Loud neighbours, what would you do? (Inventive suggestions time!)

[flakmagnet]

So, my neighbours downstairs have decided that 2.30AM is a suitable time (on a work night no less) to be making the beast with two backs. Unfortunately, the woman sounds (and this is the opinion of someone 2 flats above and one over from her, so you can imagine how loud she is) "like a donkey being raped". Luckily this morning the noise didn't start until 7, but it's my day off, I wanted a lie in, not to be awoken by that horrendous racket. In my block of flats, I never hear any other noise from neighbours, no TV/radio, arguing, or anything, not even someone's washing machine, but this, I get to hear.

So I'm looking for inventive suggestions for revenge. My favorite three so far are:

Record the noises and play it back as loud as possible when they have guests (unfortunately, they never seem to have any guests)

Get a recording of appluase and play it very loud at the climax of events

Play a strange and inappropriate tune whenever they go at it to freak them out, such as the magic roundabout themetune or the funeral march.

Unfortunately the last two would also disturb my other neighbours and they don't deserve that. Though suggestions may be considered if they are amusing enough, everyone else is sick of it too.

*oh, and boring stuff like talking to them like civilised people is out, several people have tried that one already.

 

[Dimitriov]

You could always buy them a ball-gag as a gift...

 

[ColeusRattus]

hehehe, I know your pain. I once lived sandwitched between two loud couples (and with a GF that was rather on the "sex is a means of power, so you don't get any if you don't play by my rules").

The only solution I found was dumping the GF and moving out.

 

[Mimssy]

Man, the people who live above me clomp around like ponies. I can't stand it.

You can always start the war of annoying noises. I find stomping on bubble wrap placed on the floor to be annoying. You can take up the bagpipes and step-dancing.

 

[thylasos]

Consider earplugs, or consult local noise ordinances/the housing association if they sound like they're fucking right next to a megaphone, consistently, in the early hours. You're likely to get done under said noise ordinances if you do take retaliatory action.

Also, sparking off retaliatory sex-noise for you bothering what they may see as their natural right to humping-noises.

 

[Shanecooper]

Unfortunately the last two would also disturb my other neighbours and they don't deserve that.

It sounds to me that they're already being disturbed. At least what you're suggesting would give a few of them something to giggle about.
Maybe you should get an old fashioned air raid siren. That would really freak them out.

 

[darth.pixie]

I once threw a smoke bomb into my extremely noisy neighbours' balcony. They called the fire department who, upon discovering nothing, fined them. I dropped a recorder on a fishing pole that played very freaky sounds by their window. It was small and they never saw it.

I blasted Cannibal Corpse through the walls.

On my most boring days, I just called the cops.

 

[bigwon]

I'd probably do something like #1.....

I'd take a visit with them with that recording handy and to play back to them to further your point. xD

could also call the cops in on noise disturbance...lol!

best to just be straight to the point, it's only going to be more of a hassle when you turn it into a game between you.

 

[rabidmidget]

Airhorn, as soon as you hear anything, airhorn the fuck out of them, then stop, wait and repeat.

 

[Ambi]

I love the ideas you already have.

She sounds like a donkey? Put the speakers as close to the noise as you can get, and play some donkey sounds off youtube. She should get the picture.

...Well, it could be kind of mean, but if they keep doing it and you've talked to them reasonably, they sound like inconsiderate people who deserve it. But you neever know, it might backfire and make the problem even worse.

Spoiler: Is she overweight?

Spoiler: GRRRRRRRRRR

0:11-0:28

Spoiler: Monk chanting, or how about a chorus of children singing "Jesus loves me"?

Would that be awkward? They might mistake it for preaching, though.

Spoiler

Stallagh (mental asylum recordings), I Like Little Girls, the most unwanted song (part 1), VaJayJay by Psychostick... Or anything with children in it. Anything related to annoying children and babies.

Actually, it could start up some further hostility amongst neighbors if they happen to find the music even more annoying than the noises. I don't know, you know your house and how loud you need to play for them to hear. Does everyone hear it? If so, they'd probably be awake from the nosies already and not mind the music.

 

[Aureli]

So clear the music with the rest of your neighbors who are being bothered by this first.

Alternately, I suggest splattering their window with a paintball gun while they're going at it.

 

[GrimTuesday]

Knock on their door, mention that you couldn't help but notice that they are having sex, and ask to join in. It could work, but it also could get you slapped with a sexual harassment charge so proceed with caution when implementing this plan.

 

[Jonluw]

Can't you report them to the police for disturbing peace or something?

I like the one with playing inappropriate music or other sounds though.
You could perhaps try to use a parabolic disc or something to keep the sound from bothering your other neighbours too much.

Spoiler: Here is one suggestion for a song to play

It's a reference to Welcome to the NHK, an anime where the main character's neighbour constantly plays this at a stupid volume.

That or you could take a song that loops forever from Weebls-stuff and see how long they can handle it.
http://www.weebls-stuff.com/songs/Narwhals/
A good idea would perhaps be to ask the person in the apartment below you if they will help dish out the justice, so that you won't have to blast the music through their floor too.
If you duct-tape the speakers to the floor with the action-side down, and maybe cover them in a duvet or a pillow, you might be able to mostly just direct the sound at the noise people's apartment.

Also, you don't really have to retaliate with noise in the night. You could make noise at any other time of the day too. Play porn at a ridiculous volume while they're having dinner or something. I don't think you have to wait until they have guests. Dinnertime should be plenty annoying.

Or you could record their noise; perhaps from outside their door, then walk up to them the next day, and play it for them, telling them that this is what you have to deal with, and that if they can't keep it down, there will be consequences - for example a live internet broadcast or something of the likes.

Fun story by the way: My sister and her friend was sleeping in a house a few years back, and the people who lived in the room downstairs were really loud. (I was sleeping in the house next door, and I could hear them. Made worse by the fact that I knew my parents could hear them too.)
Thing is, my sister's friend was only like 12-13 years old, so when the neighbours started going at it, she thought that there were a bunch of dogs locked inside their apartment. She was really worried that they were in pain, so my parents had to go and knock on the door and ask them to quit it. Awkward.

Edit: I like the idea of knocking urgently on their door when they're going at it, and showing up in fetish gear, asking if you can join in too.

Or get the entire block to sign a petition of "you're fucking noisy, quit it" and hang it on their door.

 

[Flames66]

Record the noises and play it back as loud as possible when they have guests (unfortunately, they never seem to have any guests)

How about you do that, but hang the speaker out of the windows so it dangles right outside theirs. That way you should be able to avoid too much disturbance to the neighbours.

 

[The Afrodactyl]

Drill a hole through their ceiling and slowly fill the house with polystyrene beads.

 

[Macgyvercas]

If the person was right across from you, I'd suggest revenge XKCD style:

Spoiler

As it stands, I have no idea what to do about someone on a different floor short of calling the cops.

 

[Mr. Grey]

Entirely depends on their attitudes or if you can get away with it, but I'd write down on a letter this response:

"Thanks for the sound effects, Ms. Dolby Digital, they were of great use."

Then post it on their door. Oh, but don't use stationary in your name or it could get awkward.

 

[irani_che]

record it and let her listen to it in the morning, nothing is more horrifying.
also,my roomate stays up late playing music.
I woke up at 630 for class, and blasted Tchaikovsky and clasical music till he begged me to turn it off