Loss

[Phasmal]

Ok, I really don't want to be talking about this with strangers on the internet, but right now I don't feel I have anybody I can talk to. I thought about making a dummy account for this, but that's probably against the rules and I'll probably be acting weird for a bit anyway.

My nan passed away on Thursday.

We were expecting it, but it was a bit sooner than we thought, and rather sudden. Obviously when I got the phone call I was absolutely destroyed. We've always been close, and nothing will ever be the same now.

But, I'm having some trouble with my emotions.
More specifically, I feel completely numb most of the time. Not to say I'm not sad. I know I am heartbroken but I feel like I can't really... get to my feelings. I can't enjoy anything and everything just feels of... nothing. I guess it's like being on painkillers, you know you are in pain but you can't feel it. I can't feel anything.

I have absolutely no experience with this sort of thing. I've never really lost someone before.
I don't feel like I can talk to my family, because I don't want to burden them, or make them think that I don't have feelings.

I dunno, I just want to know if this is normal, or what I should do.

 

[DoPo]

My condolences. And for what it's worth, I went through a similar thing when my grandmother passed away, so I understand how you feel. Is it normal, I can't say but at least you're not the only one. What I can say from experience is that the feeling goes away in a while - I can't remember how much it took me, nor do I think I should be measuring you by myself, but it eventually went away.

I am sorry I can't be of much help and I hope you feel better soon.

 

[EeveeElectro]

I'm so sorry for your loss. *massive hug*

It sounds like your body is still in a state of shock. You didn't expect it so soon so it's difficult to come to terms with, thus difficult to grieve.
Sometimes you can be so depressed, you just go numb. This has happened to me plenty of times. It's nothing bad, you just have some much to deal with your body just goes on auto-pilot.
I suspect it will hit you at the funeral. I lost my uncle four years ago today, I had a little cry when I found out but I also felt numb until we buried him. As soon as the hearse pulled up carrying his coffin I couldn't hold it together and the week or two worth of tears just came all at once.

It sounds like your loss has made you depressed. Talk to your doctor or some professional body about it, they should be able to help you until time eventually heals the pain. You don't have to suffer this alone so don't ever think that.

This is gonna sound like crappy generic advice, but when the emotions hit you, let yourself cry it all out. Feel the sadness leak out of your body in the form of tears. Cry as much as you like, when you like, talk to anyone even us Internet people. Talking and crying will help you, even if you feel lousy at the time. Bottling it all up is self destructive.
It won't stop hurting for a long time, but eventually you'll be able to think of her and smile or laugh when you think about all the happy memories you share. At my uncle's funeral I asked my mum to tell me all the happy and funny memories she had of him. I loved it, it made me feel so much better and gave me a right giggle.

Let your body grieve the way it wants. If you do continue to feel numb there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. Whether you believe in it, your nan is still with you, you'll always have fond memories and you were lucky to have such a caring and loving grandma. Mine doesn't even know my name or age because she doesn't care about me.

I hope you feel better soon, I'm only ever a PM away if you need to talk.

 

[Yopaz]

Honestly I would say you should talk to your family. I went through something similar when I lost my great grandmother 2 years ago. I was out with a friend, just getting our pizza as my dad called and told me. I was shocked, it was so sudden, she was living on her own two days before, never having been admited over an extended amount of time when she fell ill, got admitted to the hospital. The day this happened she said she was ready to die because she knew from now on she would just live as an inconvenience for friends, family and health personnel and then she was dead the day after. I didn't react that much or feel much the day after. I was simply feeling hollow. I avoided talking much to people over the next 9 days or so, living in apathy and sometimes slipping into depression. One of my friends reached out to me, but I wouldn't let her get mixed into this, but I kinda regret that because I knew then that I wasn't dealing with it properly and I know that I should have taken the opportunity to talk to both my dad when he tried and to my friend.

Let your family help you, they might be going through the same thing as you and help you deal with what you're going through. Do what I didn't do.

 

[manic_depressive13]

I had a similar experience when my granfather died. He was the one who raised me since my parents were both working fulltime. I remember feeling strangely guilty because, even though I knew I loved my grandfather, I couldn't cry, and I wasn't reacting like the rest of my family were. I thought I must be a bad person because I couldn't even mourn the death of the person I loved most in the world, and maybe that meant that I didn't really love him after all.

I think this is a pretty common reaction, and I've heard about a lot of people responding to loss similarly. I think talking to someone might help a bit. Everyone experiences grief differently. I don't think anyone will think you are heartless or lacking emotion.

 

[Phasmal]

Thanks everyone for your replies.

It has really helped to know I'm not the only one who feels like this, and being able to talk about it has helped. At the moment I am finding myself able to be sad now. Though I have messed up my sleeping pattern because I'm sleeping way more than I should be and at all the wrong times.
Obviously this is still going to be a really hard and upsetting time but it really helps to know I'm not weird or broken.

 

[Miyenne]

Everyone deals with loss differently.

I have an identical twin. She handles it by crying a lot and getting it out that way.

I'm more like you. I barely shed a tear. I recognize I'm sad and hurting, but I don't let it out. Not anymore. The first few times I lost someone I loved I raged and cried. Now it's just an all too familiar thing and it's a "Oh, this sucks. But crying won't change anything and I hate the sick to much stomach, headache inducing crying, so I just won't". My sister thinks I'm a freak for it, but it's just how I cope.

As long as if in time you think about your nan and smile, you're good.


Captcha: carpe diem. Wow. How apt.

 

[Amethyst Wind]

Thanks everyone for your replies.

It has really helped to know I'm not the only one who feels like this, and being able to talk about it has helped. At the moment I am finding myself able to be sad now. Though I have messed up my sleeping pattern because I'm sleeping way more than I should be and at all the wrong times.
Obviously this is still going to be a really hard and upsetting time but it really helps to know I'm not weird or broken.

I'm sorry for your loss.

No matter what anybody tells you, there is no right way to deal with this. Don't try to force anything. Things will be sad for as long as you need them to be sad, and in whatever way you need to be sad.

Send me a pm if you want to get any thoughts out, good/bad/random/whatever. I'll listen.

 

[Jux]

Everyone deals with grief differently, this is just part of the process for you. Sorry you lost your nan. Talk to your family when you're ready. You don't need to view it as burdening them, rather, as sharing an experience with them. I'm sure you'll be helping them as much as they'll be helping you.