I read through this whole thread, but only because it was hilarious.
OT: I don't get why people keep telling me to back up my files. If my computer crashes, clearly it is God's will that I lose my files. It's not like we go around backing up our friends and family members in case THEY die; why should we do the same for our computers? It's practically sacrilege, acting like a new computer could ever replace a broken one just because it has the same files in it. What about the computer's soul, huh? Try and back THAT up.