Miracle's Whip - Gamer
We gamers get a raw deal when it comes to movies. Our medium has time and time again shown us that its stories and concepts work better as an interactive media than as half-assed film adaptations. Doom, Mario, Resident Evil, Mortal Kombat, Street Fighter... movies relating to games are usually far from masterpieces. Unfortunately this wretched mess is no exception.
Story
Gerard Butler plays a falsely imprisoned death row inmate who is forced to partake in a real life video game, where cons are controlled through chips in their heads by gamers in the outside world. He has achieved celebrity status for his superior combat skills and only has three games to go before he earns his freedom... it's as if they tried to gather every crappy action cliche imaginable and compact it all into one giant colon which then shat out this incoherent, stinking turd of a movie.
You'll recognise this guy. He's the protagonist in Army of Gears of Warfare
Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor also directed Crank, which was kind of lovable in its manic, tongue in cheek craziness. Not so here, it's all serious po-faced heroes, pantomine villains without a hint of irony and editing that leaves the viewer exhausted, confused and ultimately apathetic.
Michael C Hall of Dexter fame plays the least credible lunatic super-villain this side of Albert Wesker. It's a horrible performance made all the more cringe inducing by the knowledge of what great acting the man is capable of in a proper role.
The 'gamers' in the movie pander to the ignorant, one-dimensional stereotypes people tend to have of us. One is a grossly obese, sweating pig, getting his jollies from controlling hot female avatars in a real world MMO, while Butler's gamer is a typical spoiled, obnoxious teenager, spouting XBOX Live style homophobic braggadocio and making his avatar teabag fallen victims.
The rest of the story is not worth talking about, as quite frankly, Pong has a better plot.
Presentation
One word: Migraine. The movie resembles six million low budget music videos mashed up together through a broken strobe light. Frenetic cuts, shaky camera and OTT violence are the order of the day here. You would think this would be a good mix, but it ends up like visual torture.
It starts out well, with a Gears of War style over-the-shoulder sequence in which Butler shoots his way through a war-zone, but the manic, relentless cinematography soon falls flat on its face and has an epileptic seizure on the floor, to the point where you will want to look away in sheer embarrassment for Butler as he does his best to retain some form of credibility in the whole turgid mess. Of course, that's only on the rare occasion when the camera actually focuses on his face for more than a nano second.
It's a truly ugly movie. Exaggerated colour palettes, stupidly high contrasts and eye-rapingly bright flashing lights constantly assault your eyes, to the point where I had to pause the film for a break. I've never been so happy to see a 'Game Over' screen.
Costume design is utterly hideous too.
It was a bad year for Jean Paul Gaultier on the Paris catwalks
The sound is as you would expect. Explosions and gunfire are great, but even gamers need a break sometimes. Second rate metal riffs are punctuated by long keraaaaaaaangs every time something 'awesome' happens or someone delivers a shitty one liner.
Overall Opinion:
It's a curious thing: It took a movie about gaming to make me realise that our beloved medium has gotten to a point where its depth, storytelling and emotive capabilities are not only matching cinema, but in some cases utterly surpassing it.
Verdict:
Avoid like you would a lobby full of glitchers.
Other Miracle's Whip reviews:
Bioshock 2
http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.175856-Miracles-Whip-Bioshock-2#5002435
Batman: Arkham Asylum
http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.180125-Miracles-Whip-Batman-Arkham-Asylum#5273691
