kind of a mid life crisis at 27

[omega 616]

So my situation is ...

Since leaving high school all I've really done is train for jobs. So, I went to college and learn how fix cars for 3 years, couldn't get a job doing that. Did a bunch of training to work in retail, couldn't get a job doing either. Did an apprenticeship as a chef, can't get a job in that. When I wasn't doing training or my apprenticeship, I was doing volunteer work ... it's been 10 years. I don't have a car, never been on holiday etc

EDIT: I would just like to add that I'm not a freeloader. When I had my apprenticeship I worked my fucking ass off. We had this thing called "summer school", people from different countries would come to our college and we had to serve them ... about 700 for breakfast, lunch and diner every day for 8 weeks and it happens once a year and I just finished this year.

At one point, in 2 days I worked 25 hours ... That's more than half my time spent working and that doesn't include the 40 minute ride to and 40 minutes from work. The two other chefs only cooked and wiped down their area but I cooked, wiped down, washed pots and pans, helped the servers to serve and do everything they did (wash lunch trays, prepare salad, wipe tables, collect deliveries, brush, mop the works!) ... I even did jobs that are usually contracted out! I emptied the fryers, I scraped about 6 months worth of burnt on grease/fat off a griddle, took vents down, cleaned ovens.

So I'm kind of in the process of starting a business with my friend, a gaming cafe ... I've been gaming since before I could hold a controller (demanding my mum to complete Sonic again!) and I can use my catering skills to provide the cafe bit. Even did a course on "how to start your own business", got a certificate and everything.

Problem is my friend is hedonist, which makes me nervous about going into a partnership with him. He drinks a lot, takes stuff this sites guidelines wont allow me to talk about. Doesn't exactly sound like a great business partner but he is literally my only friend ... I am not a people person and large groups or social circles are just nightmares for me. Thing is, I can't run the front AND back but hiring somebody to run the front is a whole world of complications and expenses!

I recently watched this girl on youtube, chelsealifts. She's a 22 year old model/multi business owner/youtuber/fitness coach, I think she also said she had stocks and shit ... oh and she owns about ?100,000 worth of car! A lotus evora s and an BMW M6.

I'm 27 who hasn't even started in life and she is 5 years my junior and KILLING it! It just reminds me of the advice hang around successful people or like "if you're the smartest person in the room, you're in the wrong room". I want to surround myself with successful people, so they give me advice etc but instead I am stuck with this dude who is a hedonist ... "I want fun right now, fuck tomorrow 'cos I'm getting drunk of my face!" but I want to be the one driving a fucking lotus!

Should I just try and start this business Han Solo or try and kick this habitual hedonist into touch or just get a regular job like everyone else or what?

 

[Frezzato]

I have quite a bit of experience with building businesses. And they have all failed.

I'm ignoring everything else in your post because you're mistaking one thing for another.

I've built businesses by hand. I've worked 12 hours a day for months on end. I've worked entire 10 hour shifts without so much as sitting down or eating. I've seen a lot of bullshit. And from what you've described it smells like you're about to fall face first into a big pile of it.

Don't just push forward because you're desperate.

Moving forward with an unreliable business partner will accelerate the demise of your venture and increase the magnitude and complexity of your failure.

I used to work at small businesses. Now I'm a tiny cog in a Fortune 50 company. Big, small, they're all the same; all businesses eventually run into trouble. It's all about how management handles it, and you don't sound like your partner has your back.

 

[laggyteabag]

I can kinda relate, to a point. Im 19; young, I know, but Im having a massive crisis right now, because I have no idea what I want to do, or where I want to go.

I did my GCSEs, got a whole bunch of high-grade qualifications from it, then went on to do my A Levels, got super disinterested, and then dropped out. I then continued to do nothing for basically a year, did a month-long job at a place before I was let go, then went to do an IT Apprenticeship, stuck that out for about 4 months before I left because everything about that place was just shitty, and now I am working at another minimum wage job (that I moved out for, because cheap rent), and i've been here for about a year, and I just don't know what to do next, or where to go.

I watched as all of my friends go off to Uni or do apprenticeships a year or two, ago, but it didn't really bother me, but now that I am watching people who are younger than me, going off to University to do all of this cool shit, and here I am still doing this, it really kicked my head into gear. Now im stressing because I want to go off and do something cool, but im really not sure what it is that I want to do. I really like working here, because everybody is lovely, and it is super chilled out, but it is still a minimum wage job that will go absolutely nowhere.

I literally just waved my girlfriend off to go to University over in Bournemouth, which is a good few hours away, and im stuck here, where I don't even properly live, doing a job that is going nowhere, and a whole head full of aspirations.

My Dad keeps on trying to get me to do this apprenticeship where he works, and I can go off to be an electrical engineer, but the last thing that I want to do is be stuck somewhere, doing something that I just hate; or on the flipside, I can continue doing this, but go nowhere and watch as literally everybody else goes off to do something way better than I could ever dream of, from here.

Then to top it all off, I dont even know where I would even go. Staying here is a no-go, because this place is literally that: a dead end. My girlfriend has been wanting to get out of here her entire life, and my flat here is going to be gone by the end of next month, as my roommates have all moved out. This leaves me with two options, in which I could move back home, and move back in with my parents, and see how that works out, or move up to Bournemouth with my girlfriend, and see what I can get up there.

I just seem to be stuck between a whole lot of rocks, and a whole lot of hard places.

 

[Fieldy409_v1legacy]

So your mate does drugs? Im in a small business as a partner and in my opinion It depends on what kind of drug user he is. Does he do it for fun or to deal with stress? Because small business is stress incarnate. If he retreats into drugs when you need him to grind you are fucked. But like most of the tradies in town we hire as subcontractors and laborers drink way too much and a lot smoke weed. I knew a guy who did anthing he could get his hands on and until he got arrested bought exactly zero problems to the worksite and labored better than most twenty year old fit guys.

Also you sound like you are kinda winning to me bro. 27 years old and posessing the resources to start your own business? That sounds like winning to me.

 

[omega 616]

So your mate does drugs? Im in a small business as a partner and in my opinion It depends on what kind of drug user he is. Does he do it for fun or to deal with stress? Because small business is stress incarnate. If he retreats into drugs when you need him to grind you are fucked. But like most of the tradies in town we hire as subcontractors and laborers drink way too much and a lot smoke weed. I knew a guy who did anthing he could get his hands on and until he got arrested bought exactly zero problems to the worksite and labored better than most twenty year old fit guys.

Also you sound like you are kinda winning to me bro. 27 years old and posessing the resources to start your own business? That sounds like winning to me.

I don't really have the resources but my little town has this government supported thing called "the chamber" it helps people with starting a business, finished a course there and then they help with things like loans and how other ways to market that you might not have thought of or if you have a problem, you have place to turn to and it's mainly staffed with people who have or still own their own business, so they have more than just a theoretical knowledge of how to sort it out.

As for the drug shit, it's mainly weed and it's a casual usage but it's like drinking for college kids, any fucking reason to and he takes it. "Oh, I'm stressed" but you've done nothing all day and you don't work (started doing some cash in hand work but whatever). There are things though that just make me think, is he really going to be a reliable, hard worker or what? Like the course I did at the chamber was 4 weeks (1 lesson a week) and he missed one but 3 years ago we did the same course (we repeated it to brush up and we didn't do it 3 years ago 'cos I got employed) and he missed 2 out of a 6 week course. oh and this weeks it's his girlfriends birthday, so they are doing speed....

And I'd go round to his to work on the business plan but he just got fallout 4, so I'd be sitting there trying to knock out the business plan and he'd be on fallout, I'd say "we doing this or not?" and he would reply "yeah, I can do both" but I'd read out the question and he would respond like "I dunno, what do you think" or "I don't even know what that means" like 80% of his attention on fallout. One time we were sat in mine 'cos I have internet and was pricing up flyers and stuff but he was playing metriod on his phone.

So, I'm thinking do I want him to actually be my business partner or is it just 'cos I'm scared to do it alone?

EDIT: My stance on drugs is, it's your body do what you like! However, it's like free speech ... you can say what you like but if you start saying racist shit, don't be surprised when your employer tells you not to come in on Monday. By which I mean, if you're doing drugs, great it's your body go to town but how often is your head going to be in the game, are you going to be off or late a lot, are you going to dip into the till every so often, are you going to be high at work or even effective?

 

[Tiger King]

I can kinda relate, to a point. Im 19; young, I know, but Im having a massive crisis right now, because I have no idea what I want to do, or where I want to go.

I did my GCSEs, got a whole bunch of high-grade qualifications from it, then went on to do my A Levels, got super disinterested, and then dropped out. I then continued to do nothing for basically a year, did a month-long job at a place before I was let go, then went to do an IT Apprenticeship, stuck that out for about 4 months before I left because everything about that place was just shitty, and now I am working at another minimum wage job (that I moved out for, because cheap rent), and i've been here for about a year, and I just don't know what to do next, or where to go.

I watched as all of my friends go off to Uni or do apprenticeships a year or two, ago, but it didn't really bother me, but now that I am watching people who are younger than me, going off to University to do all of this cool shit, and here I am still doing this, it really kicked my head into gear. Now im stressing because I want to go off and do something cool, but im really not sure what it is that I want to do. I really like working here, because everybody is lovely, and it is super chilled out, but it is still a minimum wage job that will go absolutely nowhere.

I literally just waved my girlfriend off to go to University over in Bournemouth, which is a good few hours away, and im stuck here, where I don't even properly live, doing a job that is going nowhere, and a whole head full of aspirations.

My Dad keeps on trying to get me to do this apprenticeship where he works, and I can go off to be an electrical engineer, but the last thing that I want to do is be stuck somewhere, doing something that I just hate; or on the flipside, I can continue doing this, but go nowhere and watch as literally everybody else goes off to do something way better than I could ever dream of, from here.

Then to top it all off, I dont even know where I would even go. Staying here is a no-go, because this place is literally that: a dead end. My girlfriend has been wanting to get out of here her entire life, and my flat here is going to be gone by the end of next month, as my roommates have all moved out. This leaves me with two options, in which I could move back home, and move back in with my parents, and see how that works out, or move up to Bournemouth with my girlfriend, and see what I can get up there.

I just seem to be stuck between a whole lot of rocks, and a whole lot of hard places.

oh man you sound like my younger brother.
Why don't you want to do the electrical engineer apprenticeship? it's a good trade to learn and they make good money, which, at the end of the day, is what the name of the game is.
if you don't like it you will learn plenty of skills that are transferable to other jobs and most importantly you will get a qualification that shows employers that you aren't just a minimum wage worker monkey.

As for the university thing?
there is this idea, which the universities and colleges also promote in their pamphlets and such, that going into higher education is fun and cool and exciting. And it's not, it's just another school. if anyone is going to uni for the 'experience' they are going for the wrong reasons. These are the ones you see fail and/or drop out.

I took an apprenticeship in engineering and if im honest I hated it. I hated going back to school, hated dealing with patronising teachers that would talk down to you like you're not very smart, just outta school 16 year old.
The moronic students in my class that didn't care and just wanted to mess around.
I wanted to quit a few times but I saw that just finishing the damn course and getting the qualification would open up doors and it has.

I now live and work in California for a well known offroad shocks company. I receive job offers from some pretty big companies fairly regularly, the latest being from Lockheed Martin the biggest defence company in the world, for building missiles. If it weren't for the sad fact you have to be an American citizen to work on such projects I would have jumped at the chance!

Anyhow, do you see what i'm getting at?
i know people that have degrees in random science stuff and have never even worked in that field but certain elements and skills are easily transferable to many different jobs.
so, yeah, if i was you i'd take that electrical engineer job but that's your call.
you're only 19 so you got time to figure things out but i'd advise you to not be like me. Get to 24/25 and realise you are completely unskilled and unqualified and looking at a lifetime of earning crap money.

Also life is strange you could be doing something completely different in 10 years time. I thought i was set back in the uk, i had a good job working in renewable energy, could never have imagined I'd wind up in America one day!

Best of luck to you.

 

[Fieldy409_v1legacy]

Sounds like maybe he isnt good in an unstructured enviroment. Some people arent good at working in their own home because of distractions. Maybe meeting at a third place like a cafe or the public library, or the business itself eventually would work.


However maybe hes just a flake. Prehaps you should ditch him and have family like your parents for partners who could help? Family works well on business because frankly you can get away with stuff others would protest during hard lean times(late payments because you dont have the money, unclaimed hours etc.) Not saying you exploit your family of course.

My business is family based with my parents and before I joined up I worked for them, and the things I did went beyond what a normal employee would do to get established.

 

[Smooth Operator]

Well desperation is never a good guide, some people get incredibly lucky in life and others will only ever make enough to get by, the vast majority is on the bottom end mind you. It is much better to find peace in what you have then to despair while looking at the super stars.

But if you are serious in having a business the first things to do is make damn sure you understand what it entails, most new businesses fail primarily because the owner thinks just working hard makes everything better
Just working hard will have you working hard in circles without progress, you need to make sure where things are going and how to get there, step back from time to time and figure out what needs to be fixed. I've been through a few small software places that kept on digging their own graves, and the solution was never to rethink what it is they do but rather to blame the employees and demand they do more and more hours. That is the perfect way to get yourself twice as screwed money wise while staying clueless as to what went wrong.

And an owner of a business without people skills is not a good idea as you need to manage people all day long, I understand you aren't good at it right now but one thing is clear from your story, that you are good at picking up new skills. So people skills should be your next goal, even before you start your business.

 

[JohnnyDelRay]

Well, firstly I admire your aspirations, dedication and willingness to dive into the big scary world of entrepreneurship. It's something I tried, and didn't get very far with. You need to hang onto that motivation and drive, because without it, your life will not get anywhere.

Your friend doesn't sound like the kind of guy you'd want to do business with, just going off what you said. The drugs are secondary, really. I've known people to be on X regularly and still doing highly brain-taxing work, diligently. Playing and working harder than I ever could. Business ethic is much more important, and playing games while trying to bang out a business plan is the biggest indicator of priorities. I also had some heavy shit going on around the time I bought Fallout 4, but c'mon man. Life comes first.

Don't get hung up about the youtube stars. It's a new, upcoming thing where people seem to get money for doing what they love, and it comes so easy. But like small businesses, there are thousands out there trying the same thing who don't get anywhere. The bastards keep getting younger and more successful, while you keep getting older - forget comparing to that shit! There's 16 year old vloggers driving supercars, while I'm still earning the same salary for the last 10 years at 34 years old, you start letting that get into your head and you're fucking done. So just keep your eye on the prize, but forget all that other stuff, be thankful for what does come your way.

Best of luck with it all though.

TL;DR I'd go Hans Solo until you meet someone/hire someone with at least a similar level of drive or work ethic as you, they *are* out there

 

[bluepilot]

I think all of us get lost at one point, it is pointless to compare yourself to others, cause they get lost too at some point. I can remember when I was made redundant someone I knew sent me a really nasty email, this person works in the oil industry, guess what happened? And you know what I did, I sent him and his family a gift basket.

I got lost at 27 too, figured out that I wanted to be an artist, I make a modest income and work other jobs to make ends meet but I'm happy cause I get to create and that works for me.

The issue is, what works for you?