Interrupting People

[manic_depressive13]

Instead of interrupting and doing dramatic gestures, wait 30 seconds and then saying your point.

My favourite is to pretend I'm masturbating a penis while the boss is delegating.

 

[happyninja42]

So I was just reading something about how rude and annoying people who interrupt other people are, when I suddenly realised something. I interrupt people. A lot.

However, the people I interrupt tend to fall into two categories: Over-explainers and argument-monoplisers.

An example of the former is when, after I ask a question, the over-explainer answers my question, but then just keeps fucking going. I am ready to move on to the next question, but they want to give five more examples all illustrating the same basic concept, or tell me tangentially related anecdotes. So I end up interrupting because I might forget my next question if I have to stand there for fifteen minutes pretending to give a shit.

The latter is someone who thinks having an argument means giving a speech. When I argue I like to make a concise point, then stop to see how my opponent will respond. Some people will respond by bringing up multiple points which I am apparently supposed to memorise in order to later debunk. In this case, I might interrupt in order to clarify a point instead of holding my breath while they go on a 10 minute spiel based on a premise I don't even agree with. This often leads to accusations that I am an asshole who interrupts others during arguments, even though I already listened to them talk for three minutes, whereas I summed up my own point in less than one.

The most infuriating thing is that, before interrupting, I will use frankly cartoonishly obvious body language to indicate that I want to say something, in order to give them an opportunity to wrap up and let me say my piece. And I just fucking get ignored! But then I'm still the asshole for interrupting, even though they are knowingly and deliberately monopolising the conversation.

So what do you think? Do I just need to be more patient? Do you interrupt people? Do you get interrupted? How do you feel about it?

I hate being interrupted. It is in fact, my single biggest social pet peeve. Now I understand that conversations are nebulous, and sometimes someone wants to finish a thought, and that's fine. But when you've clearly said your piece, and come to the end of a complete thought, and I begin to speak, and you interrupt me 3 times? Then I'm done talking to you about that subject. Sorry but no, if you can't shut the fuck up after 3 OBVIOUS attempts on my part to speak, then you clearly don't want to hear what I have to say on the subject. This is especially annoying when someone actually asks you a question, and then don't shut up long enough to let you speak. And I'm not subtle about it either, I will flat out tell you to your face that I'm done talking, because you wouldn't let me speak after 3 attempts to do so. And I have no guilt over it either.

Now sure, we all interrupt people during the course of a conversation, but if you can't at least take a moment to say something like "Sorry to interrupt, I just wanted to finish this thought" or "I know you want to say something, just one second, let me finish this thought" etc, then there isn't any real respect. If I'm trying to speak to you, to respond, and you at least acknowledge that I want to speak and give me some vague "One second, and then you can have the floor" kind of gesture, then I'm perfectly fine to sit back and let you finish your speech. You have acknowledged my desire to speak, no problem. But if you just obviously don't care, then I have zero respect for you in that particular conversation, and I'm removing myself from it. Because honestly, it's not a discussion at that point, it's a sermon, and you're just trying to hear yourself talk.

And I interrupt people, sure, but I try very hard to show them respect, and I make sure to make statements like the ones I mentioned above. I tell them flat out "Hold onto your thought please, i just want to finish my thought" or "I see you want to respond, one second." Or, if I just flat out interrupt them, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to talk over you, please finish your thought, then I'll respond." It's amazingly effective, from both sides of it.

 

[SmugFrog]

Ultimately I think the decision to interrupt depends on the situation and who you're speaking with.

You have to work out that you are not the most important person in the world and your opinion isn't any more valid than anyone else.

If your boss comes at you with a list of things and you have counter-points, then yes if you can't memorize them you need to be writing them down. Taking notes is an effective way of keeping track of where a conversation goes as well as giving a list of points/counterpoints for both sides. If you learn your boss doesn't like to hear your counter-points, you're better off doing as your told (unless it's something illegal) or finding another job.

However, the people I interrupt tend to fall into two categories: Over-explainers and argument-monoplisers.

An example of the former is when, after I ask a question, the over-explainer answers my question, but then just keeps fucking going.

I was in a class with an instructor that was about to dismiss us for the day. I asked him a simple question that required a two or three sentence explanation. An hour later of him talking, he still had not answered my question! We never asked any questions after that because he always rambled.

Where I work because we deal with new systems and there is a lot of on-the-job training that occurs. However, nothing pains me more than watching someone clumsily stumble through showing me how to do something I already understand how to do. We once watched someone open Internet Explorer, go to Bing, search for Google, to search for YouTube, to look up a YouTube video they wanted to show to the auditorium. The person realized they needed to be somewhere else and logged out - and the next user logged on AND DID IT THE EXACT SAME WAY. I would have thought it was trolling but it was a department that's not... technically inclined. When it's your supervisors you just have to let it happen.

The latter is someone who thinks having an argument means giving a speech. When I argue I like to make a concise point, then stop to see how my opponent will respond. Some people will respond by bringing up multiple points which I am apparently supposed to memorise in order to later debunk.

My wife argues like this! She'll get so angry with me for interrupting to ask a question or clarify something she has said and would rather I sit quietly and hold my thoughts and questions like she's on some reality TV confessional. It's infuriating because if I don't understand and need clarification or I have a problem with the first thing you said and you continue going, how can you even argue a point?

 

[Scarim Coral]

Let just say I'm kinda glad this co worker no longer worked at the store (she got screwed over with the child benefits) cos she used to interrupt me ALOT! (Also she was lousy when it come to the task at hand so she was only good on the till.)

I mean seriously when I try to say common stuff like if someone asked how was my day or etc, she interrupt me to no end!

Great, now thinking about it pisses me off!

 

[Jeopardy Surface]

That completely depends on what job he is expected to do. In some fields this is an asset, in others it is a hindrance as I stated above. It is all about the appropriateness of the situation.

Now the cartoonist body language or interrupting to shut them up is inappropriate no matter where it is I would think. People "monopolizing the conversation" is also considered " finishing what they have to say." I think sometimes people need to focus on what it is they are saying rather than trying to shut them up. LOL

Well in my 20 years in the workplace and 10 years of running my own business no one who has behaved like that has lasted long. Hint interrupting your boss does not bode well for your long term job prospects. Fundamentally you are more likely to keep your job if you dont behave like a knob, regardless of where you work.

It's pretty much social suicide from college onward, or high school if you attend a halfway decent one, never mind work. If you're still the center of your own little universe by the time you're job hunting, you'd better hope you can do your job in a shack in Montana, or you're the next Steve Jobs.

 

[kurokotetsu]

You wont keep a job for long behaving like that. When jobs losses happen its the pains in the backside that get fired first, so its in your long term interest not to annoy everyone that you work with. You have to work out that you are not the most important person in the world and your opinion isn't any more valid than anyone elses. You are going to have spend 30 years in the workplace in the company of people that you wouldn't necessarily do by choice and you are going to have to adapt your behaviour to the expectations of others.

Well, my job relies on knowing how to interrupt cusotmers. As a customer servce representative, to keep calls shorter and to the point, I'm expected to interrupt chatty customers and give them the pertinent instrucions quickly to improve their experience. Even when the cusotmer is angry, if possible, I have to interrupt to solve the issue as soon as I can. SO it does depend on the circumstances. The company doesn't want me or the cusotmer for 30 minutes if I have to pass them through another department, so interrupt him and send him on his way.

 

[The Almighty Aardvark]

I think there's a time and a place to interrupt people. If you're interrupting someone where the conversation is equal, or especially if they've hardly had a chance to say anything at all (It's good to remember that you people tend to underestimate the share of the conversation they get) then it's really rude and inconsiderate.

On the other hand, my girlfriend's mother will trap people and talk to them for a good half an hour with only letting them get a word or two in edgewise by complaining about "those bastards", telling you a story you've heard three times before (Before finding her way back to those bastards), repeating every line she thinks is particularly convincing until it gets the desired reaction and going on racist or homophobic diatribes that you just have to smile and nod too (Usually involving her complaining about the "towelheads" or the "dykes"). Whenever a group of people come over to her place to hang out with my girlfriend, almost invariably someone is taken aside so she can express her woes to them, and they would be gone for the entire day if someone didn't interrupt her and steal them away.

That's an extreme example for sure, but there's plenty of other times where someone happens to be dominating the conversation and don't give you any in, or they just want to hear themselves talk. In situations where you pretty much have to stop them to have any say, I think that interrupting is the right way to go, as they're being pretty rude to you as it is. Obviously, there's some occasions where you don't do this, such as with an employer or a customer. Or at least you try to be more tactful about it, there's nothing helpful or considerate in letting someone go on a several minute tangent coming from a misunderstanding or miscommunication that could have been cleared up right away.

 

[visiblenoise]

I just try not to talk to these two types of people you mention. My mom, however, is an over-explainer (in that typical parent fashion), and I interrupt her with abandon all the time because I can get away with it. I wouldn't do that to acquaintances though, I'd just sort of drift off and hope they see that they're losing me.

 

[Jeopardy Surface]

I just try not to talk to these two types of people you mention. My mom, however, is an over-explainer (in that typical parent fashion), and I interrupt her with abandon all the time because I can get away with it. I wouldn't do that to acquaintances though, I'd just sort of drift off and hope they see that they're losing me.

Are... are you me? Are we the same person in two different places?

AM I DEAD?!?!?!

 

[Flames66]

(1)Do I just need to be more patient? (2)Do you interrupt people? (3)Do you get interrupted? (4)How do you feel about it?

1. Yes
2. Very occasionally, usually only to clarify something I haven't understood.
3. All the fucking time.
4. I despise it.

I talk quite slowly. I take my time to plan my sentences and everything I say is important to the point I am trying to convey. Context is vital in complete understanding, words can be twisted to mean anything so always make sure you properly understand what someone means before replying.

I hate interrupting people while they are speaking. I consider it far ruder than insulting your conversation partner/adversary as it shows a complete disdain for not only what they are saying, but for them as a person.

I can't watch parliamentary debates because the constant interrupting makes me furious. An MP will attempt to propose something but won't even finish their opening statement before another has to stick their nose in for consideration. Meanwhile the Speaker, whose job is to maintain order, sits there like a loaf of slightly moldy white bread in a powdered wig. If I was running that show there would be no one left in the room by the end of the discussion, I would have thrown them all out.

That said, if I think someone is about to ask me for money (unless I'm in the process of making a purchase) I interrupt and say 'I'm going to stop you there for a moment; I'm not going to give you any money', then I just see how the conversation pans out.

LOL.. You can't be seriously accusing people of asking you for money before they do?! How many had no intention of asking you for money? Do you have people asking you for money so frequently that you have to do this? This is odd.
I just can't imagine myself doing that to someone.. to just accuse them of asking me for money out of nowhere when they haven't done anything. LOL

People often approach me in the street, asking for money for this or that cause. I will not sign up for anything without looking at all the details alone and I tell them this in no uncertain terms.

One big problem I often see arise from interrupters is them assuming they already know what someone is trying to say, and then being wrong. Happens all the time at my company meetings. These interrupters have created an atmosphere where people feel the need to say everything as quickly as possible or they'll be interrupted.

I have seen this happen as well. Do not assume you understand what I have said, especially not before I have said it.

 

[sageoftruth]

If I interrupt someone, it's generally because I know what they're going to say next. If they get annoyed about that, it's either because I was incorrect, or because they feel insecure about being so easily predictable.

Otherwise as a good listener I feel I'm saving them time and effort by understanding what they're trying to say with less words than they would have otherwise have had to use.

Usually the people who are most often annoyed are the arguers, because I suspect it hurts their ego to think someone has already heard their "totally clever and original" arguments many times over.

One big problem I often see arise from interrupters is them assuming they already know what someone is trying to say, and then being wrong. Happens all the time at my company meetings. These interrupters have created an atmosphere where people feel the need to say everything as quickly as possible or they'll be interrupted. Ironically, this leads to everything taking longer, because everyone's communication skills are running at half-mast while they hurry to get their words out as quickly as possible, leading to people constantly misinterpreting what everyone else intended to say and everyone repeating themselves over and over. It's a chaotic clusterfuck.

This is why I hate going to my meetings.

A possible solution isn't to go say things more quickly, but to take the same amount of time saying them, and if they're continually interrupting you incorrectly, you say no, that's the Xth time you/people have been incorrect about where I was going.

If you draw attention to it, you might make them more gun-shy.

I've seen some attempts at this (I'm just a fly on the wall during these meetings, so everyone else does the talking). Usually when someone makes an incorrect assumption, he or she is too caught up in explaining why the other person was wrong to hear anything he or she says back. If that's not the case, the person who made the false assumption usually ends up denying that it was a false assumption and accuses the other person of not listening. Even though I'm just watching from the sidelines, it drives me crazy.

 

[BloatedGuppy]

So what do you think? Do I just need to be more patient? Do you interrupt people? Do you get interrupted? How do you feel about it?

1. Yes, most definitely. Particularly with the "cartoonish body language", which is absurdly rude. Listen, don't just wait breathlessly for your turn to talk.

2. It happens. I'll generally apologize for it immediately.

3. Yep.

4. Fucking hate it.

 

[Silverbeard]

So what do you think? Do I just need to be more patient? Do you interrupt people? Do you get interrupted? How do you feel about it?

I have a debilitating speech impediment that makes it nearly impossible for me to have a verbal conversation. I suspect that I'm very different from the rest of you in that regard; free speech is not a privilege I've ever had.
From that perspective, I tend to view interruptions in a different manner than the rest of you chaps. If I know the person I'm speaking to personally (like my colleagues at work) then they can usually tell what I'm trying to say and will fill in the rest of the sentence for me so that I stop drooling on my shirt. Typically they'll try to avoid making eye contact and try to minimize their looks of revulsion as well, which is a nice touch of class.
Those interruptions don't really bother me because in most cases my conversation partner is putting me out of my misery. They do also have the decency to say aloud what they think I'm trying to say so I can usually correct them with body language if they're on the wrong track. So in that sense I don't really mind interruptions and in fact they can be a boon to me and everyone who has to deal with me.

 

[Batou667]

Interrupting people in conversation - I can't do it. I just fucking can't, and I have no real idea why. Perhaps it's how I was raised, or something, but I just lack the ability to tactfully but firmly interject or guide the conversation if I'm talking to somebody who's intent on giving a spiel or a stream-of-consciousness rant.

Worse still, if I'm talking to somebody and they interrupt me, I'll immediately stop talking and almost apologetically let them have the floor. It pisses me off that y brain works this way, believe you me. I once had an Italian friend, and he would constantly give small interjections in conversation - he wasn't being a douche or wrestling the conversation away, it's just that his version of listening to somebody involved a steady stream of little affirmatives and repetitions. A fellow Italian would no doubt let these little sentence fragments cascade off him like water off a duck's back and carry on talking without breaking stride, but me being a painfully meek Englishman, I would stop at each one, apologetically check whether he wanted to say something, realise he was just agreeing with me, and attempt to pick up my train of thought where I left off. Imagine trying to have a conversation in truncated groups of a dozen or so words at a time. Ugh.

Mind you, there are some pontificating blowhards out there who are, frankly, boorish and masturbatory conversationalists who do the conversational equivalent of hogging the whole duvet and then wonder why you're standing there scowling impatiently at them. People like an acquaintance who so enjoyed regaling me with his anecdotes, that in the end I must have heard each one start-to-finish four or five times each. He didn't give a fuck that I had already heard it. He didn't care that he was boring me. He just wanted to tell me the whole damn story - again - because he loved the sound of his own voice. People like this deserve to be interrupted - or, better yet, deprived of an audience, which I eventually realised was the only solution.

 

[The Rogue Wolf]

I interrupt others more than I'd like, but it's because I hate talking to people and therefore I want to get to the point as quickly as possible so that the conversation can end.

 

[Secondhand Revenant]

So I was just reading something about how rude and annoying people who interrupt other people are, when I suddenly realised something. I interrupt people. A lot.

However, the people I interrupt tend to fall into two categories: Over-explainers and argument-monoplisers.

An example of the former is when, after I ask a question, the over-explainer answers my question, but then just keeps fucking going. I am ready to move on to the next question, but they want to give five more examples all illustrating the same basic concept, or tell me tangentially related anecdotes. So I end up interrupting because I might forget my next question if I have to stand there for fifteen minutes pretending to give a shit.

The latter is someone who thinks having an argument means giving a speech. When I argue I like to make a concise point, then stop to see how my opponent will respond. Some people will respond by bringing up multiple points which I am apparently supposed to memorise in order to later debunk. In this case, I might interrupt in order to clarify a point instead of holding my breath while they go on a 10 minute spiel based on a premise I don't even agree with. This often leads to accusations that I am an asshole who interrupts others during arguments, even though I already listened to them talk for three minutes, whereas I summed up my own point in less than one.

The most infuriating thing is that, before interrupting, I will use frankly cartoonishly obvious body language to indicate that I want to say something, in order to give them an opportunity to wrap up and let me say my piece. And I just fucking get ignored! But then I'm still the asshole for interrupting, even though they are knowingly and deliberately monopolising the conversation.

So what do you think? Do I just need to be more patient? Do you interrupt people? Do you get interrupted? How do you feel about it?

Hmm. Well I completely understand your frustration. Honestly I think maybe more patience is warranted for the over-explainers, that kind of thing is an honest mistake that seems like it has good intent. Mostly annoying in the time it takes. My mom is like that. I probably get annoyed by it more often than I should, but it seems more born out of a poor idea of what information is relevant.

For the arguers... I think they're being kind of rude and ranting at that point. When you keep going on point after point without letting someone address it, then it seems to have jumped from a maybe heated discussion to them ranting at you. Which is rude itself.

 

[Secondhand Revenant]

You wont keep a job for long behaving like that. When jobs losses happen its the pains in the backside that get fired first, so its in your long term interest not to annoy everyone that you work with. You have to work out that you are not the most important person in the world and your opinion isn't any more valid than anyone elses. You are going to have spend 30 years in the workplace in the company of people that you wouldn't necessarily do by choice and you are going to have to adapt your behaviour to the expectations of others.

Do you like... not get the difference between how people act in a job and the rest of their life? You put up with shit on the job you don't otherwise. I'm a hell of a lot more patient at work than I am here, for instance. I make sure to be friendly all the time regardless of my personal thoughts at work. And it works. People who irritate me to no end think I *like* them.

 

[Mr_Spanky]

If I interrupt someone, it's generally because I know what they're going to say next. If they get annoyed about that, it's either because I was incorrect, or because they feel insecure about being so easily predictable.

Otherwise as a good listener I feel I'm saving them time and effort by understanding what they're trying to say with less words than they would have otherwise have had to use.

Usually the people who are most often annoyed are the arguers, because I suspect it hurts their ego to think someone has already heard their "totally clever and original" arguments many times over.

So it's not *you* that's the problem it's the other guy for trying to articulate their thoughts their own way and not precisely in the way that *you* would say it. Right. Gotcha.

It's plainly rude tbh - I mean everyone does it from time to time but don't try to justify it by claiming you're "saving them time and effort" or that it's their fragile egos that should be kept in check rather than that you can't wait to get in your own ten pence worth.

I hate those conversations where the person you're talking to can't be bothered to actually listen and just goes "STFU now it's my turn". It's not a fucking competition - or at least it damn well shouldn't be. And frankly if it is then ask yourself wtf is the point.

Of course there are exceptions when people are being obnoxious or (particularly when drunk) long winded and going in circles. But don't kid yourself - most of the time it's just rude.

 

[maninahat]

I'm one of those motherfuckers who are always finishing people's sentences for them. I do it instinctively as my way to show I am listening and engaging with what they are saying, but I'm also implicitly suggesting they are talking too damn slow for me. I think that is a necessary kind of interruption, but it is still feels mildly condescending to be on the receiving end of it.

 

[Lil devils x_v1legacy]

Jesus, you pause for a few seconds and someone jumps in there.

Well, that joke was a wasted effort.

I didn't want to interrupt.