Headlines from THE FUTURE:
A new type of chewing gum will make brushing your teeth obsolete. Unfortunately a recall is made because the starting line-up flavor, "Citricinnimon", tastes like dog vomit and grandma toes.
"7-11" and "ampm" will combine into one giant conglomerate and expand their business to become the first "Convenient Department" store. Of course, the next logical action they take is to rename themselves "7am-11pm". Ironically, their longest store hours are usually 9am-10pm.
The head of Matt Groening will create a Futurama spin-off called "Pasturama". It fails miserably in the ratings, but gains a cult following. The cult will be wanted by the authorities for illegal human, animal, and android sacrifice rituals.
Electronic Arts introduces a new virtual reality game called "Tetriz". The company is scrutinized by some for being unoriginal and douche-like, but the game sells 2 billion units within 6 months anyway. It kicks ass, seriously, you guys should try this.
"Kitalin" replaces Ritalin as the leading prescription for individuals with ADHD. Later, reports reveal that the drugs are made in part by the bone marrow of apathetic children, coining the phrase "Kitalin is made out of kids!" Everybody has a good laugh and moves on.
Space ships able to traverse the galaxy at light speed will be made available to the common man. We still won't have flying cars.
The 4th dimension has been discovered, but it looks like something out of a Teletubbies episode and is destroyed accordingly.
Through genetic research, the nocturnal species, "Mole-People," is created. They serve no purpose other than to construct extravagant underground cities. It was believed that they were conspiring against their creators in a plot to overthrow humanity, when, in fact, they just like to whisper a lot.
A new type of chewing gum will make brushing your teeth obsolete. Unfortunately a recall is made because the starting line-up flavor, "Citricinnimon", tastes like dog vomit and grandma toes.
"7-11" and "ampm" will combine into one giant conglomerate and expand their business to become the first "Convenient Department" store. Of course, the next logical action they take is to rename themselves "7am-11pm". Ironically, their longest store hours are usually 9am-10pm.
The head of Matt Groening will create a Futurama spin-off called "Pasturama". It fails miserably in the ratings, but gains a cult following. The cult will be wanted by the authorities for illegal human, animal, and android sacrifice rituals.
Electronic Arts introduces a new virtual reality game called "Tetriz". The company is scrutinized by some for being unoriginal and douche-like, but the game sells 2 billion units within 6 months anyway. It kicks ass, seriously, you guys should try this.
"Kitalin" replaces Ritalin as the leading prescription for individuals with ADHD. Later, reports reveal that the drugs are made in part by the bone marrow of apathetic children, coining the phrase "Kitalin is made out of kids!" Everybody has a good laugh and moves on.
Space ships able to traverse the galaxy at light speed will be made available to the common man. We still won't have flying cars.
The 4th dimension has been discovered, but it looks like something out of a Teletubbies episode and is destroyed accordingly.
Through genetic research, the nocturnal species, "Mole-People," is created. They serve no purpose other than to construct extravagant underground cities. It was believed that they were conspiring against their creators in a plot to overthrow humanity, when, in fact, they just like to whisper a lot.
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