Male Perspective Needed - Update

[cleverlymadeup]

Thank you for putting that into perspective for me. I didn't do any of those things, so yes, I could have been a lot worse. I also managed to stop him taking drugs and drinking so much he couldn't even remember going out, let alone getting home, so I mustn't have been that bad a person.

not really if you did that and np i can sometimes say things that are smart and insightful

Still can't believe the message I got - it basically accused me of being a mad stalker ex who was determined to break them up and ruin their happiness! It's been years, why would I do that after all this time? She justified her actions by saying that if she heard something that could jeopardise her son's life, she'd take action.
Hardly the same thing, especially as the action of sending the message probably blew it out of all proportion and made things worse.

If my message was so evil, so ruinous and malicious, created purely to break them up (as she inferred), then why send it to a happy couple when it might split them up?

i've found that ppl often like the blame you for doing things they themselves do, some sort of transference. i've had it a few times and it's gets rather tiring, tho it is rather funny sometimes

anyways it's kinda stupid to try and justify it that way, oh i told someone who wasn't related to me something that has to do with their son cause i'd tell my son if i was told something like that

 

[Sh4dowSpec]

If you guys were together that long and actually engaged to be married, then I think that the most likely explination for his behavior is simply that he hasn't gotten over you yet. He didn't tell you about this new girlfriend because, in a way, he felt like he was cheating on you. When their relationship started to fall apart, he blamed it on you because he felt like you had driven them apart (us guys will do just about anything to avoid admitting our own faults). The best way to resolve this situation is just to sit down and talk with him about everything--about his feelings towards you, your feelings towards him, his feelings towards this other girlfriend, and how he can justify saying that he lost everything on your account. If this approach doesn't work for some reason, you should just split up with him once and for all, because I can guarantee that nothing good can come from the way your relationship is right now.

 

[Beffudled Sheep]

You sound like you could use a shotgun.
Will it be a Benelli M3 or a Remington 870?
Don't be to hung up on it or that other "friend". Just drop all emotion and your life will be better than ever.

 

[Seldon2639]

Usual indignation about his obvious lack of honor (not to mention propriety) aside, it sounds like he has a bit of a history of being a cad. If I had to take a guess, I would say that this was a relationship already on the rocks, and the forwarded message was just the catalyst. I'd let your friend (who forwarded your note) off the hook, she was just trying to help the girlfriend. It made a hash of things, but it was at least a little noble.

On the "do we stay friends" question, I've had female friends put in that situation before, and it never ends well. At best, he's still legitimately hung up on you (which would also explain why the girlfriend blames you for the breakup). At worst, he screwed up his relationship all on his own, and is looking not only for a rationalization, but also for some comfort. Either way, it's not a good basis for any kind of relationship.

You could try to give him closure, but at this point you should ask yourself whether you owe him even that. If you do, then it'd be worth it to sit down and try to clear the air. If you decide you don't, then you should tell him that you have no interest in resuming a romantic relationship, nor being his emotional crutch.