In the not-too-distant future...

[FalloutJack]

Sooo...been a while since I made a topic. Let's make it a funny one. Ahem...

You're just minding your own business one day when you get the ole' body-switcharoo and end up in space, namely in orbit along with two robots... Wait. That mild attitude, that dorky behavior, that feeling of...Wisconsin! My god...you've become Mike Nelson: Destroyer of Worlds! [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VoDKLscOeuM] WHY, GOD WHY?!

Alright, Mike, what's your crappy movie gonna be? It can be any movie that's ever been considered bad ever, but it cannot be a bad movie that's gone cult classic like Bruce Campbell movies. Bonus points if you write us some good riff, right here and now.

Also, for the hell of it...​

 

[Soviet Heavy]

Outlaw of Gor. Goddamn that was the funniest thing they ever did. Cabbot, Cabbot! Cabbot? Cabbot!

 

[FalloutJack]

Outlaw of Gor. Goddamn that was the funniest thing they ever did. Cabbot, Cabbot! Cabbot? Cabbot!

It doesn't have to be one they actually did, but I hear ya.

 

[CrazyGirl17]

Catwoman, Man of Steel, The Spirit, Howard the Duck... basically any crappy comic book movie, haven't decided yet.

 

[Fiz_The_Toaster]

I-I have movie sign?

I HAVE MOVIE SIGN! :O

The third Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie for one. I mean, a magic lantern that sends them back in time to Feudal Japan? Hell, why not go back in time to punch the screenwriter and director for creating this crap?

 

[lowtech redneck]

'Mio in the Land of Faraway', which contained some of the most godawful acting I've ever seen, bar none*, and yet they somehow convinced Christopher Lee to appear in it (as well as a young Christian Bale, apparently). I actually saw this movie as a pre-teen, and the memory stayed with me as one of the worst cinematic experiences of my life (I was at the time too young and unspoiled to enjoy watching movies just to make fun of them). I actually looked up the movie on Youtube, just now, and saw part of it for the first time in over twenty years.....and yep, its still bad, and perfect for this thread:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mLSu6h61aMY

*This is actually a good thing, as it distracts you from the mind-numbingly boring story.

 

[Queen Michael]

Green Lantern, of course. That will be my revenge for paying to go see that garbage.

 

[Scarim Coral]

This film called Mummy, no it's not that other main "The Mummy" film, it was this lesser know and low budget Mummy film that came out around the same time the popular version of the mummy did.

I remember one of the famous shot was the scene of a guy got cut in half from the waist down, they couldn't align the inside of his guy correct so it was shaking incorrectly with his body.
I can easily imagine saying myself-
Guy 1 "Screw this, just take one of the 50 shots we got of this and used it!".
Guy 2 "But sir! They are all misalign!"
Guy 1 "Just do it!!"

 

[Guffe]

A Zombie movie, with Vampires!! Then the Vampires bite the Zombies so they become a Vambies, but in a crazy twist, a Zombie suddenly bites a Vampire and it becomes a Zombpire who then saves the world from the two evils!
Crazy shit, there's an even crazier twist at the end, but I won't spoil that one!

 

[FalloutJack]

I feel as though I should contribute...

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X The Unknown

So, there's this 'living radioactive blob' roaming around from a crevice leading to 'the center of the Earth' that comes AAAALL the way up to eat radioactive energy sources on the surface. With me so far? THEN, there's the doctor's theory of its existence. He states - without shame or cracking up - that at the beginning of the Earth's creation, radioactive forces could somehow miraculously gain the spark of life while forming under pressure underground and gain intelligence.

The obvious riff here is: "And at this point, everyone knows he's just pulling it out of his ass."

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

The Monster That Challenged The World

They're giant snails, so...

"The Escargo That Challenged The World!"

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

The Day the Earth Caught Fire

...which stars Leo McKern, better known later as one of the Number Two guys in The Prisoner. Any boisterous laughter, references to The Village or Rover, or the use of number-based monikers is fair game.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Robot Jox

Essentially a series of robot battles for control of the world, so...

"Giant robot underwear!"

The former champion of said competition is an over-the-top cowboy, ergo any reference to John Wayne is a given. Also...

*Giant chainsaw springs from in between the robot's legs* "Does this remind you of anything?"

 

[[Kira Must Die]]

Can it be anime? 'Cause I got a few.

Mars of Destruction
School City Valanoir
Generation of Chaos
Skelter Heaven
Amnesia (Basically, any Idea Factory anime.)
Garzey's Wing
Legend of Duo
Dark Cats
Pupa
Rebirth of Buddha
Sleeping with Hinako
Panzer Dragoon
Cipher

 

[FalloutJack]

]Can it be anime? 'Cause I got a few.

Mars of Destruction
School City Valanoir
Generation of Chaos
Skelter Heaven
Amnesia (Basically, any Idea Factory anime.)
Garzey's Wing
Legend of Duo
Dark Cats
Pupa
Rebirth of Buddha
Sleeping with Hinako
Panzer Dragoon
Cipher

Since the local club watches "Anime so bad it hurts" on Halloween, totally viable.

One question: People like Panzer Dragoon. What's bad about it?

 

[Soviet Heavy]

]
Dark Cats

DARK CATS UNITE!

I swear to god the dub cast for that show didn't speak english as a first language.

 

[[Kira Must Die]]

]Can it be anime? 'Cause I got a few.

Mars of Destruction
School City Valanoir
Generation of Chaos
Skelter Heaven
Amnesia (Basically, any Idea Factory anime.)
Garzey's Wing
Legend of Duo
Dark Cats
Pupa
Rebirth of Buddha
Sleeping with Hinako
Panzer Dragoon
Cipher

Since the local club watches "Anime so bad it hurts" on Halloween, totally viable.

One question: People like Panzer Dragoon. What's bad about it?

We're talking about the OVA, right?


ALITA!

]
Dark Cats

DARK CATS UNITE!

I swear to god the dub cast for that show didn't speak english as a first language.

I remember looking at the credits, and one of them went by the name "Otto Focus."

 

[SilverStuddedSquirre]

La La La!

The Final Sacrifice, and I can't wait for a Cinemati Titanic or Rifftrax for that new TMNT abortion.

keep circulating the tapes!

 

[FalloutJack]

]Interesting

I meant the game series. Diiidn't know there was an OVA.

Moving on...

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The Magnetic Monster

So, you have this so-called monster which consists of an unstable isotope that's pulling in all matter and energy towards it with magnetic to 'feed' itself. You can't count the amount of times everybody probably has cancer on both hands, since this is a 50s movie. Mostly, you wanna shout "Stewart, you bastard!" at the main character for the way he addresses women.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

The Monolith Monsters

So, you have these spires that grow out of the ground, fall down, scatter bits everywhere, and repeat. It's made of a mysterious material (which looks NOTHING like obsidian) that they can't figure out how to handle (despite using science) and you just wanna smack 'em and go "IT'S ROCK! WHAT HARMS ROCK?".

Captcha: boiled cabbage

Even this thing riffs.

 

[Johnny Impact]

Robot Jox

Essentially a series of robot battles for control of the world, so...

"Giant robot underwear!"

The former champion of said competition is an over-the-top cowboy, ergo any reference to John Wayne is a given. Also...

*Giant chainsaw springs from in between the robot's legs* "Does this remind you of anything?"

Bwah ha ha! I remember that one! The stop motion, the ruthless Russian pilot with his arachnoid robot and obsessive need to kill the hero, the gengineered pilots who were clearly not better than vanilla humans.....I think I can still hear the theme song!

OT: Any 80s horror flick. How many Friday the 13ths did they make?

I know series don't fit the normal format of MST3K, but I'd like to do a bad series, like Hemlock Grove.

Superheroes. About real people who wear costumes and go on patrol. It's basically its own parody, but still.

Also some Japanese entries. I'm thinking of Mutant Girls Squad, Meatball Machine, and a zombie movie I can't remember the name of. The zombies have little antennae on their foreheads, and also zombies are inexplicably stackable like Legos, not even kidding, they form cars, airplanes, missiles......

 

[FalloutJack]

The zombies have little antennae on their foreheads, and also zombies are inexplicably stackable like Legos, not even kidding, they form cars, airplanes, missiles......

I kinda' wanna see it now. Find out what it is.

 

[sagitel]

"IT'S ROCK! WHAT HARMS ROCK?".

paper?

OT:
return of max powerrage

in a world were robot zombie aliens have brought back Hitler in a giant robot spider body so their army of vampire dinosaur riding fluffy dwarves can conquer the world. where the humanity lives in shielded cities full in fear of attacks for the zombies. humanity's last hope is rex powerrage! with his awesome powers of rage he goes in and fights the robot zombie aliens armies of dwarves only to find out the horrible truth behind it all!


ok. this might turn out to be awesome!

 

[FalloutJack]

"IT'S ROCK! WHAT HARMS ROCK?".

paper?

OT:
return of max powerrage

in a world were robot zombie aliens have brought back Hitler in a giant robot spider body so their army of vampire dinosaur riding fluffy dwarves can conquer the world. where the humanity lives in shielded cities full in fear of attacks for the zombies. humanity's last hope is rex powerrage! with his awesome powers of rage he goes in and fights the robot zombie aliens armies of dwarves only to find out the horrible truth behind it all!


ok. this might turn out to be awesome!

That might be about as cult as "Six String Samurai", which is about as weird.