Let's share dumb stories.

[Kae]

So I'm bored and something weird happened to me again, and I kinda feel like both sharing and hearing other people's stories, now these stories are meant to be kind of silly but whatever is fine.

Spoiler: In any case what happened to me today...

I was on my way home from buying some cookware like pans and stuff, and a lot of food, so I'm carrying all this stuff which is fairly heavy and a taxi stops and starts yelling at me to get over there, my reaction is simply to tell him no, because I didn't want to spend money on a cab, otherwise I would have done so from the beginning and he's like:
-Don't worry, it's a free ride I'm off shift and I'm heading in that direction anyway.
So I of course just tell him, -No, thanks it's fine I can walk there no problem.
So the guy just asks me -Are you dumb or something? I'm heading there anyway.
So I think about it for a moment and I answer -Ok, thanks a lot.
So after some regular small talk we arrive to my department and he asks- Hey do you want to go eat something, my treat.
So of course I'm reluctant to the idea but due to insistence and a good helping of feeling rather indebted to him for giving me a free ride, I agree.
So you know, we hang out for a bit he gets a 12-pack and for some reason we are suddenly at his place listening to music and stuff, and at this point I'm very confused because the guy doesn't really want to talk much, I'm not much of a talker but I was trying very hard to find topics of conversation, so of course naturally a thing pops to my head and I say rather nervously.
-This kind of reminds me of the Tarantino film Pulp Fiction.
And he just kind off dismisses it probably not knowing what Pulp Fiction is, so I start looking around the place in a way that indicates very clearly that I seem super suspicious, so he asks me:
-What are you looking for?
I answer -Uh... nothing just you know whatever it is you are going to use to kill me.
He simply laughs and I say. -You know this is kind off weird, why did you invite a complete stranger house, is it something you do often?
He replies in a kind off strange tone. -No, you're the first.
So after that I'm completely puzzled about the whole situation and I just can't figure out the situation and again the only thing I can think off is Pulp Fiction so I'm almost sure the guy is going to kill me so I raise my voice a little and I ask him in as serious a tone as is phonetically possible.
-Ok, what is going on here? You obviously want something out of me and I just can't figure it out so I'm just going to ask you, what do you want, what is the reason you wanted me to come here?
And he replies - Oh you know I brought you here to do anything- He reaches for my hand and softly caresses it- You know I'm willing to do anything that you want to do.
My eyes widen and I just immediately say - Oh! So that's what's going on- And I just start thinking of all of the hints of his actually super obvious flirting and suddenly it becomes very clear and I realise, that I'm in his house, having a drink with him, and I suddenly get super tense and just say - I'm not comfortable with this, I think I have to go.
And he replies -No, no it's fine just sit down and have a beer.- And I immediately answer no it's fine I don't want to drink.-
And he replies -That's fine you don't have to just sit down.
To which I answer -No thanks, I'm just going now.
And he replies - At least let me give you a ride.-
And after looking at the obviously somewhat drunk guy I say -No it's fine, I can walk there no problem.
And the guy just insists, slowly getting louder, until eventually he demands that I sit down.
At that point I simply just reply to him - I'm going now.- and I walk away, as I walk away I can hear him yelling at me to not go but I keep walking and just head home.

And as I walk home I simply feel a strange combination of being super creeped out, a bit scared, and a lot of pity for the guy, because sure it was creepy and scary, but it was me that was too stupid to read the situation properly and was never really able to grasp the quite frankly obvious context of his actions, and I kinda feel like I ruined his day and like somehow I led him on even if I was completely unaware of it, but mostly I'm really creeped out and feel super stupid.

So the moral of the story is, despite the fact the last time you decided to listen to a complete stranger that insisted on you accompanying him led to joining a super awesome table-top club and you were able to make lots of friends, that doesn't mean you should hang-out with every stranger ever, and they probably want to fuck you or kill you, or both in both possible orders or even one, then the other one and then the first one again.

To be honest this mostly happened because I have a lot of friends now and get along with my work-mates really well so I kinda forgot that I'm completely and absolutely socially inept and am absolutely awful at understanding innuendo, in the past something like this wouldn't have happened because I would have just panicked and said no immediately instead of carrying on thinking I would make yet-another weird friend.

 

[Guffe]

Stuff like that actually happens to people??
Holy Giant Elephant Balls!!

I don't really have any funny stories at the moment...
The latest weird/unexpected thing that happened me was when we were out with a mate, and a we found a lady sobbing. Well she had been punched in the face pretty bad and we said we'll call an ambulans. She said she didn't want one and that she hadn't been assaulted that she just fell a few times. We're both thinking "yeah right, she just wants to defend some retard boyfriend or something", but my mates actually sais this to her (translated, so not exactly word by word): Of course you've been punched in the face, your face looks like a plowed field that has been set on fire and then put out using a hammer!
AAAANNND I am standing there thinking just WHAT THE FUUUUUUUCK!!!???
It was the weirdest moment of you can't say like that and trying not to laugh at the same time.

 

[Saelune]

The closest I can think of that may sound weird to others is when I ended up sitting in a car while my dad and a girl that maybe he liked smoked pot. Before you jump to conclusions though, I should elaborate.

I was over 18 at the time, probably over 21 (I really don't keep track of my life in relation to my age), and we were at the bar he and his friends (which is practically the whole town) go to. I don't remember if it was for the Ramones tribute performance, or just hanging out, but my dad said he was going outside or something and if Id want to go. He knows I don't smoke anything, and don't drink, and I just am awkward at any public thing, so I went with him and the girl to the car to hangout with them and then they busted out the joints.

I'm certainly more cautious now though, since I didn't enjoy the experience, and probably was trying hard to not breathe in the smoke.

 

[The Almighty Aardvark]

*snip*

Good god, what is wrong with this guy? He just goes up to battered women and basically tells them, "Well of course your husband beat you up, you're fuck ugly". Does he stop at orphanages to give the residents a nice solid kick?

 

[busterkeatonrules]

*snip*

Good god, what is wrong with this guy? He just goes up to battered women and basically tells them, "Well of course your husband beat you up, you're fuck ugly". Does he stop at orphanages to give the residents a nice solid kick?

Dude probably meant that she clearly looked like a mess and that's how he knew she'd been punched in the face.

On topic:

My best friend's wedding had three stages - first church, then dinner at his parents' house, and finally a get-together at a rented ballroom. Thing is, I didn't know about the second step. I left church, hung around at home for a while and then headed out to the ballroom - having skipped dinner because I thought there'd be plenty of food at the ballroom.

Gradually realizing my mistake, I stayed until midnight and then excused myself. By this time, I was incredibly hungry, so I cruised around town in search of anything edible. Every gas station was closed, every restaurant was closed, and the only place in town that was still open was an incredibly seedy bar that also happened to sell pizzas.

Any old port in a storm. I headed inside.

It should be noted that, from the viewpoint of the clientele, this was an ordinary Saturday night until some penguin-suited weirdo walked in just past midnight. Yeah. Tailcoat, patent-leather shoes, white bow tie - the works. A number of patrons reacted to this. I gave them a quick explanation before requesting a menu. I quickly browsed through the menu and ordered a pizza with lots of meat on it.

While I was waiting, the weird part kicked in.

Slumped at the bar was a greasy, shabby, balding man, hard at work drinking himself into a stupor, clearly getting close to success. He would sometimes idly look around the room, seemingly at random, but when he happened to notice me, something changed. His posture straightened and his gaze intensified as he unsteadily but purposefully crawled off his stool, walked up to me, looked me straight in the eyes, and I was well and truly weirded out long before he pompously intoned:

"Kiss me."

In English, no less. Which was doubly bizarre because this was Norway, and the man had a Norwegian accent as thick as mud. Having no idea what to make of the situation, I simply told him, in Norwegian,

"Uh... No thanks."

The man stood motionless for a second or so, straight as a soldier. Then, he asked (in perfectly unremarkable Norwegian):

"Have you ever been to Thailand?"

"No." I replied.

The man politely apologized, not skipping a beat. "No problem at all." I said. Then he returned to his stool. A few minutes later, I got my pizza, and all was well.

 

[DefunctTheory]

I may have told this story before here. Oh well, one ridiculous Army tale, coming right up! It's a long one, but I promise it's worth it. I dare say I'll probably win this 'story fight.'

So, one Saturday in Killeen, Texas, I was just sitting around, relaxing. I believe I was smoking a cigar. My roommate comes and asks me if I would come with him to a friends house. His friend had just come back from Iraq, and he wanted to go visit him. I asked why he needed me, and he said they were all going to drink, and he needed a DD to get back home. As I had nothing else going on, and I didn't want a fellow soldier dead when I could have stopped it, I said sure, why not. I was permanently sober by this time in my life, so it wasn't like I didn't get this request a lot.

Anyway, we go to his friends house. They chill and have some beers, and another guy shows up. I'm enjoying my favorite past time when I'm around strangers (Zoning out and chain smoking), and all three agree that the only proper way to celebrate a friend coming home is to get trashed at a club. I had seen this coming, so it didn't bother me much. We hoped into the car and off we went to Houston, to go to the guys favorite place.

We get there and park, and we head into the biggest damn club I've ever seen. 4 stories tall. Upon entering, I'm treated to the view of a spiral staircase with several stripper poles on it. Multiple females adorn each pole, all writhing and making out. I decide, at this moment, that perhaps this trip wasn't as much as a hassle as I thought it was going to be.

The place is packed though, and we quickly become separated. No problem - We're all soldiers here. And the other three fellows are fairly tall, and very loud, so no big deal. I proceed to wander through the place. Unlike the spiral stairs of poles, it's pretty dark, so it's hard to see. And I must confess I was kind of dazzled by the sounds and the amount of people in there - I was finding it hard to focus.

So it caught me completely be surprise when someone grabbed my ass. And not soft either - A good hard grip. Oh, I thought, 'Maybe the ol' AccursedTheory is going to have a nice night after all.' So I turn around to see who my molester is.

And it's a dude.

Unbeknownst to me, and maybe to to guy who wanted to come here (I've chosen to believe him, not that it matters), the club we were in was a straight club some nights, a gay club some others. The females making out on the poles, which I believed to be entertainers, were just honest lesbians. As this fact settled into my head, my straightness must have crept into my face in the form of horror, because the gay man locked onto my buttocks looked straight into my eyes, and I saw a lock of dismay and embarrassment blossom on his face as he realized what was happening.

Without a second thought, I sprinted off to find the darkest corner of the place, so I could get my back against a wall and come to terms with this new challenge. But it was too late - like a shark smelling blood in the water, those homosexuals must have smelled my panic and mistook it for some form of male heat. Before I could find my corner to cry in, I'd had more male hands on my groin and in my crack then female hands in my entire 29 years. I truly learned that night what it felt like to be the prettiest girl at the prom, so to speak.

Eventually, however, I did find refuge, where I hid for an hour or so. After that time, I decided to find my fellow soldiers to see what was going on. I only found one - The one who had just gotten back from Iraq and who had advised us to come here. He was, as one may expect, drunk beyond medical safety, though his military constitution kept him going. I eventually coaxed him into following me to find the rest. After being unsuccessful in the club, I figured maybe they had gone out front. So we exited the building.

Upon which time I found one of the lost loves of my life. She was a bouncer - In my love sick delirium, I decided that meant she was straight. She was short, maybe 5' 2", but she was muscle bound. Not gross, just fit. Brunette, hair bound up in a pony tail. On her left arm, she had a tattoo of Gir (From Invader Zim). I could feel butterflies through my entire body. And it didn't help that she was in the middle of strong arming some tall goon out the door - I'm a sucker for a woman who can put me in my place. By chance, she turned to me, and mistook my attention, I suppose, for interest in who she was currently in the middle of kicking the shit out of and ejecting from the place. She asked 'Do you know this dumbass.' Of course I didn't, but I reflexively checked anyway.

And son of a *****, it's my God damn fucking roommate and the other guy we came with shes tossing out.

She sharply asks me again if I know him, because he's either leaving with me or with the police. I'm ashamed to admit that I honestly considered ditching the dumb bastard and leaving him to the cops. I really, really did. But reason eventually came back to me, and I reasoned that even if I did back stab my battle buddy, she'd likely be in no mood for romance. So I claimed the both of them, and dragged them towards our vehicle.

Once there, I let all three of them stumble around for a bit. One of them was a bit queasy, and began vomiting in earnest against a chain link fence, so I figured it was a good idea to let everyone empty themselves out. Unfortunately, one of them was still game for some dumbassery, and he proved it by yelling incoherently at some people on the other side of the fence. They came closer, and my stomach dropped out - It was a bunch of cross dressers. A whole group of them. And not the sissy or trap kind - Big, burly guys who must break concrete and cut down trees for a living when they were out of their heels. I knew this was going no where good, so I attempted to get everyone packed into the car. The guy yelling was last.

And I was too late. He lured one of the drag queens over to the fence, yelled something fairly offensive I wont repeat, then sucker punched him through the chain link fenced.

Once again, horror shot through my system. Adrenaline dumped through my system, and I prepared to go 2 v 4 with three men in skirts, each one probably capable of snapping me in half like a twig. I thought we were doomed as they ran to our position. As they reached us, however, I saw my guy, the one who was doing the punching, pull a 2 liter bottle of Jack Daniels out from behind his back. Now I was in a fight I was going to lose, and I was in it with a deadly weapon. Everything was going to shit fast.

And then he shouts to the queens 'Want a drink?' And then, bizarrely, everything was fine again, or at least as fine as was the standard for the night. Now I'm standing in a parking lot with 4 drunk cross dressers and 3 drunk soldiers, all laughing and hugging and drinking from the same bottle. And it was just too much for me - I was suddenly just too tired to go on. I needed a rest from this absurd train. So I went to the car and sat down.

And just as I was relaxing, a female jumps into the passenger seat. She was a slight thing, and obviously high as a kite. At the time, I didn't know on what, but in retrospect I'm guessing it was E, probably with something else. But I was too tired, to stressed... I couldn't bring myself to act to get her out, and she was acting more loopy then crazy, so I just talked to her as she slid in and out of coherency. She was constantly rubbing herself against everything in the care, putting her hands all over stuff. Nothing of value that I knew of, so I let it pass.

Until she found my roommates 7 inch Ka-bar 'Combat' knife under the seat. I saw her pull it out just a second before she tried to stab me with it. I managed to grab her arm - Again, she was stoned out of her gourd, which probably helped - And wrestled it out of her hands. At that point she cried out and jumped out of the car. And I locked the doors and hunkered down, no longer caring about anything. It was too much.

Luckily, a bottle of Jack doesn't last long between 7 men who are too drunk to understand the concept of rationing, so I didn't have to wait long. Everyone passed out in the car, so I was able to dump everyone where they belonged without to much trouble, and headed home.

If you don't believe that, I don't blame you. But I'm afraid it's all true. I hope you all enjoyed this tale of terror, fit for a Cryptkeeper.

 

[DefunctTheory]

So I'm bored and something weird happened to me again, and I kinda feel like both sharing and hearing other people's stories, now these stories are meant to be kind of silly but whatever is fine.

Spoiler: In any case what happened to me today...

I was on my way home from buying some cookware like pans and stuff, and a lot of food, so I'm carrying all this stuff which is fairly heavy and a taxi stops and starts yelling at me to get over there, my reaction is simply to tell him no, because I didn't want to spend money on a cab, otherwise I would have done so from the beginning and he's like:
-Don't worry, it's a free ride I'm off shift and I'm heading in that direction anyway.
So I of course just tell him, -No, thanks it's fine I can walk there no problem.
So the guy just asks me -Are you dumb or something? I'm heading there anyway.
So I think about it for a moment and I answer -Ok, thanks a lot.
So after some regular small talk we arrive to my department and he asks- Hey do you want to go eat something, my treat.
So of course I'm reluctant to the idea but due to insistence and a good helping of feeling rather indebted to him for giving me a free ride, I agree.
So you know, we hang out for a bit he gets a 12-pack and for some reason we are suddenly at his place listening to music and stuff, and at this point I'm very confused because the guy doesn't really want to talk much, I'm not much of a talker but I was trying very hard to find topics of conversation, so of course naturally a thing pops to my head and I say rather nervously.
-This kind of reminds me of the Tarantino film Pulp Fiction.
And he just kind off dismisses it probably not knowing what Pulp Fiction is, so I start looking around the place in a way that indicates very clearly that I seem super suspicious, so he asks me:
-What are you looking for?
I answer -Uh... nothing just you know whatever it is you are going to use to kill me.
He simply laughs and I say. -You know this is kind off weird, why did you invite a complete stranger house, is it something you do often?
He replies in a kind off strange tone. -No, you're the first.
So after that I'm completely puzzled about the whole situation and I just can't figure out the situation and again the only thing I can think off is Pulp Fiction so I'm almost sure the guy is going to kill me so I raise my voice a little and I ask him in as serious a tone as is phonetically possible.
-Ok, what is going on here? You obviously want something out of me and I just can't figure it out so I'm just going to ask you, what do you want, what is the reason you wanted me to come here?
And he replies - Oh you know I brought you here to do anything- He reaches for my hand and softly caresses it- You know I'm willing to do anything that you want to do.
My eyes widen and I just immediately say - Oh! So that's what's going on- And I just start thinking of all of the hints of his actually super obvious flirting and suddenly it becomes very clear and I realise, that I'm in his house, having a drink with him, and I suddenly get super tense and just say - I'm not comfortable with this, I think I have to go.
And he replies -No, no it's fine just sit down and have a beer.- And I immediately answer no it's fine I don't want to drink.-
And he replies -That's fine you don't have to just sit down.
To which I answer -No thanks, I'm just going now.
And he replies - At least let me give you a ride.-
And after looking at the obviously somewhat drunk guy I say -No it's fine, I can walk there no problem.
And the guy just insists, slowly getting louder, until eventually he demands that I sit down.
At that point I simply just reply to him - I'm going now.- and I walk away, as I walk away I can hear him yelling at me to not go but I keep walking and just head home.

And as I walk home I simply feel a strange combination of being super creeped out, a bit scared, and a lot of pity for the guy, because sure it was creepy and scary, but it was me that was too stupid to read the situation properly and was never really able to grasp the quite frankly obvious context of his actions, and I kinda feel like I ruined his day and like somehow I led him on even if I was completely unaware of it, but mostly I'm really creeped out and feel super stupid.

So the moral of the story is, despite the fact the last time you decided to listen to a complete stranger that insisted on you accompanying him led to joining a super awesome table-top club and you were able to make lots of friends, that doesn't mean you should hang-out with every stranger ever, and they probably want to fuck you or kill you, or both in both possible orders or even one, then the other one and then the first one again.

To be honest this mostly happened because I have a lot of friends now and get along with my work-mates really well so I kinda forgot that I'm completely and absolutely socially inept and am absolutely awful at understanding innuendo, in the past something like this wouldn't have happened because I would have just panicked and said no immediately instead of carrying on thinking I would make yet-another weird friend.

Oh boy. That ended about as well as it could have, and that's saying something.

Spoiler

Stuff like that actually happens to people??
Holy Giant Elephant Balls!!

I don't really have any funny stories at the moment...
The latest weird/unexpected thing that happened me was when we were out with a mate, and a we found a lady sobbing. Well she had been punched in the face pretty bad and we said we'll call an ambulans. She said she didn't want one and that she hadn't been assaulted that she just fell a few times. We're both thinking "yeah right, she just wants to defend some retard boyfriend or something", but my mates actually sais this to her (translated, so not exactly word by word): Of course you've been punched in the face, your face looks like a plowed field that has been set on fire and then put out using a hammer!
AAAANNND I am standing there thinking just WHAT THE FUUUUUUUCK!!!???
It was the weirdest moment of you can't say like that and trying not to laugh at the same time.

The hell? Your friend is kind of a prick.

Spoiler

*snip*

Good god, what is wrong with this guy? He just goes up to battered women and basically tells them, "Well of course your husband beat you up, you're fuck ugly". Does he stop at orphanages to give the residents a nice solid kick?

Dude probably meant that she clearly looked like a mess and that's how he knew she'd been punched in the face.

On topic:

My best friend's wedding had three stages - first church, then dinner at his parents' house, and finally a get-together at a rented ballroom. Thing is, I didn't know about the second step. I left church, hung around at home for a while and then headed out to the ballroom - having skipped dinner because I thought there'd be plenty of food at the ballroom.

Gradually realizing my mistake, I stayed until midnight and then excused myself. By this time, I was incredibly hungry, so I cruised around town in search of anything edible. Every gas station was closed, every restaurant was closed, and the only place in town that was still open was an incredibly seedy bar that also happened to sell pizzas.

Any old port in a storm. I headed inside.

It should be noted that, from the viewpoint of the clientele, this was an ordinary Saturday night until some penguin-suited weirdo walked in just past midnight. Yeah. Tailcoat, patent-leather shoes, white bow tie - the works. A number of patrons reacted to this. I gave them a quick explanation before requesting a menu. I quickly browsed through the menu and ordered a pizza with lots of meat on it.

While I was waiting, the weird part kicked in.

Slumped at the bar was a greasy, shabby, balding man, hard at work drinking himself into a stupor, clearly getting close to success. He would sometimes idly look around the room, seemingly at random, but when he happened to notice me, something changed. His posture straightened and his gaze intensified as he unsteadily but purposefully crawled off his stool, walked up to me, looked me straight in the eyes, and I was well and truly weirded out long before he pompously intoned:

"Kiss me."

In English, no less. Which was doubly bizarre because this was Norway, and the man had a Norwegian accent as thick as mud. Having no idea what to make of the situation, I simply told him, in Norwegian,

"Uh... No thanks."

The man stood motionless for a second or so, straight as a soldier. Then, he asked (in perfectly unremarkable Norwegian):

"Have you ever been to Thailand?"

"No." I replied.

The man politely apologized, not skipping a beat. "No problem at all." I said. Then he returned to his stool. A few minutes later, I got my pizza, and all was well.

 

[Silentpony_v1legacy]

Honestly the dumbest thing I can remember doing would be a tie between getting marshmallow peanut butter milkshakes less than an hour before a track meet, or going with my entire rubgy team to an all-you-can eat Chinese buffet before a match. Still, explosive vomiting from being tackled turned out to be a very effective psychological weapon against the other team.

 

[DefunctTheory]

Still, explosive vomiting from being tackled turned out to be a very effective psychological weapon against the other team.

If it works for a sea cucumber, I guess it makes sense that it would work for a sportsman.

Sort of.

 

[CaitSeith]

Something pretty dumb happened to me today...

Spoiler: ...and it was also really weird.

I was waiting for the Subway. Estimating that it would take 5 minutes for it to come, I decided to play some Fallen London on my smartphone. But, there was no signal at platform level, so I climbed up the stairs to try to get some signal. So there it was a man wearing a suit, and whistling aloud some silly tune.

I kept checking my phone, while ignoring the guy. But soon it seemed to get closer, without stop whistling. I walked as near to the station entrance as possible (without passing the turnstiles), and couple of seconds later I heard the whistler in a suit getting near again. I turned my look at him for a second, and he stopped whistling, while taking a cellphone up his ear and holding a lidded cup of coffee. I went back to my smartphone, and almost immediately the whistling resumed.

Frustrated, I decided it was useless to keep trying (and the whistler was starting to get into my nerves). So I went back down to the platform. However the whistler went down too, keeping the tune loud and clear. I was almost certain he was following me (or was whistling just driving me crazy?), so I kept walking down towards the end of the platform when the train appeared. I remembered he was holding a cup of coffee, decided enough was enough, and I ran as far as I could while the train stopped.

I got in the first wagon three seconds before the doors closed. "If that man is really following me", I thought, "I will probably meet him in the next station. I'll be ready to have a word of two by then". But that wasn't necessary. A tap sounded from the door I just entered, and there he was: the man in a suit, with a cup in one hand, waving with the other and still whistling that annoying tune so loudly it would be heard from inside. I was too surprised to react, as the train sped up, leaving the station (and the well-dressed stalking whistler) behind.

I suspect it'll probably end up in a viral video or something.

 

[Guffe]

*snip*

Good god, what is wrong with this guy? He just goes up to battered women and basically tells them, "Well of course your husband beat you up, you're fuck ugly". Does he stop at orphanages to give the residents a nice solid kick?

Dude probably meant that she clearly looked like a mess and that's how he knew she'd been punched in the face.

.

Yeah that's more the reason, she looked all sort of a mess.
But without the assault I think she might've been kind of good looking.
I just think my mate lost hsi temper on the fact that se didn't understand/didn't want to understand the seriousness of the fact that she was in an abusive relationship.

 

[Nuuu]

I can't really think of anything TOO stupid or noteworthy I've done.
I mean aside from breaking up with a girl through the World Of Warcraft mail system.
Or hitting on a girl in Gaia through PM's when I was age... 7 or something. Since the computer was shared between my other two siblings, they almost saw the horrible message I typed up too. I reacted as if I was a lonely teen who's mom just walked in on him.

I CAN tell stories of friends passed down:
So this is college and it is the birthday of this guy nicknamed "Storm". Security is a bit lenient I guess because it turns out he got pretty drunk in the computer labs (Where most of the Game Design students hangout at night for LoL).
From what I could piece-meal from conversations:
He spent the night walking around flipping people off at random, then later telling them how much he loves them.
At some point re-enacted the front of the boat scene from Titanic, no ideas why.
Got so excited that he tore his shirt up, then preceded to sob because it was his favorite shirt.
And then fall asleep for the night with his head in the dorm's toilet.

Sometimes I think I'm missing out.
I just want less to regret.

 

[Elfgore]

Well there was the time my Dad sold his car on Craigslist and let the person drive away with the original license plate. His defense was he thought it was a gentlemen's rule to remove it and the buyer said his cousin was a notary or whoever can change license plates. Within two weeks police show up at his house and ask him if he owned a black SUV. Because one flipped over and caught fire during a high speed shootout/chase between cops and criminals with his license plates. I called him a total idiot at that point.

Actually a lot of my dumb stories have to do with my dad. Like the time he read on the internet that putting your dog's shit near plants and open dirt that they wouldn't dig. Turns out it didn't stop the digging and our front porch smelled like shit for half a year. My mom never let that one go.

 

[Amaror]

So my story is not as weird as the other stories that have been told, exspecially AccursedTheories, but it's certainly a fairly dumb and might alleviate OP's feeling of not being able to get innuendos.
So first semester of college and I was invited to a silvester party of a friend. The party itself was a really fun time with nice people, drinking games and just an overall good time.
I met a girl, a friend of the girl that invited me, there and we got on very well. When things slowly came to a close and more and more people went to bed, everyone just slept there because there was plenty of space and it was a bit outside of the city, I invited the girl I had met there for a stroll outside.
She agreed, we went for a nice stroll outside and ... nothing happened. And it was my fault, I just did nothing and I don't know why.
We were all alone on a stroll outside, clear sky with the stars shining and pretty fireworks in the distance. Perfect situation to make a move if there ever was one, but I just didn't and I don't know why.
We just went back to my friends house and went to sleep.
I didn't really realize that I could have made a move there until the next day. I still feel incredibly stupid to this day for that.
Though maybe it was good I didn't make a move. The next morning I had just woken up when the girl I had met was just on their way out. Before she went she gave me a hug and thanked me. I had just woken and could barely keep my eyes open, let alone think straight, so I just said she was welcome and that was it.
To this day the story still confuses me a bit. What was she thanking me for? Should I have made a move? Or did she thank me because I didn't make a move?

 

[Barbas]

(Snip).

That was heartwarming, man.

At one of the schools I went to, there was a kid (who turned out to be one of the more junior years) who was eventually caught and expelled after crapping in every toilet and changing room in the school, and throwing turd off a balcony into the school pool. I remember walking into school one Friday morning to see a group of my classmates gathered outside one of the toilet doors like CSIs at the scene of a double homicide. I went in and saw two adjacent lengths of brown cable on the floor, each about two feet long. I remember thinking, "What in the fuck are they feeding this guy???"

Another, this time from an army friend: when being interviewed, one of his fellow officer cadets allegedly answered the question "What do you want out of the army?" with a confident "My goal is to throw a turd across a crowded dance floor." He did manage the shot in the end, though it cost him his commission. The club was apparently an insane shithouse anyway.