So there is this guy friend i have that i have known about 5 years now, and we both had crushes on each other at the beginning that we both admitted, but a relationship never developed and nothing ever happened between us and we lost touch. We got in touch again recently, and he was flirting with me via text, being suggestive, and he told me he wanted me and we have always had a connection. I took it he meant he wanted me in every way. Anyway, i told him my feelings about him, and he just basically said he liked our friendship too much and that was one of a few reasons he couldn't see us ending up together, but he is sexually attracted to me. To be honest i found the whole too good a friend thing a lame excuse and an easy way to let me down, but he does know i have no intentions of just meeting up for sex, i have made that very clear, but he says he still wants to hang out with me as friends. Should i cut this guy out of my life? Does he really see me as a friend or does he want to meet to just try and sleep with me? I am very confused by his behavior, and i am really let down he led me on and then seemed to just flip on me. I don't plan on contacting him seems i don't want to seem like an annoying admirer or something, but if he contacts me idk what to do really. I am wondering if he now realizes i won't be sleeping with him, so he has given up the pursuing, and the friend thing was just him thinking he was putting it across in a nice way. Thoughts? He also has not responded to me a few times. Maybe now he knows my feelings he won't contact again anyway. He doesn't have to contact me regularly seems we aren't together or anything, but i really miss talking to him. I am just wondering if people think based off the story that he is not going to contact me again and i should just forget him?
Is he playing me? Should i cut him out of my life?
- Thread starter jenks8
- Start date
Nobody here is going to be able to tell you what his intentions are, but it seems to me that at the very least you could use a break from him. I say just break it off for now, don't make any plans of seeing him again, but also don't make plans to NEVER see him again. Just separate yourself from him for the time being and gather your feelings. Get yourself to a point where you can think about him without worrying about what he thinks. Just figure out what you think and go from there. And remember that you owe him nothing: if being around him causes too much distress for you even after you've had a chance to cool off, you are not obligated to keep hanging out with him just because he's still dedicated to being friends. That's doing a disservice to yourself by putting yourself in a situation you don't want to be in, and a disservice to him because you're not telling him the truth about how you feel.
Short answer: Yes.
Long answer: It sounds like he's keeping his options open. Possibly he was gauging your reaction in the hopes of a quick lay and backed out when you started talking about relationships - and maybe he's hoping that you'll crumble and do something impulsive during one of your "totally-platonic" hang-outs. At any rate, it seems obvious that the two of you have wishes about your relationship that don't match up, and that's rarely a recipe for success. Perhaps it's best to cut ties now, so you'll at least have positive memories, rather than bitter ones.
Long answer: It sounds like he's keeping his options open. Possibly he was gauging your reaction in the hopes of a quick lay and backed out when you started talking about relationships - and maybe he's hoping that you'll crumble and do something impulsive during one of your "totally-platonic" hang-outs. At any rate, it seems obvious that the two of you have wishes about your relationship that don't match up, and that's rarely a recipe for success. Perhaps it's best to cut ties now, so you'll at least have positive memories, rather than bitter ones.
What the hell are we guessing here?
He told you exactly word for word what he wanted and what he didn't, so to recap: friendship - yes, sex - yes, romantic involvement - no. If you aren't into that then let him know and go from there, you aren't at any point forced to do stuff you don't want and neither is he.
He told you exactly word for word what he wanted and what he didn't, so to recap: friendship - yes, sex - yes, romantic involvement - no. If you aren't into that then let him know and go from there, you aren't at any point forced to do stuff you don't want and neither is he.
Copy and pasted from other forums roughly a week ago.
http://www.anewmode.com/topic/should-i-cut-him-out-my-life-does-he-just-want-sex/
http://www.relationshipsurgery.com/Flirting/29157-Should_i_cut_him_out_my_life
http://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=486301
http://www.relationshiptalk.net/should-i-cut-him-out-my-life-does-he-just-want-sex-615692.html
https://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20141105083853AAEHtuI
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Naijaparents/195686420604339
When I see a new poster with a cringe-worthy story I assume said poster just made the thread to get a reaction, and not to engage in discussion.
http://www.anewmode.com/topic/should-i-cut-him-out-my-life-does-he-just-want-sex/
http://www.relationshipsurgery.com/Flirting/29157-Should_i_cut_him_out_my_life
http://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=486301
http://www.relationshiptalk.net/should-i-cut-him-out-my-life-does-he-just-want-sex-615692.html
https://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20141105083853AAEHtuI
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Naijaparents/195686420604339
When I see a new poster with a cringe-worthy story I assume said poster just made the thread to get a reaction, and not to engage in discussion.
Whenever I see a new poster write a novel's worth cringe-worthy personal story, I do a quick Google search of the first few sentences of the original post. More often than not, I get a ton of copy-pasted threads across the internet. Said posters tend to make the post and abandon it, never responding to any of the messages presented. It is and odd phenomena I see across the internet where people make a shocking story only to get a reaction out of people.Itdoesthatsometimes said:
For instance:
http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/538.846902-My-supervisor-is-hating-on-me-Is-the-reason-even-warranted#20890804
http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/538.846127-Coworker-hurt-me-and-I-cant-go-on#20869183
Yeah, I guess I could think of reasons someone would do that, they range from nefarious to genuine. I'll be on the look out myself now.Wasted said:
I have a guy friend, and we both said we found each other attractive. We got back in touch again recently after a few years. We started talking and flirting, and when i said i liked him more he said he couldn?t see us ending up together, but he liked our friendship and was sexually attracted to me. He then went pretty silent for a week or so, and i said to him okay lets do a no strings attached thing. He came back the next day talking to me, and we started being really suggestive, and said about meeting up to do this. After about 3 days of this, he started to go longer between msgs and i could tell something was up, so we went a whole day without contact, and then i text him and said are you ok and he said yeah just a bad day talk tomorrow, and i got annoyed and said you lead me on and then go silent, do you even care about this friendship, and he said he really does care, but he doesn?t want to be a slut and told me how he had a bad day at work and has family stuff going on. So i feel like we had a pretty good convo and he opened up to me and i said we could always just meet and hang out and if anything happens it happens, and if not then we can just be friends, and he said he liked the idea of that a lot. Then randomly he stops texting me, and i sent him a message today and no reply. I really like this guy, and i want to meet to see if we have a spark there (we have never met, just talked for years), but i don?t get how he randomly goes silent and distant, sometimes goes days without talking to me, but says he cares and wants to hang, but never suggests a day. Yesterday i text him and said i was getting tired of being led on, and he said he wanted to meet before but feels smothered by me and would text me later becoz he was busy at work... and that was yesterday afternoon. Should i assume he wants nothing to do with me now? I said yesterday if you want me to never contact you again just say and i never will and he said he said no i seriously don't want that? Why? I need closure on this, and i feel i never get it. Have i ruined the friendship at this point?
I'm no expert on relationships. I have always been single and never had any fwends ;_;
Well I think it is sad to see friendships fall apart. Try to work something out in that department. Since he has family issues and seems to be busy at work I think it is best to give him some space. Text him when he is not working. Best to be patient if you want this to work. Nothing is really ruined. You can always patch things up.
Now I think it is best not to pursue a romantic relationship with this man. He sounds confused and doesn't know what he wants. He may have problems at work or his family problems are really significant. So at this moment in time just focus on being friends.
I also think you should do something to keep your mind off him. Find some new hobbies!
All the best...
Well I think it is sad to see friendships fall apart. Try to work something out in that department. Since he has family issues and seems to be busy at work I think it is best to give him some space. Text him when he is not working. Best to be patient if you want this to work. Nothing is really ruined. You can always patch things up.
Now I think it is best not to pursue a romantic relationship with this man. He sounds confused and doesn't know what he wants. He may have problems at work or his family problems are really significant. So at this moment in time just focus on being friends.
I also think you should do something to keep your mind off him. Find some new hobbies!
All the best...
I have a guy friend, and we both said we found each other attractive. We got back in touch again recently after a few years. We started talking and flirting, and when i said i liked him more he said he couldn't see us ending up together, but he liked our friendship and was sexually attracted to me.
He then went pretty silent for a week or so, and i said to him okay lets do a no strings attached thing. He came back the next day talking to me, and we started being really suggestive, and said about meeting up to do this. After about 3 days of this, he started to go longer between msgs and i could tell something was up, so we went a whole day without contact, and then i text him and said are you ok and he said yeah just a bad day talk tomorrow, and i got annoyed and said you lead me on and then go silent, do you even care about this friendship, and he said he really does care, but he doesn't want to be a slut and told me how he had a bad day at work and has family stuff going on.
So i feel like we had a pretty good convo and he opened up to me and i said we could always just meet and hang out and if anything happens it happens, and if not then we can just be friends, and he said he liked the idea of that a lot. Then randomly he stops texting me. I really like this guy, and i want to meet to see if we have a spark there (we have never met, just talked for years), but i don't get how he randomly goes silent and distant, sometimes goes days without talking to me, but says he cares and wants to hang, but never suggests a day.
Tuesday i text him and said i was getting tired of being led on, and he said he wanted to meet before but feels smothered by me and would text me later becoz he was busy at work... and that was Tuesday afternoon. Should i assume he wants nothing to do with me now? I said in the message Tuesday if you want me to never contact you again just say and i never will and he said he said no i seriously don't want that? Why? I need closure on this, and i feel i never get it. Another thing i don't understand is how you could have no romantic feelings for someone you have never met. How would you know that without meeting to get to know them?
I feel very ashamed right now. I offered myself sexually as i thought it may make him interested and we could end up together. Obviously, we all know that 9 times out of 10 this never happens, and it is just false hope. I don't feel he has led me on in terms of wanting a relationship with me, as he was pretty clear he didn't see one, but he went from saying he wanted me (assumed he meant sexually), to saying he wanted to just meet up and see how things went, to saying he feels smothered in a 72 hour period. I wish i would of suppressed my feelings towards him and just remained friends because i love talking to him and feel with everything that has happened now we can't really go back. I would be willing to, but he doesn't seem to be seems i haven't heard from him in 4 days?
He then went pretty silent for a week or so, and i said to him okay lets do a no strings attached thing. He came back the next day talking to me, and we started being really suggestive, and said about meeting up to do this. After about 3 days of this, he started to go longer between msgs and i could tell something was up, so we went a whole day without contact, and then i text him and said are you ok and he said yeah just a bad day talk tomorrow, and i got annoyed and said you lead me on and then go silent, do you even care about this friendship, and he said he really does care, but he doesn't want to be a slut and told me how he had a bad day at work and has family stuff going on.
So i feel like we had a pretty good convo and he opened up to me and i said we could always just meet and hang out and if anything happens it happens, and if not then we can just be friends, and he said he liked the idea of that a lot. Then randomly he stops texting me. I really like this guy, and i want to meet to see if we have a spark there (we have never met, just talked for years), but i don't get how he randomly goes silent and distant, sometimes goes days without talking to me, but says he cares and wants to hang, but never suggests a day.
Tuesday i text him and said i was getting tired of being led on, and he said he wanted to meet before but feels smothered by me and would text me later becoz he was busy at work... and that was Tuesday afternoon. Should i assume he wants nothing to do with me now? I said in the message Tuesday if you want me to never contact you again just say and i never will and he said he said no i seriously don't want that? Why? I need closure on this, and i feel i never get it. Another thing i don't understand is how you could have no romantic feelings for someone you have never met. How would you know that without meeting to get to know them?
I feel very ashamed right now. I offered myself sexually as i thought it may make him interested and we could end up together. Obviously, we all know that 9 times out of 10 this never happens, and it is just false hope. I don't feel he has led me on in terms of wanting a relationship with me, as he was pretty clear he didn't see one, but he went from saying he wanted me (assumed he meant sexually), to saying he wanted to just meet up and see how things went, to saying he feels smothered in a 72 hour period. I wish i would of suppressed my feelings towards him and just remained friends because i love talking to him and feel with everything that has happened now we can't really go back. I would be willing to, but he doesn't seem to be seems i haven't heard from him in 4 days?
So is he an Internet pal or an IRL pal? You never made that clear.
"Another thing i don't understand is how you could have no romantic feelings for someone you have never met. How would you know that without meeting to get to know them?"
Of course you can know that. If you don't feel any romantic feelings, then you don't feel them. And if you haven't met them, or at least Skyped, then you don't know what the person is like.
"Another thing i don't understand is how you could have no romantic feelings for someone you have never met. How would you know that without meeting to get to know them?"
Of course you can know that. If you don't feel any romantic feelings, then you don't feel them. And if you haven't met them, or at least Skyped, then you don't know what the person is like.
Internet pal. Never met but talked for a very long time. He said he couldn't see us ever ending up together, but at this point i just wonder if i have ruined the friendship. We are still FB friends but idk if this means anything really. I am dying to know what he thinks now, but obviously reaching out is a bad idea. I am just wondering if i should assume 4 days of no contact means he doesn't want to talk anymore?
" I said in the message Tuesday if you want me to never contact you again just say and i never will and he said he said no i seriously don't want that?"
I don't understand this sentence. Did he mean he doesn't want you to cut off contact, or did he mean he doesn't want you to talk to him again?
I don't understand this sentence. Did he mean he doesn't want you to cut off contact, or did he mean he doesn't want you to talk to him again?
These things can get very difficult. Especially if you are essentially only talking to someone online...
Some people just don't know what they want, but even when things seem to be going well, putting pressure on an issue like this can end in disaster.
I lost what at the time was my best friend because of something like this. (I suppose it says something about who I am that my best friend at that point was someone I only knew online, but that's a side issue).
The thing is, from early on we joked around and pretended to be a couple to scare off unwanted attention.
But before you know it, we were pretty much behaving as though we WERE a couple (insofar as that means anything when it's online only)...
It was pretty clear we both had feelings for one another, and on top of that, those feelings were getting stronger over time...
... Until I tried to actually directly confront that issue that is. Everything was fine while neither of us directly admitted to how we felt, but as soon as it was clearly and honestly brought out into the open, it became a big problem...
Not too long after that, it all fell apart, and we no longer talked to one another.
There's no easy way to know what the right way to deal with stuff like this is. What seems like it could be going well on the surface may not survive the stress of trying to take it further than it naturally developed.
It's fine while nobody mentions it, but becomes a problem as soon as it is brought out into the open.
Sorry... I feel like I'm rambling a bit here... I don't know if any of that makes much sense.
Some people just don't know what they want, but even when things seem to be going well, putting pressure on an issue like this can end in disaster.
I lost what at the time was my best friend because of something like this. (I suppose it says something about who I am that my best friend at that point was someone I only knew online, but that's a side issue).
The thing is, from early on we joked around and pretended to be a couple to scare off unwanted attention.
But before you know it, we were pretty much behaving as though we WERE a couple (insofar as that means anything when it's online only)...
It was pretty clear we both had feelings for one another, and on top of that, those feelings were getting stronger over time...
... Until I tried to actually directly confront that issue that is. Everything was fine while neither of us directly admitted to how we felt, but as soon as it was clearly and honestly brought out into the open, it became a big problem...
Not too long after that, it all fell apart, and we no longer talked to one another.
There's no easy way to know what the right way to deal with stuff like this is. What seems like it could be going well on the surface may not survive the stress of trying to take it further than it naturally developed.
It's fine while nobody mentions it, but becomes a problem as soon as it is brought out into the open.
Sorry... I feel like I'm rambling a bit here... I don't know if any of that makes much sense.
He said he seriously didn't want that in response to me saying if he wanted me to stop talking to him i would, yet he has not spoken to me since. I reached out again saying i felt like i messed this friendship up and i don't want to stop being friends but at this point i think he does and if i don't get a response from him i will assume he doesn't want to be friends anymore, and he never replied. I will never understand why he said he didn't want to stop talking only to not talk to me again thereafter. He still hasn't unfriended me on fb, although i am not sure people put much emphasis on fb friends, and he always could any day now. I thought about unfriending him, but i just can't seem to do it. It is hard accepting that we will never be friends again though.