Mall Fight RP: (CLOSED) (FINISHED)

[Sigma Castell]

"Of course you do."
I solder Trilbys kneecap to Salts eye.
"And do you, Trilby, take this woman, Saltarius Crane, to be your lawfully wedded wife? Of course you do."
I look up at the sky.
"Now the two are bonded eternally. You may now kiss the bride."
Salt and Trilby are buried under a pile of dead babies.
"All rise for the Wedding Theme..."
I cough.
"Rober Mugabwe is a very nice man, he would never rig an election..."

 

[Saltarius]

I sigh deeply.

"Well, this fucking blows."

 

[Sigma Castell]

Due to Bees, Trilbys gun jams, and Salt fails to no. I turn to the camera.
"Remember Folks, I'm here all week for discount weddings! Book now without delay!"

 

[Knife-28]

I suddenly laugh loudly. "HAH! That's the good thing about The Mall, I know that thish is actually happening as I'm seeing it, even though I'm drunk off mah titsh! Or rather, my lach of dem, isn't that right?" I say, turning to the large dishevelded parrot from the liquor store, which is now sitting on the planter next to me.

 

[ShindoL Shill]

"I'm filing for divorce. And an annulment. And emancipation. Basically, severing any legal ties to other people. And then I'm going TO FUCKING MURDER A FEW DOZEN PEOPLE!"
I angrily press the intercom button.
"Knife, or whoever is piloting this ship, take us to the nearest planet so I can do some legal bollocks and then go on a killing spree."

 

[Saltarius]

"But what about the kids Trilby?"

 

[ShindoL Shill]

"I'll kill them FIRST! Maybe I'll make it my theme!"
I think for a moment.
"Wait, we don't have kids. There goes that idea."

 

[Saltarius]

"Aw c'mon! We could be the next Bonnie and...Bonnie!"

 

[Sigma Castell]

I split in two, and swarms of spiders pour out from my sugary-honeycomb center. Each of them has the face of Trilby. My bisected body ripples and shudders, and suddenly it is whole again. My eyes are pitch black. I open my mouth, and streams of liquid Bees pour out. A droning buzz fills the air.
Bees.
Bees.
Bees.

 

[Knife-28]

"That would be a bit easier if some dropkick didn't set off C4 ouside the bloody cockpit." Knife replys over the intercom. "And we're still ages off the planet we were flying towards, so your bang outta luck."

 

[ShindoL Shill]

"Knife, that never happened. It was a dream or some shit." I remind Knife. "Also, fly to a NEARER planet."

"That could be fun." I say to Salt, before bees.
I run like hell.

 

[Sigma Castell]

The spiders start to swell, limbs bursting from tiny eyes, insides spilling across the floor. Each of them becomes a horrific fusion of Trilby and Salt.
As one, they chant.
"Yeah Trilby, what about the kiiiiiids."

 

[Knife-28]

"..."
"Ok, now THAT is terrifying." I say, before pulling out that flamethrower I had from a while back and burning....well pretty much everything, mostly the spider things though.

"A dream, the why is there still a gaping hole in the cockpit?" Knife asks, before felling a tap on his shoulder. Turning, he sees a man in a blood red space suit standing there with a bundle of C4. "Oh fucking Syndicate age-" Knife his cut off as the man shoots him in the stomach, the bullet ripping though his space suit and causing him to crumple. The man then drops his C4 and jumps back out the hole in the cockpit, which a few moments later gets significantly larger.

 

[Sigma Castell]

I hover behind Knife, my smile stretched unnaturally wide. A buzz undercuts my every word, the buzz of a million bees.
"Hiiii Knife," I grin.
"Loong tiiime, no seee"
(Night guys)

 

[Saltarius]

"I mean, think about it Trilby! I'll be good cop...wife, and you'll be bad co-wife!"

 

[Knife-28]

"..."
"Nope."
I turn my flamethrower on Sigma, blasting at full power.

 

[MinimanZombie]

"Well I couldn't find her, so-JESUS CHRIST ON A POGO STICK WHAT IS GOING ON!"

 

[Knife-28]

"Shpiders."

 

[Paddy the Second]

Crying.

 

[ShindoL Shill]

"Marriage. Apparently."
I fire my flare gun at the spiders.
"Also, Sigma did a thing."