Is it wrong to ask out a professor?

[Strain42]

Let me make a few things perfectly clear before anyone answers.

1. I'm not even one of her students. We just talk sometimes when I'm waiting in the hallway for my other class to start, and
2. As of May 13th, I won't even be a student at this particular college anymore.

She's just a very attractive, smart and witty woman that I enjoy talking with. I've considered asking her out a few times, but I know there's more often than not a lot of taboo about students and teachers, and I wouldn't want to risk getting either of us into trouble (or looking stupid if I ask her and she has to explain to me what I basically just said)

So on that note...what do you think, Fellow Escapists? I'm hot for teacher, but what should I do about it?

 

[Acier]

I would go for it. You're graduating soon, so if she says she can't offer that up. Then again I might have a skewed view because I'm a serial teacher-befriender and my university actively encourages personal relationships between student and teacher. The environment may be different at your school though, so you may want to take into account how the general population might react to it.

 

[Lionsfan]

Maybe just to be safe you should wait until after you aren't a student. I mean go for it....but after you're done at the college

 

[Jedoro]

Ask if she'd be interested in doing anything after graduation, then.

 

[Esotera]

As long as it's not likely you'll ever have to have a professional relationship with her, it should be fine, as long as your university doesn't have any funny code of conduct issues about it (they probably wouldn't care even if they did). Lots of my friends keep in contact with old teachers & their lecturers.

 

[ace_of_something]

Some colleges have rules about faculty dating staff. (Mostly because it's kind of skeezy) So waiting might be good.

 

[GrimTuesday]

Theoretically, after you graduate there is no conflict of interest and therefore should be fine. The rules are in place to discourage favoritism, its the same as a lot employers have rules about dating one's subordinates.

 

[EeveeElectro]

Well, pretty sure it's illegal in the UK. Abusing her position of trust if she dates you. Has she given you you any indication she likes you? She might just be an awesome teacher.
But if you do want to try something, I'd wait until you graduate or you could both get into trouble.

 

[gazumped]

I know a lass who dated her ex-tutor, last time I saw her she'd been dating him for a year.

My boyfriend's sister had a baby with her ex-tutor, they were together for about four years.

It may raise a few eyebrows but it's not unheard of or totally condemned... providing you're no longer a student at her institution.

 

[SpaceBat]

The thing is, if his school/college/university is anything like most others, she could get fired for it and have a lot of trouble finding a new job in that vein. If the OP likes her, he probably does not want that to happen.

True, but he has stated that he will cease to be a student soon enough, so asking her out should not have any negative legal repercussions if he waits until graduation, right?

 

[ElPatron]

You *could* make your move before you graduate but only kick it off after the graduation.

 

[The Unworthy Gentleman]

What's stopping you? The possible repercussions from it. When did living lose it's place to maintaining life? Yeah, stumble through each day comfortably, don't do the things you aren't supposed to, follow the rules, be healthy and maybe, just maybe, you'll live long enough to regret your entire life.

Or take the shot and do what you want, regardless of reasoning.

You actually have to be kidding me, CAPTCHA.

 

[Strain42]

What's stopping you? The possible repercussions from it. When did living lose it's place to maintaining life? Yeah, stumble through each day comfortably, don't do the things you aren't supposed to, follow the rules, be healthy and maybe, just maybe, you'll live long enough to regret your entire life.

Or take the shot and do what you want, regardless of reasoning.

You actually have to be kidding me, CAPTCHA.

You sound like you're trying to give a pep talk to someone who's about to rob a convenience store.

Sorry that I don't see me risking graduation and possibly ruining someones career for a couple dates as the preferable option.

I understand what you're trying to say, but it doesn't really apply to this situation.

I think I'll ask her out, but I'll probably wait a little while. Maybe not until May, but close enough to where we can discuss the options once I'm out of school.

Wish me luck, people.

 

[The Unworthy Gentleman]

You sound like you're trying to give a pep talk to someone who's about to rob a convenience store.

Yeah, it was supposed to come off as motivational but only came off douchey. I had to put another quid in the **** jar, I'm about £25 off my entire first year of Uni fees. There's more than one jar.

But as long as it's not my shop, do whatever you want.

 

[Strain42]

You sound like you're trying to give a pep talk to someone who's about to rob a convenience store.

Yeah, it was supposed to come off as motivational but only came off douchey. I had to put another quid in the **** jar, I'm about £25 off my entire first year of Uni fees. There's more than one jar.

But as long as it's not my shop, do whatever you want.

Yeah, it's cool. I've had that happen a couple times myself. For what it's worth, I do appreciate the motivation.

 

[Acier]

The thing is, if his school/college/university is anything like most others, she could get fired for it and have a lot of trouble finding a new job in that vein. If the OP likes her, he probably does not want that to happen.

True, but he has stated that he will cease to be a student soon enough, so asking her out should not have any negative legal repercussions if he waits until graduation, right?

Maybe I interpreted EClaris's post wrong. I thought he was saying he should ask her out soon, and not wait until he graduates. Maybe he can clear up what he meant.

Anyhow, yes, as I said, I agree, once hes out of the school theres no reason not to date her. Plenty of teachers end up in a relationship or even marrying ex-students, it happens more often than you would think.

No you got my post right. Looking back on it, it probably *is* safer to wait until he graduates. My university is pretty abnormal when it comes to that kind of thinking. However, I doubt she would get fired even if something was initiated before graduation. University is much less restrictive than highschool, and if he is not her student than his academic achievements can't be attributed to their relationship. My post was *trying* to convey that if she rejects him on the grounds of him being a student, then to remind her that he is graduating soon. Then she can either reject or accept on the basis of his personal qualities and just postpone the date until after graduation. Though I wouldn't advise doing this right away, waiting until graduation is closer is the best option. The wait if she says yes isnt as long, and the potential awkwardness of rejection is reduced in time.

But then again, my advice is completely null and void if your school has specific policies against these things.

 

[The Unworthy Gentleman]

Yeah, it's cool. I've had that happen a couple times myself. For what it's worth, I do appreciate the motivation.

The basic message was to do whatever the hell you want. You seem to know what you want now so it's cool.

The recurring problem with this new mentality is that other people keep throwing up roadblocks of logic that I have to deal with as well as my own. If you did what I said then she would have to exact same thoughts as you, throwing her own logical roadblocks in front of you doing what you want.

You've made the right choice in waiting till it's safe.

 

[Philol]

If you want a relationship, no harm in trying eh? Although I agree with some of the others, wait until you graduate before you ask her at least then it's technically no longer a teacher/student relationship.