long-distance love

[chinangel]

I have been dating my bf for 4 years now, and this weekend he came up and we met in real life.

He's now gone and after i've finished my lonely crying, i have started to wonder, how many others here are in a long-distance relationship and how you cope with it. My bf lives in america, I live in canada, so it's 8 hours to see eachother and it hasn't been easy.

off topic: Grease the skids? Capcha, what are you trying to say to me!?

 

[Rawne1980]

Spent 4 years in long distance relationship myself.

I was in the Army and didn't get home much at all so it wasn't easy. Had no access to e-mail or anything like that either so it was all done on the phone and in letters (yes folks, people used to write things down and post it to people ... strange concept I know).

It wasn't so much "coping" with it as much as it was we didn't really have a choice if we wanted to stay together. She couldn't follow me around the world and I couldn't stay home.

Left the army eventually so it worked out in the end but long distance is hard.

I have a friend that lives around 6 hours from his girlfriend. He visits every weekend. Sets off Friday after work and comes back at the crack of bird shit Monday morning (crack of bird shit means very early for those not used to bizarre slang).

I know some people don;t have that option so it can make things difficult.

I'm afraid the only way around it if you want to stay together is to grin and suck it up until you can get a bit closer together (or live together depending on age/religious affiliation/bathroom habits.

Talking when you can may help. I hear webcams can make things easier (not for that you bloody pervs) never used one myself so wouldn't know.

 

[chinangel]

I don't get this at all.

I've seen another user do this too, how can you have a relationship with someone you have never met?

trust. patience. love. as cliche as it is, you get to know the person first, not their skin, and learn what THEY are like.

 

[Jonluw]

I would never be able to do a long distance relationship.
Physical intimacy is a necessary component of romantic love to me.

 

[chinangel]

I don't get this at all.

I've seen another user do this too, how can you have a relationship with someone you have never met?

trust. patience. love. as cliche as it is, you get to know the person first, not their skin, and learn what THEY are like.

Except you don't. Like at all. You get to know the side of them they want you to see. It's a lot easier to hide aspects of your life when you live in another country, have no mutual acquaintances or really anything to go by at all really.

I mean what's a relationship without the physical side? I have an incredibly close friend, like a brother practically, probably closer to him and than any girlfriend I've had. Think Turk and JD, only thing that separates us from a relationship is we don't fuck each others brains out.

Also part of the fun of a relationship is about experiencing life together. Long distance all you have is telling each other about your lives. You can't go out with them on dates. Sorry if this comes across as offensive, I just get annoyed when people try to act like wanting a physical aspect to a relationship somehow lessens it.

nobody is acting like that at all. I want the physical aspect, but it's not an option right now. And maybe over the short term someone can lie, but not over the long term. long-distance relationships require patience and honesty, and isn't that what every relationship is built on?

 

[bojackx]

I would never be able to do a long distance relationship.
Physical intimacy is a necessary component of romantic love to me.

This, I just wouldn't be able to handle it.

I've spoken to people for the first time through phones and messaging but even after we've done that for months, we meet in person and it's still awkward, like if you'd only just met them. Virtual communication hardly qualifies as time spent together.

 

[chinangel]

I don't get this at all.

I've seen another user do this too, how can you have a relationship with someone you have never met?

trust. patience. love. as cliche as it is, you get to know the person first, not their skin, and learn what THEY are like.

Except you don't. Like at all. You get to know the side of them they want you to see. It's a lot easier to hide aspects of your life when you live in another country, have no mutual acquaintances or really anything to go by at all really.

I mean what's a relationship without the physical side? I have an incredibly close friend, like a brother practically, probably closer to him and than any girlfriend I've had. Think Turk and JD, only thing that separates us from a relationship is we don't fuck each others brains out.

Also part of the fun of a relationship is about experiencing life together. Long distance all you have is telling each other about your lives. You can't go out with them on dates. Sorry if this comes across as offensive, I just get annoyed when people try to act like wanting a physical aspect to a relationship somehow lessens it.

nobody is acting like that at all. I want the physical aspect, but it's not an option right now. And maybe over the short term someone can lie, but not over the long term. long-distance relationships require patience and honesty, and isn't that what every relationship is built on?

Yes, over the long term they can lie too because your window of interaction is quite narrow. To me I just don't see the point. Odds are there's someone just as well suited in the same state.

I guess we have to agree to disagree.

 

[chinangel]

I don't get this at all.

I've seen another user do this too, how can you have a relationship with someone you have never met?

trust. patience. love. as cliche as it is, you get to know the person first, not their skin, and learn what THEY are like.

Except you don't. Like at all. You get to know the side of them they want you to see. It's a lot easier to hide aspects of your life when you live in another country, have no mutual acquaintances or really anything to go by at all really.

I mean what's a relationship without the physical side? I have an incredibly close friend, like a brother practically, probably closer to him and than any girlfriend I've had. Think Turk and JD, only thing that separates us from a relationship is we don't fuck each others brains out.

Also part of the fun of a relationship is about experiencing life together. Long distance all you have is telling each other about your lives. You can't go out with them on dates. Sorry if this comes across as offensive, I just get annoyed when people try to act like wanting a physical aspect to a relationship somehow lessens it.

nobody is acting like that at all. I want the physical aspect, but it's not an option right now. And maybe over the short term someone can lie, but not over the long term. long-distance relationships require patience and honesty, and isn't that what every relationship is built on?

I wouldn't call 4 years short term.

Like the other person said, you don't know what their personaility is like, only what they show you.

a lot of people seem to really dislike the idea of long-distance relationships.

 

[CleverNickname]

My best friend is in a long-distance relationship right now and I think he's an idiot for doing it.

First of all, he sucks at online communication, so I'm fucking baffled how he managed to "get" someone to fall in e-love with him. Yes, he would pay more attention to his (possible) girlfriend, but it had to have started somewhere and if he did that from the get-go just because he was talking to a girl, then he's, again, an idiot. And I'd be mad at him - but I can't exactly ask him that, can I?

Then he goes to meet her. In a Nordic country. In the worst winter in Europe in years or decades. Fucking idiot. I have been in love before, and I would not have done that. -27°C. Idiot.

And not just for a long weekend, which would have been normal and sensible (I've seen plenty of people start relationships online). No, the idiot goes there for three goddamn weeks. WTF!

and now he's broke (so no more trips soon), depressed and whining about it all the time. I have the greatest sympathy for him, because he's finally showing some goddamn emotions, but for the love of all the gods, what the fuck did he expect to happen? Surely he (and she too, for that matter) should be able to cope with it - or have thought about it beforehand. How dumb can you be?

That's still not all. 3 weeks is nothing (unless you're the friend that gets left behind...) and already they're planning to move in together (here, not in her godforsaken country, thank heavens) and have cats and whatnot. What. How the hell do I tell him he's an incredible idiot for thinking like that this soon?

Lord knows I have nothing against getting to know people online and meeting them - I've done nothing but that between ages 19 and 26. And I fell in love with 2 or 3 people (once I'd met them, mind you). But even trying a long-distance relationship based on like a year of online interaction and a brief meet is the dumbest thing I can think of. Love doesn't make anyone that blind.
In my friend's case, he should be the sensible one, too. He's 28, she turns 22 this year. She's allowed to be a dumb teenager still, he has bigger problems.

I truly wish she'd break up with him, the sooner the better. Young girl, impulsive, stupid enough to try this shit, it's not that far-fetched. Pretty please?
Yeah yeah, I know, I'm a "terrible friend", yadda yadda. Fuck that. He doesn't even really need me. He's got plenty of people. I'm constantly surprised he pays as much attention to me as he does. I'm the one who needs him - and now I get table scraps of time and attention because he has to spend all day trying his hardest to keep this fucking imitation of a relationship alive.

So yeah
Go smooch the girl next door - it's much healthier for everyone involved - even (or especially) for the tangentially involved.

 

[chinangel]

My best friend is in a long-distance relationship right now and I think he's an idiot for doing it.

First of all, he sucks at online communication, so I'm fucking baffled how he managed to "get" someone to fall in e-love with him. Yes, he would pay more attention to his (possible) girlfriend, but it had to have started somewhere and if he did that from the get-go just because he was talking to a girl, then he's, again, an idiot. And I'd be mad at him - but I can't exactly ask him that, can I?

Then he goes to meet her. In a Nordic country. In the worst winter in Europe in years or decades. Fucking idiot. I have been in love before, and I would not have done that. -27°C. Idiot.

And not just for a long weekend, which would have been normal and sensible (I've seen plenty of people start relationships online). No, the idiot goes there for three goddamn weeks. WTF!

and now he's broke (so no more trips soon), depressed and whining about it all the time. I have the greatest sympathy for him, because he's finally showing some goddamn emotions, but for the love of all the gods, what the fuck did he expect to happen? Surely he (and she too, for that matter) should be able to cope with it - or have thought about it beforehand. How dumb can you be?

That's still not all. 3 weeks is nothing (unless you're the friend that gets left behind...) and already they're planning to move in together (here, not in her godforsaken country, thank heavens) and have cats and whatnot. What. How the hell do I tell him he's an incredible idiot for thinking like that this soon?

Lord knows I have nothing against getting to know people online and meeting them - I've done nothing but that between ages 19 and 26. And I fell in love with 2 or 3 people (once I'd met them, mind you). But even trying a long-distance relationship based on like a year of online interaction and a brief meet is the dumbest thing I can think of. Love doesn't make anyone that blind.
In my friend's case, he should be the sensible one, too. He's 28, she turns 22 this year. She's allowed to be a dumb teenager still, he has bigger problems.

I truly wish she'd break up with him, the sooner the better. Young girl, impulsive, stupid enough to try this shit, it's not that far-fetched. Pretty please?
Yeah yeah, I know, I'm a "terrible friend", yadda yadda. Fuck that. He doesn't even really need me. He's got plenty of people. I'm constantly surprised he pays as much attention to me as he does. I'm the one who needs him - and now I get table scraps of time and attention because he has to spend all day trying his hardest to keep this fucking imitation of a relationship alive.

So yeah
Go smooch the girl next door - it's much healthier for everyone involved - even (or especially) for the tangentially involved.

that...sounds like lots of bitterness.

 

[SycoMantis91]

I'm gonna be a beacon of positivity. I've known the girl I'm with for 3 years, been official for almost 3 months, but acted like a couple (as much as we can) long before that, just were hesitant due to the distance thing. We're in literally opposite sides of the country. I'm finally leaving to spend a week there in a couple days, and she plans to visit me a couple months later. If we work in person like we do on the phone, we're gonna get our own place around here around the end of summer. I've seen sides of her that anyone whith something to hide would have hid, and vice versa. We've talked constantly since we started talking and idk, it just feels right with us. I know it's not the same as being physically together, hence visiting each other first. But I'm confident in it, and I hope it works out for you too. Long-distance is hard, but sometimes they're worth it.

 

[Easton Dark]

8 hours? Try 11 hours in the same country.

Near 6 months, going well. I think it's great, myself. And I instantly hate everyone in here that doesn't think so, that's right, hate. Everyone.

Not really, but no need for insults.

 

[default]

I'm in a fucking awful situation at the moment I'd rather not talk about, but lets just say it's hard. And it just may well get a hell of a lot harder soon.

 

[Padwolf]

My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year, he lives in America and I live in the UK. He is moving over here in a couple of months, our relationship has been going perfectly and I have complete confidence that it will still be perfect when he moves. A long distance relationship can be hard at times, but it is worth it.