Funny enough a very popular question dating coaches and couples therapists get from women is "how do I get my man to share his feelings with me?"Synigma said:there is another guy out there that holds it against himself, silently hating himself. If we had more open conversations we could help them (both of them) before they make a mistake that can't be taken back...
Speaking from only my personal experience[footnote]which of course means very little to the larger picture[/footnote], I've dated both sides of the coin.
Both guys were/are nice, my ex though had very low self confidence and chose to vent his feelings to me. I had no problem with this, however, because of his low self confidence, the only thing he ever focused on was the bad in himself and I became his emotional crutch.
Again, I have no problem when a man I'm dating vents his feelings to me, I want to know everything about them as a person, that includes the more vulnerable side, I want to help him be the best he can be, to feel good about himself but in this situation, it wasn't inspiring because that's all there was, I was the only one who made him happy, I felt crushed under the pressure and started to feel bad about myself and trapped.
Predictably, despite all the nice things he did for me, this relationship was toxic and I needed to end it for my own personal health. Even though we continue to be friends, he doesn't understand where I come from in this situation and from time to time he tries again, shows jealousy toward my current BF, claims all his exes "friend-zoned" him. This behavior is leading me to push him even further out of my life.
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Conversely, my current BF has a high degree of self confidence and at times he seems so laid back, we could be on the verge of a zombie apocalypse and he'd be "ehhh it's fine". I know that he probably feels anxiety, but he's told me himself that he tries not to think about it (though he does share with me when something majorly devastating happens). I believe though if he did decide to start telling me about his everyday frustrations, that the relationship wouldn't become what the one above was and we might grow closer for it. He has more in his life that makes him happy and secure, friends, family, a stable source of income, while the ex above does not, and uses his unfortunate situation as a means to call women "shallow" and claim they won't date him because women only date men with money, ext.
I don't know what point I was trying to make here, I guess perhaps offering an idea of how exactly a Nice Guy (TM) is born.