Jokes

[NeedAUserName]

Just wondering what peoples favorite jokes/1 liners were? Yh I know its been done before, but alot get locked.

SO PLEASE KEEP IT PG-13

Oh mine is, well more of a 1 liner:

do you think the queens ever pulled her duvet up to her neck and just said "look Philip I'm a stamp!"

 

[MRMIdAS2k]

Am I the only one sick of rhetorical questions?

 

[wilsonscrazybed]

Am I the only one sick of rhetorical questions?

Do you really need me to answer that?

 

[Volucer]

That joke was in Mock the Week wasn't it?

 

[shatnershaman]

How do you know a politician is lying? Their lips are moving.

 

[Clairaudient]

Oh here it goes oh here it goes oh here it goes again.

 

[D0WNT0WN]

"Never Take Life Seriously, Nobody Gets Out Alive."​

 

[maxpowerv12]

do you think the queens ever pulled her duvet up to her neck and just said "look Philip I'm a stamp!"

u stole that joke, i saw that on mock the week u batty

 

[Monkfish Acc.]

This is a Lee Evans one.

"I recently lost my dog, so I put an ad up in the paper; '*pheeeeep* Here boy!'"

It's funnier when not in text form. No, really.

 

[Imitation Saccharin]

The A Team, Mac Gyver, and Jason Bourne all walk into a bar. And use it to take over the world.
-Anonymous

 

[fedpayne]

I had a dog named Minton who liked to eat shuttlecocks. Bad Minton.

 

[Imitation Saccharin]

Homer: If we learned one thing from The Amazing Colossal Man and Grasshopperus, it's that radiation makes stuff grow real big real fast!
Marge: But didn't Grasshopperus kill Chad Everett?
Homer: Only because he tried to reason with him.
- Ibid.

 

[NeedAUserName]

do you think the queens ever pulled her duvet up to her neck and just said "look Philip I'm a stamp!"

u stole that joke, i saw that on mock the week u batty

I never said I made it up, I said it was my favourite.

 

[Raziel_Likes_Souls]

Why is Chris Brown a good replacement for A-Rod? Because he's a good hitter.

 

[jimduckie]

why do chicken coops have 2 doors and not 4? cause then it would be a chicken sedan haha

 

[deleted60525]

DELETED

 

[razer17]

That joke was in Mock the Week wasn't it?

it was part of russel howards stand up routine, and then he got a chance to use it on mock the week. so yes it has been done on mock the week.

 

[Gunner 51]

A sausage walks into a pub. The barman looks up and says "Sorry mate, I don't serve food in here."

 

[sky14kemea]

i once stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards...

i got a full house and 4 people died

-Steven Wright XD

 

[similar.squirrel]

Two Dadaist artists are at a gallery opening.
One says:
'This is boring. I'm gonna take a dump on the piano.'
The other replies:
'Nah. They wouldn't get it.'