Losing Loved Ones

[ClaptonKnophlerHendrix]

So, yesterday I lost my grandfather. Hes had dementia for a few years and we knew he didn't have long. But rather then feeling sad I'm not feeling anything. Not emptiness, not sadness, just nonchalance. I'm telling myself its because he hasn't really been all there for a few years but I don't really know if I believe it. Is this normal? This is the first person I've been close to thats died.
Also share similar stories if you have them.

 

[Julianking93]

Well, to me, that's normal.

I deal with death in a way that most people see as hollow, emotionless and cold.

I just don't show any emotion and just kinda stay silent.

 

[DefunctTheory]

It very rarely hits right off the bat. Give it a bit.

Of course, not everyone feels such emotions (I certainly don't, not anymore anyway).

 

[8-Bit Grin]

I always feel so outcasted when people speak of this.

I lost a dearly loved aunt recently to lung cancer and didn't feel a thing.

It was the same with my good friend Danny when he died in a car accident.

I can't seem to grasp the idea.

I know I'm not a coldhearted person, but...

***EDIT***
When I'd heard that my long term girlfriend had died in a tornado I screamed until my lungs were raw and snot covered my face. The reason I didn't remember this immediatly was because it was misinformation. She'd just been in the area of it and her brother exaggerated.

*She* almost lost a relative that day.

 

[gothicboris]

My grandmother died a few weeks ago, she was in the same state as u described, and i didnt feel anything til a few days ago when we scattered the ashes. It was only then that it felt like she was gone. That it was the end. Most of my family got emotional at the funeral and were surprised to see me crying the other day.

Just give yourself time and your emotions will break through.

 

[Icecoldcynic]

Well, to me, that's normal.

I deal with death in a way that most people see as hollow, emotionless and cold.

I just don't show any emotion and just kinda stay silent.

That's the kind of thing that a person can only understand if they have been through the same experience. I lost my father to a heart attack when I was 15, and obviously I was devastated, but spent most of my time just showing no emotion. I prefer to keep that kind of thing private.

 

[MercenaryCanary]

Well my father died of cancer a day after I turned twelve.
He was in the middle of the country while I was still here, on the East coast.
I think I was happy he died. He wasn't that good of a father. I remember that I at least said that it was good that he died.

 

[JLML]

Don't worry, you're not alone. When my grandpa died, I didn't care. If my mum/dad/sister would die, I don't think I would care. If one of my friends would die, I don't think I would care. Hell, if I would die, I wouldn't care. There is someone I would cry over though, but only that one person. I don't care about anyone else really.

I guess when they've had it coming, like my grandpa (he had had cancer several times, barely ate or drank anything, didn't do anything but sit still, whispered a few words at most and looking like he had been dead for a while already) it's much easier to handle. In fact, I think everyone at the funeral actually were happy rather than sad that he died. After all, he had been suffering for long enough, and finally got to rest.

 

[Yureina]

That's pretty normal for me as well. I've not felt really much of anything for the last 3 of my relatives to pass away because they were all seriously ill/old/had dementia/etc.

Its the unexpected deaths that truly lead people to grief. Thankfully, I have not faced any of these in recent memory.

 

[TheYellowCellPhone]

I don't feel anything when more distant relatives die. Usually I don't even know them. I haven't had the... curtesy... to have inner family members die however.

 

[SnootyEnglishman]

Death is a natural part of the life cycle. It only affects when i don't see it coming which is why i don't get affected when people who are older then 80 die..the earth is calling them back. Even if a person i know dies and i despise the bastard i believe they should still have at least a burial.

 

[Burningsok]

So, yesterday I lost my grandfather. Hes had dementia for a few years and we knew he didn't have long. But rather then feeling sad I'm not feeling anything. Not emptiness, not sadness, just nonchalance. I'm telling myself its because he hasn't really been all there for a few years but I don't really know if I believe it. Is this normal? This is the first person I've been close to thats died.
Also share similar stories if you have them.

Sry about your grandfather man. I had the exact same feelings when my grandpa died. When he died I already had the feeling that his death would be soon. I think I emotionally prepared myself for it I guess.

 

[I Stomp on Kittens]

It very rarely hits right off the bat. Give it a bit.

Of course, not everyone feels such emotions (I certainly don't, not anymore anyway).

You're so right. When one of my friends died I didn't feel anything over the weekend and when I got to school I balled.

 

[Radeonx]

I've known multiple people that have died, and I've never felt sad.
For the most part, I just sort of sat there in a constant state of feeling absolutely nothing for a long period of time.

 

[chozo_hybrid]

Give it time, it's when you realize the little things that it starts to get you.

But with something like my Aunty, who a few weeks ago out of the blue had a stroke and died all of a sudden, you knew it was coming at some point soon, so you're a little more prepared for it.

 

[vic_elor]

my grandfather died after many years with increasing dementia about a year ago... Yeah, it definitely feels different then when other loved ones died. I agree tat dementia plays a big part as even my grandfather felt like he was gone long before he died.

 

[ThaBenMan]

I'm sorry for your loss. My mother just died recently, and I have to say, I had quite the opposite reaction - I took it very hard, and was quite upset (it was my mother).

Maybe it has to do with the circumstances of the death - your grandfather was probably quite old and ill, so it may have been for the best. My mother died at 51, pretty young - she had drank herself to death so needlessly.

In any case, your feelings are what they are, and just because they're different than the norm doesn't mean they're wrong. I'm sure you loved your grandfather a lot.