Intimidating

[worstknightmare]

Look, over there, across the street. That guy looks pretty mad,
looks like he's walking over to you. Better get ready for a fight,
but it looks like this guys a little shorter than you, you might have
a chance of avoiding this fight all together with a well thought out threat to scare him off.

So, the name of the game here is to think up a intimidating threat to scare
off a fight. It could even be a clever or ridiculous one to just confuse him beyond all reason. I'll start us off


As soon as the attacker gets within striking distance he raises a fist,
you casually spin him around, put him in a headlock, and grab his ear, you say "I heard it was easy to rip off a person's ear just by pulling forward, I've been dying to try it."
You gently pull forward and the man screams, pulls himself from your grip and runs away.
Now let's hear the best that you got.

 

[The Sorrow]

"I'm going to ram your head so far up your ass you'll have to eat your way out of your own chest".

 

[rottenbutter]

*cuts off own thumb*

(You do not mess with a man, who has cut off his own thumb)

 

[000Ronald]

*grabs the man by the shirt and lifts him off the ground*

"I'M TIRED OF THESE MOTHERFUCKIN' PRICKS IN MY MOTHERFUCKIN 'HOOD! NOW GET THE FUCK OUT!"

 

[Ultrajoe]

*Flourishes knife*

"Hell itself will find a hole to bury you in"

Or

"My fist is made of nails and razor-blades. If it hurts me to wank, it'll hurt for you to breathe"

 

[Labyrinth]

*Sweet smile.*

"So, I should have brought the riding crop. Ah well. Looks like hands will do."

I used this once to hilarious results.

 

[Xhumed]

I'll kick you in the bollocks so hard you'll need a hat to cover them!

 

[chomesuke]

You learn things in prison. Man-love is not the smallest of them.

Or.

Will you marry me?

Or.

Do you want 360 degree's vision? Cuz I can remove your skull.

 

[COR 2000]

"Want to meet satan? Come closer.."

"Step away, or I'll punch you in the face so hard your new face will make Brittany Spears look pretty!"

Last resort: The Old-man Herbert approach:

"Hey there, muscley-arm paper-boy! Do you like popsicles? Well then, you better come over to my place, Cause I've got a whole freezer full of popsicles in my basement! Mmmmmm......."

 

[Johnn Johnston]

"Look on the bright side. At least you'll be able to touch your right elbow. With your right hand."

 

[Copter400]

"So, I should have brought the riding crop. Ah well. Looks like hands will do."

Labyrinth, I just wanted to tell you that you scare the ever-loving shit out of me. Ooh, there's an idea for a threat:

"I shall set Labyrinth unto ye!"

 

[MrBojangles123]

Spoiler

lol

 

[Xhumed]

"I'm going to fill your mouth with spiders"

 

[Isaac Dodgson]

...Normally I'd just swing and hit first...

 

[Ultrajoe]

I'd pull a Cohen the Barbarian:

"See this handkerchief?" *Flourishes it*

"Are you watchin' this handkerchief? Are you watchin' it?" *Tosses it into the air*

"You shoulda been watchin' me" *Headbutts in face brutally*

In the book he cuts his head off, but this is less lethal and much more entertaining for gawking locals.

 

[the monopoly guy]

I'll break your face!...Ok that's just my favorite taunt in ZPS.



I will punch you in the Adam's apple works well. Have you ever been punched/hit/hurt there? It sucks.

 

[Khedive Rex]

*said very calmly, no blinking, smile a little after you say it*

"You know, people don't pay much attention to ears. Its all throats and eyes and noses. It's really a lost opportunity. Sure, I could put my knife through your eye, blind you, cut your corniea in half; but it's been done before.

Now consider, I could shove my knife down your ear canal. Break the thin muscle wall into your brain. Scratch. The blood is flowing and your still alive as I cut out a fresh, succulent, slice.

Don't you think that more impressive?"

Spoiler

The trick to avoiding fights: your opponent may be dangerous, but you might actually be crazy! If you can get your opponent thinking that, he's not going to push for a fight. If you give him a chance to walk away (subtly, ussually by not acknowledging that you two were about to fight), he'll take it.

 

[the fifth]

"would you happen to have any cantaloupe i could borrow?" if you can't beat 'em confuse 'em

 

[Conqueror Kenny]

I find that this one works well:
"I'm going to stab you in the vagina."

At this point he either thinks you know his secret, or thinks you're a complete psychopath. The first is always funnier.

 

[The_Heretic]

"I will gouge out your eyes and skull fuck you!"