Keep Your Coat On and Your Wallet Closed

[Delsana]

I am horrified of the sex-only relationship on this contribution.

I feel for society's decay.

 

[Ophenix]

Take out of gil section for example, the dude is broke..... BROKE! Any sane person would advice them to get a job before thinking about other things. But no, she actually attempts to give dating advice with his financial situation. That is just plain wrong.

This is a dating advice column. People who write to Lara are looking for DATING ADVICE. If he wanted advice on how to get a job he would have written to MoneyWatch.
I agree that "get a job" is fine advice but so is "wear sunscreen" and they are both equally irrelevant. He asked "So what's a good first date for nearly no money?" a was answered with "So conversation is key, not how much you spend."
I see nothing wrong with that.

Lastly, the dude that wants sex. Just save up and go to a prostitute, or look online. Did you know there was a girl in HK who wanted to EAT someone and post the request online.....and it actually got ANSWERED by a dude that willing to be eaten. And she actually end up eating him, yes, the dude is dead and was in her belly.

Moral of the story: the world is big and the net makes our world smaller, if a cannibal can find someone willing to be eaten online. There are no excuse for someone only looking for a fuck buddy and can't find one. Until you come to a page that said "this is the end of the net, please go back" you haven't search hard enough.

Hell, I myself found countless fuck buddies in my time, from blondes, virgins to whorish one night stands....and I've done it all online alone. I'm also only 5'11 and very thin and not a looker. There's absolutely no excuse.

A) TMI
B) Eww.

 

[Orange Monkey]

I can't believe I even have to tell a college student this, but masturbate. Frequently.

I lol'd Hard, now go jerk off harder

 

[WhiteandNeardy99]

I am horrified of the sex-only relationship on this contribution.

I feel for society's decay.

I fail to see your point, sex is a fantastic thing the ultimate show of love between two people, however I don't see why people shouldn't be able to have a sex only relationship aslong as everything is legal and consented it's not up to you, me or anyone else to pass judgement on the activities of other people and certainly not label it as 'society's decay'.

 

[artanis_neravar]

You know, I've been reading your column for a while now and almost every time it rubs me the wrong way. Sometimes just seems like you just use this to insult or make an example out of the person who asks you questions. Especially if the question is posed by a male.

Maybe it's just a result have much of a colossal clusterfuck human dating is. But that's my impression.

I can't see that anywhere... you got any more specific examples?

I guess it's just me then.

No, I disagree with most of this advice as well. Especially since at no point in "Out of Gil's" e-mail does it mention the persons gender, yet she instantly assumes it's a male. A straight male at that.

Lara doesn't post all of the information from letters into the column if she is assuming that Gil is male then chances are somewhere in the cut out info was an indicator that Gil is male. Also she comes up with the names they sign with so he might have signed his name to the end of it.

I disagree almost 90% of the time. Most of the time the advice is just naive like it was coming from a college girl who never really been in a deep relationship. Other times it was just plain wrong or bad advice. Yet there are times I just found it not entertaining enough or informative enough.

As a person who has has been in a deep relationship I can tell you her advice is very good.

Spoiler

Take out of gil section for example, the dude is broke..... BROKE! Any sane person would advice them to get a job before thinking about other things. But no, she actually attempts to give dating advice with his financial situation. That is just plain wrong.

The guy wrong in asking for dating advice not career advice.

Spoiler

You only got one chance to make a first impression, are you sure you want that to be about unemployment and broke? That's like a bird trying to dance to it's mate while it's wings is broken and covered in mud.

First impressions aren't about what you have for a job they are about you as a person.

Spoiler

Then there is the gay dude part. If you're straight, doesn't matter male or female. Would you think twice about letting someone that're gay down if they're into you? A simple "I'm straight/gay" would suffice. I'm also not buying the story.

Yes most people do worry about letting some one down easily.

Spoiler

Women aren't really interested in nice guys.

Why yes, yes they are interested in nice guys.

Spoiler

Lastly, the dude that wants sex. Just save up and go to a prostitute, or look online. Did you know there was a girl in HK who wanted to EAT someone and post the request online.....and it actually got ANSWERED by a dude that willing to be eaten. And she actually end up eating him, yes, the dude is dead and was in her belly.

prostitution is illegal and she can not give him that advice because she would be liable for his actions. You forgot to mention tht she was arrested and charged for that crime.

Spoiler

Moral of the story: the world is big and the net makes our world smaller, if a cannibal can find someone willing to be eaten online. There are no excuse for someone only looking for a fuck buddy and can't find one. Until you come to a page that said "this is the end of the net, please go back" you haven't search hard enough.

He was asking what his options regarding a fuck buddy was and she told him that they aren't a good idea. The guy stated that he would love to find the girl of his dreams which leads people to believe that he is to emotionally attached to have a fuck buddy.

Spoiler

Hell, I myself found countless fuck buddies in my time, from blondes, virgins to whorish one night stands....and I've done it all online alone. I'm also only 5'11 and very thin and not a looker. There's absolutely no excuse.

May I ask what happened to you to make you so cynical and seemingly angry at women? This is a serious question not trying to insult you, that is just the impression I get from reading your responses in this column.

EDIT: Spoilered for length

 

[Dastardly]

No, I disagree with most of this advice as well. Especially since at no point in "Out of Gil's" e-mail does it mention the persons gender, yet she instantly assumes it's a male. A straight male at that.

In defense, I'd like to point out that a lot of times the writers-in don't assign the nicknames, and they often write longer e-mails. The article includes excerpts from the original e-mail -- they remove repetitive or non-essential stuff, and any personal information that could jeopardize confidentiality, etc.

And sometimes, when responding, the writer may accidentally include a tidbit that nods toward that excised information -- like dropping gendered pronouns, etc.

I actually made a similar observation to yours once, and was gently corrected on that particular point. Figured I could help set that one right for someone else.

 

[Dastardly]

This is a dating advice column. People who write to Lara are looking for DATING ADVICE. If he wanted advice on how to get a job he would have written to MoneyWatch.
I agree that "get a job" is fine advice but so is "wear sunscreen" and they are both equally irrelevant. He asked "So what's a good first date for nearly no money?" a was answered with "So conversation is key, not how much you spend."
I see nothing wrong with that.

I agree in part. I also think that "romantic relationships" aren't just about the activities of the dates. Rather, the activities provide a context in which we share ourselves with the other person (and vice versa).

Since romantic relationships are about sharing ourselves with others, it really is good romantic advice to recommend that someone "get their house in order" before pursuing a romantic relationship. It's not the money that is the problem -- it's the absence of stability. If you have no job, you are currently moving away from stability. You still have expenses, but no income, so your "safety net" is rapidly dwindling.

I certainly could agree that too much of "dating culture" relies on one party (usually the male) demonstrating financial viability to the other party (usually the female), and we've termed this "romantic" over the years. In that sense, free or low-cost dating can be a refreshing change of pace.

But not having a job at all? That's not something your date needs to know, but it is something that ought to be fixed before dating very much.

 

[artanis_neravar]

As a person who has has been in a deep relationship I can tell you her advice is very good.

You're not saying that like you think you're the only one here who has, are you?

After all, what is a "deep" relationship? Is it a relationship that lasts a long time? Is it one that results in a deep commitment like marriage? Is it a relationship begun in a submarine? I know lots of people who have been in all three situations (well, okay, not the last one) who don't know much at all about relationships in general.

And I'm not saying that to insult you. You may have had fantastic experiences with a lovely partner, but that doesn't mean you have a breadth of expertise about how relationships in general work. No one does, because relationships are complicated and what works for some of us is guaranteed to not work for others. This is why all dating advice columns are dubiously useful.

Women aren't really interested in nice guys.

Why yes, yes they are interested in nice guys.

Yeah, I strongly disagree with this. It's really just an over-generalization. "Women" are not a monolithic group that are attracted to any one thing. But in my long experience dealing with women, two things become apparent- a lot of guys who want to attract women (especially young women) try to pretend they are more dangerous than they really are. That wouldn't happen if "niceness" was an effective attractor. Secondly, some women (especially women who have put some space between themselves and their teenage years) may begin to prefer "nice guys" to dangerous guys, but being nice in and of itself is never enough to attract someone unless they are truly desperate. If there isn't sexual attraction there to begin with, it doesn't matter how nice you are- you ain't gettin any. So again, to say that this gay guy was sending the wrong signals because he was nice is bad advice.

For the first one (I'm assuming it's directed at me although you miss quoted it) I was only saying it to counter extradebits claim that Lara's advice comes from someone who has never been in a deep relationship. And for the second one, I will disagree with your disagreement, Women are attracted to confidence, the nice guy with confidence will always[footnote]with some exceptions[/footnote] beat out the jackass (assuming he mistreats the girl in someway, just because a guy is a jackass to other people doesn't mean he is that way to his girlfriend) with confidence. Also teenagers are girls not women, they are still immature and tend to be looking for excitement rather than real relationships.

Edit: Forgot to address the last part - Someone else being physically attracted to you is not something you can control, but giving out the vibe that you are interested in them is. The advice she gave was good advice because his being nice gives girls the sense that he is interested back, especially doing things that are always associated with sappy romantic gestures, like giving a girl your coat.

Also note that this is all from my personal experiences and the experiences from those around me.

 

[ExtraDebit]

As a person who has has been in a deep relationship I can tell you her advice is very good.

Well, these things are relative. Lara would seems like a love god if I never been in a relationship before.

The guy wrong in asking for dating advice not career advice.

"You should get a job in accounting" that's career advice. "you should get a job before dating" that IS DATING ADVICE. It doesn't seems completely stupid where dating in concern because relationships in its nature is confusing. But just imagine if someone was asking for gaming advice saying "Hi! I'm level 1 but don't want to wait until I'm level 60 before going on a raid, any advice?". I rest my case.

First impressions aren't about what you have for a job they are about you as a person.

Having a job says alot about you as a person. For one it says that you're independent and can take care of yourself, it says you're not a loser in life, it says you're not lazy and most importantly that you can add to the other person's life and not just siphon from it.

Yes most people do worry about letting some one down easily.

And I'm saying that they shouldn't, not where sexual orientation is concern at least. A straight would not hesitate to reject a homosexual relationship, and neither should a homosexual hesitate to reject a straight relationship.

Why yes, yes they are interested in nice guys.

No, they don't.

prostitution is illegal and she can not give him that advice because she would be liable for his actions. You forgot to mention tht she was arrested and charged for that crime.

So is weed and there's a TV series about it. In addition it can always be implied. "Money is usually a good option to alleviate sexual desires" or something long that line. If you're denying that prostitution is a readily available and very viable option then you're just lying to yourself and just plain naive.

He was asking what his options regarding a fuck buddy was and she told him that they aren't a good idea. The guy stated that he would love to find the girl of his dreams which leads people to believe that he is to emotionally attached to have a fuck buddy.

Regardless, everything can be found online, fuck buddies and otherwise.

May I ask what happened to you to make you so cynical and seemingly angry at women? This is a serious question not trying to insult you, that is just the impression I get from reading your responses in this column.

I'm not angry at women, far from it, I understand them and to a degree: relationships. Since relationships are usually untrustworthy, immoral (all is fair in love and war), and often ends in bitterness. I can understand why my post was misunderstood by some who didn't read between the lines and tried to understand the real points. In truth, I'm only being a realist, keeping it real and calling out on what relationships really are.

 

[artanis_neravar]

The guy wrong in asking for dating advice not career advice.

"You should get a job in accounting" that's career advice. "you should get a job before dating" that IS DATING ADVICE. It doesn't seems completely stupid where dating in concern because relationships in its nature is confusing. But just imagine if someone was asking for gaming advice saying "Hi! I'm level 1 but don't want to wait until I'm level 60 before going on a raid, any advice?". I rest my case.

That is an awful comparison, at level 1 you physically can't do a raid, you can date with out a job. There is nothing wrong with dating while you don't have a job, the issue only comes up when you aren't trying to find a job. And again, they guy asked "So what's a good first date for nearly no money?" not "should I find a job before I date" the second one could be answered with a yes, the first one indicates that he has chosen to date regardless of his employment status and is past that part of the decision.

First impressions aren't about what you have for a job they are about you as a person.

Having a job says alot about you as a person. For one it says that you're independent and can take care of yourself, it says you're not a loser in life, it says you're not lazy and most importantly that you can add to the other person's life and not just siphon from it.

And being recently laid off doesn't change any of that, it's not like he never had a job, he just suffered downsizing with the current economy anyone would understand that.

Yes most people do worry about letting some one down easily.

And I'm saying that they shouldn't, not where sexual orientation is concern at least. A straight would not hesitate to reject a homosexual relationship, and neither should a homosexual hesitate to reject a straight relationship.

The sexual orientation had nothing to do with it, it was the fact that these girls are his friends and he doesn't want to hurt them.

Why yes, yes they are interested in nice guys.

No, they don't.

Yes they do

prostitution is illegal and she can not give him that advice because she would be liable for his actions. You forgot to mention tht she was arrested and charged for that crime.

So is weed and there's a TV series about it. In addition it can always be implied. "Money is usually a good option to alleviate sexual desires" or something long that line. If you're denying that prostitution is a readily available and very viable option then you're just lying to yourself and just plain naive.

The TV series never encourages you to go buy weed, in addition the guy asked for a fuck buddy, fuck buddy implies long term sexual relationship that excludes hookers, because that isn't long term. Not to mention that college students are notoriously poor, and there is a very good chance that he could not afford a hooker.

He was asking what his options regarding a fuck buddy was and she told him that they aren't a good idea. The guy stated that he would love to find the girl of his dreams which leads people to believe that he is to emotionally attached to have a fuck buddy.

Regardless, everything can be found online, fuck buddies and otherwise.

That doesn't even address this point.

May I ask what happened to you to make you so cynical and seemingly angry at women? This is a serious question not trying to insult you, that is just the impression I get from reading your responses in this column.

I'm not angry at women, far from it, I understand them and to a degree: relationships. Since relationships are usually untrustworthy, immoral (all is fair in love and war), and often ends in bitterness. I can understand why my post was misunderstood by some who didn't read between the lines and tried to understand the real points. In truth, I'm only being a realist, keeping it real and calling out on what relationships really are.

You claim to "Understand" women yet you think they don't like nice guys, this shows a flaw in your thinking. Also "to a degree: relationships. Since relationships are usually untrustworthy, immoral (all is fair in love and war), and often ends in bitterness." This seems to counter your point about not being bitter. That is a very bitter statement especially due to the fact that only relationships that are untrustworthy and immoral end in bitterness, the majority of relationships, do not. "All's fair in love and war" is about the pursuit of love and the competition between two suitors, not a loving relationship.
Finally, no you are not a realist, a realist would realize that not all relations are awful things that leave people bitter, because the statistics show otherwise. You are a cynic who is condemning all relationships for a reason that is unknown to the rest of us.

 

[WhiteandNeardy99]

As a person who has has been in a deep relationship I can tell you her advice is very good.

You're not saying that like you think you're the only one here who has, are you?

After all, what is a "deep" relationship? Is it a relationship that lasts a long time? Is it one that results in a deep commitment like marriage? Is it a relationship begun in a submarine? I know lots of people who have been in all three situations (well, okay, not the last one) who don't know much at all about relationships in general.

And I'm not saying that to insult you. You may have had fantastic experiences with a lovely partner, but that doesn't mean you have a breadth of expertise about how relationships in general work. No one does, because relationships are complicated and what works for some of us is guaranteed to not work for others. This is why all dating advice columns are dubiously useful.

Women aren't really interested in nice guys.

Why yes, yes they are interested in nice guys.

Yeah, I strongly disagree with this. It's really just an over-generalization. "Women" are not a monolithic group that are attracted to any one thing. But in my long experience dealing with women, two things become apparent- a lot of guys who want to attract women (especially young women) try to pretend they are more dangerous than they really are. That wouldn't happen if "niceness" was an effective attractor. Secondly, some women (especially women who have put some space between themselves and their teenage years) may begin to prefer "nice guys" to dangerous guys, but being nice in and of itself is never enough to attract someone unless they are truly desperate. If there isn't sexual attraction there to begin with, it doesn't matter how nice you are- you ain't gettin any. So again, to say that this gay guy was sending the wrong signals because he was nice is bad advice.

I've been misquoted there mate it wasn't me who made the above statement must have been a system cock-up or something.