When I proposed to my wife, it was in public, but it was well after we already discussed getting married, though I proposed to her at random just to keep her surprised. Though I can see the point OP is trying to make, there is a simple solution, "can we talk in private?". If the man who's proposing like a dick about being in public, then in kind of reverses the situation, because who knows, you can love someone without knowing you're ready to marry them, right?
Marriage Proposals in Public - Dick Move or Romantic?
- Thread starter shogunblade
- Start date
It honestly depends on the context.
If you are absolutely sure that they'll say yes, and they're not afraid of crowds or anything - even better if they love them - it can be romantic. Its you putting yourself out there, telling the world that you love them, and they get to do the same to you. It says that your not ashamed of your love, afraid of it, and you don't care if anyone else approves or disproves - you love them. If your intent is to be romantic, and you are 99% sure it'll work, it can be romantic - if done with the right timing.
However, if you do it with the intent of trying to force them to say yes, or if you know they hate crowds and attention, or if you're really not entirely sure that they'll say yes, then its cruel. It puts them on the spot, and whilst you show your affection for them, if they don't feel the same way about you it becomes very embarrassing for both of you, and it can end up feeling like you're trying to pressure them into saying yes.
If done right, it can be romantic. If done wrong, it can turn out very poorly.
If you are absolutely sure that they'll say yes, and they're not afraid of crowds or anything - even better if they love them - it can be romantic. Its you putting yourself out there, telling the world that you love them, and they get to do the same to you. It says that your not ashamed of your love, afraid of it, and you don't care if anyone else approves or disproves - you love them. If your intent is to be romantic, and you are 99% sure it'll work, it can be romantic - if done with the right timing.
However, if you do it with the intent of trying to force them to say yes, or if you know they hate crowds and attention, or if you're really not entirely sure that they'll say yes, then its cruel. It puts them on the spot, and whilst you show your affection for them, if they don't feel the same way about you it becomes very embarrassing for both of you, and it can end up feeling like you're trying to pressure them into saying yes.
If done right, it can be romantic. If done wrong, it can turn out very poorly.
That really was a dick move to be honest :/Deviluk said:
OT: I don't think I'd like a public proposal, but if I was say at a party with my friends and family and someone proposed to me then I think that would be nice. Having random strangers gawk at me would be a bit off-putting.
Most of the time, people propose like that, but other times they just do it because they reckon they've been together long enough or they have spoken about marriage in the abstract.Ryan Minns said:
Or just because they feel like it.
Yeah, but you can see someone for a while without thinking about marriage and without being ready for it.Sonic Doctor said:
Hm, maybe I'm just a romance-killer, but marriage is totally off the table for me and boyfriend until we have been successfully living together (in our own place) for at least two years.
Not because I'm some sort of heartless person, but because I know people who rushed into marriage and I am damn sure not going to make that mistake just because it's `romantic`.
Plus I still can't decide what to do with my second name but that's another matter.
The avatar... ='(Vault101 said:
But yeah, I definitely know what you mean. My boyfriend isn't the type to buy stupid excessive gifts but just in case I made it clear when we first started going out that I wouldn't put up with that kind of crap. He does tend to show some affection in public which I don't usually support, but meh. I love him so I don't have the heart to push him away.
I feel a bit dirty now. I think I need to go punch a kitten.
Remember how I said before that I myself would like to share that moment with family and friends?
This is exactly what I mean...
I thought the skyping was a sweet idea.
This is exactly what I mean...
I thought the skyping was a sweet idea.
I'm not saying there aren't situations where it could be done well, and you're right it would be very picturesque. However I think overall you're right. In the end it's not very considerate to proposee, even if they do say 'yes.' So in the end unless you are *very* certain that's the kind of proposal they'd want (and equally certain they actually want you to propose in the first place) it would probably be best not to do this.
Dick move!
People who think it is romantic are people who can not put themselves in other people's shoes.
You are basically locking the person you are asking into saying yes from sheer pressure of the on lookers.
It would be just way too hard to say no in public.
Also about the bein gin love with someone you arent ready to marry, it can totally happen.
Not all love and relationships have to end in marriage, just as much as not all marriage needs to be based on romantic love.
People who think it is romantic are people who can not put themselves in other people's shoes.
You are basically locking the person you are asking into saying yes from sheer pressure of the on lookers.
It would be just way too hard to say no in public.
Also about the bein gin love with someone you arent ready to marry, it can totally happen.
Not all love and relationships have to end in marriage, just as much as not all marriage needs to be based on romantic love.
Seems to be a hit or miss kind of thing.
For example while not exactly the same thing,I once heard a story of a man gathering all of his and his GF's respective friends for "surprise proposal". If I remember correctly she clearly wasn't ready for marriage at the time, but there was no way in hell she could've no and disappointed all those people waiting for a party, so obviously she had to say yes. Didn't really care enough to find out how they ended up but chances are that proposal did more damage then good in the long run.
On the other hand the desire to the whole dramatic proposal thing ends up with awesome things like
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fii-KPEmcMw
God I wish I knew how you guys put youtube videos in your posts. Anyway personally I would make it a private matter, if she happened to say yes then celebrating with other people is awesome otherwise no need to pile on unnecessary pressure to a big decision.
For example while not exactly the same thing,I once heard a story of a man gathering all of his and his GF's respective friends for "surprise proposal". If I remember correctly she clearly wasn't ready for marriage at the time, but there was no way in hell she could've no and disappointed all those people waiting for a party, so obviously she had to say yes. Didn't really care enough to find out how they ended up but chances are that proposal did more damage then good in the long run.
On the other hand the desire to the whole dramatic proposal thing ends up with awesome things like
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fii-KPEmcMw
God I wish I knew how you guys put youtube videos in your posts. Anyway personally I would make it a private matter, if she happened to say yes then celebrating with other people is awesome otherwise no need to pile on unnecessary pressure to a big decision.
But he looks all sad if I don't. Tragically enough I've gotten used to it now so I'd probably be pretty cut up if he didn't want to anymore.Vault101 said:
.... *chokes kitten*
I proposed in public. Granted no one else in the crowd had any idea what was going on since they were all watching the fireworks above the falls. So I guess you could say it was private in a way.
And before this, my wife and I had gone ring shopping together and talked about getting married. So we both knew that it was something we wanted to do.
In the end, you've gotta know what you and your to be fiancee want.
And before this, my wife and I had gone ring shopping together and talked about getting married. So we both knew that it was something we wanted to do.
In the end, you've gotta know what you and your to be fiancee want.
IMHO it depends on how public. Out at a her favorite restaurant or in the park where you first met is romantic. On the jumbo-tron in yankee stadium is a dick move.
I wouldn't say public proposals are inherently dick moves. After all, proposing to someone in the park is pretty romantic. But I've always looked with disdain upon proposals that happen during sports games, though I greatly admire the women who have the courage to turn them down despite the pressure.
The key issue, I think, is when proposals are surprises. When I proposed, my girlfriend and I had been going out for two years and had decided we wanted to direct our relationship towards marriage after six months. She knew I was going to propose, especially because I did so on our second anniversary.
The key issue, I think, is when proposals are surprises. When I proposed, my girlfriend and I had been going out for two years and had decided we wanted to direct our relationship towards marriage after six months. She knew I was going to propose, especially because I did so on our second anniversary.
I hope whoever proposes to me never does it.
I already think having a birthday party at TGIF is a dick move, so having a public proposal would be the equivalent of punching me in the teeth then doing an appendectomy 'in the name of love'.
On other people, at least this guy had a contingency plan:
http://youtu.be/VgjkXsFyCsc
I already think having a birthday party at TGIF is a dick move, so having a public proposal would be the equivalent of punching me in the teeth then doing an appendectomy 'in the name of love'.
On other people, at least this guy had a contingency plan:
http://youtu.be/VgjkXsFyCsc
I hope whoever proposes to me never does it.
I already think having a birthday party at TGIF is a dick move, so having a public proposal would be the equivalent of punching me in the teeth then doing an appendectomy 'in the name of love'.
On other people, at least this guy had a contingency plan (He had a separate card made if she said no, but it's not very visible in the video):
http://youtu.be/VgjkXsFyCsc
I already think having a birthday party at TGIF is a dick move, so having a public proposal would be the equivalent of punching me in the teeth then doing an appendectomy 'in the name of love'.
On other people, at least this guy had a contingency plan (He had a separate card made if she said no, but it's not very visible in the video):
http://youtu.be/VgjkXsFyCsc
Generally I'd say that you shouldn't propose, and absolutely not in public, unless you and your SO have had serious conversations regarding the topic of your future. Proposing in public is certainly a dick move if you're not sure that your SO will say yes. You're putting him/her on the spot in a really unfair way, and unless they're the kind of people who like to have all eyes on them, chances are you'll just make them feel embarrassed or uncomfortable.
One of the reasons my ex broke up with me (I'm a guy) is because I wasn't romantic enough. I was unemployed so I couldn't buy gifts, we lived 3 hours apart so I couldn't just randomly show up at her house (she was still in american college so she still lived at home with her parents). So it is also a pain in the ass when you are expected to be the "romantic guy"Vault101 said:
I agree, it kind of forces the other person to say yes or look like a massive douche, It's an incredibly unfair thing to pull. It's not like it's the only way you can be romantic when proposing.Phasmal said:
Although I don't agree on your idea about proposing in general, cuz it seems to be a little anti-marriage as a whole.