Men of the Escapist: Keeping up appearances in order to reach "perfection"

[blackrave]

Is there a pressure and standards? Sure.
Do I follow them?
Well, lay back, relax and let gentleman named Marshal explain how much attention I pay to this important issue.
At this moment you most probably already guessed, that I get tons of mad bitches

 

[Johnny Impact]

I realized a long time ago I have none of the things women find attractive. It's got nothing to do with movie stars (though they certainly don't help). I am so far below standard in every way that matters, the idea that any woman could ever find me attractive is simply inconceivable. It would be a lifetime's work to lose the extra weight, put on some muscle, correct my teeth and posture, pay for laser eyesight correction, bring my conversation skills up to the level of an average person, go to a really good self-esteem coach, etc etc etc. Even if I were to do all those things and more, I still wouldn't have the money to properly accessorize myself.

With attractiveness completely out of reach, I settle for daily shower/shave, buzzing my head down to the scalp every couple months in lieu of an actual haircut, and simple jeans-and-T-shirt attire. Nothing I wear, own, or do is intended to impress other people. I figure if any woman finds me attractive despite all that, it just means she has poor taste.

 

[shootthebandit]

I have a little motto and it goes something like this:

do not try to impress others with your appearance - there will always be someone more attractive than you
do not try to impress others with your strength - there will always be someone stronger than you
do not try to impress others with your intellect - there will always be someone smarter than you
do not try to impress others with your jokes - there will always be someone funnier than
impress people by being yourself - no one will ever be a better version of you

This goes for men and women. The type of people who obsess over their appearance, spend their life in the gym and eat salad instead of pizza tend to be the most un-interesting dull people on the planet. Id rather go out with a chubby girl who has a personality over a super hot high-maintenance swimsuit model with the personality of a lamp shade

how can one achieve "PERFECTION" when it is our imperfections and our idiosyncrasies that make us perfect. My idea of perfection is substantially different to yours and that is why the world is so amazing. You try to create a standardised idea of perfection and all your doing is adding another layer of conformity and slowly stripping down peoples individuality

 

[Guitarmasterx7]

There's not much pressure to be skinny as a man. I fucking wish there was, because it's way easier to be skinny than it is to be buff. I've been trying for like 3 years and my fucking metabolism just will not let it happen. That's not to say I wouldn't care about being buff if society said it was good to be skinny, but it would at least be some sort of consolation. When I see a guy who's insanely buff I think "that guy could kick my ass" and that's not a feeling I like. I don't know if society put the "YOU SHOULD LOOK LIKE THIS" idea in my head and that's the justification I have for it or if my values just so happen to line up with society's, but either way until I start looking like Chris Hemsworth from the neck down I won't be satisfied with my body.

 

[shootthebandit]

When I see a guy who's insanely buff I think "that guy could kick my ass" and that's not a feeling I like.

doesnt matter how big you are, a swift kick to the nutsack and pressing your thumbs into the eyeballs is gonna incapacitate anyone

I don't know if society put the "YOU SHOULD LOOK LIKE THIS" idea in my head

society can get fucked, society is just an imaginary set of rules and ideals created by THE MAN.......fuck the man

 

[HardkorSB]

Does seeing Hollywood men like George Clooney, Leonardo DiCaprio, Brad Pratt etc, getting model type "beautiful" women, have you, yourself, feeling like you can either, never reach that stage or work overly hard to achieve that (may often reach a stage of obsession)?

No, because to me, supermodels aren't attractive. They tend to have a pretty face and an ugly skinny body. They look like spiders with half of their legs missing.
My kind of women are more like this:


Find this kind of girl and she'll make sure you'll stay in shape.

I know of course those guys had personal trainers that cost thousands and paid for by the studios but the thought still comes into our heads. So tell me what you think and be as open as you wish because I know at times it's hard for men to open up about stuff like this and no one here will force you nor hold anything against you.

Brad Pitt, sure, he's in good shape but Clooney and DiCaprio? A basic 1h/day workout (push ups, squats , sit ups, that kind of stuff) can get you in better shape than them in no time.

Even for me when I see certain movies and see how Chris Hemsworth and Henry Cavill get so much praised and of course the noise women make when they have a topless scene, make me think to myself,

"Damn I gotta go to the gym and build my arms and abs and something, to get that that kind of response from the opposite sex"

I read that Hemsworth probably won't be playing Thor after Avengers 2 because the physical training he has to every day for the role is too much for him.

As for me, I like to do intense physical training. The feeling when your body is totally exhausted and you can barely move feels really good. I also like to eat healthy. Not just because it's healthy, I simply like the taste of food that happens to be healthy.
As a result of that, compared to an average guy, I'm stronger, faster, have more stamina, my immune system is stronger and I've got a better looking body (and that's not just me saying it but several women I've met/dated).
I can also last longer during sex than I could before I started training more seriously (women tend to appreciate that).
Being physically fit is just good for you, period.

As for the more superficial side of appearance, I've never styled my hair (both on my face and my head), never waxed any hair on my body (I do shave my private parts from time to time but I do it because it feels nice and I sweat a lot less), don't use any face/hair care products (aside from soap and shampoo) and I wear the clothes I think look good on me, not the ones that others think look good on me (one of my ex-girlfriends wanted me to wear tight pants so tat I would look "better" but I told her that I prefer having undamaged testicles).

 

[L. Declis]

Ah, good, I'm glad this thread was made, I didn't want to post in the other one.

Also, I'm just going to be honest and hold my hand up. I mean, I am male and see myself as somewhat attractive regardless, but...

Yes, I do feel under pressure. I never saw myself as fat, but I left the West and went to China... and everyone is so thin. Seriously, it's hard to find clothes, and I'm about 40cm in my waist measurements. And while my girlfriend is a lithe and beautiful creature, I have found myself gaining weight...

So now I only eat two meals a day, I have removed all sugar I am able to from my diet (I used to have four teaspoons of sugar in each cup), I walk to and from uni (up a hill, yay...) and I avoid eating late. I want to exercise, but I don't have the time or energy.

But yeah, sometimes I look in the mirror and I see the stomach slowly growing and I feel really, really bad. It's helped my posture only because I stand straight to reduce the fat. A lot of my trousers are smaller on me now and I feel fat when I hate to sit in them. And my thighs touch and that makes me feel fat as well.

However, you know what I really wish I could do?

I wish I was taller.

I'm around 5'9", so I'm not precisely tiny, but I'm usually the smallest in my group of friends, and whenever I walk around, I tend to be the smallest bloke there (even in China; seriously, they're bloody tall in Shanghai). It's frustrating when I constantly hear the "tall" part of tall, dark and handsome. Or when I know a very cute girl and she's taller than me and frankly, I don't date above my age or my height if I can help it.

Plus, I bloody hate my hair. It's so thick, it won't lie straight down nor does it curl. I just get some half-arsed afro, and regardless of how I attack it with wax, gel, combing, water or hairdresser, the moment I leave the house it goes directly to crappy bird's nest. I so dislike it.

And I am currently saving up to get my teeth fixed as soon as I can, because I didn't get braces when I was younger and I wish I had been given the chance to have straight teeth. I don't smile with teeth because of them.

 

[shogunblade]

I run into this issue all the time, although I have less an issue with body image from Hollywood and more an issue with body image from my life.

I was very heavy for most of my life, and when it came down to it, I was teased consistently for it. I lost a lot of weight, but body dysmorphia(sp) set in so long down the road that I can't get over it. So a little budge on my body (from 269 to 185 now) is a big deal. To me, I'd rather be skinnier.

That's not a good thing, but I can't get over it. I want to stay healthy, not super good looking or anything (I've been told I am kind of cute, so I take that as a compliment and less as an insult, sorry, but it's the way I am), and I try to eat better, exercise when I can (Sorry, Run whenever I can), and overall, just try to stay in shape. Hollywood has little do with that (Well, with the exception of a little envy of Hugh Jackman's The Wolverine every now and then), it's mostly how I was brought up. I put more focus on my body out of some belief that I'm more of a loser being heavy, which makes my eating habits seem masochistic at times.

Otherwise, I bathe and keep a clean appearance just because I think I look better that way.

 

[Dragonlayer]

(Bursts into uncontrollable laughter)

Oh sweet God-Emperor no! I'm freakishly tall and my face has been completely consumed by my facial hair: as far as I'm concerned, I have reached perfection and the looks of others do not affect me in the slightest.

 

[Yopaz]

I don't need to get any surgery. You see, I am too sexy for my shirt. I repeat: I am too sexy for my shirt. In fact, I'm so sexy that it hurts. I am also too sexy for places such as Milan, New York and Japan.

That's a shame, because then you'll also be too sexy for my party.

OT: Honestly I don't really care. I consider myself average to unattractive and I don't really want to put in any effort into it. I am a gym regular and I look fit, but that's more because I enjoy it rather than trying to be the dreamy stud. I dress well enough, but that's more so I won't be taken for a slob. I'm content being really, really far from perfect.

Oh, but to brag, I do have a sixpack on good days.

 

[Beffudled Sheep_v1legacy]

Well I did get that penis reduction surgery to fit in better with my fellow porn stars.
My director kept telling me I was killing too many Japanese schoolgirls during the shoots.
But its all good, my heart is working a lot better now.

But seriously I feel no pressure. I do consider myself pretty unattractive but I have no actual desire to go get surgery or to work out more or to wax or anything. I am pretty comfortable with my level of unattractiveness.

I do want to work out a bit more for health reasons though.

 

[Tsun Tzu]

Well...I'm 25 and my hair's started to thin considerably.

It's a source of much irritation and depression. Especially considering that most of my life has been spent with a luxurious, soft mane, rivaling that of a conquering general's war stallion.

Getting a bit choked up. Excuse me.

 

[imperialwar]

My head is so big it barely fits in any caps.
I have slightly protruding front teeth.
I need to shave two hours after I shave..
I am not your typical "handsome guy".
The girls at school took great pains to remind me of that...
Yet I have been with my wife for 16 years and never been happier.

I did get out to 130kg at one stage, and have been struggling to lose it ever since.
I got down to 93kg at the start of last year. I am now back up to 100kg after putting on mass in the gym, I have been training 3-5 days a week for about 14 weeks now.
I used to train as a fighter a lot as a kid and always struggled to gain mass. But now I find it relatively easy. I actually attribute that to getting so fat.

I am a big HAIRY guy, which some women would find unattractive. But like other guys have said, you're not about to catch me getting it removed. Although I have considered doing it for a charity here in Australia ( the great shave )

My reward to myself for sticking to the plan in the gym is training Brazilian Jujitsu, beginning today.
Do I care what people think I look like ? a little. Is that going to effect the way I live my life ? Hell NO..

I do it for me.

 

[Ivailo Todorov]

Truth is,I didn't give a damn about how I looked prior to 7th grade.My hair was a topic of discussion back when it was long.Lets just say it didn't fit me at all but I was too stubborn to let it go.I am the weakest of my group of friends and
find it real hard to build fat and muscle.If my metabolism was a olympic runner,it would win gold everytime.I look really
weak until I actually flex my body.That's when muscles suddenly appear out of fucking nowhere.I have a 4-pack and a pretty
nice back.I can do about 15 chin-ups on a bar at home but what ticks me off is that it doesn't show until I flex.I also
feel pretty ugly because my ribs show,god fucking damn those ribs.My metabolism fucks me over with weight,muscles and looks.I would happily be fat over this,because atleast when you are fat you can do something about it,even if you have to work hard.Another thing about my body that ticks me off is that my wrist looks like its just a bone with a tiny layer of skin on it.

 

[stroopwafel]

Well I'm not gonna lie when I feel just a tiny bit jealous everytime I see the response of women to a Jillz commercial or something. Ofcourse I want to be that guy every woman wants, who doesn't? Then again you mustn't forget these are models and its their actual job to look the part. Similairly as 99% of women don't look like lingerie models from an Aubade flyer. Does that make everyone who doesn't meet this beauty ideal undesirable? Ofcourse not.

As for myself well I exercise and try to look as best as I can. If you're comfortable in your own skin that's the most important part. How otherwise are you going to attract a woman if you can't stand yourself? You need to be your own best friend so to say. Having a positive outlook definitely helps. Also don't take rejection personal and definitely don't let your own sense of self-worth depend on it.

 

[Parasondox]

I tried to post a response this morning before work, but accidentally closed the window. So this is going to be the abridged version.

Does seeing Hollywood men like George Clooney, Leonardo DiCaprio, Brad Pratt etc, getting model type "beautiful" women, have you, yourself, feeling like you can either, never reach that stage or work overly hard to achieve that (may often reach a stage of obsession)?

This is a really bizarre question. I haven't heard a woman I know say anything about Clooney, DiCaprio, or Pitt in probably a decade.

The guys I hear women talk about are Orlando Bloom as Legolas and Benedict Cumberbatch. Which gets to what I think is the real issue here...

"Damn I gotta go to the gym and build my arms and abs and something, to get that that kind of response from the opposite sex"

You're mentioning guys that last I heard have mainly played in male-oriented movies. Now I'm sure there are plenty of women who find these men attractive, but for the most part the big muscly physique is something that guys tell themselves girls like because it's a way for guys to compete with other guys.

Now, if you want to run out and pump iron, there's nothing wrong with that. But if you think that's going to get you girls... I foresee disappointment in your future. I mean, sure, it could help. A little bit of weight loss and muscle tone never hurt anyone. But then again, you could also end up like the guy at the gym I used to go to... the guy who had a lot of muscle but who would spend his time after his reps furiously stalking laps around the gym (not running lanes, just striding through people's walkways), red faced, glaring, with his eyes and neck veins bulging. I did not see this guy talking to terribly many women. Guys with perhaps a small bit of definition but mostly just low body fat, an easy smile, and confidence... these guys I saw talking to lots of women. And leaving with lots of women.

Now where I'm going all this is that you're talking about jealousy over celebrities with supermodels, but it sounds an awful lot like these supermodels are, in the point of view of your post, just a way to compete with other men. These women aren't thinking, feeling creatures to have an emotional relationship with, they're status symbols to show one man as more manly than another.

That's probably not a very healthy way to deal with people.

Okay, shall we begin. Those I mentioned just popped into my head about the leading Hollywood men and those involved in comic book movies portraying Gods of some sort (Superman and Thor). You can put any leading guy in that list. I know some women who still do talk about those men and even on TV their are still talks about those guys and their appearances.

As I have pointed out because and even in the other thread aimed at women, there is nothing wrong with making yourself look good and feel good. Nothing wrong with working out and feeling fit as long as you are doing it for yourself and not an obsession in order to reach some kind of "perfection". Yeah I have seen those guys before that go gym daily that overload on nearly everything that during the process it's like they are harming themselves and barely move parts of their body cause of more bulging muscles somewhere. If you are building muscle to the point that you can't move your arms and neck fully, then that person may have a problem.

Yes, what I brought up was jealousy because that is another factor to this discussion. This whole thread is about exploring if men feel pressured to look a certain way and if yes, maybe give their point of view about how they feel which can include what some of the factors are. There is a small and I mean small percentage of men who would just date women as a kind of a trophy to compete with other men. I am against that entirely because women aren't a trophy or property. They are human beings with their own mind and thoughts and they should have the freedom to do what they want. I agree it's not a healthy way to deal with people.

Sorry if I sounded a bit mean or rude there. I do understand and agree with your points and wanted to add a bit more to that.

 

[Someone Depressing]

I'm atleast 20 pounds above the standard for a twenty-something year old, I'm much shorter than the same standard too, I have a wide built, I shave once a month, hate having hairy legs/chest and so obosessively shave them but don't care 'bout ma face cuz deal with it....

Nope. I'm not happy with my appearance (I am actually on a diet right now. When I did have a big meal, I just couldn't take it and vomitted because I was on it so long) but I don't particularly care about it.

 

[Libra]

I do struggle with insecurity around my weight a lot. Mostly my face though, and I can't change that without plastic surgery

 

[The White Hunter]

Nah why would I give a shit.

I'm fairly slim and muscular but more out of a necessity than pressure, I work out because I like to and it helps me keep sane, rather than feeling some kind of societal pressure to do so. I mean fuck society and whatever it dares think of me.

 

[ObsidianJones_v1legacy]

I think we should add where we all are and how social we are to add to our misgivings or no.

I mean, my hang out place is NYC. I go there with my friends who are acting in broadway shows, literally. My world is surrounded by beauty, and it comes up a lot. I was rejected a lot as a boy. Hell, no one wanted to be with me until after I was twenty.

I grew up a black geek in a white geek world. Put the card back in the deck? It's very telling that the most of the examples of male beauty followed only one melanin count.

I think I am ugly to this day. No matter what I gain in the gym, I think it's not enough to make up for how I look or that I just don't look strong enough. I also have more female friends than I do male friends. I think if I just talked to dudes about what girl is hot, I might not think about it. But I'm usually one of the only males around a close knit of female friends out in the city hearing about what guy has the best face, the best hair (hair that being a black man, I can't even grow), and the best body. I hear about what's desirable in a man, who's desirable, and how almost NOTHING else matters in terms of who they want to date.

I mean, yeah, they'll talk about how he's a great guy, and has a good job, and whatever. But all that stuff seems to be just the cherries on top of how hot they find him. It will always come back to how damn attractive he is. The difference between when they say a guy is a sweetheart but they don't see him in that way, and the difference between a guy they want... how they rave about the looks is always a missing factor in the 'sweetheart' camp.

And if it was a set of female friends, ok, they are shallow. Doesn't seem to be a one off thing. Once I get become friends with another female or set of females, here it all comes again. This interaction more than hollywood made me feel worse about my looks. I mean, yeah, the girls do talk about the guys in hollywood, but how they go on about it makes me feel worse than seeing it on Movies. If women didn't fawn over them all the time, why would we as men even care about Orlando Bloom or Ryan Gosling or Ryan Reynolds?