Long Lost Friends.

[Disaster Button]

Hello Escapist,

I have a friend coming over today who I haven't spoken to in about 5 years after we fell out. We're both 18 now, and he's finished college - I'm not - and got in touch with me the other day over Facebook, telling me how he's back into Everquest II (the MMO we used to play before we fell out). We were friends all our lives until about 12-13 when we stopped talking for a number of reasons.

Anyway, we got talking on Facebook and he'll be coming over soon. This is great, and I'm really excited but I'm also quite nervous. See, I don't cope very well in social situations and I'm quite worried about this because we haven't spoke in 5 years and I don't wanna screw it up by getting anxious and not knowing what to say.

So I was wondering if you lovely people could offer me some advice on how best to cope with this, and how to calm down, things to talk about, etc. I know planning a conversation before hand isn't a good idea and I don't want to do this, but I would like some tips on general things to talk about, and how to not get all worked up and mess it up.

Feel free to share your experiences with meeting up with old friends, and how you got along or about old friends you wished you could see again.

Hate to do a TL;DR but it might get me some extra help so...
TL;DR: Help a fairly socially inept guy by giving him advice on what to talk about.

Thanks.

 

[Disaster Button]

Not sure if this should go in the advice forum or not. Mods, feel free to move it if it's in the wrong place.

 

[Berethond]

Since you haven't seen him in >5 years, there's all kinds of conversation material to go through with your mate. Like new bands you've found, things you've been doing for the last 5 years, girlfriends you've had that then became crazy ex-girlfriends... Pretty much anything.

 

[SilentCom]

Your friend graduated college at 18? He must be some kind of genius...

OT: I think general conversation and catch-up are in order. You haven't seen him in 5 years so maybe you should see what he has been up to in that time period?

 

[Zarkov]

Well, I would imagine long lost friends are the easiest to get along with.

Any grievances before have been forgotten, age has made the both of you more mature, and the distance of time between you too has an infinite amount of topics and catch up to be discovered.

It's almost like meeting a new person, but initially sped up because you've met before.

Being nervous is probably what you shouldn't be.

Not sure if this should go in the advice forum or not. Mods, feel free to move it if it's in the wrong place.

I'm not too sure what forum rules are on double posting, but unless there's an acceptable bump period you probably should have just edited your original post, just so you know.

 

[Disaster Button]

Your friend graduated college at 18? He must be some kind of genius...

OT: I think general conversation and catch-up are in order. You haven't seen him in 5 years so maybe you should see what he has been up to in that time period?

We're in the UK, college graduation is 18, then University for 3 years.

 

[Disaster Button]

Well, I would imagine long lost friends are the easiest to get along with.

Any grievances before have been forgotten, age has made the both of you more mature, and the distance of time between you too has an infinite amount of topics and catch up to be discovered.

It's almost like meeting a new person, but initially sped up because you've met before.

Being nervous is probably what you shouldn't be.

Not sure if this should go in the advice forum or not. Mods, feel free to move it if it's in the wrong place.

I'm not too sure what forum rules are on double posting, but unless there's an acceptable bump period you probably should have just edited your original post, just so you know.

I'm sure that bad feelings won't be harboured about our falling out but that isn't so much the problem as it is I don't meet new people very well, nor am I able to just let go and talk freely when I first meet people so I usually sit there with a blank mind when it comes to what to talk about.

And the nervousness is just how I get when meeting new people, especially people who I really want to get along with but fear I might mess it up, it's hard to make it stop.

But regarding infinte topics, I know there should be a lot for us to talk about but I feel like I'm straining myself to think about any. Like when there's so much choice that you can't really think of any at all.

Edit: Oh, regarding the bump. It was pretty shameless, just no one responded for what felt like awhile and I was pretty nervous and didn't want the thread to just vanish. Sorry.

 

[Simple Bluff]

Funny this kind of thing pops up now, I had a similar thing happen to me just yesterday, with someone I hadn't spoke to in 3 years. We didn't fall out, he just moved to a different school and we drifted apart - but we used to be extreemly close.

See, he owed another friend of mine money and was going to call for him, and I decided to accompany him so we could catch up. Initially, I regretted this decision because I started to feel really nervous about meeting him again (see OP? everyone gets it ). I was afraid about not being able to hold up a conversation and making the whole thing akward.

And, at first, I was right. While we were at his house we didn't say much to each other. Neither of us made a pretty big deal about this reunion. There was a lot of tension in my gut, but the guy I was with though spoke to him so at least it wasn't an uncomfortable silence.

After about thirty minutes we went up to his bedroom, and slowly I made my way into the conversation. We caught up with each other's lives (although that surprisingly was a short conversation point). Our roles are the opposite to yours OP - I went to college, just finished first year, but he never bothered. We're both eighteen too, almost nineteen.

And that lead on to other stuff - and other stuff lead to other stuff - we started with life in college, somehow making our way to the Yu-Gi-Oh card game within what felt like ten minutes, and then to what our plans for the future are, without any unsubtle shift in the conversation. It was great.

Anyway, not much to say advice-wise, but I hope I set your mind at ease... it's not that bad.

EDIT: Responce to your comment above me - getting scared is, if not normal, hardly uncommon. And there's very little you can say to another human being, especially one you used to know, that will draw them away or instantly make them dislike you unless you actually tried. They might think your wierd, at worst, but that's not the same thing as disliking someone.

And if he does well... that's his loss

 

[Zarkov]

Well, I would imagine long lost friends are the easiest to get along with.

Any grievances before have been forgotten, age has made the both of you more mature, and the distance of time between you too has an infinite amount of topics and catch up to be discovered.

It's almost like meeting a new person, but initially sped up because you've met before.

Being nervous is probably what you shouldn't be.

Not sure if this should go in the advice forum or not. Mods, feel free to move it if it's in the wrong place.

I'm not too sure what forum rules are on double posting, but unless there's an acceptable bump period you probably should have just edited your original post, just so you know.

I'm sure that bad feelings won't be harboured about our falling out but that isn't so much the problem as it is I don't meet new people very well, nor am I able to just let go and talk freely when I first meet people so I usually sit there with a blank mind when it comes to what to talk about.

And the nervousness is just how I get when meeting new people, especially people who I really want to get along with but fear I might mess it up, it's hard to make it stop.

But regarding infinte topics, I know there should be a lot for us to talk about but I feel like I'm straining myself to think about any. Like when there's so much choice that you can't really think of any at all.

Edit: Oh, regarding the bump. It was pretty shameless, just no one responded for what felt like awhile and I was pretty nervous and didn't want the thread to just vanish. Sorry.

Yeah, it's frustrating when a thread slips into the bulk of other faceless threads. At least your bump didn't come outright as a bump [meaning you did the right kind of bump], so all is well.

And about your friend; brainstorm topics to talk about. What you have in common, and plan to use them regardless of what your predictions about his response might be. You'll be surprised to know that when interest is expressed, often the other party in the conversation does the same. And if things get dull, switch to another topic.

But, eventually, the day is going to end, and usually the first and last conversation is what matters in a day. The initial impression, and the impression you left on him.

Or, you could go a simpler route and wing it. That seems to work too, at least for myself.

 

[Disaster Button]

Well, I would imagine long lost friends are the easiest to get along with.

Any grievances before have been forgotten, age has made the both of you more mature, and the distance of time between you too has an infinite amount of topics and catch up to be discovered.

It's almost like meeting a new person, but initially sped up because you've met before.

Being nervous is probably what you shouldn't be.

Not sure if this should go in the advice forum or not. Mods, feel free to move it if it's in the wrong place.

I'm not too sure what forum rules are on double posting, but unless there's an acceptable bump period you probably should have just edited your original post, just so you know.

I'm sure that bad feelings won't be harboured about our falling out but that isn't so much the problem as it is I don't meet new people very well, nor am I able to just let go and talk freely when I first meet people so I usually sit there with a blank mind when it comes to what to talk about.

And the nervousness is just how I get when meeting new people, especially people who I really want to get along with but fear I might mess it up, it's hard to make it stop.

But regarding infinte topics, I know there should be a lot for us to talk about but I feel like I'm straining myself to think about any. Like when there's so much choice that you can't really think of any at all.

Edit: Oh, regarding the bump. It was pretty shameless, just no one responded for what felt like awhile and I was pretty nervous and didn't want the thread to just vanish. Sorry.

Yeah, it's frustrating when a thread slips into the bulk of other faceless threads. At least your bump didn't come outright as a bump [meaning you did the right kind of bump], so all is well.

And about your friend; brainstorm topics to talk about. What you have in common, and plan to use them regardless of what your predictions about his response might be. You'll be surprised to know that when interest is expressed, often the other party in the conversation does the same. And if things get dull, switch to another topic.

But, eventually, the day is going to end, and usually the first and last conversation is what matters in a day. The initial impression, and the impression you left on him.

Or, you could go a simpler route and wing it. That seems to work too, at least for myself.

Thanks, I think I'll try that. Hopefully I won't have to rely on planning too much and the conversation will flow naturally, but I'm gonna do it just incase things get uncomfortable.

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

I don't know, talk about what happened when your lives diverged and what shaped your view of the world throughout the years.

I have two friends who used to live right next to me as a kid. Haven't heard from them in a decade.