"Just create a digital business card," he said

[lostinreality]

Where to begin. I've been working on a very challenging project. Wrapped it up successfully last Thursday. It was out of my, well, you name it - comfort zone, skill set, usual responsibilities. I am sure the global market was on the verge of an acute shortage of coffee as a result of me trying to drown all the stress and pressure I was under.

Was I relieved, thrilled, and full of confidence upon completing it with flying colors? Oh yes. Did it last long? Naturally, no. Apparently, someone from upper management noticed my "great potential" and that I "have a nose for sales". The idea came up to transfer me to a position in the Sales department (temporarily) and see how it goes. I'm doomed. Sales - the very last on my wish list, plus I'm not cut for it. I was born without any talent for small talk. This is why I dread the elevators.

If it was my direct supervisor, I would give him a long list of reasons why I'm not a good fit for Sales. But now there's not much I can do. Possibly the worst part for me is all the trade shows, conferences, and whatever networking events I know these guys attend all the time. So that's what I mentioned at a casual family gathering on Sunday. And there comes my cousin (let's call him Richard), a.k.a. self-proclaimed expert of anything he read two blog articles about.

"What's the problem with networking? Just go around, chit-chat, and casually share your digital business card, it's not that hard". I stayed speechless for a second after this insightful observation. Long enough for my father and uncle to start asking questions like - What in the world are digital business cards. Which opened the door for Richard, the knowledgeable lecturer, to start practically quoting articles I read more than a year ago.

I hope at least some of you will understand why this annoyed me at the level it did. It was the last drop that made me come here, and write this essay. Sorry, guys, and thanks for bearing with me.

 

[jojithepainter]

Oh man, I get it. It's like a perfect storm - small talk is not your thing, you're about to start something that has it as a foundation, and then the cousin you... don't think highly of starts playing Captain Obvious von Know-it-all. I know the type, I mean, don't we all? Showing off in front of the easy-to-impress audience, if you know what I mean. And with DBCs? Please, I've been using mine for ages, I can't even remember. It's one of those people who think the word "digital" has some kind of special power and everyone will be like - oh, wow, look at Richard, he's so tech-savvy and all cyber. Anyhow, back to you, I'm sure you'll look for some techniques to help you overcome the small talk problem; many are ridiculous, but I want to believe you'll find one that works for you.

 

[XsjadoBlayde]

No more invites for Richard in future, I say. The high council of familial relations should deem appropriate judgement of imminent exhile!

 

[lostinreality]

Oh man, I get it. It's like a perfect storm - small talk is not your thing, you're about to start something that has it as a foundation, and then the cousin you... don't think highly of starts playing Captain Obvious von Know-it-all. I know the type, I mean, don't we all? Showing off in front of the easy-to-impress audience, if you know what I mean. And with DBCs? Please, I've been using mine for ages, I can't even remember. It's one of those people who think the word "digital" has some kind of special power and everyone will be like - oh, wow, look at Richard, he's so tech-savvy and all cyber. Anyhow, back to you, I'm sure you'll look for some techniques to help you overcome the small talk problem; many are ridiculous, but I want to believe you'll find one that works for you.

Exactly, that's how it was. Yes, Richard, I know about digital business cards. Yes, I already have one, and all of my colleagues do too. Imagine that I even share it as an Apple Wallet pass, that's how advanced I am. But even if I didn't have one, Richard, I could look up how to create a digital business card and find step-by-step instructions with PICTURES. What I can't create online is the ability to be comfortable meeting new people all the time and trying to sell them something, Richard.

Oookay, now I feel better. I would call myself petty if I weren't this stressed and if I didn't have my whole life to get to know Richard. Now let me thank you for your comment and suggestion. I will, of course, I already started reading about my problem and how to (try to) solve it. As I assumed, many people could use some help in this area. I will have training at work as well, which is great and much needed. But this is miles far from from I wanted/expected. I'll keep the tiny hope it will actually be a temporary thing.

 

[lostinreality]

No more invites for Richard in future, I say. The high council of familial relations should deem appropriate judgement of imminent exhile!

I might quote you in the near future!

 

[Bob_McMillan]

I haven't been working for very long, but... is that really something companies just do? Ship you off to another department without your consent, just because the bossman thought it would be swell?

Obviously the answer is yes, but damn I can't imagine the frustration.

 

[Drathnoxis]

Success is a trap. The better you do, the more people expect of you. Just bomb in sales and they'll probably put you back where you were and not worry about giving you stupid 'promotions' in the future.

 

[Xprimentyl]

Where to begin. I've been working on a very challenging project. Wrapped it up successfully last Thursday. It was out of my, well, you name it - comfort zone, skill set, usual responsibilities. I am sure the global market was on the verge of an acute shortage of coffee as a result of me trying to drown all the stress and pressure I was under.

Was I relieved, thrilled, and full of confidence upon completing it with flying colors? Oh yes. Did it last long? Naturally, no. Apparently, someone from upper management noticed my "great potential" and that I "have a nose for sales". The idea came up to transfer me to a position in the Sales department (temporarily) and see how it goes. I'm doomed. Sales - the very last on my wish list, plus I'm not cut for it. I was born without any talent for small talk. This is why I dread the elevators.

If it was my direct supervisor, I would give him a long list of reasons why I'm not a good fit for Sales. But now there's not much I can do. Possibly the worst part for me is all the trade shows, conferences, and whatever networking events I know these guys attend all the time. So that's what I mentioned at a casual family gathering on Sunday. And there comes my cousin (let's call him Richard), a.k.a. self-proclaimed expert of anything he read two blog articles about.

"What's the problem with networking? Just go around, chit-chat, and casually share your digital business card, it's not that hard". I stayed speechless for a second after this insightful observation. Long enough for my father and uncle to start asking questions like - What in the world are digital business cards. Which opened the door for Richard, the knowledgeable lecturer, to start practically quoting articles I read more than a year ago.

I hope at least some of you will understand why this annoyed me at the level it did. It was the last drop that made me come here, and write this essay. Sorry, guys, and thanks for bearing with me.

My advice? Be honest with whomever is putting you in this position. Communicate up through the ranks, i.e.: tell whomever you report directly to how uncomfortable you feel, and let that person do their job and inform those above him/her that his/her associate has no interest in what they've proposed.

Success is a trap. The better you do, the more people expect of you. Just bomb in sales and they'll probably put you back where you were and not worry about giving you stupid 'promotions' in the future.

Not sure that a business would promote someone with high expectations only to reward failure in their new capacity with a demotion.

I haven't been working for very long, but... is that really something companies just do? Ship you off to another department without your consent, just because the bossman thought it would be swell?

Obviously the answer is yes, but damn I can't imagine the frustration.

It really depends on the culture. In corporate culture, it's generally frowned upon to reject what leadership has deemed "a great opportunity," so it's not uncommon to find people accept positions they either don't want or are a poor fit for, but the tacit expectation is that you "fake it until you make it." There seems to be this expectation that everyone under the company's banner has the same level of motivation to move up the ranks or learn every facet of the business to be as valuable to the whole as they can possibly be, but the reality is that many people are content right where they are. Not everyone wants to be the boss; not everyone wants to shine and stand out and be offered promotions every 1-2 years. Some of us just want to do our jobs and go home, hopefully feeling duly compensated for services provided.

 

[Drathnoxis]

Not sure that a business would promote someone with high expectations only to reward failure in their new capacity with a demotion.

Hmm, actually you're right, if experience tells me anything it's that being completely incompetent is only grounds for another promotion.

 

[Zykon TheLich]

I would very, very, very sincerely advise you don't get into a line of work that you find uncomfortable and stressful. Grinding away to get good at something you hate doing is not worth the time, effort, stress, anxiety and general misery.

 

[Xprimentyl]

I would very, very, very sincerely advise you don't get into a line of work that you find uncomfortable and stressful. Grinding away to get good at something you hate doing is not worth the time, effort, stress, anxiety and general misery.

^This. I'm somewhat of a testament to this.

13 years ago, I got promoted from a warehouse supervisor job into our company's corporate headquarters. I had rudimentary experience with Microsoft Office, so of course, the job I was offered (and strongly urged to take by leadership lest I get passed over for promotions in the future) uses Microsoft Office 99.9% of the time. I panicked a bit, but I learned, and got quite proficient with tools like Excel, Access and other tools. My job is in analytics. Prior to 2010, I had ZERO analytics experience, but today, everybody calls me "the data guy," and think since I'm as good at it as I am, I must LOVE analytics. I HATE analytics. My job doesn't interest me; I don't enjoy it. But it pays well, and as attrition over the past decade has left me as one of very few people throughout my company with the knowledge and skillset for what I do, I've got appreciable job security, and as the old adage goes: "better the devil you know." I'd be hard-pressed to find comparable pay without going into a similar role somewhere else anyway, so might as well sweat it out here. So I'm miserable and see my career effectively as a loveless marriage. I temper my disaffectedness by telling myself most people I know hate their job, so why should I be the exception?

 

[Thaluikhain]

I would very, very, very sincerely advise you don't get into a line of work that you find uncomfortable and stressful. Grinding away to get good at something you hate doing is not worth the time, effort, stress, anxiety and general misery.

Yep, this is very true. On the other hand, if you do get stuck doing it, I'd suggest that the most important thing is attitude. Not the attitude you use when talking to people, but the attitude you have when going to a job you're not good at. I got a job I was totally unsuited to, but hard work and determination meant I was doing better than most of my colleagues, and I was in the very last group to made redundant when it wound down. Although perhaps I got lucky and was with a bunch of slackers so hey made me look good. We had at least a few of those.

(Though, yeah, it's easy for me to say "just work had and you'll be fine", I know, but that's the only advice I have)

 

[The Rogue Wolf]

I haven't been working for very long, but... is that really something companies just do? Ship you off to another department without your consent, just because the bossman thought it would be swell?

It happened to me. I work in the pharmaceutical sector as a data-entry specialist, and the higher-ups thought it would be a great idea to force a number of people into a patient-calling function- including me. I put up with it for about nine months until the stress started actually harming my health, and told them you can either take me off this duty or I'll quit. They legitimately couldn't understand me not wanting to do the job.

 

[lostinreality]

I have to say - you guys got me acting like a schoolgirl, liking all the posts here. I am really moved by the replies. I want to thank you all for understanding my situation and wanting to help. Yeah, I need to distance myself from everything over the weekend and seriously consider the next steps. Otherwise, I'll just take it out on Richard, who, as annoying as he has always been, was just the last drop. And it was easier to shift focus from the more serious matter where I felt sort of helpless. Let's see if I actually am or if there's something I can do to solve this diplomatically.

 

[Xprimentyl]

Yep, this is very true. On the other hand, if you do get stuck doing it, I'd suggest that the most important thing is attitude. Not the attitude you use when talking to people, but the attitude you have when going to a job you're not good at. I got a job I was totally unsuited to, but hard work and determination meant I was doing better than most of my colleagues, and I was in the very last group to made redundant when it wound down. Although perhaps I got lucky and was with a bunch of slackers so hey made me look good. We had at least a few of those.

(Though, yeah, it's easy for me to say "just work had and you'll be fine", I know, but that's the only advice I have)

That's my mentioning the "fake it until you make it" mentality. Not everyone is built for that. Some people are content to go into work every day and feel comfort in their ability and compensation, but many workplace cultures think "challenging" their employees aids in their growth, but rarely consider if "growth" is even what EVERY employee wants, and it's not fair to those who don't necessarily want that, at least not in the form the company is offering.

Not sure if you read my sob story in post #11, but in my case, I was a warehouse supervisor. I liked working with my guys and the relaxed, down-to-earth environment, but was "offered" a job in corporate. I sat across the desk from our facility director who sang praises of all the work I'd done and respect I'd earned, then offered me the corporate gig citing that "these opportunities don't come up often," and if I didn't accept, I'd drop to the bottom of the totem pole for promotion in general. Didn't help that he was a black man, I am a black man, and he said he really wanted to see more representation of people like us at higher levels. A month later, I'm on a plane from Columbus, OH to Texas where I've been miserable in the corporate world for over 13 years now.

Long story short: I faked it. I made it. They're happy with my work. I'm miserable.

The ideal promotion for me would have been perhaps management in the warehouse or maybe a lateral move to another area in the warehouse. Sitting at a desk in business casual attire, a dozen meetings a week, and fake laughing at the unfunny jokes of senior leadership 1,100 miles from home is NOT anything I wanted, but being young and naïve, I did what a 6-figure salary facility director told me was in my best interest, and now I'm effectively stuck here.

 

[Thaluikhain]

That's my mentioning the "fake it until you make it" mentality. Not everyone is built for that. Some people are content to go into work every day and feel comfort in their ability and compensation, but many workplace cultures think "challenging" their employees aids in their growth, but rarely consider if "growth" is even what EVERY employee wants, and it's not fair to those who don't necessarily want that, at least not in the form the company is offering.

Oh sure, that's why I said "if you do get stuck doing it", but maybe I should have stressed that more. Not getting stuck doing it is also a very valid option, if it's available.

 

[Zykon TheLich]

^This. I'm somewhat of a testament to this.

13 years ago, I got promoted from a warehouse supervisor job into our company's corporate headquarters. I had rudimentary experience with Microsoft Office, so of course, the job I was offered (and strongly urged to take by leadership lest I get passed over for promotions in the future) uses Microsoft Office 99.9% of the time. I panicked a bit, but I learned, and got quite proficient with tools like Excel, Access and other tools. My job is in analytics. Prior to 2010, I had ZERO analytics experience, but today, everybody calls me "the data guy," and think since I'm as good at it as I am, I must LOVE analytics. I HATE analytics. My job doesn't interest me; I don't enjoy it. But it pays well, and as attrition over the past decade has left me as one of very few people throughout my company with the knowledge and skillset for what I do, I've got appreciable job security, and as the old adage goes: "better the devil you know." I'd be hard-pressed to find comparable pay without going into a similar role somewhere else anyway, so might as well sweat it out here. So I'm miserable and see my career effectively as a loveless marriage. I temper my disaffectedness by telling myself most people I know hate their job, so why should I be the exception?

Yep, this is very true. On the other hand, if you do get stuck doing it, I'd suggest that the most important thing is attitude. Not the attitude you use when talking to people, but the attitude you have when going to a job you're not good at. I got a job I was totally unsuited to, but hard work and determination meant I was doing better than most of my colleagues, and I was in the very last group to made redundant when it wound down. Although perhaps I got lucky and was with a bunch of slackers so hey made me look good. We had at least a few of those.

(Though, yeah, it's easy for me to say "just work had and you'll be fine", I know, but that's the only advice I have)

Yeah, 7 years ago I transferred from a job in the Halls reception of a nearby university to the Halls porters team. I really came to regret the move. We were basically the frontline for everything in university halls. A shit ton more stress and responsibility, no better pay, a boss who was like one of those hyper critical pushy parents and a fuck of a lot of different things to juggle, some of which could end up with deaths and court cases if we dropped the ball. It was so mentally draining I didn't really have the spare energy to think about how shit it was and think to do something about it.
I was unsuited to various aspects of it but it was also a case of overworked, shit pay, shit boss as well (although funnily enough his boss was a lot more relaxed about things, so when my boss left and I got promoted I had a much better time, but I just couldn't get out of the mindset that working under dickhead for 6 years had instilled in me.)
Just under a year ago I left and went to another job. It was production line work, which did at least leave me the spare brainpower to realise it wasn't for me and leave for another job I started a few weeks ago., which is looking good so far.

I guess what I'm saying is, you can change jobs. A lot of the time it seems daunting or you don't have the spare energy to do so, but keep looking even if it takes a while. The new one might not suit you either. If so, move on, it's not worth the misery.

 

[lostinreality]

That's my mentioning the "fake it until you make it" mentality. Not everyone is built for that. Some people are content to go into work every day and feel comfort in their ability and compensation, but many workplace cultures think "challenging" their employees aids in their growth, but rarely consider if "growth" is even what EVERY employee wants, and it's not fair to those who don't necessarily want that, at least not in the form the company is offering.

Not sure if you read my sob story in post #11, but in my case, I was a warehouse supervisor. I liked working with my guys and the relaxed, down-to-earth environment, but was "offered" a job in corporate. I sat across the desk from our facility director who sang praises of all the work I'd done and respect I'd earned, then offered me the corporate gig citing that "these opportunities don't come up often," and if I didn't accept, I'd drop to the bottom of the totem pole for promotion in general. Didn't help that he was a black man, I am a black man, and he said he really wanted to see more representation of people like us at higher levels. A month later, I'm on a plane from Columbus, OH to Texas where I've been miserable in the corporate world for over 13 years now.

Long story short: I faked it. I made it. They're happy with my work. I'm miserable.

The ideal promotion for me would have been perhaps management in the warehouse or maybe a lateral move to another area in the warehouse. Sitting at a desk in business casual attire, a dozen meetings a week, and fake laughing at the unfunny jokes of senior leadership 1,100 miles from home is NOT anything I wanted, but being young and naïve, I did what a 6-figure salary facility director told me was in my best interest, and now I'm effectively stuck here.

Yes, I read your first post, and I understand what you're talking about. Fake it till you make it can really help one go through a rough patch, but generally, I think it can also be dangerous. Anyway, let me not get philosophical, today is not a good day for that. I really appreciate you sharing your story and I'm sorry things played out the way they did for you. It was a tricky situation to begin with and I don't think it gave you much room to say "no, thank you" back then. Because of certain factors, my situation seems a bit easier. Thanks to your honesty I can clearly imagine the possible scenarios and possible long-term consequences.

 

[Xprimentyl]

Yes, I read your first post, and I understand what you're talking about. Fake it till you make it can really help one go through a rough patch, but generally, I think it can also be dangerous. Anyway, let me not get philosophical, today is not a good day for that. I really appreciate you sharing your story and I'm sorry things played out the way they did for you. It was a tricky situation to begin with and I don't think it gave you much room to say "no, thank you" back then. Because of certain factors, my situation seems a bit easier. Thanks to your honesty I can clearly imagine the possible scenarios and possible long-term consequences.

Without turning this thread into a "me" focused thread, I just want you to understand that I see your story almost as one might in an "imagine if you [now] could talk to yourself 10 years ago" situation. I see someone being "offered" something that they feel doesn't suit them that can substantially affect their life to an extreme in one way or the other. If I could talk to myself 10 years ago, I'd easily talk myself out of the decision I made regardless of how it was received by people above me in the work environment.

That said, while I'm not 100% satisfied with my job, I've made a life here because of that decision. I've got had romantic relationships (in one now,) I've made friends, I've seen and experienced things I might not otherwise have seen or experienced, etc., so while the job might not be satisfying, my life is comfortable. Which brings me to another important point: separation between professional and personal life. My job is my job, and my life is my life. Blending the two has never worked out well for me. It's led to my being perceived at work as a loner and someone who doesn't wish to be bothered with happy hours after work or group activities that don't affect the work we do, and I happily accept that mantle. Yes, it is directly counterintuitive to corporate culture, but I don't care. I give them enough every week that the pieces of me that are me shouldn't have to answer to them.

But all that said, I only offer (as if it's mine to offer) that the choice is obviously yours. It could be the disaster you anticipate, it could be the greatest thing that ever happened to you, or it could be somewhere in the middle: something you tolerate, can be proficient at, and reap the benefits despite the detriments. I wish you the best of luck, and urge you strongly to follow your gut.

 

[Kyrian007]

Hmm, actually you're right, if experience tells me anything it's that being completely incompetent is only grounds for another promotion.

This happens pretty often. I do live broadcasting every day. It can be fairly high stress if you let that sort of thing get to you. Several years ago we were training a substitute to take over if I was sick or on vacation. This guy basically lived over my shoulder for a whole month watching everything I did, then spent 2 weeks doing my job while I was there watching over him and giving him tips. I take one day off after that... he completely freezes, on-air. Unable to even turn a microphone on, just completely paralyzed when the first tiny thing went wrong. This was a promotion for him, from sales assistant (basically a step above intern) to assistant producer in programming. My boss immediately insisted that the General Manager get him completely out of our department.

The corporate solution, promote him. They immediately promoted him to Promotions Director in the business office. A guy who had been just a step above office intern about a month and a half prior. From a job that still gets informally referred to as "sales *****" in our office to a middle management position theoretically equal to my own boss' in terms of office hierarchy. In 90 days. Because of massive incompetence. Not saying that everyone who gets promoted into a job they wind up being terrible at will fail upwards like this, but it is kind of a basic drawback to corporate structure that almost everyone gets promoted at least one job above their competency level.

In a way, it's a little comforting. Finding out almost everyone else is just as incompetent as we are.