Informing children of the birds and the bees

[Headdrivehardscrew]

Call me old fashioned, but at age 5 to 7 I myself would absolutely stick to the bees and flowers thing. Eventually upgrade to chicken and eggs and Mr. Rooster. Definitely not before 10 to 12 to do the hard talk about penis -> vagina business. In my own experience, pets also help. Maybe not snails or all-female tiny lizards that clone themselves, but anything that comes in male/female form tends to help, anything like guinea pigs or rats is a blast to have around when you want innocent animal shagging that's fit to be consumed by inquisitive kids. I recommend staying away from turtles, as their sex talk is bound to give kids nightmares and ruin any relationships with neighbours.

We've had some... experiments in our educational system over here, mostly on a personal and unofficial level by people taking their own convictions as the moral compass and doing thing their way with other people's children, and it's causing a hell of a lot of headache for everyone involved, and the kids either still don't give a damn about it (as, methinks, they should) or they get way too interested in it, which seems to have given a boost to the local shrink industry, with some rather unfunny cases of social services blaming the parents, when it was in fact daycare and kindergarten folks that thought it was a good idea to just give it a go.

Since it's her own children we're talking out of our asses about here, she herself should be perfectly capable of assessing the situation. Let her ponder on it for a while and, hey, as a friend, why not discuss things over with her, letting her bump her ideas and thoughts off you so you'll be able to bring a bit more of the fun stuff to these here forums.

I'm also a fan of letting mommies do the talk with their daughters and daddies do the talk with their sons, while questions the kids may have have to be handled by both parties in a consistent, coordinated manner. Same goes for daddy/daddy, mommy/mommy or maddy/dammy combos. Not a winner in today's anything goes approach to gender and sexual identity and the rampant intolerance towards more conservative views, but, hey, not everyone considers zirself to be amongst the knowitall princes and princesses of the universe.

 

[KOMega]

I can't tell you how my parents did it... Because they didn't.
I think they just sorta thought it woulda sorted it self out.
It did, but I feel like that was just lazy and kind of a gamble :/

Anyways I think I found out when I accidentally found my brother's stash of porn when I was like.... maybe 5 or 6.
Not entirely sure if I came out of childhood alright or not, but I guess I'm still in one piece, hehe.

 

[Bara_no_Hime]

One of my colleagues recently found out she is pregnant with her third child but she's starting to fret a tad about her 2 sons. Not sure of their exact age but they're around 7 and 5 and my colleague is a bit worried they are going to start asking where babies come from because she isn't sure what to tell them.

So, what age is best to inform children of that type of thing? If you were in my colleague's position, what would you tell your children?

If I were her, I'd say they come from "Inside my belly!" and point to said belly. Possibly without the Austin Powers reference.

There's nothing particularly scandalous about the idea of children growing inside their mothers. If she isn't comfortable talking about sex yet, then she can just leave that part out.

I wouldn't, personally, but she could if she's uncomfortable with the topic.

Edit: Blame the Austin Powers reference (and other pop-culture references that have littered my posts today) and weird humor on all the FREE COFFEE I've had today.

It's Teacher Appreciation day! And apparently the way one appreciates teachers is to give them free coffee. FUCK YEAH!

 

[Vegosiux]

If I were her, I'd say they come from "Inside my belly!" and point to said belly. Possibly without the Austin Powers reference.

Great, look what you are going to make me do if I ever have to explain it to a kid...Now I can't not stuff in the said reference when explaining it that way. I am going to ruin so many innocent minds.

Beats the stork though. "With all the hot babes around, my dad went and banged a stork" and all.

 

[Hero of Lime]

At that age(5-8) I would probably make something up to be honest. Then again, with so many kids learning how to use smart phones and the internet, it's only going to get harder for parents to be able to tell their kids when they're comfortable about it.

 

[Thaluikhain]

Well...does it have to be in one go?

Can't you tell kids the bare basics at a young age, and elaborate later on?

Alternatively, you can get embarrassed by the whole thing, not teach your kids about it, and hope things work out. I'd not really recommend this.

 

[Risingblade]

Probably around the age where they hit puberty, kill two birds with one stone.

 

[spartan231490]

Whenever they ask about it. Should they not ask by the time they are 10/11 you need to tell them.

Parents have become to obsessed with protecting their childrens innocence to the point were they become a danger to said child.

Well that was brilliant. A /thread on post two. Come on people, you don't need to break out the diagrams, charts, and porn mags, but if they ask, they're old enough to know. By 10/11, they're probably already starting to hear about it from their friends. It's best that they know the truth with accuracy and without too much stigma.

I'm not saying you need to let them know the mechanics of the process, but it's not going to ruin their childhood if they hear about it accurately in a safe environment before they need to know about it.

 

[freaper]

I plan on telling mine as soon as they ask me, and no silly stories. I don't see a point in diverting the attention from a very important subject. They ought to know when their curiosity leads them to it.

 

[SD-Fiend]

Reason number 43 why i don't want children .

I honestly don't know . Also kids are stupid , so i would inform them As late as possible , before my ( hypothetical ) 12 year old daughter decides that she want's real baby instead of a doll and starts inserting penises inside her because she thinks it would be fun to have a baby . Hell teenagers barely grasp the concept and end up getting pregnant at 14-15, imagine what a child will do!

I probably shouldn't be getting into this but that is a painful over exaggeration of how stupid kids are. If your 12 year old daughter tries to get laid just because you told her what sex is then you obviously didn't tell her enough about it.

I'd just tell them when they ask me and sign them up for a sexual education class or something similar for next year if it's available.

 

[game-lover]

I can't remember when my mother talked to be about the dealie.

She says she did and according to her recollection, it was relatively detailed. With her hands simulating stuff.

No idea how old I was.

But I figure thaluikhain's suggestion is a good one. Give age appropriate stuff and make it a step by step process.
Tell them just a little more at each significant aging.

 

[BOOM headshot65]

I am going to be the rebel in this thread (other than headdrivehardscrew) and say that I would give my own hypothetical children the answer of "You will know when you are older." However, around puberty/middle school years (when they start teaching sex ed), as me and my girlfriend decided, we will give them very bare-bones as we dont want them doing the sexy. Namely, we will tell them that "babys are made when a man and woman have sex, you can stop it with birth control, BUT IT DOES NOT ALWAYS WORK, SO DONT EVEN THINK ABOUT IT!!!!!!!, and its something you should only do when you want a baby when you are married."

Which is basically the same thing my parents told me. When, I cant remember, but I do know it was before 7th Grade (so around 13). I also know that I would allow any children of mine to opt out of sex ed if they want, as it would be more than a little hypocritical if I didnt, considering that my reaction to sex ed was along the lines of "In this class you will learn about sex, sexual differences of the body, stds, etc. You can opt out..." "Wait, you can! *gets up and leaves, with no desire to return*"

But then, that has always been my reaction to sex in general. I didnt leave the class because of the teacher (she was actually one of my favorites when I had her for other classes), it was entire because of the sex nature of the course. Even my parents, who I am much more open with, dont fare much better. The first time they told me this stuff, yeah it was embarressing, but I just rolled with it, took it in, then took a reaction of "We shall never...speak...of this....again." Now any time my mom tries to bring it up, I give a very big "UGGGHHHHH!!!" and turn right the hell around and walk away. Hell, the last time she tried, she said "You know I am only trying to keep you safe, and make sure you make good decisions." to which I said "Yes, but its stopped being advice and started being annoying. I am going to wait until I am married and I want kids, and that train stops RIGHT THERE!!"

But apparently on this board, I am one of the only ones like this.

 

[Lliustril]

I don't remember having this conversation as a child, so it mustn't have been bad. My parents were brutally honest most of the time but this mustn't of been one of them.

I remember reading a particularly good explanation for younger children:
"When a mummy and daddy love each other very much, they have special cuddles called 'sex'".

I remember think later that you continue it with something along the lines of:
"During sex daddy plants a seed in mummy's tummy. This seed grows inside mummy, becoming a baby".
Which could be accompanied by growing a bean plant from seed.

Of course that would only work for younger kids, for older kids 10-12+ you'd want them to have knowledge of the human body. So if they haven't had puberty lessons yet it would be best to start with that, ie go over a book with them like "What's happening to me?" (Thank you canadamus, I'd completely forgotten the title). From there just be honest.

I think one of the most important parts is giving them a sense that sex is something special, that shouldn't be done lightly. And if you don't tell them they'll get the information elsewhere and it might not be a good source.

 

[Raggedstar]

It's awkward I read this thread because I was never told how those things work...and my mom's side of the family is full of nurses and teachers. It was also problematic when I got my first period and thought I had a serious health problem. Then I looked into one of my "children's encyclopedias" and finally sorted things out (yes, those books had a sex ed section. Surprisingly helpful). I also accidentally stepped in on my parents once before that, and they scolded me. Didn't tell me anything about what they were doing (other than "you should always knock first") so I had no context and didn't understand until months later what they were doing. It's not what I was curious about, and even today I'm not all that interested in the process. Meh.

Anyways, I'm with the lot in the whole "from mummy's tummy" thing for young children at that age, though I don't know how you explain it farther than that. Perhaps I'm disconnected with the youth of today, but I don't know if they'd understand the whole penis-vagina kaboodle. 10+ sounds like a better time for the nitty gritty and also explain the implications and responsibility sides of it (if they're going to be one of those kids having sex, might as well tell them how not to be stupid with it). Perhaps not all at once, but I guess when it becomes relevant. Maybe even use a book if you have to *shrugs*. I have no issues with telling kids about how their bodies work. Knowledge is power, after all.

Though I do remember a time I was at the zoo. Someone asked why some of the male lions had funky manes (one had a very pale mane, while another male barely had any mane at all). I said it was because they were castrated, so they wouldn't be intimidating to their father (the lead male) and they wouldn't breed with their mother. The lack of hormones led to the strange development of their manes. A 7-ish year old boy below me (next to his mother, who thankfully wasn't listening) asked me "what does 'castrated' mean?" and that took me off-guard lol. As much as I'm not against telling kids about this stuff, I have no idea whether his mom would toss me into the lions if I said "it's when the balls are cut off".

 

[Blow_Pop]

Whenever they ask about it. Should they not ask by the time they are 10/11 you need to tell them.

Parents have become to obsessed with protecting their childrens innocence to the point were they become a danger to said child.

I'm in this same mindset. In fact, I educate children on sex in the line at the market. Because cosmo's usually right there and I usually go with friends so I mock cosmo and say how bad things are.

I am actually in charge of educating a few of my friend's children in a few years and I plan on being straightforward and honest and giving them an actual sex talk. And none of the abstinence only bullshit they get in schools. My friends all know this and are ok with it.

 

[Sewa_Yunga]

Not sure of their exact age but they're around 7 and 5 and my colleague is a bit worried they are going to start asking where babies come from because she isn't sure what to tell them.

I remember getting sex ed from my parents before I could even read. We had a graphic novel that was written for exactly that purpose, called Peter, Ida und Minimum [http://www.amazon.de/Peter-Minimum-Familie-Lindstr%C3%B6m-bekommt/dp/3473355674]. It seems the english translation [http://www.amazon.co.uk/Our-New-Baby-Picture-Children/dp/081205458X] isn't as available though...

What is available though, is a great (if old) cartoon series called Once Upon a Time... Life [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Once_Upon_a_Time..._Life].

Looks like somebody uploaded it to youtube

Spoiler: Once Upon a Time... Life - Birth (pt. 1/3)

So, who else watched the Once Upon a Time... [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Once_Upon_a_Time...] series? Is there anything like it on television nowadays?

 

[RhombusHatesYou]

Well...does it have to be in one go?

Can't you tell kids the bare basics at a young age, and elaborate later on?

Alternatively, you can get embarrassed by the whole thing, not teach your kids about it, and hope things work out. I'd not really recommend this.

You could always demand the government do something about it... because that always works out so well.

 

[icemasteryeti]

I never really had "the talk" with my parents. My mother bought me a book on the human body when I was 5 and I got the basic information from there. Anything I was curious about she was fine with telling me and fortunately as a nurse she new what she was talking about.

Also to this day I have absolutely no idea what birds and bees have to do with anything.

 

[adamsaccount]

When i become a dad im just going to tell it as it is, or actually yeah it depends how old the kids are, before the ages of 9-10 id go with the "we made you in mummies tummy shit", after that (see im quite lazy and socially awkard) realistically what would happen is id just leave some hardcore pornography laying around and let them work it out for themselves.

I learned from one of the best (love you dad), no sarcasm there truthfully