Let's hustle and do some science!

[FalloutJack]

At some point in time, thanks to Portal 2, someone was going to come up with a thread like this. If they have already, then I haven't noticed, but still... As revealed in the game, Aperture Science has done a number of strange things to lead up to the machine-run lab that it is today. Tons of stuff.

Okay, so I challenge you - the random Escapist - to come up with a dizzying array of weird scientific advancements, be they insanely good or dangerously rejected or all manner of in between. Let's see some funny stuff, just off the top of your head.

(Obviously, nothing inappropriate.)

 

[Hero in a half shell]

Shouldn't this be in Off-topic? anyway...

I propose the invention of a bed that shrivels up into nothingness in the morning to leave you lying on the floor, so then you have to get up.

Also, biological trashcans that eat whatever you put into them, so you never have to take the trash out, and it can be used in hoovers as well!

 

[Paksenarrion]

The internet.

 

[Gottesstrafe]

I hope the title is not mutually exclusive? I always find that a little light disco helps the brain concoct sinist-I mean, 'beneficial' advancements in the name of humankind!


Alright, here's one:

The automatic-mustache-groomer.

Too busy to bother with proper grooming in this hectic modern world of Jazz music and flapper girls? Not to worry. We understand that sometimes a man can't be expected to maintain the fastidious upkeep a MAN's mustache requires when confronted with pot roasts to eat, triangular weights to lift, newspapers to read and pipes to smoke in the sitting room, and Dapper Dan to regularly apply for that slick sheen look that makes you look like a go getter in the office. Why settle for looking like a nancy boy when YOU could look like a MAN and enjoy MEN'S activities to the fullest?

Introducing the Automatic-Mustache-Groomer! Proceed through your chores and diversions leisurely, without the hassle! It grooms and waxes your mustache for you, without you even having to use your own hands! It even comes in two revolutionizing settings: Firm, and Extra Firm! Order now!

-----

Well, it's much better than my previous invention at least:

Spoiler

 

[Zantos]

Create a Riemann manifold which has non-differential regions.

Find a way to write "Fuck you universe" into the ether.

Combine the above two and make the universe cry.

 

[FalloutJack]

Shouldn't this be in Off-topic?

I'm gonna go with "It can...but game-related subject still follows.".