Let's Play Dwarf Fortress: Syndrome Conundrum
- Thread starter Internet Kraken
- Start date
I'm sure it would be a lot of Fun.Aidinthel said:Yeah, give weapons and combat training to the fortress' most psychopathic resident. What could possibly go wrong?Blackadder51 said:heh, I agree. No remorse etherRabid Toilet said:
Shameless plug, GO! [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/groups/chat/Dwarf-Fortress-Fans?added=1#]Internet Kraken said:
I can honestly say this is the best LP I've ever read-not only do you make it both hysterically funny and very informative, you even (sort of) open a window into actually UNDERSTANDING this ASCII sprawl pain rollercoaster of a game.
If it's possible I'd like to have a dwarf named after me. Someone useful.
Chapter 63: From the journal of Stinthad Kekimtobul
__________________________________________________
17th Sandstone, 1055, Mid-Autumn
Oh god this is pathetic. How are you losing to kruelers? How?!? Momuz really was vital to keeping our military in order. We're losing a lot of soldiers, and we need to replace them. But with no migrants in sight, the only option would be a mandatory draft...
No, I won't resort to that until the situation become truly dire.
18th Sandstone, 1055, Mid-Autumn
Unsurprisingly, Avuz is not happy with being locked inside the breeding chamber. From the sound of things he is franticly beating on the walls in an attempt to escape, but he has no chance of punching through solid microline. That said, I don't feel good about locking him in there. I can't just let him starve to death, that would be horribly barbaric. I'll let him out later on, and if he hasn't calmed down I'll shut him in again. He may be vicious but that doesn't mean he's particularly bright.
21st Sandstone, 1055, Mid-Autumn
I have mandated the construction of walls on the beaches below Reveredtour. This is meant to keep invaders from walking below the fort and scaring dwarves. There are most likely other areas from which they can fire arrows at civilians, which is why I continue to place walls in other areas in the fort itself. However these walls should still be useful in at least keeping some dumb goblin maceman from camping out on the shore and somehow terrifying everyone by just existing.
25th Sandstone, 1055, Mid-Autumn
Okay, now it is bad enough for me to call for a draft. I organized the civilians of Reveredtour together and asked who among them was brave enough to join the military.
Not a single hand was raised.
Disappointing, but not unsurprising. So instead I just drew names out of a hat to determine who would join the military. Some of the dwarves claimed this was unfair, as I had only put the names of haulers and masons into the hat. The reason behind this is cruel, but sadly true; those dwarves are easily replaced.
Regardless, the military now has several new recruits who will hopefully fare better than their predecessors.
1st Timber, 1055, Late Autumn
Avuz seemed to have calmed down, and he had been locked away for quite some time. I was worried about him starting to starve, so I decided to let him out. He seemed fine at first. But not soon after leaving the breeding chamber did I realize that I had made a horrible mistake.
Avuz followed me back to the hospital, he favored killing ground, and went on a psychopathic rampage. He was going to pounce on another poor patient, but fortunately one of our soldiers was in the hospital at the time.
Unfortunately, many of our soldiers are incredibly weak. That and Avuz seemed to have what can only be considered a fist of death, since it shatters skulls with incredible ease. After brutally murdering another dwarf, he looked for a new target. To my horror, he set his sights on me. With nowhere to run, all I could do was close my eyes and await the inevitable. But when I opened my eyes, I was greeted by a wonderful sight! Well...not really wonderful, since it was horrifying to watch, but it did favor me.
Ingiz saved the day! When he saw Avuz charging towards me, he snatched him in his mighty maw and...tore him apart. Ingiz ripped open Avuz's chest and tossed him around, causing his guts to fly across the hospital and land on several of the patients. Ingiz then devoured the mutilated corpse, leaving only a pull of torn up guts, shattered bones, and blood left.
So yeah...Ingiz saved my life by horrifically devouring a small child. I never thought I would be in a situation like this.
7th Timber, 1055, Late Autumn
I've noticed that our giant toads, despite being locked in the breeding chamber for a long time, have not produced a single offspring. By now they should have given birth to at least one little toad. Perhaps one of them is infertile, or the breeding chamber simply doesn't meet whatever standards giant toads require to breed properly. Either way, keeping them locked up in there clearly isn't benefiting us so they shall be transferred to the moat soon.
8th Timber, 1055, Late Autumn
Oh no, not again. One of our mechanics has begun acting insane, ranting and raving about greater powers and some nonsense like that. It looks to be another strange mood of the nightmarish variety. So long as we stay out of her way everything should be fine though.
9th Timber, 1055, Late Autumn
Strange, the mechanic claimed a clothier's shop of all things. I suppose that means any hope of her producing a useful artifact are gone, though she might make a pretty one. Like a beautiful glove! Or stylish hat!
However, on a less positive note, another soldier has fallen though this time not to any foe but her own mind.
The grief over losing her eldest daughter and husband seems to have reduced her to a weeping mess. Poor little Woots basically has no family left now.
11th Timber, 1055, Late Autumn
So one of the woodcarpenters threw a little tantrum, in which the only victim was an octopre she slightly injured. A minor offense, but one Goden still considered to be worth punishing. Rather than argue with her, I just gave her clearance to preform her duties as captain of the fortress guard. I figured she would just throw the carpenter in prison for a few days.
Instead Goden beat her to death! What the heck was the point of this?!?! Hitting an octopre is not a crime worthy of execution! I need to talk to Goden about this, her punishment is far too extreme!
Stinthad: "Goden, what have you done?!?"
Goden: "I beg your pardon?"
Stinthad: "You killed another dwarf!"
Goden: "Yeah, so? The law required it."
Stinthad: "You don't see the problem with killing somebody over an injured octopre?"
Goden: "Look Stinthad, I know it might seem extreme, but these are troubling times. We need to show that no act of aggression will be tolerated, even if I have to go to drastic measures to accomplish this. On that note, let's get your beating over with."
Stinthad: "Wait, what!??"
Goden: "Don't you remember? You attacked an earth golem. Aggression against pets is a criminal offense"
Stinthad: "That was Lorbam! And I only did it because I had a horrible nightmare! I already told you about all of this!"
Goden: "I know, but in the eyes of the law there is no excuse for your actions. If I let you off the hook, other dwarves are going to notice and believe that we are corrupt. I have to punish you to show that the law of Reveredtour is fair and just"
Stinthad: "So you're going to kill me?!?"
Goden: "What? No, just beat you."
Stinthad: "Both of your beatings have resulted in death."
Goden: "Look, don't worry. I won't even use my blessed weapons. I can't severely hurt you just using just my fists, probably. Now let's get this over with."
Stinthad: "Goden please! Let's just talk about this for a mo-"
__________________________________________________
__________________________________________________
17th Sandstone, 1055, Mid-Autumn
Oh god this is pathetic. How are you losing to kruelers? How?!? Momuz really was vital to keeping our military in order. We're losing a lot of soldiers, and we need to replace them. But with no migrants in sight, the only option would be a mandatory draft...
No, I won't resort to that until the situation become truly dire.
18th Sandstone, 1055, Mid-Autumn
Unsurprisingly, Avuz is not happy with being locked inside the breeding chamber. From the sound of things he is franticly beating on the walls in an attempt to escape, but he has no chance of punching through solid microline. That said, I don't feel good about locking him in there. I can't just let him starve to death, that would be horribly barbaric. I'll let him out later on, and if he hasn't calmed down I'll shut him in again. He may be vicious but that doesn't mean he's particularly bright.
21st Sandstone, 1055, Mid-Autumn
I have mandated the construction of walls on the beaches below Reveredtour. This is meant to keep invaders from walking below the fort and scaring dwarves. There are most likely other areas from which they can fire arrows at civilians, which is why I continue to place walls in other areas in the fort itself. However these walls should still be useful in at least keeping some dumb goblin maceman from camping out on the shore and somehow terrifying everyone by just existing.
25th Sandstone, 1055, Mid-Autumn
Okay, now it is bad enough for me to call for a draft. I organized the civilians of Reveredtour together and asked who among them was brave enough to join the military.
Not a single hand was raised.
Disappointing, but not unsurprising. So instead I just drew names out of a hat to determine who would join the military. Some of the dwarves claimed this was unfair, as I had only put the names of haulers and masons into the hat. The reason behind this is cruel, but sadly true; those dwarves are easily replaced.
Regardless, the military now has several new recruits who will hopefully fare better than their predecessors.
1st Timber, 1055, Late Autumn
Avuz seemed to have calmed down, and he had been locked away for quite some time. I was worried about him starting to starve, so I decided to let him out. He seemed fine at first. But not soon after leaving the breeding chamber did I realize that I had made a horrible mistake.
Avuz followed me back to the hospital, he favored killing ground, and went on a psychopathic rampage. He was going to pounce on another poor patient, but fortunately one of our soldiers was in the hospital at the time.
Unfortunately, many of our soldiers are incredibly weak. That and Avuz seemed to have what can only be considered a fist of death, since it shatters skulls with incredible ease. After brutally murdering another dwarf, he looked for a new target. To my horror, he set his sights on me. With nowhere to run, all I could do was close my eyes and await the inevitable. But when I opened my eyes, I was greeted by a wonderful sight! Well...not really wonderful, since it was horrifying to watch, but it did favor me.
Ingiz saved the day! When he saw Avuz charging towards me, he snatched him in his mighty maw and...tore him apart. Ingiz ripped open Avuz's chest and tossed him around, causing his guts to fly across the hospital and land on several of the patients. Ingiz then devoured the mutilated corpse, leaving only a pull of torn up guts, shattered bones, and blood left.
So yeah...Ingiz saved my life by horrifically devouring a small child. I never thought I would be in a situation like this.
7th Timber, 1055, Late Autumn
I've noticed that our giant toads, despite being locked in the breeding chamber for a long time, have not produced a single offspring. By now they should have given birth to at least one little toad. Perhaps one of them is infertile, or the breeding chamber simply doesn't meet whatever standards giant toads require to breed properly. Either way, keeping them locked up in there clearly isn't benefiting us so they shall be transferred to the moat soon.
8th Timber, 1055, Late Autumn
Oh no, not again. One of our mechanics has begun acting insane, ranting and raving about greater powers and some nonsense like that. It looks to be another strange mood of the nightmarish variety. So long as we stay out of her way everything should be fine though.
9th Timber, 1055, Late Autumn
Strange, the mechanic claimed a clothier's shop of all things. I suppose that means any hope of her producing a useful artifact are gone, though she might make a pretty one. Like a beautiful glove! Or stylish hat!
However, on a less positive note, another soldier has fallen though this time not to any foe but her own mind.
The grief over losing her eldest daughter and husband seems to have reduced her to a weeping mess. Poor little Woots basically has no family left now.
11th Timber, 1055, Late Autumn
So one of the woodcarpenters threw a little tantrum, in which the only victim was an octopre she slightly injured. A minor offense, but one Goden still considered to be worth punishing. Rather than argue with her, I just gave her clearance to preform her duties as captain of the fortress guard. I figured she would just throw the carpenter in prison for a few days.
Instead Goden beat her to death! What the heck was the point of this?!?! Hitting an octopre is not a crime worthy of execution! I need to talk to Goden about this, her punishment is far too extreme!
Stinthad: "Goden, what have you done?!?"
Goden: "I beg your pardon?"
Stinthad: "You killed another dwarf!"
Goden: "Yeah, so? The law required it."
Stinthad: "You don't see the problem with killing somebody over an injured octopre?"
Goden: "Look Stinthad, I know it might seem extreme, but these are troubling times. We need to show that no act of aggression will be tolerated, even if I have to go to drastic measures to accomplish this. On that note, let's get your beating over with."
Stinthad: "Wait, what!??"
Goden: "Don't you remember? You attacked an earth golem. Aggression against pets is a criminal offense"
Stinthad: "That was Lorbam! And I only did it because I had a horrible nightmare! I already told you about all of this!"
Goden: "I know, but in the eyes of the law there is no excuse for your actions. If I let you off the hook, other dwarves are going to notice and believe that we are corrupt. I have to punish you to show that the law of Reveredtour is fair and just"
Stinthad: "So you're going to kill me?!?"
Goden: "What? No, just beat you."
Stinthad: "Both of your beatings have resulted in death."
Goden: "Look, don't worry. I won't even use my blessed weapons. I can't severely hurt you just using just my fists, probably. Now let's get this over with."
Stinthad: "Goden please! Let's just talk about this for a mo-"
__________________________________________________
Oh. Oh my. There goes the narrator. How many dwarves have been punched to death in your fort anyway?
It's all for a good reason. All those dead dwarves doubted the power of the fist.General-Veok said:
Those who doubt the power of the fist are punished. The punishment for doubting the power of the fist is a severe punching. The punching shall be delivered by the
It's probably better that Avuz died now before he went (more) insane with power and started punching holes in the moon. There was no way that breeding chamber would have held him anyway.
Guys, stop being so pessimistic! Everything is totally fine! Really! I mean, you've survived having your skull crushed haven't you?
Yeah... it's more the several "and tearing apart the brain" messages.Internet Kraken said:
But yeah, tooootally fine!
I noticed that too.sharpshot said:
"Don't worry, I won't hurt you too bad."
*Proceeds to punch her repeatedly in the skull over and over until it breaks*