Is it that hard to find a virgin?

[Forgetitnow344]

To everyone that has commented to my previous post:
I hope that nobody was offended or upset by what I said earlier, I was only talking about my own experience from when I was 17 years old (18 years ago) in a way of relating to Death God's post, and how outwardly harsh I was toward the people who laughed at me (mind you that came from over 10 years of constant teasing/bullying that I'd experienced at the very hands of the people sitting in the room at the time too). My standards never really slipped, and I'll admit that I had girlfriends in my time that I wanted to have sex with, but refrained because of how much I wanted to respect the very women I was with.

Mind you, because of that I've had more girlfriends leave me thinking that I didn't want them. Even so, my main thought was to not have someone consider me a "baby's father" rather than a "husband". I have heard the former term so many times that it's made me sick, and all too often it's from people I wouldn't give the time of day to. My thought is, if you're willing to have sex, then you should take on the responsibility of helping to raise that child, and consider the person who bore it into this world as someone to spend the rest of your life with. If not, then you shouldn't be doing anything to create a child.

End of statement.

I have a lot of reasons for what I've said, and all of it stems from personal experience, or having to deal with people who consider their children as a bargaining chip, and not as a person that relies upon them. To me, sex equals children simply because it's too easy to make one, and condoms/birth control pills/etc aren't 100% fool proof, only abstinence is, yet nobody ever feels the need to abstain from sex just because it's not popular... and that is a real crime. Not only to the woman who gives birth, but also to the child brought into the world. Feel free to talk harshly about my past, my future, or me in general, but at least I have every confidence about being a voice of reason here, regardless of my career path, my personal preferences for art styles, or my desire to actually help people.

I was with you until you decided to say more things after the end of your statement. The probability of having a child when using properly birth control is /staggering/. The human mind is incapable of simply conceiving probability, and will always focus on the negative consequence as being the inevitable outcome. If it was 99% likely that you WOULD have a child if you used birth control, you would clearly never have sex because the 1% effectiveness is certainly not enough, but you are just as apprehensive because of that realistic 1% failure rate (which also factors in misuse of condoms and missed birth control pills) simply because it is a possibility. It is SO unlikely. Then your statement about abstaining from sex because it is unpopular is just ridiculous. I know it happens sometimes, but I don't know a SINGLE person who lost their virginity due to peer pressure. I even turned down activity when I was 13 because I wasn't ready, and I never regretted it. I regret turning some down when I was 15, but I certainly don't regret finally losing it when I was 17 because I was ready.

Because vaginas are awesome, and being incredibly close to someone you care about is sublime.

 

[bulbasaur765]

A lack of virginity isn't something you should judge people on. I have a friend who lost her virginity at age 15 and she has been my best friend to this day. Hell, she has even been my "Moral Compass" at certain points in my life. If I judged her based on her experience, then I would probably be regretting it right now.

(I'm also still a virgin btw)

 

[Strife17O7]

*user-omitted*

 

[Odbarc]

So I have this thing about dating where I won't date anyone who has had sex with another man or who smokes and/or does drugs. Call me old school or call me weird, but it is just part of my moral system. And today, during my sociology class, we got on the topic of sex and dating. I told the class my stand on such and they all chuckled. When I ask what was funny, someone told me that the chance of finding a girl like that now-a-days is almost impossible and that I should just give up on it. And it hit me, every person in my class, which ranged from 9th grade to 12th grade, that everyone had drank beer illegally, smoked pot and chewed, or has had sex multiple times... except me. I could not believe it and even my teacher was not shocked in the least to hear that. He was actually agreeing with it. So basically, what I am as is, are there people who didn't illegally drink, smoke or who hadn't had sex during their high school years?

Edit: Since some one asked, I am from the west coast of the U.S. in Washington.

Edit II: As Azure-Supernova stated:

You're not after a virgin you're after someone responsible and faithful. You could meet a virgin and full well have glorious sex, only for her to turn around and cheat or not be a virgin at all. Surely virginity would fall behind the two afforementioned traits?

I suppose he's definition is a little more what I am looking for. I guess I could drop the virginity issue down a little if I could find faithful and responsible girl. I am still standing strong on not doing illegal drugs and drinking but I could give more leeway on virginity.

I was raised right too. But truly, 99% of the population (not THAT 99%) are completely scum immoral and have been completely tainted with sin.
Everyone in my family uses drugs, drinks and whatnot.

It's very easy to find an UGLY woman no one wants if all you want is her virginity.

 

[gallaetha_matt]

If you want a virgin so bad, you'd better make sure that your parents can afford a damn good dowry. Offering a few goats and a lamb can only get you so far. You need some gold, spices and cold hard cash if you want your new bride's hymen to be intact.

On a less facetious note, people that abstain from drugs, alcohol and sex aren't that rare. Not really. You can probably find one if that's what you're into, especially in America (don't even need to look to see that's where you're posting from). But they aren't in the majority and they never were. It's just people were much better at hiding their hash pipes and malaysian hookers in the past.

Don't take it so personally, OP. Drugs and sex don't make you bad or immoral. Romantically losing your virginity at the same as your partner is a fine idea, but it's not likely to happen outside of a Hollywood movie. It's not something that you should make a priority. Even if you do luck out and manage it in the real world, you're still not likely to have a long term relationship with the first person you sleep with. Not in the way that you want to anyway. Virtually nobody ends up with the first person they're with, I'd argue that you totally need to experiment with different partners first before you decide to settle down. It'd be a real shame to save yourself for your wedding night only to discover that you're not sexually compatible with your new wife.

 

[CODE-D]

I don't see what the big deal with virginity is. Frankly, I'd prefer it if at least one of us knew what they were doing.

Knew what she was doing like a prostitute? Im sorry I just hate always hearing that answer, especially when it comes from elmo.

 

[AdmiralMemo]

I'm 29. I'm still a virgin by choice. I never drank, smoked, or did drugs.
I am quite sure that I will find a girl who has done the same. However, I'm not TOO picky about the drinking. Smoking is a major problem, though, as I absolutely can't stand it, almost to the point of allergy.

 

[Strife17O7]

I don't see what the big deal with virginity is. Frankly, I'd prefer it if at least one of us knew what they were doing.

Knew what she was doing like a prostitute? Thats reassuring.

And I agree with the former position and believe you can shove your base prostitution assumptions up your @ss along with your vaunted Virginity and the pedestal you built with it to stand on and pretend to be above people.

 

[CardinalPiggles]

I'm a Virgin, 21 years old. I'm not exactly proud of it, but I'm not ashamed either. Look towards the quieter people, they tend not to be party animals.

 

[Ris]

Thats alot of rules you just decided on when it comes to picking a partner. The way the world works, you will meet a virgin and have a happy life together, Then when you turn 40 and your rocking your third kid on your knee, your going to look back on all the fun you missed out on. This is a gift from above, have safe sex and enjoy yourself.

That's a load of crap. I've never heard of anyone ever who regretted not being more promiscuous when they were younger, not counting mid-life crises...but that's more a case of fearing that you've made all the wrong decisions in life.

REALLY, though, people look back on their wild younger years mostly in regret.

Well, let me step in, I am 36 and I have litterally lost count of the number of sex partners I have had. I REGRET not having more sex when I was teenager, when I was at my sexual peak. I could and intend to continue to have sex until I litterally cant get it up anymore, but I will NEVER be able to have more sex as a teenager.

Are you married? That makes all the difference in the world here, because if your objective is to just screw as many women as you can before your porkhammer fails you, then obviously you're going to regret getting a smaller head start.

But for someone who wants a meaningful relationship (and if he won't date anyone who's not a virgin, I'm guessing OP does) then you gain nothing from sleeping around all over the place in your younger years. It does give you problems in your marriage, particularly if your spouse didn't do the same.

Alright. I'm 27 and I can count the number of sexual partners I've had on one hand. Half of one hand. I've never had sex outside of a serious relationship.

I bitterly regret not sleeping with some of the men I had the chance with when I was younger. That's not to say that I wish I had been promiscuous - I know I wouldn't personally get much out of having lots of sex outside of a relationship - it's just that sometimes physical attraction is an incredibly powerful thing. Quite possibly, the best people to explore that notion with are behind me now.

Would my sleeping with those men have an effect on my future relationships? Hell no. I would never be with someone who couldn't understand that I tend to want to have sex more often than I have soulmates wander into my life.

 

[Strife17O7]

I'm a Virgin, 21 years old. I'm not exactly proud of it, but I'm not ashamed either. Look towards the quieter people, they tend not to be party animals.

Same here. *brofist* Only I'm 22.

 

[AndyFromMonday]

You're extremely naive and I don't mean that as an insult. Your views on other people and especially the world are so distorted I'm inclined to think you've been living in a bubble your entire life.

 

[DracoSuave]

Very good example. Yet most of non-virgins lost their virginity in sex "for fun". And they did not do that once or twice. What that means? Such wife will most likely have sex with other men when you are not around, just for fun.

Consider the person AND the history. Because history says a lot about person.

What misogynistic nonsense.

Has it occured to you that maybe, because she enjoys sex... she might enjoy having lots of sex with you!?!

See... here's the thing with good, enjoyable sex... it's creates endorphins, and dopamine. Bother of which cause you to get a rush of contented happiness... an evolved reaction designed to make you want to be with a person more.

If you're married, and having great sex with your partner, that's AWESOME. That's why virginity is overrated. Great sex is great sex, and you kinda need that in a monogamous marriage.

 

[Alandoril]

Yes, not to put too fine a point on it you should give up. When it comes to women, give up any and all expectations and you'll be satisfied. If you don't then they will just moan at you for not forgiving them every single, tiny fault.

 

[Forgetitnow344]

I don't see what the big deal with virginity is. Frankly, I'd prefer it if at least one of us knew what they were doing.

Knew what she was doing like a prostitute? Im sorry I just hate always hearing that answer, especially when it comes from elmo.

What's up with all the moral high ground? Why do you people assume sexually active people are all deviants who just spend all day being irresponsible and worthless?

I know a 20-year-old at my work who is very in-the-moment and spontaneous, and right now her goal in life is to just go to school and maintain the status quo. She has the outward vibe as a whore, but she has shown that she actually has standards and her only objective is not The Dick. I personally asked her out, and she said yes. We had fun, but she could tell I was looking for something different than what she was and so she shut it down before it even began, and in retrospect it was definitely a good thing. We're friends now, and she even invites my current girlfriend to hang out. I later heard from my other friend that in the heat of the moment, she refused to bang him because he wouldn't wear a condom. To be able to shut down sex when you're right at that point is an admirable feat, and she did it because she's got a good head on her shoulders. She just likes to have fun.

My point is that life should be experienced. If you intentionally choke off your life because of some arbitrary morals that are ultimately bullshit, you'll end up regretting it. Don't hate fun. Come up with some kind of REASON if you're going to refuse something. Case in point: alcohol is literally poisonous and not that much fun for some people. You can just say no. But if your only aversion to having SAFE sex is the fact that you told yourself when you were 13 that you'd save yourself for a predetermined period of time, you're just inhibiting life.

 

[DracoSuave]

Would my sleeping with those men have an effect on my future relationships? Hell no. I would never be with someone who couldn't understand that I tend to want to have sex more often than I have soulmates wander into my life.

This. There's nothing whorish about having sex or wanting sex, any more than you're being gluttonous for having a meal, or greedy for making money at your job.

Sex is a natural and necessary part of the human condition. Yes, pathological overindulgence is unhealthy... but you know what? So's pathological underindulgence.

And if you buy that 'women who are fun are whores' thing, that's blatantly pathological. It's ultimately self-hating.

I don't see what the big deal with virginity is. Frankly, I'd prefer it if at least one of us knew what they were doing.

Knew what she was doing like a prostitute? Im sorry I just hate always hearing that answer, especially when it comes from elmo.

Actually, women who are taught that sex should be for duty and not for pleasure are the ones who do it like prostitutes. The ones who have sex for pleasure are awesome, because they're not taught self-hating anti-social garbage by men who are afraid of their own balls.

 

[Justanewguy]

*snip*

Second, do you really expect them to be honest with you about it?

*snip*

I'm not going to comment on the entire rest of this thread/post, because my ideas on this aren't important. What's been said through the thread covers a vast majority of the views on both sides. That said, I have a distinct problem with what was asked here.

Do I expect my partner to be completely honest with me about their sexual history? Hell yes I do. I expect the girl I'm with to trust me enough to tell me what she's done, because if she doesn't then she's not someone I want to be having sex with. Some people have different views on casual sex, but my view is that I don't want to be having sex with someone unless I genuinely care about that person and am in a mutually respectful relationship with them. It's not unreasonable to want your girlfriend to be honest with you, and an open and honest relationship is the only way that that relationship will last for any long period of time.

So yes, I do expect my partner to be honest with me. If she's too embarrassed to tell me about it, then I feel I've done poorly as a boyfriend in giving her a safe environment to be absolutely truthful with me (that's my failing). If she doesn't tell me because she's lying to me about things, then I have no interest in her anyway (that's her failing). Either way it seems to me that in either of those scenarios we're simply not emotionally ready to have sex with each other.

 

[Justanewguy]

But if your only aversion to having SAFE sex is the fact that you told yourself when you were 13 that you'd save yourself for a predetermined period of time, you're just inhibiting life.

Generally I agreed with your post, Lunch, except for this little bit. If a person doesn't want to have sex, that's not inhibiting life, it's simply a life choice. I've known a lot of people who save themselves for the right moment, and haven't found it yet. If you want your first time to be with someone special or at some specific point in your future, that's your prerogative, just like choosing not to drink or smoke until you're legal to do so. It's not inhibiting life.

 

[Colour Scientist]

From what I skimmed in this thread, quite a lot of you enjoy sloppy seconds and used goods.

Personally I don't go for used goods, since the previous handler usually ruins the product.

I like my women like i like my products: new and unused.

That was such a vile string of sentences I don't even know where to begin.
Ideas like that are just revolting to me.
It's unsettling to think that some people still think like that.

I don't understand why people are so afraid of female sexuality.

 

[Cat Cloud]

It seems to me that quite a few people tend to go for sex because it's what seen as natural, giving into desires. I think people look for virgins not because they think that non-virgins are horrible people without morals (because they aren't) but they're looking for people who share similar views on sex.

I think having similar views on sex is extremely important in a relationship. I don't think the OP necessarily deserves the... "contempt" he's getting. Matching views is part of being in a relationship, and everyone has their own set of views.

As a girl, I find it interesting that this conversation has almost exclusively focused on female virgins. What about male virgins? Or is it so shameful for a guy to be a virgin it's not worth talking about?