actual developers before, so showing the moral panic from their perspective could be interesting.
The main story turns on a Columbine-style massacre/suicide at a high school. The perpetrator turns out to have been a game tester who'd been working on our heroes' upcoming title, and he'd left graffiti and audio recordings indicating that he was unquestionably acting out behaviors, catchphrases, etc., from the game. Having been handed their smoking gun, the pro-censorship lobby passes sweeping laws and the public turns against the gaming culture
I don't think any story about video game violence and censorship has ever focused on the actual developers before, so showing the moral panic from their perspective could be interesting.
Ever since I heard that Bob acted in a couple of short films, I spent a while trying to find one, so this is awesome to finally see one!