Is This Unusual?

[Slayer_2]

First off, a little back-story, I'm an 18 year-old male, straight, and I enjoy things most other teenage guys do: cars, video-games, junk food, partying, etc. Until recently, I was a virgin, in the "done everything BUT" category. My previous encounters were alright, but not as good as I expected, I just pinned it on the fact that I didn't make it all the way.

A few weeks ago, I did make it all the way with some random girl who I'll likely never see again, the usual one-night stand stuff. She was fairly attractive, if I had to give a rating, I'd say an 8/10. As for how things went, it was pretty standard, she went down on me, I returned the favour, she got on top, and oddly enough, she finished first, or at least faked it.

The REALLY strange thing was, I didn't really enjoy it close to as much as I expected. I mean, it was alright, but I just felt somewhat like I was doing some chore (and no, not just on the oral part, ha-ha). and I'm willing to pass some of the lack of enjoyment off to it being my first go, and the fact that she had no real connection to me. And throw in the media over-hyping sex too, why not?

Still, I'm a teenage guy, it's something we're supposed to chase 24/7. Doesn't it strike you as unusual that I'd rather have spent that time with friends, working on my car, biking, or gaming? Oh and yes, I'm pretty sure I'm straight, since I have found many women attractive, but never once have I seen a man I found attractive.

Oh, one last thing, sorry if I made any spelling/grammar/coherency errors, I haven't slept for almost 20 hours now.

 

[Broady Brio]

Seeing as I'm almost identical to you.

18, straight, like games, parties. Sadly I haven't done anything sexual at all with someone else.

However, I'm not exactly chasing every single girl I see. So I conclude that it's not unusual to spend time doing other things like what you described.

 

[Zantos]

Don't worry. My first time wasn't that great either, sort of got pushed into it by my mates. Then a few months down the line started going out with a girl I actually really liked, we really got the time to know how we both worked and it was fan-fucking-tastic.

So yeah, rather than just hitting up the one nighters, really take the time, it's worth it.

 

[Lionsfan]

Well it's natural for everyone's first time to be a bit weird. Like David Wong said on Cracked you get better at having sex (getting more pleasure out of it) by practicing, luckily the practice is awesome. It might have something to do with the fact that it was a one-night stand. Past experience for me, they've always been hit or miss. Having relationship sex is better because you're more close to the person, and you learn what turns them on making it more pleasurable.

And about it not being that interesting to you, it's not unusual. Sure most guys are always chasing skirt but there's also guys who have never had sex and are just as happy. I mean, sex is fun yes, but it's by no means the most important thing in life. And if you're happy not worrying about it/not chasing it then cool. Do whatever you want to do, and don't feel different just because you're not chasing girls everywhere. You're not in the minority on it either (despite what friends/random guys at bars may tell you)

 

[SilentCom]

I'm a 21 male, straight and never had sex but in my opinion, it's over-rated, or at least over-hyped. Sex is not the end all climax to any life as life will go on regardless if you have sex or not.

As far as your first time not being great, maybe its because it was with some random girl on a one night stand.

 

[Phasmal]

Maybe you're just the type of guy who prefers it when in a relationship. Otherwise, the first time is ususally a bit weird because you dont really know what to do.

 

[cfb_rolley]

First time was pretty weird for me too, sounds fairly usual. Over time it gets better and better, provided you put effort in. Being in a relationship, the more you get to know the other person and vice versa the better you click, if that makes sense. Emotions play a good role too.

 

[gazumped]

Not unusual at all. The old saying goes:
"The first time is always s**t."

... to be fair, it's not always true, my first time was pretty awesome, but if it's a saying then it must be that way for a lot of people.

 

[Sneaky-Pie]

It's better when you're with someone you care about, not some stranger.

 

[PleaseDele]

First times tend to be shit. You don't know what you lik eyet, so you couldn't tell her. You have few to almost no array of sexual skills to your disposal ('cept for maybe some pr0n visuals) so you just fumble about with her. In general it's just too much guesswork.

Guesswork can lead to surprising results, but more often then not, they completely miss the mark.

So no, it is not unusual. Now get out there and practice!

 

[SiskoBlue]

Relax. You are spot on with media over-hyping sex, but it's not just that. You're fairly self-conscious the first time you have sex. The first few times, even when you've fooled around. That kind of anxiety really destroys the whole pleasure of sex. Imagine it this way. You could masturbate and have a fantastic experience because there's no pressure, no judgement, everything is how you want it and you're not worried about anyone else's opinion.

Now imagine masturbating in front of a stranger. Suddenly you're "performing", you become self-conscious about how you look, how you do things, what you should do, whether they're enjoying it. This distracts you from enjoying it. It's also like when you first start driving a car. It can be frustrating, anxious, slightly chaotic, you having to think of so much. But after a few years you go on a long drive without a car in the world and love it.

Although we all like to think we're self-aware and conscious of media hype the sheer amount of sex messages in media gives people extremely strange expectations about sex. There was a famous psychologist once (wish I could remember his name but it escapes me), and he gave up treating people after 15 years. Someone asked him why and he said he was sick of the fact that 80% of problems he treated people for could be traced back to misconceptions about sex they'd developed when they were teenagers. And it's true, people get weird ideas without realising it and as HONEST discussions about sex are still relatively rare it takes a while to dispel these sex myths in people's heads.

So don't beat yourself up and don't take one experience as evidence of anything. My first time was with a long-term girlfriend I loved and it was great. The relationship went to hell (also the sex). The second girl I slept with with painfully awkward. The third adventurous and fun, the fifth great but unemotional and slightly depressing. And the experiences that have followed have all been different. So get rid of anythoughts of "unusual" when it comes to sex because there really isn't any "usual".

Just remember some key facts; 1) Dumb people get laid all the time. That's because having sex doesn't require a lot of thought, and often the less thinking about it the better. 2) The best sex you have will be with someone you love, but great sex can happen if you don't feel under pressure. 3) Sex isn't everything, in fact sex is almost like money, it does mean much in and of itself, it's what it means to YOU that counts. 4) There's no such thing as "normal" sex. 5) Ignore the hype. Sex sells, and sex is partially censorsed. That's enough to tell you that you'll rarely get any real or honest information about sex from the media.

Hope this helps. Good luck.