Is it possible for me to get over my height?

[FakeSympathy]

As a 30M, I stand at a meager 5'2".

Most of the time, I keep myself busy with work, grad school, and other activities. In fact, when I am "in the zone" in these activities, height is a none-factor, and I do not let it define who I am. I don't build my personality entirely around it. Most of the time, I am very happy with where I'm at right now.

If you know me in real life, you would find me great to hang out with. A bit quiet, but I know my way around a few jokes and am willing to go for a drink or two with you. In those moments, I focus on enjoying the moment and don't even think about my height.

Now I say most of the time, because there are two situations when my height starts to eat me away.

The first is when things quiet down and I am by myself. As much as I keep myself busy, as with any human being there are down times when I need to slow down and relax. Times like this is when I'm reminded of how short I am, and I'm starting to hate my circumstances. I start thinking about how tall people only seem to find success in life, while short people only stay in mediocre life.

The second is whenever dating is involved. I have no long-term/serious dating experience. I think I was in 3 semi-serious relationships in total, all of which ended before things got anywhere When I ask a girl out, they either flat out say no, or do go out with me for a few dates and then friendzone me. I could treat them like princesses, be a real gentleman, or be a witty funny guy, but no girls seem to stay in long-term relationship with me, because my height is such a turn off.

So it's this constant mood swing between feeling great about myself and then feeling sorry about myself. I wondering if it's possible for me to get over my height completely, without ever feeling anxious and sorry about myself again.

 

[Elvis Starburst]

I start thinking about how tall people only seem to find success in life, while short people only stay in mediocre life.

I don't have any direct sources to back up my disagreement, but the idea of only tall people are the ones being successful sounds like total BS to me. What's even defined as successful? Money? Fame? A hot wife/husband? Success doesn't have to be measured by such basic things if you don't want it to. If you're happy enough in life overall, then I'd argue that's plenty successful.

The second is whenever dating is involved. I have no long-term/serious dating experience. I think I was in 3 semi-serious relationships in total, all of which ended before things got anywhere When I ask a girl out, they either flat out say no, or do go out with me for a few dates and then friendzone me. I could treat them like princesses, be a real gentleman, or be a witty funny guy, but no girls seem to stay in long-term relationship with me, because my height is such a turn off.

The first question that comes to mind is if they've told you the height was the problem or not. If they have, then I wonder if that's them copping out and the reason is more complicated than that.

Either way, there's no sense dwelling on what you can't even change. There's no benefit to it

 

[Thaluikhain]

I start thinking about how tall people only seem to find success in life

As someone who is significantly taller than you, I can confidently tell you that that isn't true.

 

[Zykon TheLich]

Dude, height is never going to be the sole deciding factor. No woman is going to think, "well this guy is great, we really get on, we've got lots in common, fun to be with, there's a definite spark there, he ticks all the other various boxes...but he's a bit short, so, as wonderful as he is otherwise, it's a no". I'm not going to pretend a lot of women don't like a tall guy, but being tall might get you noticed, but it won't keep them around on its own.

EDIT: Sorry, that probably didn't come across very well. There's a whole myriad of things that go into whether someone's going to fancy you or not. While you can't cover everyones preferences, the most important things are usually ones that you can work on and are going to far outweigh being short. If being over a certain height is someones first barrier for selection in relationship, then that is a person you don't want to be ina a relationship with.

 

[RhombusHatesYou]

Mate, I'm 6 foot tall and my life is a fucken shambles.

 

[Johnny Novgorod]

Prince was 5'2".

 

[Ag3ma]

I wondering if it's possible for me to get over my height completely, without ever feeling anxious and sorry about myself again.

Completely insulating yourself from anxiety about your height may be a tough ask, but you can certainly work on it to make it be much less of a drag. There could be anything from self-help books up to psychological therapy for that, and it might be long and hard work.

Although it's also possible that the cause and effect is the other way round? Maybe you feel anxious or unconfident, and that causes you to feel self-conscious about your height?

 

[XsjadoBlaydette]

self-esteem is the mind killer. You may not be aware of the logistics yet, but the kinda ppl shallow enough to make height a deciding factor in who they acquaint with are not the type of people who will be good for you as a partner, especially with insecurities as they already are. And as a person of many insecurities, with some poor and not-so-poor choice of relationships: those shallow ones can end up only making the insecurities far worse than being single. Not too different from some women who become convinced that breast enlargement surgery will help them find guys easier - yet those influx of new attentions are mostly gonna be a whole load of shameless shallow creeps. It doesn't help that so much media and advertisement have basically encouraged and profited directly/indirectly off insecurities that are an understandable human reaction to the glossy shallow lifestyles these industries consistently glorified as their definition of success for decades and decades now. It's an age old ugly profiteering complex, money and avarice needs the suffering of the everyday unaware to expand itself.

So lemme tell ya about a lil streamer couple Pat n Paige

Pat is small baby boy, ginger, bald and never shuts up. Yet through sheer humour, understanding n charisma, (or gingerness?) alone, has been in happy content relationship for years so far with tall handsome woman, also mysteriously ginger. Probably the only internet couple I haven't felt any cynicism or dishonesty from tbh. Hair colour aside, being friendly and/or funny curious, being able to care and listen, to grow, showing an awareness of one's own vulnerabilities does a whole lot more to attract people who aren't as likely to mess your head up with their own shallowness.

 

[Dirty Hipsters]

If you're short or otherwise unattractive you better be funny or really talented at something.

There are plenty of short men that are successful, and plenty of tall men that are unsuccessful, but if you're short and unattractive (and don't have daddy's money to throw around) then you have to work significantly harder for anything.

It's kind of like having a disability. You can either make that disability the focus of your life, and blame everything bad that happens on that disability, or you can work hard to overcome it. There are plenty of people who have lost a hand, a leg, their eyesight, etc. who go on to continue living great lives in spite of of their disabilities, and there's also plenty of people who get completely shattered by that disability and never recover. Being short seems like it should be easier to get past than a lot of other things.

Edit: By the way, how have the workouts been going?

 

[Elvis Starburst]

It's kind of like having a disability. You can either make that disability the focus of your life, and blame everything bad that happens on that disability, or you can work hard to overcome it. There are plenty of people who have lost a hand, a leg, their eyesight, etc. who go on to continue living great lives in spite of of their disabilities, and there's also plenty of people who get completely shattered by that disability and never recover. Being short seems like it should be easier to get past than a lot of other things.

Man, lemme tell ya, a good bit of my life was shattered last year cause of my disability. This year I'm (very) slowly putting some pieces together to see what the future is going to hold for me with it in mind. I wish the idea of being short was the only concern I'd have to deal with in regards to reaching personal success

 

[Drathnoxis]

Dude, height is never going to be the sole deciding factor. No woman is going to think, "well this guy is great, we really get on, we've got lots in common, fun to be with, there's a definite spark there, he ticks all the other various boxes...but he's a bit short, so, as wonderful as he is otherwise, it's a no". I'm not going to pretend a lot of women don't like a tall guy, but being tall might get you noticed, but it won't keep them around on its own.

Exactly. I'm sure there's plenty of reasons that women don't like you, no need to blame it all on your height so cheer up!

 

[FakeSympathy]

Thanks everyone for your advice. I think I was just having a bit of a mood swing (as described in my OP). I think the ladies in my life see me not as much as I described myself; Nothing romantic (yet), but definitely agreeable and friendly. Like I said, I am totally down to get a drink with anyone, provided they invite me. But with me being an introvert with a capital I, I am never the initiator.

I have plenty of stuff to like about myself; Staying in good shape from working out, knowing how to play a few songs on a guitar, can make a bomb-ass stir fry on wok, etc.

I guess I should just focus on what I'm good at, at use that to work on a girl.

 

[Zykon TheLich]

Exactly. I'm sure there's plenty of reasons that women don't like you, no need to blame it all on your height so cheer up!

Well, I meant it as it'll be a combination of things, that aren't as immutable as your height. I probably should have made that a bit clearer.

 

[Thaluikhain]

I guess I should just focus on what I'm good at, at use that to work on a girl.

No guarantee that you'll become attractive to people doing that, but the worst that can happen is that you improve your skills, which is hardly a bad thing.