Is it that hard to find a virgin?

[Faladorian]

I think the biggest issue i have with the "must be virgins" crowd, is that they treat sex like its something dirty to be ashamed of. Which is particularly ironic since they believe its a gift from god. I've seen people totally abandoned by their friends just because they "fell into sin." It's hypocritical and cruel, and it disgusts me. One of many reasons i'm not a christian.

I'm part of the "must be a virgin" crowd, and i think sex is dirty. I'm about as far from a Christian as you can be. In fact, I hate all religion with equal vigor, and think it perfectly showcases the naivete of humans as a whole.

Don't go grouping just yet.

OP: I'm the same way. It's absolutely out of the question for me to date a non-virgin.

As for the drugs, I don't care if a girl drinks, as long as she's responsible. If a girl got drunk and cheated on me, I would most definitely be on par with the OP. (I sometimes wish that Hell was a real place, just so that every cheater would be guaranteed to end up where they ultimately belong). Smoking tobacco, pot, or doing any other illegal drugs gets her an instant NO.

In fact, the list of qualifications I have in order for a girl to be datable is so enormous and exclusive, I, for the most part, would not date anybody. If you try to 'overcome' the person's flaws, you're only delaying the amount of time it takes for those things to creep up and grow on you until you hate the person to their rotten core.

Oh and yes, I'm a misanthrope. I figured I would save everybody the trouble of writing a comment just to tell me that.

 

[SilentCom]

I think the biggest issue i have with the "must be virgins" crowd, is that they treat sex like its something dirty to be ashamed of. Which is particularly ironic since they believe its a gift from god. I've seen people totally abandoned by their friends just because they "fell into sin." It's hypocritical and cruel, and it disgusts me. One of many reasons i'm not a christian.

It isn't just christians who have this view, pretty much every culture in the world have had this view at one time or another. Also, the "must be virgins" crowd don't usualy view sex as something dirty. They usually believe in the responsibility behind it. They believe that sex is usually something good when one is mature and ready for it. It's only when someone is not mature or becomes lustful that sex becomes a no no.

 

[General Vagueness]

I had a whole big thing typed out you probably don't care about, so I'll just I didn't do any of that stuff during high school, and I still haven't a few years later.

 

[Kopikatsu]

Eh. I'm like the OP, but it's true. Impossible to find someone like that, at least in Florida.

I'm sure that it gets harder with each year that passes, but eh.

 

[Whateveralot]

You will find someone that had sex before and fall in love with her.
You will not mind.
End of story.

Let me put it differently; would you want someone to judge you for being a virigin, regardless of who you are and if you like them or not. Of course not. Stop being such a hypocrit.:3

 

[SilentCom]

snip

I UNDERSTAND what compromise is. The point I was trying to make is that if sex is not that important to YOU, then you might not understand why it IS IMPORTANT to someone else. So that a "middle ground" for person A is 1 inch that way --->

when for person B that "middle ground" is 1000 miles that way <----

Because person A cant get his thick head around the fact that things can be more important to other people than they are to him, and it's not the fault of that other person being "sex crazed" "promiscuos" "slutty" or whatever is the next "clever" term invented to demean people that enjoy what is essentially a morally neutral bodily function.

Middle ground isn't two separate directions, you are describing perspective. You can't make demands saying my middle ground is here. No, middle ground is what sits between the views of both individuals. It is when both people talk about their perspectives and make an agreement. If both sides have a different idea of what the middle ground is, then clearly they haven't reached it yet. More simply stated, middle ground is in the middle.

Also, if one person really desires sex that much to be willing to bang someone else, then clearly as I have stated, they desire sex more than being committed to their partner.

As far is it not being their fault they are sex crazed, then that is completely against the whole topic from the beginning as I have stated if a couple forms a relationship based upon commitment. If one is sex crazed, there would not have been a strong commitment from the beginning. If one just desires sex more than the other but the couple is still committed to each other, then both will find middle ground together to solve their problem.

 

[joecool5000]

And thus is the original reason for marriage and the standards of anti-pre-marriage sex!
People figured they ought to actually get to know someone and become so attached to someone so as to get married to them. People don't normally get married until they're sure they're sure. And thus, by the time you get married and have sex, you probably don't have to worry all that much about them being unfaithful, since they did have all that patience and commitment so as to agree to marriage in the first place.

 

[Gamblerjoe]

Im sorry but being hung up on needing a partner to be a virgin and completely abstinent for moral reasons is a bunch of bullshit. those things have nothing to do with morals. if you want to have an opinion on people, and be picky about who you date be my guest, but trying to act righteous and acting like there is something wrong with those decisions is a bunch of crap.

First of all, morals and ethics are two different things. Learn the difference.

Second, too many people preach morals, and then act like amoral hypocrites as soon as it becomes convenient; especially religious people.

There are a lot of people that might have looser ethics than you, but many of those people have a clear cut and realistic moral code that they stick to at all cost. People who try to set morals just to impress their parents, clergyman, or god are faking it. There is nothing moral or ethical about that. I see it all the time, and it makes me so damn mad when those people try to make others feel bad about themselves, as if they think they're better for some reason.

 

[Jaime_Wolf]

snip

There are extremely responsible people who drink, do drugs, and have sex. All of these things can be done responsibly. The fact that they can also be done irresponsibly quite easily is a testament to the people who do them responsibly, not an indictment.

While people espousing these views tend to think of these actions as immoral and, in a sense, immature, this sort of Puritanical rejection is infinitely more immature. It typically stems from a bizarre notion that avoiding pleasure is a virtue even when there is no additional reason to avoid it.

Study after study shows positive effects for responsible drug use, alcohol use, and sexual activity. The reasons for characterising these as universally immoral activities are outdated, to the extend that they ever existed. On the part of men, for instance, there have been a couple of recent studies showing a relation between incidence of erectile dysfunction and age of first sexual experience. The health benefits of responsible alcohol consumption are well known. The health benefits of many illegal drugs are also extremely well documented. And all of this is to say nothing of the value of pleasure, which very certainly has value.

Also, if anyone you date has to be a virgin, what happens when you end having sex with someone and then you break up? You will no longer meet your own criteria.

 

[Blaster395]

Why do some people treat virginity like its currency?

 

[Firebert]

Because it can't be replaced?

It'd be hard to find someone who's never had a few drinks, though, especially in college.

 

[CrimsonBlaze]

So I have this thing about dating where I won't date anyone who has had sex with another man or who smokes and/or does drugs. Call me old school or call me weird, but it is just part of my moral system. And today, during my sociology class, we got on the topic of sex and dating. I told the class my stand on such and they all chuckled. When I ask what was funny, someone told me that the chance of finding a girl like that now-a-days is almost impossible and that I should just give up on it. And it hit me, every person in my class, which ranged from 9th grade to 12th grade, that everyone had drank beer illegally, smoked pot and chewed, or has had sex multiple times... except me. I could not believe it and even my teacher was not shocked in the least to hear that. He was actually agreeing with it. So basically, what I am as is, are there people who didn't illegally drink, smoke or who hadn't had sex during their high school years?

Edit: Since some one asked, I am from the west coast of the U.S. in Washington.

Edit II: As Azure-Supernova stated:

You're not after a virgin you're after someone responsible and faithful. You could meet a virgin and full well have glorious sex, only for her to turn around and cheat or not be a virgin at all. Surely virginity would fall behind the two afforementioned traits?

I suppose he's definition is a little more what I am looking for. I guess I could drop the virginity issue down a little if I could find faithful and responsible girl. I am still standing strong on not doing illegal drugs and drinking but I could give more leeway on virginity.

Well it's not like there AREN'T any pure virgins out there in the world, but in a more urban setting, where the media has an effect on its audience, more people are willing to be open to activities like sex, drinking, and smoking with less concern than a few decades ago. Morals are often compromised for pleasure or peer-pressure, and as a society, we have just been more tolerable of such actions.

I would just advise you to not compromise your morals if they are important to you. Still, being a little open with other's preferences wouldn't hurt either. As people, we rarely end up with our "ideal" partner, and just worry about being happy together with those that we care about.

 

[Geeky Anomaly]

Although I admire and respect your personal code; I think that waiting until you find a virgin is a big stretch that might leave you unhappy. Because as you get older, let's be honest, the virgins that exist are going to get progressively stranger and stranger. To the point where the woman is either a complete social reject(because of looks or personality), or she's going to be a monsterous prude. And I'm not talking delightfully quirky like Amy Farefowler on Big Bang Theory...I mean frickin' weird and socially awkward...weird to the point that no one wants to be around her. And the trust me man...prudes are no fun, prudish women are the WORST.

I took a different approach though, and it worked. I finished with my life, school, college, job etc. Now I'm 26. Dating a 18 or 19 is awesome when you're my age; and the odds of finding a virgin in the 18~19 bracket are way better than in the 23~27 bracket.

 

[6SteW6]

While I understand the drugs and smoking as a moral/health thing, I don't understand where the virginity thing falls on your moral compass? Are you the jealous type? Can you not bear to be with someone who has a history of lovers? Is it a cleanliness thing? Because sure there might be a few risks but that's nothing a couple of tests or the necessary precautions won't take care of.

Does it take them off the table completely? What if you love everything else about them? I say that's taking it a bit far. When I got married I was surprised to find my wife was a virgin, I never asked, or really thought about it at all, I just happened to love her very much. I think your standards are set a bit high.

Just remember having sex young doesn't make a person irresponsible/ignorant. It's when irresponsible/ignorant people have sex young that's the problem.

 

[James Oden]

Honestly I think this almost comes down to a case of instinct merged with society. Males want to be alpha, so they desire a mate that hasn't been with another male. Due to society, they also tend to apply this rule to themselves, meaning not being with a female partner. All in all, honestly, the stress cause by trying to adhere to something that is against our own nature are a complex animal is dangerous. And I'm not talking just sex here, I'm talking overall. Sure, some instinctual responses are best left untouched, but seeking a mate is not one of them, and judging a potential mate by whether or not they have had a mate in the past is not the way to go either. If she is fit, mentally and physically, in terms of what you desire in a woman, then by all means, try to be happy and ignore her faults.

Wow... not is flowing as i would have liked... this is what I get for trying to post while tired.

Just remember that a good personality and self control should in all cases trump whether or not she is a virgin or has drank a little in the past or tried drugs in the past. And if you care about her and she is using, try to get her some help. Obviously, the "she" in this situation is hypothetical, but I hope I have properly conveyed what I mean.

 

[DracoSuave]

Also, if one person really desires sex that much to be willing to bang someone else, then clearly as I have stated, they desire sex more than being committed to their partner.

Logical fallacy.

If Person A is oversexed, and seeks to fulfill his sexual needs with someone other than Person B, and Person B has established themselves as not interested in sexual needs, is it not hypocritical to say that only Person A has broken the commitment?

If Person B wants to hold Person B to a sexual commitment, then does it not work both ways? Is not Person B's lack of 'putting out' as much a breaking of the sexual commitment as Person A's seeking 'dinner elsewhere?'

Are not both parties equally at fault? And if that's the case, does the sexual commitment exist in the first place?

The reality is, this causes a LOT of friction in couples that otherwise love each other, and while some people (such as yourself: "desire sex more than commitment" but not "desire chastity more than commitment") are quick to lay the blame on the oversexed member, the fact is it is simply because two people are out of wavelength on the sex.

And what you overlook is that the sex IS the point behind the evolution of the male/female dynamic. Which is why it's so central and important, and why it must be addressed before making such commitments. Is sex a part of the commitment or not? How is it in there? What happens if one strays?

This is why, ideally, you want someone whose in your same ballpark libido-wise. If you're a randy andy, seek out a greedy gretchen. If you're a prudy sue, seek out a no-sexed ned. Or whatever. Sexual compatibility is an important part of any long-term sexual relationship.

 

[someonehairy-ish]

I think sex is dirty.

Can I just ask why? Because you touch another person? Or... what?

Never really understood this idea. Its not like people somehow become contaminated- except in the very literal sense of STIs, but those shouldn't really be a problem if this hypothetical mate is sensible.

 

[Harlief]

The whole finding a virgin thing is weird and a little naive. All my lady-friends tell me that losing their hymen was a physically painful experience; personally, I don't like the thought of inflicting pain during sex.

 

[quantumsoul]

There's plenty. You're more likely to find them among religious, shy or unattractive women but even those aren't guarantees.

Just look for a good person that you're compatible with. That's much harder to find than any virgin.

 

[Techno Squidgy]

Op, I thin you need to be a little more open minded. You're going to have a hard time finding someone that matches your criteria, as most people will have experimented with sex, drugs and alcohol. In my opinion, it's a waste to not at least try the safer stuff. Even if you only try it once you could have a fantastic experience. However, it's your life to live and your choices. I wish you the best of luck.