i've got a question....

[JemothSkarii]

I know how you're feeling OP.

I'm 21 and still living at home. I'm unemployed and have been for about 9 months in a small town and are physically disabled. My brothers both moved out at around 18-19 years, both having stable jobs and loving relationships. I too have a relationship but with a girl overseas. I'm torn between having a job (on Centrelink payments which aren't enough to move out for me) and spending time building and repairing relationships. Girlfriend is going through college so I want to help her with that as much as I can yet with everyone around me moving out and acquiring jobs I can't help but feel a tad worthless.

My parents expect me to have a job and believe me to be a leech on society without one, and I'm going overseas in 3 weeks, then after that I'll be heading back after 5 months. So my issue here is I guess self esteem and indecision; I'd like to get a job mainly out of boredom and an underlying feel of employability, but at the same time I am unsure I can focus and I know how draining and time consuming having a job would be, and the extremely low chances of getting a job regardless. Heck my last job I was a 'trophy' employee (They literally told me at my interview that having a disabled employee would be great PR) after 2 years of looking and with government incentives.

So yeah with my venting I do know how you feel. Right now I'm trying to fix my life back up after a massive lull from depression and have recently tried to rekindle my love for writing, yet my concentration on lots of things wane. I'll just have to keep telling myself that if I try things will change and get better.

Really that's the only advise I can give; try to block out or even fuel yourself on the thoughts of negativity and/or loneliness and keep trying to fix things. Even if you fail in the end and nothing happens, you damn well tried.

 

[capper42]

I got pretty down a few months ago because it really frustrated me that none of my uni housemates like the same music or films and stuff as me, and it really can be pretty lame not having people who share your interests. For a while I felt alienated, and although it sounds stupid it really can make you feel incredibly lonely. Part of friendship is being able to share interests with people, and enjoy things together, and when that's missing it can be hard to get along.

I've largely shaken myself out of it and just realised that our interests in pop culture aren't the only important thing about us. I can still have a good time with these people, even if I have to be listening to One Direction whilst doing it.

I'm not sure if I've made much sense of what I was trying to say there, but basically I can relate.

 

[Latinidiot]

Of course I have felt alone. Everyone has at some point. Most of us do get over it, be it a change in behaviour, the world around you or simply in the way you see the world. So don't worry. You'll be fine. Just do what you enjoy, do it a lot, and also do new things as well.

 

[HotHandedGamer]

I kind of know that feeling. I'm 18, the youngest of three, and I feel like the black sheep of my family. My sisters got better grades in their GCSEs than I did, and better grades in their A levels than I will. My oldest sister got a 25+k job two months out of university, when it was only supposed to be a temp position and my other sister is a very promising med student.

I have the same problem just slightly different. I'm expected to do great and amazing things because I spend most of my time on computers and reading books so the whole family expects me to be a 'genius' even though I'm nothing of the sort. I completely know how it feels to be the black sheep and it does stop me talking which the rest of the family when there talking about the Real Housewifes of the Orange county and retarded crap like that. So yeah OP , Your not the only one who feels alone , Just everyone has it in different ways !

 

[HotHandedGamer]

'They literally told me at my interview that having a disabled employee would be great PR'

Well they don't sound like arseholes at all ...

 

[The Funslinger]

I kind of know that feeling. I'm 18, the youngest of three, and I feel like the black sheep of my family. My sisters got better grades in their GCSEs than I did, and better grades in their A levels than I will. My oldest sister got a 25+k job two months out of university, when it was only supposed to be a temp position and my other sister is a very promising med student.

I have the same problem just slightly different. I'm expected to do great and amazing things because I spend most of my time on computers and reading books so the whole family expects me to be a 'genius' even though I'm nothing of the sort. I completely know how it feels to be the black sheep and it does stop me talking which the rest of the family when there talking about the Real Housewifes of the Orange county and retarded crap like that. So yeah OP , Your not the only one who feels alone , Just everyone has it in different ways !

Yeah, I clash with my family a bit, too. To me, my sisters seem to have metaphorical sticks up their arses, and they're quite judgemental and to them, I seem rude. Which I wouldn't say I am; I'm just a bit less repressed and apologetic than most other English people.

Our interests also differ immensely, too.

 

[Accountfailed]

No, you're not the only one. You're never the only one. Even if you NEVER meet someone who has been through the same circumstances as you, it's a 99.999(repeating)% chance that someone has felt precisely the same as you. Fact.

For the record, 9.999(repeating)% = 100% in mathematical terms. Thanks, Numberphile! :3

On Topic: Everybody feels like that from time to time, the important thing to recognize is that you are never alone with it. When I feel like that -and it's pretty common for me- I talk to some friends over the internet, people I've never met but when compared to my physical friends in regard to making me feel better, there's no competition.

I guess my point is that being alone physically does mean you are alone mentally, and I think all the people responding to your post stand testament to that.

 

[vercardo]

I'm going to join in here and project some of my issues, just to offer a perspective. Maybe it's right and will provide some insight. It's probably wrong, but if there's a chance it helps someone, it's worth a shot I think.

There's a difference between feeling alone and feeling unvalidated, and it's hard to know the difference. (Of course maybe you're feeling alone because you really are alone and then this probably doesn't apply to you.) Nonetheless, not getting recognition for what you do sucks. We need validation from others, from meaningful others. It's part of the human condition. To deny that is to deny your own humanity. We're pack animals. And it's frustrating to feel nothing is ever good enough for the people around you. It's frustrating to try and show them it's worth it investing in you and you can't live up to their expectations.
You might think you don't need their recognition, you're just fine on your own. But sooner or later there will probably come a point when it's no longer enough to tell yourself what you're doing is right, or that you did your best, but you need to hear it from someone else. I always tried to do things on my own, claiming I didn't need anyone else or their appreciation, and then, one day, it turned out I couldn't. That day I tried to accept that one's happiness is sometimes dependant on other people.
That's part of the ?beauty? of a relationship. Relationships are not about having someone that makes you happy, they're about having someone to make happy. And that makes you happy. To have someone that shows you you make a difference for him/her. Of course, that doesn't always work out?

My advice would be to seek a hobby. Go do something in your spare time. Something you like and are good at and where it's easy for people to show you you did a good job. Personally I love to cook for my mother and sister on weekends when I'm back home. Maybe it's a bit sad, and a little pathetic, but at the end of the meal, that little ?That was a lovely dinner, thank you.? means the world to me. Maybe they're just being polite, maybe they don't really mean it, but I sure love to believe they do.
Also I'm a pretty good cook, even if I say so myself. So they're probably being honest?
Ideally, one shouldn't care all too much what other people think, and you should just enjoy the things you do because you want to do them, not to please other people. To simply stop seeking your validation from others is what most people would probably tell you, but I found it's not always that simple to make that switch?

 

[Tiger King]

Do you guys and girls ever had the feeling you were completly alone? Do you ever have the feeling you can't share your thoughts and your feelings? This very moment I'm in that situation. I've been gaming for, I think, all my life, but somehow I feel like i'm the only person who likes videogames in this world. I don't know any person in my neighborhood ( is that how it's spelled?) who likes videogames and I'm feeling really alone at this moment... The question is: am I the only one here? Am I the black sheep here? Is there anyone out there who felt or feel the same way?

Yeah we have all been there :/
I was reaching 19, was working night shifts and was single.
working nights are very unsociable, honestly some nights, because I worked alone, I would be able to count the words I spoke aloud on my hands.
I couldn't stop thinking "there has to be more to life than this"
I was also desperately shy and lacking confidence. all my friends, at least to me, seemed to be living the good life, they had girlfriends and were living it up at the weekend.
so yeah I basically fell into the pit of self pity and felt very lonely.
Thing is I wish I could go back and slap myself around the head as the situation was largely self inflicted, I couldn't or refused to accept the positives in my life, I was young, I had money and yes occasionally girls would show an intrest, my negative outlook just pushed them away. (for gods sake man that girl with the massive jugs pinched your arse for more than a joke!!)

Anyhow, it took a long time and a change of employment for me to realise what I had done wrong and that we aren't alone we only need to open our mouths and ask.
Everyone here on the escapist is pretty cool so your doing the right thing discussing an issue here.

 

[Angie7F]

This thread just gave me the idea that emo and chu 2 byo is really similar.