Last person to reply wins!

[steeple]

I just had some of the wierdest and funniest dreams ever...

a scene:
"my chicken is cold"
"SHUT THE FUCK UP you cock..." (an observer and a basketball coach, respectively, during a game)
then for some reason I cracked up... then I dreamed that I woke up...
then I woke up....

lets just say that from all 4 of them, this was one of the normal ones...

 

[steeple]

stop yelling at me...

 

[steeple]

well, I finished 2 pages now, and I have some notes about what I read so far (which I preffer to remember):

1. the wording in the first page was pretty... off... it just felt like the words used detail the story werent very appropriate...
note that I only felt the wording for the first page was like this... the second page was fine
2. the lampshading in the second page, with the death of the parents, seemed out of place... maybe you could have given a couple of sentences so it wont feel forced onto the world (how shall I put it plainly, it breaks the fourth wall a bit too much)
same goes to the "orange or blue" part...

other then that, interesting story and world so far, if a bit hard to get into

EDIT: also, in the third page, fourth paragraph...

please, please change the phrasing...
I dont want to sound mean or anything, but it sound like you're trying extremly hard to establish a difference from some fan-fic and the like (you should probably understand what Im talking about)...

 

[steeple]

that response made no sense...

anyway, I finished reading a few minutes ago, and I dont think theres anything more I can say other then what I just said...

the story is interesting and pretty funny in the parts where it means to, and except the things mentioned above I have no problems at all with the writing...

now, this is the prologue you say?

 

[steeple]

i meant the whole 5 pages, they are the prologue not to the world but the story? (Im asking this since its called "entrance", so my logic is funny this way)

 

[steeple]

oh, ok...

well like I was saying, my nap was awesome....
also the read was quite good too...

 

[steeple]

cool

 

[steeple]

not that difficult actually...

 

[steeple]

f?

 

[steeple]

that she most certainly is probably not...

 

[steeple]

my sentence wasnt designed to make sense, and if it did I am sorry...

 

[steeple]

then Im sorry...

 

[steeple]

thanks man...
been trying to find a way to upload it (and I hate all those upload sites), and I just found out you can upload images to avatars here, so why not...

also, Im planning of getting it tatoo'ed next week, in any luck...

 

[steeple]

its a shame I cant upload it bigger, since in the middle theres this:

a little symbol Im quite fond of...

 

[The Clown]

My new incarnation says hello.

 

[steeple]

@The Clown: your new incarnation is greeted. what happened to the last one?

@Darkspectar: a symbol of mercury, and all of it: the roman god, the planet (which is named after the god, so duhy), and the metal

 

[steeple]

thank you

 

[steeple]

up or down?

 

[nuba km]

guys I now own a bowler hat, my awesomeness has more then tripled because of that fact.

 

[The Clown]

@The Clown: your new incarnation is greeted. what happened to the last one?

I swallowed him and tore him apart, I have emerged an anger filled demon of wrath, those who made me apathetic shall burn for it.