Leaving home for the first time

[Beautiful End]

Hello, there. I already feel sort of silly for asking for help for something that I already sort of know the answer to but here it goes anyway...

I'll start by saying I'm 25. I've always lived at home; the university was right on town so I never had to leave for college. I've had a good relationship with my small family of 3. We're not Americans so it's only us; our other relatives are and will always be far away.
I just got my degree last December and now I'm leaving in about a week to get a potential better job; I'm moving to Orlando, Florida by myself but I'll only be gone for 8 months. Many of you might have heard of the Disney College Program. It pretty much means you work for Disney; simple jobs like serving food or being a cashier at the park and such. They give you shelter, transportation and their apartments are reaaaaally nice. And of course, roommates who are probably in the same situation as you.

At first, I was excited to go. I was eager to go out and be independent. I didn't hesitate about applying to the program and I was fully aware of how long I'd leave and all. But as the date grows closer, I must admit I am FREKING out!
I am an adult and this shouldn't scare me. Nothing ut good things will come out of this and my family also knows this. Everyone who goes to the college program says wonderful things about it. And it's not like I'll be gone forever. The program lasts 8 months. And nowadays, with Skype and texting and phone calls and all, it's not like distance is an issue, right?

So why do I feel so...sad? And afraid? And...almost as if I didn't want to go anymore? I know it's probably because I've never been on my own but still, this is for the best. So shouldn't I be more excited than sad and pseudo-depressed. I want to enjoy my last week at home but I can't because I break down in tears nonstop when I think about it. And I certainly don't want my family to worry about me; if they see me break down, they might get sad too.

So what can I do to help myself feel better? I can't take my own advice, apparently, so...I'm just confused and unsure what to do. The internet should be the last place to ask for help, maybe, but I'm always here so it's like second nature to me.

Thanks in advance for your time and have a good day.

 

[IndomitableSam]

I was 27 when I moved out (29 now). And I moved out to a place only a 15 minute drive away, and I admit, I cried myself to sleep for many, many nights. I was always a homebody, too.

I could be long and rambly about this... but it's normal. You'll be terrified, you'll want to come home, you'll chide yourself for acting like a 6-year-old at a sleepover, but you'll do it. After a few weeks (or less, or more) you'll find going to sleep at night isn't so hard and you'll wake up looking forward to the day. And after that every day will get easier, until the place feels like home. Then you'll go home to your family and find you can't live with them anymore.

You have to do it, though. It's the best thing any young person can ever do for themselves. And one of the hardest. It's basically the biggest rite of passage you have, and everyone goes through it.

I can't tell you how to make it easier because I don't know you personally, but it might help to know everyone's gone through it and it's not easy, no matter your age.

My parents are retiring in a couple months and moving a few thousand miles away - I'm going through the whole being terrified thing again, even not living with them anymore and never wanting to again either. It's growing up and it sucks big fat balls.

Make sure you're exhausted at the end of the day and eat properly. For the first week or so, eat lightly and bland food as you'll be so homesick you'll be sick. Not eating heavy foods will help your digestion and help your sleep. There's nothing worse than sitting on a toilet at 3am in an unfamiliar place.

Make friends, and maybe try not to talk about home. If you can compartmentalize it for a while until you're comfortable with your situation, that might be good. Maybe don't even contact them until you're ok? It all depends on your personality, anyway.

I wish you the best, though. This will change you completley and you will like the person you become so much more than the person you were. You'll come alive, come into your own, and become a real adult in your eyes. ANd you'll look back on it as the best thing you've ever done for yourself.

Good luck, and have fun.

 

[Beautiful End]

I was 27 when I moved out (29 now). And I moved out to a place only a 15 minute drive away, and I admit, I cried myself to sleep for many, many nights. I was always a homebody, too.

I could be long and rambly about this... but it's normal. You'll be terrified, you'll want to come home, you'll chide yourself for acting like a 6-year-old at a sleepover, but you'll do it. After a few weeks (or less, or more) you'll find going to sleep at night isn't so hard and you'll wake up looking forward to the day. And after that every day will get easier, until the place feels like home. Then you'll go home to your family and find you can't live with them anymore.

You have to do it, though. It's the best thing any young person can ever do for themselves. And one of the hardest. It's basically the biggest rite of passage you have, and everyone goes through it.

I can't tell you how to make it easier because I don't know you personally, but it might help to know everyone's gone through it and it's not easy, no matter your age.

My parents are retiring in a couple months and moving a few thousand miles away - I'm going through the whole being terrified thing again, even not living with them anymore and never wanting to again either. It's growing up and it sucks big fat balls.

Make sure you're exhausted at the end of the day and eat properly. For the first week or so, eat lightly and bland food as you'll be so homesick you'll be sick. Not eating heavy foods will help your digestion and help your sleep. There's nothing worse than sitting on a toilet at 3am in an unfamiliar place.

Make friends, and maybe try not to talk about home. If you can compartmentalize it for a while until you're comfortable with your situation, that might be good. Maybe don't even contact them until you're ok? It all depends on your personality, anyway.

I wish you the best, though. This will change you completley and you will like the person you become so much more than the person you were. You'll come alive, come into your own, and become a real adult in your eyes. ANd you'll look back on it as the best thing you've ever done for yourself.

Good luck, and have fun.

Thank you so much for the advice. I really appreciate it and it means a lot to me and it was really helpful.

 

[Snownine]

Another thing that I find helps is having a routine. Certain times a week you do your laundry, eat at certain times, ect. Don't get OCD with it or feel like you have to follow the schedule religiously, just use it as a way of having constancy and normalcy with all the changes. Working and going to school also helps, you said you were doing the Disney College Program. And of course make friends, meeting people and connecting is a great way to make your new place feel more like home.

 

[Strazdas]

Another thing that I find helps is having a routine. Certain times a week you do your laundry, eat at certain times, ect. Don't get OCD with it or feel like you have to follow the schedule religiously, just use it as a way of having constancy and normalcy with all the changes. Working and going to school also helps, you said you were doing the Disney College Program. And of course make friends, meeting people and connecting is a great way to make your new place feel more like home.

i can definitely agree with this. I have moved out at the age of 22, which was only 4 months ago and schedule definitely helps coping with the stress of new life. One has also keep in mind that in such conditions it is likely that sharing will be mandatory as you wont be living alone, so dont get obsessed with "thats mine dont touch it", it will definatelly help you get though. another godo thing is to go in light. dont bring your whole house with you, treat it like a really long camping trip.
You fear the unknown as you never went away before and that is totaly understanble. The feeling will eventually be changed with "i can do what i want now, woot" feeling or something similar. As you seem to have the money side covered with the Disney thing thats one large worry off your shoulders. Be sure to find time to relax though, dont overwork.

also as others said bland foods at first do help. while you are coping with new environment your stomach copes in its own way, and for many people that is as bad as food poisoning. Eating food you know well is usually a good way, once you get used to the idea you can experiment with feeding, like have cake for dinner, but dont do that at first.

and thats all the poor advice i can give you at night, sorry.

 

[Amethyst Wind]

So why do I feel so...sad? And afraid? And...almost as if I didn't want to go anymore? I know it's probably because I've never been on my own but still, this is for the best. So shouldn't I be more excited than sad and pseudo-depressed. I want to enjoy my last week at home but I can't because I break down in tears nonstop when I think about it. And I certainly don't want my family to worry about me; if they see me break down, they might get sad too.

So what can I do to help myself feel better? I can't take my own advice, apparently, so...I'm just confused and unsure what to do. The internet should be the last place to ask for help, maybe, but I'm always here so it's like second nature to me.

Thanks in advance for your time and have a good day.

You feel these things because it's becoming real. Before it was an exciting new adventure where you could gloss over the negatives. Now you've committed and have to face them. It's scary, you always sweat the details and even moreso in this case because you're losing your established support network.

It's okay to feel worried and sad. It's normal. You aren't expected to be able to handle everything by yourself straight away. You'll screw up sometimes, you'll learn from it and use what your folks taught you. You'll be fine.

It's also okay to call home whenever you need to. You aren't cutting all ties with people just because you don't see them everyday. They're still able to help you and listen to your problems and concerns. They still want to do these things. Don't be hesitant to accept their good intentions.


The most important thing is to not let yourself be alone all the time. That'll just multiply your negative feelings. Get to know the other people on the program and spend as much time active and sociable as you can. On the other hand, if you really need time alone then take it. Nobody'll think any less of you. Don't bottle things up. It can get really nasty if you do that when away from the people you know.

 

[Beautiful End]

So why do I feel so...sad? And afraid? And...almost as if I didn't want to go anymore? I know it's probably because I've never been on my own but still, this is for the best. So shouldn't I be more excited than sad and pseudo-depressed. I want to enjoy my last week at home but I can't because I break down in tears nonstop when I think about it. And I certainly don't want my family to worry about me; if they see me break down, they might get sad too.

So what can I do to help myself feel better? I can't take my own advice, apparently, so...I'm just confused and unsure what to do. The internet should be the last place to ask for help, maybe, but I'm always here so it's like second nature to me.

Thanks in advance for your time and have a good day.

You feel these things because it's becoming real. Before it was an exciting new adventure where you could gloss over the negatives. Now you've committed and have to face them. It's scary, you always sweat the details and even moreso in this case because you're losing your established support network.

It's okay to feel worried and sad. It's normal. You aren't expected to be able to handle everything by yourself straight away. You'll screw up sometimes, you'll learn from it and use what your folks taught you. You'll be fine.

It's also okay to call home whenever you need to. You aren't cutting all ties with people just because you don't see them everyday. They're still able to help you and listen to your problems and concerns. They still want to do these things. Don't be hesitant to accept their good intentions.


The most important thing is to not let yourself be alone all the time. That'll just multiply your negative feelings. Get to know the other people on the program and spend as much time active and sociable as you can. On the other hand, if you really need time alone then take it. Nobody'll think any less of you. Don't bottle things up. It can get really nasty if you do that when away from the people you know.

You're right. At the moment, I'll admit I am bottling up my feelings because I don't want to worry my parents. If I break down, they'll surely worry about me and if I'm happy with my decision. I would be too if I was in their shoes, even if the other person would be telling me they're fine and as happy as they can be.

I'm just pretending not to be nervous or anything so that they know I'm fine and therefore, they'll be fine. I know that if I break down into tears like I want to, they'll do it too and it will be much harder to separate from each other.

Maybe when I'm gone and I'm settled in and all, I'll be able to open up, once they know I'm fine for sure. Because by then, I won't have to worry about the fear of leaving; I'll be already gone and sort of forced to adapt.

 

[Amethyst Wind]

So why do I feel so...sad? And afraid? And...almost as if I didn't want to go anymore? I know it's probably because I've never been on my own but still, this is for the best. So shouldn't I be more excited than sad and pseudo-depressed. I want to enjoy my last week at home but I can't because I break down in tears nonstop when I think about it. And I certainly don't want my family to worry about me; if they see me break down, they might get sad too.

So what can I do to help myself feel better? I can't take my own advice, apparently, so...I'm just confused and unsure what to do. The internet should be the last place to ask for help, maybe, but I'm always here so it's like second nature to me.

Thanks in advance for your time and have a good day.

You feel these things because it's becoming real. Before it was an exciting new adventure where you could gloss over the negatives. Now you've committed and have to face them. It's scary, you always sweat the details and even moreso in this case because you're losing your established support network.

It's okay to feel worried and sad. It's normal. You aren't expected to be able to handle everything by yourself straight away. You'll screw up sometimes, you'll learn from it and use what your folks taught you. You'll be fine.

It's also okay to call home whenever you need to. You aren't cutting all ties with people just because you don't see them everyday. They're still able to help you and listen to your problems and concerns. They still want to do these things. Don't be hesitant to accept their good intentions.


The most important thing is to not let yourself be alone all the time. That'll just multiply your negative feelings. Get to know the other people on the program and spend as much time active and sociable as you can. On the other hand, if you really need time alone then take it. Nobody'll think any less of you. Don't bottle things up. It can get really nasty if you do that when away from the people you know.

You're right. At the moment, I'll admit I am bottling up my feelings because I don't want to worry my parents. If I break down, they'll surely worry about me and if I'm happy with my decision. I would be too if I was in their shoes, even if the other person would be telling me they're fine and as happy as they can be.

I'm just pretending not to be nervous or anything so that they know I'm fine and therefore, they'll be fine. I know that if I break down into tears like I want to, they'll do it too and it will be much harder to separate from each other.

Maybe when I'm gone and I'm settled in and all, I'll be able to open up, once they know I'm fine for sure. Because by then, I won't have to worry about the fear of leaving; I'll be already gone and sort of forced to adapt.

Don't wait that long. Get whatever you're feeling out to somebody before you go. I guarantee you'll be feeling just as excited as you are nervous. You maybe just don't know it yet. It's okay to leave home thinking "Fucking shitballs I'm terrified right now!" because as you get going it morphs into "Hey this isn't so bad. Is that horseradish sauce? Hot damn!"

If you feel that your parents really need this smokescreen (they probably don't and would rather you be at ease with your decision for your own sake rather than theirs but eh) then find a friend or somebody else you can confide in.

 

[Beautiful End]

So why do I feel so...sad? And afraid? And...almost as if I didn't want to go anymore? I know it's probably because I've never been on my own but still, this is for the best. So shouldn't I be more excited than sad and pseudo-depressed. I want to enjoy my last week at home but I can't because I break down in tears nonstop when I think about it. And I certainly don't want my family to worry about me; if they see me break down, they might get sad too.

So what can I do to help myself feel better? I can't take my own advice, apparently, so...I'm just confused and unsure what to do. The internet should be the last place to ask for help, maybe, but I'm always here so it's like second nature to me.

Thanks in advance for your time and have a good day.

You feel these things because it's becoming real. Before it was an exciting new adventure where you could gloss over the negatives. Now you've committed and have to face them. It's scary, you always sweat the details and even moreso in this case because you're losing your established support network.

It's okay to feel worried and sad. It's normal. You aren't expected to be able to handle everything by yourself straight away. You'll screw up sometimes, you'll learn from it and use what your folks taught you. You'll be fine.

It's also okay to call home whenever you need to. You aren't cutting all ties with people just because you don't see them everyday. They're still able to help you and listen to your problems and concerns. They still want to do these things. Don't be hesitant to accept their good intentions.


The most important thing is to not let yourself be alone all the time. That'll just multiply your negative feelings. Get to know the other people on the program and spend as much time active and sociable as you can. On the other hand, if you really need time alone then take it. Nobody'll think any less of you. Don't bottle things up. It can get really nasty if you do that when away from the people you know.

You're right. At the moment, I'll admit I am bottling up my feelings because I don't want to worry my parents. If I break down, they'll surely worry about me and if I'm happy with my decision. I would be too if I was in their shoes, even if the other person would be telling me they're fine and as happy as they can be.

I'm just pretending not to be nervous or anything so that they know I'm fine and therefore, they'll be fine. I know that if I break down into tears like I want to, they'll do it too and it will be much harder to separate from each other.

Maybe when I'm gone and I'm settled in and all, I'll be able to open up, once they know I'm fine for sure. Because by then, I won't have to worry about the fear of leaving; I'll be already gone and sort of forced to adapt.

Don't wait that long. Get whatever you're feeling out to somebody before you go. I guarantee you'll be feeling just as excited as you are nervous. You maybe just don't know it yet. It's okay to leave home thinking "Fucking shitballs I'm terrified right now!" because as you get going it morphs into "Hey this isn't so bad. Is that horseradish sauce? Hot damn!"

If you feel that your parents really need this smokescreen (they probably don't and would rather you be at ease with your decision for your own sake rather than theirs but eh) then find a friend or somebody else you can confide in.

Yeah, I think that's why I created this thread. This is really helping me out, as weird as it sounds. I've tried talking to all my friends about it and they've all cheered me on. "Grab life by the balls!", "It will be fun!", "It's normal to feel that way!". They're all right but I don't even have the courage to break down because they're all being so supportive. I know, it's weird. I should feel better because I've got people supporting me.

But hey, I'm confiding right now! Like I said, now I'm glad I posted this here.

 

[Amethyst Wind]

So why do I feel so...sad? And afraid? And...almost as if I didn't want to go anymore? I know it's probably because I've never been on my own but still, this is for the best. So shouldn't I be more excited than sad and pseudo-depressed. I want to enjoy my last week at home but I can't because I break down in tears nonstop when I think about it. And I certainly don't want my family to worry about me; if they see me break down, they might get sad too.

So what can I do to help myself feel better? I can't take my own advice, apparently, so...I'm just confused and unsure what to do. The internet should be the last place to ask for help, maybe, but I'm always here so it's like second nature to me.

Thanks in advance for your time and have a good day.

You feel these things because it's becoming real. Before it was an exciting new adventure where you could gloss over the negatives. Now you've committed and have to face them. It's scary, you always sweat the details and even moreso in this case because you're losing your established support network.

It's okay to feel worried and sad. It's normal. You aren't expected to be able to handle everything by yourself straight away. You'll screw up sometimes, you'll learn from it and use what your folks taught you. You'll be fine.

It's also okay to call home whenever you need to. You aren't cutting all ties with people just because you don't see them everyday. They're still able to help you and listen to your problems and concerns. They still want to do these things. Don't be hesitant to accept their good intentions.


The most important thing is to not let yourself be alone all the time. That'll just multiply your negative feelings. Get to know the other people on the program and spend as much time active and sociable as you can. On the other hand, if you really need time alone then take it. Nobody'll think any less of you. Don't bottle things up. It can get really nasty if you do that when away from the people you know.

You're right. At the moment, I'll admit I am bottling up my feelings because I don't want to worry my parents. If I break down, they'll surely worry about me and if I'm happy with my decision. I would be too if I was in their shoes, even if the other person would be telling me they're fine and as happy as they can be.

I'm just pretending not to be nervous or anything so that they know I'm fine and therefore, they'll be fine. I know that if I break down into tears like I want to, they'll do it too and it will be much harder to separate from each other.

Maybe when I'm gone and I'm settled in and all, I'll be able to open up, once they know I'm fine for sure. Because by then, I won't have to worry about the fear of leaving; I'll be already gone and sort of forced to adapt.

Don't wait that long. Get whatever you're feeling out to somebody before you go. I guarantee you'll be feeling just as excited as you are nervous. You maybe just don't know it yet. It's okay to leave home thinking "Fucking shitballs I'm terrified right now!" because as you get going it morphs into "Hey this isn't so bad. Is that horseradish sauce? Hot damn!"

If you feel that your parents really need this smokescreen (they probably don't and would rather you be at ease with your decision for your own sake rather than theirs but eh) then find a friend or somebody else you can confide in.

Yeah, I think that's why I created this thread. This is really helping me out, as weird as it sounds. I've tried talking to all my friends about it and they've all cheered me on. "Grab life by the balls!", "It will be fun!", "It's normal to feel that way!". They're all right but I don't even have the courage to break down because they're all being so supportive. I know, it's weird. I should feel better because I've got people supporting me.

But hey, I'm confiding right now! Like I said, now I'm glad I posted this here.

I don't know if you're religious or not and it may not even matter. You could always try talking to a preacher about this. Doesn't really matter which faith/denomination/religion they represent. They might be able to help you find a calm place. Or you could try a counsellor of some kind.

 

[Beautiful End]

So why do I feel so...sad? And afraid? And...almost as if I didn't want to go anymore? I know it's probably because I've never been on my own but still, this is for the best. So shouldn't I be more excited than sad and pseudo-depressed. I want to enjoy my last week at home but I can't because I break down in tears nonstop when I think about it. And I certainly don't want my family to worry about me; if they see me break down, they might get sad too.

So what can I do to help myself feel better? I can't take my own advice, apparently, so...I'm just confused and unsure what to do. The internet should be the last place to ask for help, maybe, but I'm always here so it's like second nature to me.

Thanks in advance for your time and have a good day.

You feel these things because it's becoming real. Before it was an exciting new adventure where you could gloss over the negatives. Now you've committed and have to face them. It's scary, you always sweat the details and even moreso in this case because you're losing your established support network.

It's okay to feel worried and sad. It's normal. You aren't expected to be able to handle everything by yourself straight away. You'll screw up sometimes, you'll learn from it and use what your folks taught you. You'll be fine.

It's also okay to call home whenever you need to. You aren't cutting all ties with people just because you don't see them everyday. They're still able to help you and listen to your problems and concerns. They still want to do these things. Don't be hesitant to accept their good intentions.


The most important thing is to not let yourself be alone all the time. That'll just multiply your negative feelings. Get to know the other people on the program and spend as much time active and sociable as you can. On the other hand, if you really need time alone then take it. Nobody'll think any less of you. Don't bottle things up. It can get really nasty if you do that when away from the people you know.

You're right. At the moment, I'll admit I am bottling up my feelings because I don't want to worry my parents. If I break down, they'll surely worry about me and if I'm happy with my decision. I would be too if I was in their shoes, even if the other person would be telling me they're fine and as happy as they can be.

I'm just pretending not to be nervous or anything so that they know I'm fine and therefore, they'll be fine. I know that if I break down into tears like I want to, they'll do it too and it will be much harder to separate from each other.

Maybe when I'm gone and I'm settled in and all, I'll be able to open up, once they know I'm fine for sure. Because by then, I won't have to worry about the fear of leaving; I'll be already gone and sort of forced to adapt.

Don't wait that long. Get whatever you're feeling out to somebody before you go. I guarantee you'll be feeling just as excited as you are nervous. You maybe just don't know it yet. It's okay to leave home thinking "Fucking shitballs I'm terrified right now!" because as you get going it morphs into "Hey this isn't so bad. Is that horseradish sauce? Hot damn!"

If you feel that your parents really need this smokescreen (they probably don't and would rather you be at ease with your decision for your own sake rather than theirs but eh) then find a friend or somebody else you can confide in.

Yeah, I think that's why I created this thread. This is really helping me out, as weird as it sounds. I've tried talking to all my friends about it and they've all cheered me on. "Grab life by the balls!", "It will be fun!", "It's normal to feel that way!". They're all right but I don't even have the courage to break down because they're all being so supportive. I know, it's weird. I should feel better because I've got people supporting me.

But hey, I'm confiding right now! Like I said, now I'm glad I posted this here.

I don't know if you're religious or not and it may not even matter. You could always try talking to a preacher about this. Doesn't really matter which faith/denomination/religion they represent. They might be able to help you find a calm place. Or you could try a counsellor of some kind.

No, I get what you mean. Look for some sort of guidance. That's actually a good idea.
The funny thing is that I know everything will be fine but I guess I just need reassurance. But it's funny how that works; as soon as someone says it back to me, it will make me feel much better.

Once again, thank you so much for your help. You don't know how much you've helped me out with your words. I wish you the best.