Mall Fight RP: (CLOSED) (FINISHED)

[Sigma Castell]

"...You bring this up every four pages, Salt."

 

[Saltarius]

"How about fuck you guys. Does it look like there's anything better to do?"

 

[Paddy the Second]

"Well. No. But find something else to do!"

 

[Saltarius]

"...Resist. Temptation. To Make. Sexual Joke."

 

[ShindoL Shill]

"Salt, just get some porn audiobooks. It's less hassle than trying to sleep with Paddy. Or Knife."

 

[Paddy the Second]

"I don't care if you do."

 

[Saltarius]

"If you could kindly provide some, that would be greatly appreciated."

 

[Paddy the Second]

I hand Salt a stack of cassettes. "Be careful. These are vintage."

 

[Saltarius]

"...These better be softcore. Like, uu softcore."

 

[Paddy the Second]

"Yes." "Yes they are."

 

[Saltarius]

I put the tapes in a casstte player and slip the headphones on.

"...Oh fuck yes."

 

[Paddy the Second]

"Another job well done."

 

[Saltarius]

"...Knights shouldn't be listening to such...heinous acts. But it is worth it."

 

[Paddy the Second]

"Man whatever. Not like some guys gonna get up in your grill for listening to it."

 

[Saltarius]

Blood leaks out of my nose.

"How the hell do they even get away with this shit."

 

[ShindoL Shill]

I look at the tape.
"Does this say..." I squint. "Read by Brian Blessed?"

 

[Paddy the Second]

"I collect them for academic value Trilby. I've never actually listened to them."

 

[ShindoL Shill]

"Fair enough. Still... Brian Blessed reading porn books?"
"That guy?"

 

[Saltarius]

"Tummy rubs are academically valued?"

 

[Paddy the Second]

"The cassette was manufactured using the ashes of the author as a material."