Jealousy.

[mbug]

Yes. Okay. Jealousy. I will personally be the first person to say I am a horribly jealous person. Of course only when it comes to my man, almost everything else I am very chilled with.
Anyway, certain female friend, who we shall call Ms A, has invited my second half (we shall call him Mr T) out tomorrow with some other mates. Ms A and I are rather good friends, but she always had this very very annoying little trait.... even if she had all her girls around and we were all joking etc she?d always choose the male company. She would ask the guys from school to hang out instead of asking us girls etc etc. Anyway even though we were all good friends while going through high school... now I can?t help but get annoyed sometimes when she asks Mr T to hang...
Eg: tomorrow she?s asked him, a friend called Sam and some other bloke to go somewhere. Kewl. Fine. Great. Although he said he couldn?t come because he lacked the funds and had said this she said ?oh nah I?ll pay for you? he declined again and she somewhat peer pressured him into it. Now I?m not sure if it is my place to be jealous or not... but I?m mighty annoyed >_<
SO MY QUESTION IS SIMPLE.
Jealousy. How to deal with it? Do you have any helpful hints or tricks? And are you a jealous person yourself?

 

[Amarok]

Can you tell us a little bit more about the nature of this jealousy? Are you jealous just because Mrs A is taking Mr T away and thus he's not with you, or is this a trust-related jealousy thing in which you think Mrs A might be wanting a bite of Mr T's Snickers?

(I'm not particularly jealous myself - my bisexual girlfriend currently lives with a bisexual girl and three guys, one of which she's slept with before. If I were a jealous/paranoid person I'd probably go crazy :3)

 

[Pandalisk]

*raised eyebrow* Whats her game eh?

I'll chime in with Amarok, though to be honest im a little biased, you describe someone who is almost identicle to someone i know, and she's a scheming little... hmm? off track there.

Perhaps she is like her, just likes the guy attention? im similar with wanting to horde the girl attention. Are you anxious about it in anyway? maybe worried?

As for tricks? something mind numbing to get your head off it? im a gamer so i use games, or working out is always a nice thing, run a couple miles and coherent thought ends. Also if it helps you can visualise her face in a punching bag, its win-win!...though thats a clear sign that your jealous probably

Jealous? nope actually, first in a long time, guess im over my ex, huzzah! though i do get a little jealous when the girl im in the process of courting laughs with other guys, i shouldnt but hell, im a jealous fellow.

 

[dmase]

Well hanging out with the person more and trusting your boyfriend would help. Of course you must trust your boyfriend more than your friend. If i'd make a suggestion putting your relationship out in the open with her asking her advice and getting her into how well your relationship with him goes. Of course this could raise other problems including how much he wants other girl to know and whether what you tell her will make her more attracted to him.

I have a friend and I got to be friends with his GF and me and her have gone out to bars and danced together and stuff never once has he worried about me and her. Partially its confidence that he is what she wants, partially because leaving her wouldn't be that hard for him, but mostly because he trusts me and i'd trust him no matter what and yeah I am a jealous person. Now, i'm just not going to put myself in the situation where I need to be jealous again.

 

[FieryTrainwreck]

First things first: are you specifically not invited to hang out with these people? Because there is something distinctly fucked up about a female "friend" inviting your guy to hang out with her and some other dudes while you twiddle your thumbs.

Secondably, I don't think your jealousy is at all unreasonable. If a girl hangs almost exclusively with guys, that's a giant red flag for me. As something of a cynic, as well as an intense advocate for the definitive power of probability, I'm just not comfortable with that level of "opportunity".

How to deal with it? I'd talk to your fella first. Be honest about how the situation makes you feel. If he can't appreciate your concerns and ease your mind, that's another issue.

Assuming I'm into the girl in the first place, I love it when she's a little possessive/jealous. Means she cares enough about me and the relationship to be protective.

 

[The Man With the Soap]

Yes. Okay. Jealousy. I will personally be the first person to say I am a horribly jealous person. Of course only when it comes to my man, almost everything else I am very chilled with.
Anyway, certain female friend, who we shall call Ms A, has invited my second half (we shall call him Mr T) out tomorrow with some other mates. Ms A and I are rather good friends, but she always had this very very annoying little trait.... even if she had all her girls around and we were all joking etc she?d always choose the male company. She would ask the guys from school to hang out instead of asking us girls etc etc. Anyway even though we were all good friends while going through high school... now I can?t help but get annoyed sometimes when she asks Mr T to hang...
Eg: tomorrow she?s asked him, a friend called Sam and some other bloke to go somewhere. Kewl. Fine. Great. Although he said he couldn?t come because he lacked the funds and had said this she said ?oh nah I?ll pay for you? he declined again and she somewhat peer pressured him into it. Now I?m not sure if it is my place to be jealous or not... but I?m mighty annoyed >_<
SO MY QUESTION IS SIMPLE.
Jealousy. How to deal with it? Do you have any helpful hints or tricks? And are you a jealous person yourself?

It sounds to me like this woman is trying to get your man to cheat on you. Do not trust him! I have been in the same situation literally five times, and I have gotten the same outcome each time, cheating. Don't sit around and let the problem snowball. Confront him about it.

 

[SiskoBlue]

In my experience jealousy is usually one of two causes;

1. Low self-esteem. Jealousy is envy. It's usually not so much wanting some one else's life but feeling that somehow you are lacking. I've had jealous partners, I've been a jealous partner and it's nearly always when you're not feeling super awesome about yourself. So in this case you might feel Ms A has got something you haven't and are afraid your "other half" will be attracted to this (never heard someone referred to as the second half?).

If you were feeling good about yourself you wouldn't feel as threatened by Ms A and if Mr T ever did cheat it only means he's not good enough for you.

What doesn't help in this case is that Ms A sounds like lots of girls who only feel valid when they're getting male attention. It's not that they want to sleep with every guy but as women are so often treated as sexual objects it conditions many girls to feel they only have social value when guys are attracted to them. Of course guys aren't that shallow (most of the time) so any validation they feel is short lived.

2. The other major cause is paranoia. Lack of trust of other people in general. This usually comes from experience so if you've had friends still boyfriends before, or seen it happen a lot amongst your friends then you're trained to see that threat even when it isn't there. We all feel betrayed by people at times but you have to keep a balance between healthy skepticism and paranoia that everyone will let you down.

Of course if she's really trying to bag your man, and there's been enough evidence to suggest that she might be, then you have a healthy paranoia. Although you have to be careful, some people get addicted to "righteous anger". There's not many times in life when you are allowed to feel angry in our western society, and catching a cheating partner is one of them. I know some people who seem to get off on the fantasy of what they'd do if they caught their partner cheating.