I'm the creepy ex-boyfriend
- Thread starter zelda2fanboy
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Sex bonds you to someone in a way that no other form of contact with another person does. I'm not surprised at all that you still have very strong feelings toward this girl.
But it really appears as if she used you. After being treated like that you really should distance yourself from her. It will be hard but just let time heal the wounds she has left you. Spend time with friends.
DO NOT go out looking for just anyone to have sex with to take your mind off of her. That will just complicate things. That might have even been what she had done to you. Don't use someone like that.
But it really appears as if she used you. After being treated like that you really should distance yourself from her. It will be hard but just let time heal the wounds she has left you. Spend time with friends.
DO NOT go out looking for just anyone to have sex with to take your mind off of her. That will just complicate things. That might have even been what she had done to you. Don't use someone like that.
So you managed to get with a girl; that means that you're not nearly as repulsive as you thought you were when you made so many of your other depressing threads. You CAN actually attract the opposite gender. This relationship didn't work out, and that sucks, but at least you know you're not a lost cause.
My advice is to move on, take a break from dating for a while, then meet other people. It's not worth being so obsessive when the feeling obviously isn't mutual. Best case scenario, you come off as a complete creep; worst case scenario, you get charged for harassment and she gets a restraining order.
My advice is to move on, take a break from dating for a while, then meet other people. It's not worth being so obsessive when the feeling obviously isn't mutual. Best case scenario, you come off as a complete creep; worst case scenario, you get charged for harassment and she gets a restraining order.
Yes. You definitely are.
I can tell you right now, the one thing that would make her happy is if you just left her alone. Sorry for being so blunt about it, but there's definitely nothing left there. Feel good about the fact that she didn't block you, and just stay away.
I can tell you right now, the one thing that would make her happy is if you just left her alone. Sorry for being so blunt about it, but there's definitely nothing left there. Feel good about the fact that she didn't block you, and just stay away.
Step 1. Go masturbate. You'll see things clearer once you've done that.
Step 2. Delete that bookmark and stop checking for her on the internet, you're making it all worse for yourself; you know it and you still continue to do it.
Step 3. Talk to someone you don't know and try and make a new friend. Guy or gal, it doesn't matter.
Step 4. After a little while, 2 weeks, 2 months, half a year, thank me.
The relationship is gone, it's dead. There's no reason for you to tray and resurrect it, even though you say you love her.
Step 2. Delete that bookmark and stop checking for her on the internet, you're making it all worse for yourself; you know it and you still continue to do it.
Step 3. Talk to someone you don't know and try and make a new friend. Guy or gal, it doesn't matter.
Step 4. After a little while, 2 weeks, 2 months, half a year, thank me.
The relationship is gone, it's dead. There's no reason for you to tray and resurrect it, even though you say you love her.
okay man, there's a lot of different aspects of this, and i'll try to address a few as openly and honestly as possible, while maintaining empathy. or sympathy. whatever.zelda2fanboy said:
1. i too was once dumped very abruptly, without any sort of closure. that's the hardest part of letting it go, but only time and experience will help numb that pain.
but i gotta say man, you're kinda freaking me out. saying that if she lived closer you'd stalk her, and other things, you're not okay dude. if it's at all possible, i'd seek some sort of psychiatric help to aid you in being able to let things go and healthily move on.
2. your statement that in 25 years you've never really gotten close to a girl... i'm just assuming here, but it sounds like you have confidence issues. and as corny as it sounds, you can't love someone else (or expect them to love you) unless you love yourself.
3. i hate to say it, but from the facts at hand, the girl totally used you. she had no intentions of actual romantic involvement, regardless of what she said before. and the "she felt used" thing is just an excuse fabricated to indemnify herself from your inevitable heartbreak. the hard part is that she may even have convinced herself of that being true. the girl's actions sound a lot like a girl i knew who clearly exhibited sociopathic behavior. in truth, you're probably better off without such a girl.
Based on what I'm reading, I'd say it was never a relationship to start with. Sounds more like a label you applied to whatever it is you two had. I certainly wouldn't have called you two boyfriend and girlfriend.
You two talk for a few months, meet each other for a couple of days where you 'get it on' and it ends shortly after? And then she says that since it was your first time, she felt like she was being used? She's not worth your time.
Cut all ties and carry on with your life.
You two talk for a few months, meet each other for a couple of days where you 'get it on' and it ends shortly after? And then she says that since it was your first time, she felt like she was being used? She's not worth your time.
Cut all ties and carry on with your life.
Real bummer that's how your first time went, but at least it's done with. The first time goes a lot of ways for a lot of people, but everything gets better from here on out!
I can say this, from having met lots of girls over the Internet, there are LOTS of different kinds of women in the world, and so very many of them are just looking for sex over the Internet. Take that how you will, many guys see that opportunity, but if you're looking for a girlfriend over the Internet, you've got your work cut out for you.
It's not to say that you won't find a girlfriend from the Internet, that has also happened for me. Had several relationships turn into multiple year relationships with these girls, and many times it was my fault that they ended. Not EVERY time, but generally I just wasn't fully experienced to treat a girl the way they needed to be treated, and I'd lose them. Didn't help occasionally I'd be checking out some other girl, but most of the time they didn't know that.
In any case, there's a billion women out there, more actually, and this one was just sex. Unfortunately you're learning this the hard way, but really, that's it. She was sex, time to move on. There is nothing you can do to change this, other than not contacting her ever again. The dreams that'll randomly pop up are the WORST. They will mess with you, cause they strike you when you are most vulnerable, but again, DO NOT CONTACT HER. Do NOT go to Facebook. Do not check anything that could be a means of contact from her. She is gone, and nothing will change, except for you. You have to change, in the means of, not thinking about her, and moving on. And when they happens, you will be so much better for it. It helps to be doing what you can to prepare for the next girl.
Make some awesome profile on some of those dating sites, preferably the free ones. Shoot, make your facebook profile better. Best of all ideas, work out. Start jogging, doing pushups, buy some workout equipment from your local stores that have that stuff. For me it's a Big-5 store, although I have plenty of stuff at this point.
Make some decent friends in online co-op games. Those are the ones that'll do it. Call of Duty, not so much. Left 4 Dead, Fear 3, Syndicate(if anyone is actually playing it, and with a mic at that), whatever other co-op games out there, play those online. Having to work together with someone, and finding them to have a cool, giving personality, will be the coolest people you'll make friends with online.
Having someone you can whine to, or bounce ideas off of, and will give you a serious, thoughtful reply, are the best friends around. Especially if those people give you sound advice, like to move on, this one wasn't the one for you, you're better than her, etc.
But most of all, the working out bit, is good advice. Being in good shape will turn many heads. Get a haircut while you're at it, if you haven't yet. Do some manscaping possibly. Do everything you can to look as good as you can. Women notice that. Eventually you'll be the digital pimp, and trying to remember who your first time was, cause you got just too many girls to count now.
I can say this, from having met lots of girls over the Internet, there are LOTS of different kinds of women in the world, and so very many of them are just looking for sex over the Internet. Take that how you will, many guys see that opportunity, but if you're looking for a girlfriend over the Internet, you've got your work cut out for you.
It's not to say that you won't find a girlfriend from the Internet, that has also happened for me. Had several relationships turn into multiple year relationships with these girls, and many times it was my fault that they ended. Not EVERY time, but generally I just wasn't fully experienced to treat a girl the way they needed to be treated, and I'd lose them. Didn't help occasionally I'd be checking out some other girl, but most of the time they didn't know that.
In any case, there's a billion women out there, more actually, and this one was just sex. Unfortunately you're learning this the hard way, but really, that's it. She was sex, time to move on. There is nothing you can do to change this, other than not contacting her ever again. The dreams that'll randomly pop up are the WORST. They will mess with you, cause they strike you when you are most vulnerable, but again, DO NOT CONTACT HER. Do NOT go to Facebook. Do not check anything that could be a means of contact from her. She is gone, and nothing will change, except for you. You have to change, in the means of, not thinking about her, and moving on. And when they happens, you will be so much better for it. It helps to be doing what you can to prepare for the next girl.
Make some awesome profile on some of those dating sites, preferably the free ones. Shoot, make your facebook profile better. Best of all ideas, work out. Start jogging, doing pushups, buy some workout equipment from your local stores that have that stuff. For me it's a Big-5 store, although I have plenty of stuff at this point.
Make some decent friends in online co-op games. Those are the ones that'll do it. Call of Duty, not so much. Left 4 Dead, Fear 3, Syndicate(if anyone is actually playing it, and with a mic at that), whatever other co-op games out there, play those online. Having to work together with someone, and finding them to have a cool, giving personality, will be the coolest people you'll make friends with online.
Having someone you can whine to, or bounce ideas off of, and will give you a serious, thoughtful reply, are the best friends around. Especially if those people give you sound advice, like to move on, this one wasn't the one for you, you're better than her, etc.
But most of all, the working out bit, is good advice. Being in good shape will turn many heads. Get a haircut while you're at it, if you haven't yet. Do some manscaping possibly. Do everything you can to look as good as you can. Women notice that. Eventually you'll be the digital pimp, and trying to remember who your first time was, cause you got just too many girls to count now.
I would say she did push you out of her life rather abruptly and rudely
but you are showing a few red flags of stalker behavior, I say find a hobby or game to sink your energy and time into and try to forget about her (sounds like shes a ***** anyway)
if you continue having issues forgetting her please do yourself and your family a favor and see a therapist before it escalates to full on stalker
but you are showing a few red flags of stalker behavior, I say find a hobby or game to sink your energy and time into and try to forget about her (sounds like shes a ***** anyway)
if you continue having issues forgetting her please do yourself and your family a favor and see a therapist before it escalates to full on stalker
Spot1990 said:
And we have a winner!!!
Seriously, please take this advice, OP. I've been reading this thread, and from what I've come to understand about you and your social life in general is this:
You know you have a problem.
You know what that problem is.
You readily admit to having the problem.
You know the solution to that problem...
Yet, you refuse to do anything about it.
This is all on you. Hell, even admitting that much doesn't make it any better. You're sitting in front of your computer with your social life at absolute zero dreaming about a girl who, probably from the start, just wanted a quick sex fling. You have fully admitted to this behavior. That doesn't make the guilt of your blatant abstaining go away. Your refusal to do a damn thing about it shows that you just lack any real willpower to help yourself, so you constant complaints and pity parties grant you no sympathy from me.
I'm probably being far more harsh than the post I just quoted, but it's for the best. Reality is sending you a wake up call. Stop ignoring it and pick up the damn phone. Do something drastic. Toss your computer out a fucking window. DO SOMETHING, DAMMIT.
Yeah man, best thing for you to do is remove all contact. Cut it all off. This happened recently, yeah? You're not seeing this straight. Give yourself time.
Now read my next sentence and let it sink in:
SHE IS NOT COMING BACK
Rough, I know. Best you leave her to her own devices. She doesn't seem very good, anyway. Used you. You don't need someone like that.
Just better yourself. Become who you want to be.
When you can finally look into a mirror and say "I love this person." Then you'll be ready for another go with a different girl.
A relationship doesn't bring happiness, it expands and shares it.
Now read my next sentence and let it sink in:
SHE IS NOT COMING BACK
Rough, I know. Best you leave her to her own devices. She doesn't seem very good, anyway. Used you. You don't need someone like that.
Just better yourself. Become who you want to be.
When you can finally look into a mirror and say "I love this person." Then you'll be ready for another go with a different girl.
A relationship doesn't bring happiness, it expands and shares it.
I do want to let this thread die and I really don't want it to descend into misogyny, but this is an solid point I hadn't entertained before. I just couldn't see it because in my mind, girls are always right, especially this particular one because I loved her so much.martyrdrebel27 said:
...but what? There's no something to do.TheDrunkNinja said:
Good to know. On the free dating sites (yes, I'm on those), every profile says "don't message me for sex," but honestly, what are they there for and why would they say that? I don't write "don't message me for sex" because no one ever messages me for sex, and if they did, I'd politely say no, if anything at all. My skepticism hat is firmly in place for all further interactions with the opposite gender, as it should have been from the get go.demontrace said:
Move on, unbookmark that facebook page now, Go do stuff it helps if you're too busy to think of her. Go have a fling or just flirt with some other girls.
Yes, there is. You go out and get friends/hobbies/job to get you away from your computer. Then all your wants and desires wouldn't be centered around your worship of this one interaction from now until the end of time.zelda2fanboy said:
You are alone without any of these because of one thing: you. No other reason. You lack the willpower to do any of these things, and because you don't have them, the only thing you can focus on is this girl who only had temporary interests in mind. You focus on it because you have acted like its the only thing you have, therefore it has become just that.
You know what you lack. Go out, get them. Join a club or group that interests you. Get a job. Take risks. Step out of your comfort zone. Take drastic measures. Throw electronic devices out windows. Just... do something.
Because choosing to do nothing means you stay right where you are: posting pity party threads on a gaming forum about your passionate love for a girl who showed you her vag on an adult site.
Do something. Be alive.
Captcha: harp on
Heh. I'm harsh in my words, but I'm not just harping on you for the kicks. I mean every word I type.
chances are, she isnt going to suddenly die so you can stop googling her. and if she starts dating someone else, what would you do about it? it would just make you feel worse. she doesnt want contact with you, thats extremely clear. delete the bookmark, delete her from you phone. distance yourself from her in every sense of the word. over time you will get over it. also, no offense but you might want to consider counseling or something. it might help you find ways to move on but more importantly, the way youre acting is not healthy
About two pages of people telling you that you're being creepy and should make some life changes. I agree with them.
Closure is for plastic bags. You're not a bag. Erase the numbers, delete the bookmarks, clear your browser history, and flush the cache. Nothing good can come from any other course of action with her.
And then go out and meet new people--for whatever reason. The more, the better.
And then go out and meet new people--for whatever reason. The more, the better.
You're a creeper.
You're a stalker. (internet counts too)
And you're socially inept.
Sounds like me about 5 years back, only difference is then I was 14 and didn't understand that as hard as you try, nobody ever has any answers, you gotta formulate your own.
Now, if I were in this situation?
I'd ring her, and ask her why the fuck she thought it was ok to go bang someone else, no matter what people say in this thread, treating someone like that is not ok and you DO deserve answers, whether she wants to give you them is another question. I for one, am an asshole in most relationships, I know this, but hell if people want closure I will try my hardest to give them it. If that doesn't work, let it fester as hatred. No better way to get over someone than by hating every part of their being for a while, really kills any feeling of attraction y'know? And if someone can treat you like that, I'd say that's good grounds for hate.
And if you still feel like you "need" her, then I suggest you go find some big hairy man to love you, because you sir, are a *****.
You're a stalker. (internet counts too)
And you're socially inept.
Sounds like me about 5 years back, only difference is then I was 14 and didn't understand that as hard as you try, nobody ever has any answers, you gotta formulate your own.
Now, if I were in this situation?
I'd ring her, and ask her why the fuck she thought it was ok to go bang someone else, no matter what people say in this thread, treating someone like that is not ok and you DO deserve answers, whether she wants to give you them is another question. I for one, am an asshole in most relationships, I know this, but hell if people want closure I will try my hardest to give them it. If that doesn't work, let it fester as hatred. No better way to get over someone than by hating every part of their being for a while, really kills any feeling of attraction y'know? And if someone can treat you like that, I'd say that's good grounds for hate.
And if you still feel like you "need" her, then I suggest you go find some big hairy man to love you, because you sir, are a *****.