Is asking a person if they are single right off the bat being too foward?

[krazykidd]

So my friend is interested in this girl and he has no idea if she is single or not. The girl is a cashier at a store that he goes to regularly and he arranges to always pass at her cash when he goes there. Now he wants to ask her out but is too nervous about being rejected. The problem is , if he knew if she was single or not would help , because if shes not single he'd just give up since he wouldn't have a chance and it would save him the embarassement. Now if she is single well he'd at least try knowing that it's not 100% sure she'd say no. Now my advice to him is to simply ask if she's single , this would serve as a ice breaker and if she says she is he can immediately ask her out. The problem with this is that he think it's being too foward and might turn her off whether she is single or not. So my question is : is asking a person if they are single being too foward or pushy? Or is it normal for people to ask this to a semi-unknown person that you are interested in?

 

[TheYellowCellPhone]

Wouldn't a girl be flattered if someone asked her out, regardless of being single or not?

I don't know. Women, how the fuck do they work?

I think your friend should just follow your advice.

 

[sir.rutthed]

Don't even ask if she's single. Tell him to just introduce himself, say she looks nice, then give her his phone number. Then the ball's in her court, pressure's off him, and he makes a ballsey intoduction. Women love that shit.

 

[Marter]

Why not just ask her out? Outcomes:

If she's not single, she'll mention it then.
If she is single, and wants to go out with him, she'll say so.
If she's single, but doesn't want to go out with him, she'll either lie about being single or simply reject him then and there.

No need to prolong it with (potentially) two questions.

 

[DoomyMcDoom]

it sounds as if your friend needs to overcome his fear of rejection... that fear can cause needyness and clingyness that LEADS to rejection once a relationship is formed, and don't even get me started on the number of ways it can kill your chances with starting one, the way I see it, if she aint wearin a ring, she's open to bein asked out, if she refuses, she's usually in a relationship or you messed up, DEAL with it, life is full of situations where rejection lurks in the shadows as a possibility, if you let the fear of it consume you, paralyze you, you have no hope of finding acceptance, so first off, defeat the fear, then success will follow naturally...

after all as a person he obviously leaves his house, unafraid of the potential 1000s of ways he could be killed on the way to the market, those are all very realistic possibilities too! So, there is no rational reason to let the possibility of someone not wanting to date you for some reason(rational or not) control your life...

 

[DoomyMcDoom]

Don't even ask if she's single. Tell him to just introduce himself, say she looks nice, then give her his phone number. Then the ball's in her court, pressure's off him, and he makes a ballsey intoduction. Women love that shit.

Actually, that might come off as wussy, ask her for her number, most women will give you their number if there's ANY chance that they'd wanna go out with you in the first place, AND it leaves you with options, and not just the knowledge that she'll probably never call you...

 

[Zantos]

I always find it best to ask. No sensible person is going to get upset at you for asking, I mean it would be my conversation opener but after a bit of chatting I don't see the harm. They're more likely to get annoyed if you start coming on strong and it turns out they have got a boyfriend.

 

[Username Redacted]

Don't even ask if she's single. Tell him to just introduce himself, say she looks nice, then give her his phone number. Then the ball's in her court, pressure's off him, and he makes a ballsey intoduction. Women love that shit.

Absolutely do not do this. If she's a reasonably attractive woman who works in a public job she gets hit on a lot and has in all likelihood learned how to tune it out anything that doesn't result in future plans being made is going to be quickly forgotten.

Introducing yourself? Good start.
Asking if she's single? Creepy as hell.
Giving her your phone #? Should be an exchange of numbers.
Leaving the ball in her court? Terrible idea.

IMO if he plans on asking her out and he leaves the introductory conversation with her without having made plans then his chances of a date/relationship/whatever drop precipitously.

 

[Seventh Actuality]

Wouldn't a girl be flattered if someone asked her out, regardless of being single or not?

I don't know. Women, how the fuck do they work?

Like anybody else. She might well be flattered if it hasn't happened too often (which it might have), but having to turn somebody down is awkward and uncomfortable regardless (and she doesn't know anything about this guy, he could be creepy or intimidating to her).

What's the point of asking if she's single "as an icebreaker"? He's effectively asking her out at that point anyway, she's not going to mistake that question for polite small talk. He's basically doing the same thing either way, but just asking to exchange numbers will make him look a lot better...plus, she can just say "I have a boyfriend, sorry" and let him off easy that way. If he asks if she's single first and she is, but she just isn't interested in him, then he's just made rejecting him that much more uncomfortable for her (and avoided a chance to have his feelings spared in public, which by the sound of it matters to him).

 

[bloopblerp]

What does it matter if she isn't single? Just because there's a goal keeper in soccer doesn't mean you can't score.

 

[Mallefunction]

Don't even ask if she's single. Tell him to just introduce himself, say she looks nice, then give her his phone number. Then the ball's in her court, pressure's off him, and he makes a ballsey intoduction. Women love that shit.

Pretty much this. I've been asked a few times if I was single and it's awkward because it's forward, but in a 'cut to the chase' sort of way.

OP: Your friend needs to appear confident, but not be so damn blunt about his intentions. Make it casual and she won't feel awkward about the interaction and will be more likely to return the call or ask him for more information. Us female-types like confidence, but also appreciate tact from a guy.

 

[Crazy]

Just say go to bed to them and let the magic work. Use a shield and the all problems will be solved.

 

[ramboondiea]

these are the situations were wingmen shine, the less shame they have the better,

 

[Altorin]

If you intend to ask them on a date, it would be prudent to ask them if they were seeing anyone one would think.

Then again, just asking them out will usually produce that answer anyway, so just do that.

 

[Genericjim101]

TBH the whole mine field of dating is bizarre and if either gender is asked out by someone attractive they more than likely wouldn't turn it down out of standards. However attraction worthwhile is built up over time so if he wants to seem worth giving a rats ass about maybe appreciating said person as an acquaintance first?

 

[sir.rutthed]

Don't even ask if she's single. Tell him to just introduce himself, say she looks nice, then give her his phone number. Then the ball's in her court, pressure's off him, and he makes a ballsey intoduction. Women love that shit.

Actually, that might come off as wussy, ask her for her number, most women will give you their number if there's ANY chance that they'd wanna go out with you in the first place, AND it leaves you with options, and not just the knowledge that she'll probably never call you...

Actually, if he plays it right he'll just stick out in her memory more. Think about it: every guy asks for a girl's number, but how many are confident enough to give her theirs and just walk off? It says a lot about your confidence, and she won't instantly forget him like every other slob that hits on her every day.

 

[irishda]

Your friend has to play to his strengths, but I always recommend the subtle road when it comes to finding out personal information. When it's not busy there, go and try to make a little small talk with relationships as the subject. If she doesn't mention a boyfriend then play the odds and ask her out. Of course, if he's not a very good conversationalist, he's probably better off just asking her straight up.

 

[Soviet Steve]

Asking directly raises the unfortunate implication that she looks like she is single, and thus undesirable. Best to dance around the issue just a bit, and even better, to imply that she is likely to have someone.

 

[sir.rutthed]

Don't even ask if she's single. Tell him to just introduce himself, say she looks nice, then give her his phone number. Then the ball's in her court, pressure's off him, and he makes a ballsey intoduction. Women love that shit.

Absolutely do not do this. If she's a reasonably attractive woman who works in a public job she gets hit on a lot and has in all likelihood learned how to tune it out anything that doesn't result in future plans being made is going to be quickly forgotten.

Introducing yourself? Good start.
Asking if she's single? Creepy as hell.
Giving her your phone #? Should be an exchange of numbers.
Leaving the ball in her court? Terrible idea.

IMO if he plans on asking her out and he leaves the introductory conversation with her without having made plans then his chances of a date/relationship/whatever drop precipitously.

Conversely, if he pushes it too far on their first conversation (which will likely happen while he's standing in line at her workplace) she'll be creeped out and never want to see him again. Always leave them asking for more, as they say. Women love a man who's confident enough to just deliver a sincere compliment and walk away. Makes us stick out all the more in their minds because it's such a different approach to what everyone else takes.

 

[Nickolai77]

Get your friend to add her to facebook, then you can check on her profile if she's single or not.