Manners: When do they become 'Rules'?

[NeutralMunchHotel]

Firstly, allow me to tell you a story. It was in my school yesterday, and me and a friend left a building on my school campus to enter the main building of our school. As we left, an elderly (well, 60) woman was just in front of us. She left, then we stepped through the double doors just before they swung shut. We then proceeded to walk across the campus to the main building. Unbeknownst to us, this woman was heading in the same direction as us. We were talking, and had pretty much paid no attention to her. We stepped through the (larger) double doors of the main building, when from behind us came 'Excuse me!'.

The situation was almost comical. The woman was trapped between the doors, and making no attempt to move. On rereading that last bit, it may not sound funny, but those doors swing shut so slowly that they are incredibly easy to avoid. If she wanted to. I then said a confused 'Sorry?', to which she replied 'Hmm'. I then turned around and continued on my way.

The thing is, she had expected us to hold the doors open for her. On one hand, we may have been in the wrong in that situation. You could say that we should have checked to see if there was anybody behind us and that we should have held the door open regardless. That said, she made no effort to hold the door open for us earlier, and honestly we had no idea that she had followed us. The fact that she had simply expected us to notice that she was behind us and that we would hold the door open, going so far as to 'pretend' to be stuck just to make her point, annoyed me no end. Maybe this is just a human reaction, but looking back I was glad that I hadn't held the door open for her. That geriatric turned out to be a bit of a *****.

So, that leads me on to my question: what do you think about manners, and to what extent do you think they should be followed. Are there people who think manners should be rules? I think you know what I'm on about...

Note: I accept that I was probably in the wrong in my situation, but the fact that she was so damn annoying in the way that... gah! You read it, you understand.

 

[Ciarang]

Sure, it was a bit rude not to hold the door open for her
But still, pretending to be stuck just to help you out ? Who does she think she is ? =P

 

[Irridium]

The only manner that should be a rule is chewing with your fucking mouth closed.

I can't even begin to describe the amount of pissed off I get when people do that, then they look at me like I'm a jackass for telling them to chew with their mouths closed.

Edit: I suppose I should have actually commented on your situation, so here it goes.

You were both right, or wrong, depending if your optimistic or not.

You were both wrong because you should ahve held the door open, and she was wrong because she simply expected the door to be held open for her.

You should have checked over your shoulder to see if anyone was behind you, she should have let you know that she was there.

You were both right because you didn't know she was there, so you technically didn't do anything wrong (I know its contradicting, but for the sake of this, just go with it), and she has probably had a lot of people held doors open for her, so she may have just expected the door to open the same way you expect to go home to sleep.

Thats my 2 cents

 

[Distorted Stu]

It all depends on the situation youre in. I always hold doors open for people, espessically the old, but if they are too ar away or the door close so slowly i just walk on. I did it at the doctors last week, a guy was walking down the stairs so i stopped for him, then i relised he walked slowly as fuck so i just walked away.

 

[BlackJack47]

I love to hold doors open for people, its my way of making a new friend every day, especially at college...God i hope I'm not the creepy guy there.

But seriously, on Topic you might have acted differently from her point of view, its not like you were intentionally being rude but maybe to her it appeared so.

 

[chronobreak]

If the person is more than a person's length away from me, I don't hold the door, unless they are elderly. Every ten years they have after 60 will get them one more person's length that I will wait. Also, anytime I see someone with a stroller, I hold the door, because I know what a pain it is.

 

[Flour]

The only time I'll hold the door is when someone is unable to do it themselves.

Basically that means that as long as you don't need your arms to move, I'm not going to hold the door.

 

[Spacelord]

Manners become rules when transgression is punished.

 

[TheAmazingTGIF]

Manners are called manners because they are not rules. Although they were rules to me as a small child, many moons ago, because my dad beat them in to me.

 

[GrinningManiac]

I think you were in the wrong for not opening the door for her, but I think that, considering you didn't notice, it was a bit bitchy of her.

If someone didn't notice me, because they were talking to a friend or on the phone or otherwise engaged, I would understand perfectly if they bumped into me, for heavens sake, never mind a door.

I think she's one of those inward personalities who can't comprehend anything outside her own consiouness, ergo, as she notices herself, so must you.

 

[El Poncho]

When i'm opening doors I check if anyones behind me, if they are far away I leave it but if they are close, or atleast coming to the door quickly I will wait on them to come. In my school almost no one has manners so I try to maintain what is left of them.

 

[NeutralMunchHotel]

Manners are called manners because they are not rules. Although they were rules to me as a small child, many moons ago, because my dad beat them in to me.

That's the thing - they are 'beaten' into us daily, until we accept them as rules. Sure, I can see the logic in holdging the door open, (facedoor = bad) but wearing certain items of clothing in certain places and certain times? Sometimes, not so much.

 

[Low Key]

I usually hold doors open for people, but not if I'm in a rush. They have two arms and can do it themselves at that point, and no one really does it for me.

I'm not sure where you are from Gilbert, but if you are anywhere in America other than the deep south, no one should expect you to hold the door open for them.

 

[deadlyric]

Manners are not rules; they're for classy society. Basically if you want to be considered a 'Gentleman' or a 'Lady' then you follow rules of manners. Otherwise you're 'Rude' it's all status. If that lady was the president of something important or was a boss, co-worker, or someone you wanted to bang; a Gmilf if you will, then it's probably to be polite, if it's just some random person, you have no obligations.

 

[TheAmazingTGIF]

Manners are called manners because they are not rules. Although they were rules to me as a small child, many moons ago, because my dad beat them in to me.

That's the thing - they are 'beaten' into us daily, until we accept them as rules. Sure, I can see the logic in holdging the door open, (facedoor = bad) but wearing certain items of clothing in certain places and certain times? Sometimes, not so much.

That is not so much manners (not wearing certain clothes) as it is avoiding offending people. Offense and lack of manners are slightly different.