Letters to Skyrim

[Best of the 3]

Dear Skyrim,

I am really really really sorry I trampled a chicken. Am I forgiven now?

Love from,

Dragonborn, the bane of chickens.

 

[Ursus Buckler]

Dear Skyrim,

I haven't got around to organising a holiday to your country but find myself curious. Would you care to send me some brochures?

Yours faithfully,
Ursus

 

[StANDY1338]

Dear Skyrim,

I failed my course beacuse of you. Please refund me the money. Will exept gold or soulgems

 

[realist1990]

Dear Rabbits of Skyrim,

FUS RO DAH!!!!

heh heh heh

 

[The Diabolical Biz]

Dear Skyrim,

Could you please explain to me why your merchants will buy refined products for less than the raw materials?

Yours,

A confused Master Blacksmith

 

[Sandernista]

Dear Skyrim,

I really think you're guards need some better neck protection.

At least make it a little bit challenging to mine grand souls.

Sincerely, a slightly bored Listener

 

[Skillswords]

Dear Skyrim,

I'm happy that you give us an option to aid the stormcloaks and the imperials, but could you please make them different other then copies of the same missions with different enemies? also, can you allow us to create our own rebellion so you can rule skyrim other then that ulfric guy?

Sincerely, an optimistic Orc

 

[Lawrence Salcido]

Dear Skyrim,

Are your guards psychic or have the ability to look through walls? I made hard effort to see if there was anyone around during my...erm...secretive shopping at night. Yet after my 'purchase' I was stopped by a guard who I then fled from.

Sincerely,
Still running from Riften guards

 

[sage42]

Dear Skyrim,

Please obtain a more temperate climate. This would remove the annoyances such as mammoths and frost trolls. Also it would increase tourism among Argonians.

Sincerely,
A very cold Argonian.

 

[pffh]

Dear Greybeards,

Sorry I accidentally shouted you off the mountain.

Please come back up I miss you.

Best regards,
A regretful Imperial.

 

[Bvenged]

Dear Skyrim,
Why do some of your natives insist that I must die, despite being the only person on the whole fucking continent with the capability to permanently destroy dragons, eliminate the Alduin threat and prevent the world from bathing in an eternal fire? Seriously, make me wonder if I should have just stayed in High Rock and waited for the dragons to come to me...

Oh, and this civil war - What has the Empire ever done for us, right? Oh yeah, prosperity and peace. What have the Thalmore ever done for us? Fuck all but a bloody great war. Imperials hate them just as much as you do, Stormcloaks, but you have to pucker up and live with the terms of the white-gold concordat until the Empire can get back on its feet again. stand united, not alone - then diplomatically cede yourself from the Empire.

Although, maybe if you, Skyrim, become independent but remain a close ally of the Empire... yes. This is how it needs to be - A free reign Skyrim with close ties to an honorable Empire. The Thalmore could be tricked into being "invited" into Skyrim to attack Cyrodiil from the north, then the Stormcloakscould aid the Empire in destroying them from all sides and within. They won't see it coming! Haha! This way Skyrim is independant, the Empire loses very little as to its own rule over the land and the Thalmore armies get destroyed for their own blood lust of the Empire - Ingenious! I must make haste for Windhelm to, dare I say, join the stormcloaks and kick out the Empire out with minimal losses. Then we must offer your mighty force and this letter to the Emperor, Skyrim, for time is of the essence and the Thalmore must not gain wind of this plan.

Sincerely,
Sigi

[b]Emperors eyes only[/b] Upon reading, this letter must be destroyed.

 

[Chezza]

Dear Skyrim,

Let me kill your children. Expand on the Dark Brotherhood. Let me unsummon my *try not to spoiler* a particular spectral assassin instead of having to kill it. Please allow more unique endings and integrate more story paths to choose that actually change the world around you. Also a few more monsters and kill moves would be great too.

P.S. Waiting on that patch, I have 4 broken quests that needs to be addressed.

Much Love, Chezz

 

[Zenn3k]

Dear Skyrim,

Too many of your locals are immortal, it kinda sucks.

Love,
Me.

 

[Jarcin]

Dear concerned citizens of Whiterun,

This letter won't be received because there isn't anyone left alive in Whiterun. Probably. If a survivor gets this letter, I want you to know that I am truly sorry. You were supposed to die, too. If you could just...throw yourself on a sword or something, that would be great. Really. It would just save me so much time. Also, I want you to know that the entire ordeal is your fault. Not you, potential survivor, but the town. You see, I accidentally picked up a mace in the blacksmith's place of business. Apparently he had a strict 'no touching' policy. He also had a 'Kill all offenders' policy. I tried to reason with him, but the situation escolated and he got his wife involved...then the Battle-Born clan...then the town guard...Again, not my fault. Your fault. This time I do mean you, potential survivor.

Truly sorry,
Kayle Draken

I will love you until the end of time because of that entire message. I will share it with the world and they will know of your greatness.

Dear Skyrim,

While wandering your wonderful wilderness, I whipped up a few wonderfully whooshy spells, which whimpsphy whisped your wonderfully willing guards off of a cliff to their horrible demise where I later stripped them off all their possessions and laid them in unpleasant looking positions for the amusement of any that passed.

You're welcome

Jarcin Peregrius

 

[Febel]

Dear Skyrim,

Please tell the player character to stop shouting me off of cliffs for shits and giggles.

With love,
Lydia

 

[Mr.Incognitus]

Dear Skyrim,

I would greatly appreciate being able to walk in a town without the guards constantly referring to me as a 'cat, thief or that one from the college.' This would cause a large decrease in the number of guards incinerated on the job.

Sincerely,
A disgruntled Khajiit.

 

[Csae]

Dear Skyrim,

Please stop feeding the horses meat, they are aggressive to a psychotic degree.

With hate,
A Mage.

 

[JasonKaotic]

Dear Skyrim,

I'm sure no-one cared about those hundreds of bystanders wandering around on the streets of every city anyway.

Sincerely, a very skilled marksman.

 

[thetruefallen]

Dear Skyrim,

Before my vaction to your beautiful country, your bureau of tourism informed me to be prepared for light rain fall and moderate snow. What they failed to tell me was the high chance of pachyderm showers. Mommoths fell from the sky and killed my horse and my dog.

kind reguads,

Ro'loc the Dreamcrusher

 

[Sexual Harassment Panda]

Skyrim,

It's rare that I want to bring elements of my boring and repressive little-England life into gaming with me, but someone needs to tell your people that talking over one another is fucking rude. It causes me to miss plot points and obviously salient information too...

I suggest a "Could you please say that again?" dialogue option.

- Panda