Lets talk about depression

[crimsonshrouds]

I suffer from depression and lately I've had it under control. Tonight though has been a night where my depression has bothered me badly. I've had thoughts of just giving up on life. I want to just stop thinking and feeling things. I want to go off and lay down away from the world and away from everybody A few minutes ago I was just tired of everything. I didn't want to play video games or watch videos.

I have no idea why i felt this way. I hate these thoughts and I hate myself.

I won't see a counselor until December because they told me i couldn't go back to the last counselor i was seeing because of my insurance. They didn't tell me why my insurance had anything to do with who i saw either. I'm just so sick of these feelings and thoughts right now.

 

[tippy2k2]

I'm sorry. That sucks.

I really don't have anything else I can add. I've been lucky that I've never had to deal with any serious kind of depression and I don't know anyone (to my knowledge at least) that has it.

Good luck with your counseling

 

[Duster]

Well if it's purely cognitive try to associate your hobbies with dopamine or adrenaline. Network, push opportunities even if you know you'll get turned down, work hard to network yourself as an esports caster or dj on the side of your main job even if you suck (you won't suck at it after 2-3 years if you apply yourself, humans are smart things). Just being competitive does a lot for feeling alive, and always gives you a project to work on. Lots of bonus points if you love your job and it's not a dead end job, then you can just work on climbing the ladder and networking!

If you're like me though and it's based on circumstances then you just have to fix the circumstances, which is hell a lot of them time, but that's the solution plain and simple. For that you don't seek a therapist, you use friends and business partners and research.

 

[Lynx]

I'm not sure what's the best thing to say. If you feel like talking or venting, feel free to PM.

I was stuck in depression (with a side of social anxiety) for most of 2011 and 2012. It ruined a lot of things. Put a strain on my relationships, kept me from being able to do any kind of work or studying. Dulled my intellect quite a bit, too. I stopped hanging out with friends, stopped talking, just kept to myself and slept a lot to get away from consciousness. This led to social insecurities, which led to anxiety, which led to more self-loathing, which led to more depression, and so on.

Please stop hating yourself. You are not your depression. You are a person WITH depression. And I know it seems impossible, and you're probably very tired, but you can fight it. Keep on fighting it, no matter how tired you get, now matter how far off the light seems. Depression has a way of tricking us into thinking we'll never get better, that we will always be this way, but it is a lie. Remember that: depression is a big fat liar. Remember that even the act of simply acknowledging that you do not want it in your life is a huge step in the right direction.

I'm sorry they're messing with the insurance thing, that must suck. I am glad though that you want to get help, that is a very good sign. I hope you get the help that you need. Do you have people in your life that can support you through this?

Again, feel free to PM if there's anything I can help with.

 

[crimsonshrouds]

I'm not sure what's the best thing to say. If you feel like talking or venting, feel free to PM.

I was stuck in depression (with a side of social anxiety) for most of 2011 and 2012. It ruined a lot of things. Put a strain on my relationships, kept me from being able to do any kind of work or studying. Dulled my intellect quite a bit, too. I stopped hanging out with friends, stopped talking, just kept to myself and slept a lot to get away from consciousness. This led to social insecurities, which led to anxiety, which led to more self-loathing, which led to more depression, and so on.

Please stop hating yourself. You are not your depression. You are a person WITH depression. And I know it seems impossible, and you're probably very tired, but you can fight it. Keep on fighting it, no matter how tired you get, now matter how far off the light seems. Depression has a way of tricking us into thinking we'll never get better, that we will always be this way, but it is a lie. Remember that: depression is a big fat liar. Remember that even the act of simply acknowledging that you do not want it in your life is a huge step in the right direction.

I'm sorry they're messing with the insurance thing, that must suck. I am glad though that you want to get help, that is a very good sign. I hope you get the help that you need. Do you have people in your life that can support you through this?

Again, feel free to PM if there's anything I can help with.

Thank you. I just needed to type out my thoughts earlier and how i was feeling. I have a huge issues with believing in my self or having confidence. I have friends and family but nobody who i can talk to about my problems without things getting awkward and hearing people tell me to just shake it off.

Well if it's purely cognitive try to associate your hobbies with dopamine or adrenaline. Network, push opportunities even if you know you'll get turned down, work hard to network yourself as an esports caster or dj on the side of your main job even if you suck (you won't suck at it after 2-3 years if you apply yourself, humans are smart things). Just being competitive does a lot for feeling alive, and always gives you a project to work on. Lots of bonus points if you love your job and it's not a dead end job, then you can just work on climbing the ladder and networking!

If you're like me though and it's based on circumstances then you just have to fix the circumstances, which is hell a lot of them time, but that's the solution plain and simple. For that you don't seek a therapist, you use friends and business partners and research.

Yeah I have very little confidence in my self. I have a job which I'm glad to have though its not a job that that makes me happy or fulfilled and it doesn't pay well.

 

[Duster]

Then it may be circumstantial. Take education on your side, or invest into assets so that you can have a better cv/better income.

This seems to be the struggle of most citizens.

 

[Fox12]

I'm sorry : (

If it makes you feel better, you're not alone. I deal with it from time to time, and it's hard, but if you give it time and keep working at it, things can get so much better.

 

[crimsonshrouds]

Then it may be circumstantial. Take education on your side, or invest into assets so that you can have a better cv/better income.

This seems to be the struggle of most citizens.

I actually just sent my last loan payment today, for the half semester where i dropped out of college. At this point i'm not sure what education i will get or whether or not i have the focus to get it.

I'm sorry : (

If it makes you feel better, you're not alone. I deal with it from time to time, and it's hard, but if you give it time and keep working at it, things can get so much better.

Thank you, Its good to talk with others who deal with depression. It helps me remember that I'm not alone.

 

[Malpraxis]

I know what you're feeling. Even though it has been years since I had depression, sometimes I feel like that for no particular reason. That sinking feeling that you just need to be in bed, and sleep for an extremely long time until you feel better, and not even doing things you enjoy motivate you to move.

The problem is, every time I listened to my inner voice and slept, I woke up feeling worse, and dirty, and unshaven, and didn't want to shower/shave, and wanted to do the same the next day. Believe me. Don't listen to your voice, you WILL feel worse afterwards. If nothing motivates you, at least know that staying there is the worst thing you can do.

I'll tell you what works for me, but maybe it's different for you. Doing *anything* outside. The more mindless and boring, the better. Just drag yourself out of the house, no excuses. I remember in my worst times I just managed to get to a couple blocks away, bought some cookies, and had a hobo style nap on a park bench. Then I just stayed there, breathing fresh air, watching the people, eating some cookies... and eventually the feeling diminishes... you start feeling bored. That's when you have to get back home and treat yourself to something enjoyable.


Best of luck, crimson! We're all here if you need to vent.

 

[icccricket]

Be with people. Avoid being alone. I learnt form this thread

 

[Imperioratorex Caprae]

Sorry to hear that. I'm bipolar (I) and suffer from periods of excess hypermania and then severe depression. Its not easily predictable and can last a day to a month, sometimes longer on both sides of the spectrum.
I've learned to cope with it. The biggest way I've found to battle my depression is having good folks to talk to who will just listen. A support network of people who care is paramount. Depression is something you can't fight by yourself. I used to think no one could help because no one understands what its like, which in a sense is true. No one can understand what you're going through, even a fellow depressive because its different for everyone. However they don't need to understand to care.
My father has been my biggest supporter. When I was originally diagnosed, he bought a ton of books on depression and bipolar in an attempt to understand what was going on with me. He never told me, I found the books later while helping him clean out his office, but it showed me that he really cared enough to try. Thats really all people can do is try to help and be there. The ball is in your court to share things, even if they seem a bit nutso. Just find people you can trust not to freak out if you start going off on tangents about odd things or cry at the drop of a hat.
I don't have advice that will fix things, but just what has worked for me. And I can't tell you how much more having people who care works for me than any therapy I've ever gone through.
Anyway be well and keep communicating, don't shut down.

 

[CpT_x_Killsteal]

It's could you're getting counselling, even if your insurance if screwing you over. I got dragged down deeper and deeper with it for years, getting counselling was the turn around point. And I was deep. Murder fantasies/planning deep.

Anyway, some advice for ya.

1. Outside is your friend. No walls to close in on you. If you're in the city, go out into the country or something. The beach is a maybe, the water kinda feels like a barrier.

2. Make online friends. Go on a game with voicechat, be silly, play along, be helpful in-game. Online friends are sort of a disconnect. They vanish when you turn your computer off, or close steam or Skype. There's no obligations. They might even turn into friends away from the keyboard someday too.I've got a couple of friends I've been talking to for years on Arma. And before them there were a few other guys I met on CoD.

3. Music. I never used to like music. But music has a peculiar way of swaying your emotions. Make sure it's upbeat in some way. Whether it's angsty, jazz, disco, sexy, just anything with a positive vibe to it. Right now I'm in love with several youtube artists doing covers of vocaloid and anime songs. They're amazing. A lot of them have a "revolution/fight the power" feeling to them. Like a mix of Japan's openness and pissiness about losing the war (that was a joke). Just don't listen to "getting away with murder" on repeat. Yeah don't do that.

Anyway man, I hope you get the thing with your counselor sorted out soon. I prefer them to psychiatrists and psychologists. The former likes drugs too much, which rarely do more than mask it, while the latter feels like they're trying pick me to pieces.

If you really wanna see that same counselor again, call your insurance and investigate. I know you're not motivated right now, but this is a small desperate effort that will get you through. It always starts with one, trust me.

 

[silverleaf81]

I'm not sure what I can say to help you that everyone else hasn't. What I can tell you though is do whatever you can to avoid falling into that black hole of suicidal thoughts. Whether it be talking to friends, Exercise, Medication, Psychotherapy, ECT, TMS, whatever. Just anything to avoid going down that path.

Apologies if I came off blunt. Mental Illness is a subject I am too familiar with

 

[Eddie the head]

Then it may be circumstantial. Take education on your side, or invest into assets so that you can have a better cv/better income.

This seems to be the struggle of most citizens.

I don't know. I think that's kind of poor advice. What typically makes humans happy are intrinsic things. IE doing it because you want to do it, not because you're working for something else. I guess the best advice I can give is find an activity you enjoy and focus on it.

Take note I'm unaware of the specifics of depression so take that with a grain of salt.

 

[someonehairy-ish]

When I have dark days (or weeks, or months), I find there's a whole bunch of stuff that comes with it. I turn nocturnal, so I barely socialise and never seen the sun. I get apathetic about work, studies, etc, so I get behind on everything.

There are a few things that I find help. As tricky-crazy said, music is your friend. Playing an instrument is also good. The other thing I find helps is to just go for a walk, especially if it's sunny out. Ideally somewhere in the country, but walking through the town centre on a nice day is also good. I live in Cardiff most of the time, there tend to be buskers playing stuff. I heard a guy covering this the other day, which cheered me up immensely.

 

[Shocksplicer]

I'm depressed too, and while I have no clue whatsoever of how to cure it (otherwise I probably would've cured myself by now...) just know that you're not the only one feeling this way and that you're not alone.

 

[BEE-BOT]

I suffer from depression and lately I've had it under control. Tonight though has been a night where my depression has bothered me badly. I've had thoughts of just giving up on life. I want to just stop thinking and feeling things. I want to go off and lay down away from the world and away from everybody A few minutes ago I was just tired of everything. I didn't want to play video games or watch videos.

I have no idea why i felt this way. I hate these thoughts and I hate myself.

I won't see a counselor until December because they told me i couldn't go back to the last counselor i was seeing because of my insurance. They didn't tell me why my insurance had anything to do with who i saw either. I'm just so sick of these feelings and thoughts right now.

Man, Im sorry man. I can relate. Last two months especially, have been pitch black.
Even failed to to do a good suicide recently. Not even sure what advice I can give you.
I know Iv had, I guess tipping points, for lack of a better phrase, in the past where in the shear breadth of misery I was feeling
was quite new, and quite alarming.
If the depression your feeling alarms you, theres literally anything you could do. It might sound patronizing or ineffectual, but merely stepping out of you room/house and just moving can help, the shift of blood flow and change of scenery can help.
I remember catching a bus into town at 2am once and just exploring until the lunchtime, maybe a bit much, but the point is, in the darkest moment. The easiest and most available solution to you, is to just alter you surroundings.
Jog on the spot, tidy your room, take a break from the house etc.

Of course I also know easier said than done, but really hope your okay dude.
sorry for the wall of text.
Also Im sure it goes without saying, but pm anytime, Im sure theres close to an entire forum that would rather you be well then otherwise. 9_9

 

[SzorgosPoni]

Hello crimsonshrouds!

You are not alone with these feelings.

I can recommend to try staying busy and trying to try out new things.
Also it is good to see that you are having professional help,
of course the insurance thing is rather unfortunate in this case...

I wish you to get better!

 

[K-lusive]

What helped me a lot was taking my mind of the 'big' problems by fixing all the little things that bothered me.
It may not directly 'fix' depression, but achieving little things, fixing th little day-to-day-problems, increases your self-esteem and should clear your head a little.
If it doesn't help your mood, it will at least clear up your to-do list a bit.