A couple workmates and I got on this discussion yesterday:
I have a fantastic relationship with my significant other where jealousy is not a factor, that being, neither she nor I are insecure. We're both attractive people, but neither of us are going to be winning any beauty contests or in danger of becoming the world's next big heart-throb. That being said, we're both aware that attractiveness is just a fact of life, much like good design. If we see someone that's attractive, and acknowledge it, it does not mean that we want to leave one another for said attractive person. Even if we internally desire to fornicate with them, it doesn't mean we would out of respect for each other, not some false sense of blindness and monogamous-based desire to only be with one person forever... it really is just a respect thing.
We tend to apply this philosophy to our daily lives. If someone is attractive, it's almost fun to point it out, as we both share a sense of apprecaition for things pleasant to the eye. I can have desktop wallpapers of various obnoxiously attractive women and she'll make comments on whether or not she shares my opinion and why, at the same time I can wipe the drool from the corner of her mouth every time Ryan Renolds takes his shirt off and understand that yes, he is a ridiculously attractive man. Neither she, nor I will ever reach that level of "hotness" regardless of how much work we put in, so what is the point of being "jealous?" We can fantasize, idolize, crave and desire any person, place or thing we want and it does not change the fact that we're in it together for the long haul...
It surprised me that a lot of couples that have been together much longer than she and I have, still have an issue with jealousy. I have a history of being "cheated" on, but chock it up to the fact I was with the wrong person, not that I wasn't "____" enough; the girl that cheats on me just really didn't want to be with me, so bad on them, but it's not because I didn't do something. In any relationship, if someone is unhappy, you are supposed to talk about it... at the point you cheat, you really DON'T want to talk about it; you're kind of just... done. I have a disproportionate amount of female friends, most of which are VERY attractive... the reverse can be said for my girlfriend. I know several of her male friends would take her if they could, and I know that she's still friends with some people who have exercised that opportunity... but for me to be "jealous" of them is kind of self-defeating and for the life of me I can't understand why tons and tons of people can't pick up on this basic concept.
See I'm a notorious "flirt" and my girlfriend can only be described as a compulsive molester (she's a very hands on kind of person, I'm more verbal), but all of our friends love us for those reasons and are very happy for us as a couple. I can chat up the barista at the local coffee shop, even invite her out to Karaoke, I just make it clear that I have a girlfriend... then I'll text my girlfriend with something like "hey, my new friend is coming out to Karaoke with us, you'll like her." Then when my girlfriend and new hot friend meet (which they usually end up being friends afterward too, because my girlfriend is obnoxiously likeable), afterward my girl will say something to the effect of, "Oh my god that girl is ridiculously hot;" to which I'd reply, "I know, right?" I don't know why this sort of thing seems so rare, because if you love someone and they love you, it should just work like that.
I think W.C. Fields said it best when he said,
So I'm curious, is your/have you/would you ever be in a relationship that is plagued with jealousy? Are you the "jealous type?" Do you feel nervous if your significant other is alone with someone of potential interest? Are you riddled with guilt every time you catch yourself "checking out" someone at the store?
I have a fantastic relationship with my significant other where jealousy is not a factor, that being, neither she nor I are insecure. We're both attractive people, but neither of us are going to be winning any beauty contests or in danger of becoming the world's next big heart-throb. That being said, we're both aware that attractiveness is just a fact of life, much like good design. If we see someone that's attractive, and acknowledge it, it does not mean that we want to leave one another for said attractive person. Even if we internally desire to fornicate with them, it doesn't mean we would out of respect for each other, not some false sense of blindness and monogamous-based desire to only be with one person forever... it really is just a respect thing.
We tend to apply this philosophy to our daily lives. If someone is attractive, it's almost fun to point it out, as we both share a sense of apprecaition for things pleasant to the eye. I can have desktop wallpapers of various obnoxiously attractive women and she'll make comments on whether or not she shares my opinion and why, at the same time I can wipe the drool from the corner of her mouth every time Ryan Renolds takes his shirt off and understand that yes, he is a ridiculously attractive man. Neither she, nor I will ever reach that level of "hotness" regardless of how much work we put in, so what is the point of being "jealous?" We can fantasize, idolize, crave and desire any person, place or thing we want and it does not change the fact that we're in it together for the long haul...
It surprised me that a lot of couples that have been together much longer than she and I have, still have an issue with jealousy. I have a history of being "cheated" on, but chock it up to the fact I was with the wrong person, not that I wasn't "____" enough; the girl that cheats on me just really didn't want to be with me, so bad on them, but it's not because I didn't do something. In any relationship, if someone is unhappy, you are supposed to talk about it... at the point you cheat, you really DON'T want to talk about it; you're kind of just... done. I have a disproportionate amount of female friends, most of which are VERY attractive... the reverse can be said for my girlfriend. I know several of her male friends would take her if they could, and I know that she's still friends with some people who have exercised that opportunity... but for me to be "jealous" of them is kind of self-defeating and for the life of me I can't understand why tons and tons of people can't pick up on this basic concept.
See I'm a notorious "flirt" and my girlfriend can only be described as a compulsive molester (she's a very hands on kind of person, I'm more verbal), but all of our friends love us for those reasons and are very happy for us as a couple. I can chat up the barista at the local coffee shop, even invite her out to Karaoke, I just make it clear that I have a girlfriend... then I'll text my girlfriend with something like "hey, my new friend is coming out to Karaoke with us, you'll like her." Then when my girlfriend and new hot friend meet (which they usually end up being friends afterward too, because my girlfriend is obnoxiously likeable), afterward my girl will say something to the effect of, "Oh my god that girl is ridiculously hot;" to which I'd reply, "I know, right?" I don't know why this sort of thing seems so rare, because if you love someone and they love you, it should just work like that.
I think W.C. Fields said it best when he said,
Besides that being an amusingly sexist statement, there can be some truth derived from it. For me "women" represents girls that are not my girlfriend. They definitely can be fun to look at, but that doesn't mean I want to bring them home with me. Even if I would want to bring them home with me for a night, it wouldn't be worth it because I have someone amazing.
So I'm curious, is your/have you/would you ever be in a relationship that is plagued with jealousy? Are you the "jealous type?" Do you feel nervous if your significant other is alone with someone of potential interest? Are you riddled with guilt every time you catch yourself "checking out" someone at the store?